Life Stories: The DC Missing Persons Unit
by Sheshe is my cat
Summary: Families, children, weddings, and drama all make up the dynamics of life. Read how three Washington agents live through the good times and the bad as they deal with their tough jobs, and even tougher personal lives.
1. So Now What?

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters that appeared or were mentioned in 1-800 Missing or Missing.

* * *

So Now What?

Antonio and Nicole had always had a rocky, weird relationship. The two of them were one of those on and off couples. After being reunited after the phoenix fiasco they got back together, separated, and got back together again. Jess's relationships were a little more solid than her partner's—only a little. She met a man who she thought was "the one". They were a great couple, but it seemed she was more committed to them than he was. He left for an undercover assignment.

Antonio was at his computer—where he could usually be found—when he noticed Nicole in the doorway.

"Hello," he said with a smile. Seeing her brought back memories of the time they had solving their latest case. It was an undercover mission, and they played man and wife—the couple had no trouble with the act. "Do we have a case?"

"No," she smiled back. "I just wanted to see you." She came up behind him, and put her arms around him.

"Last night was great wasn't it?"

"Best undercover mission I ever had." She started massaging his shoulders.

"Maybe tonight we can- damn," he said. His beeper started vibrating. "We have to be in front of the board."

Jess was at her desk finishing the expense report from the case she solved on her own while Nicole and Antonio were undercover across the country. She gave the report one last overview to make sure it was as it should be, and she was done. She had been sick all day, and was feeling worse, so to be done with work for the day seemed like a dream. It was only that—a dream.

"Jess," Nicole called, "Pollock wants us in the bull pen."

Nicole and Antonio went to the board with Jess in tow.

Pollock stood in front of them, and showed a picture of a young girl with brown hair and dark eyes. He opened his mouth to explain the picture when Jess caught his attention. His agent on the far right was pale, and looked ill.

It seemed to get Nicole's attention at about the same time, "are you alright?"

"Yeah," she said to Nicole. "What have we got?" Jess asked Pollock.

"A sick agent. What's wrong with you?"

Jess looked around at the three people glaring at her, "I'm fine."

"If you say so," Pollock complied. "Alright folks, listen up. This is six year old Alexa Geller. She never showed up at school this morning."

"Why are we just hearing about this now?" Nicole asked. "Missing child cases should be given to the FBI as soon as they are reported. Not five hours later."

"Alexa has a habit of skipping school, and hiding in the park by her Virginia home," Pollock said. "When the school called the parents, Julie and Vincent Geller, assumed she was there. Police looked for four hours, and found nothing. Now it's our turn."

Antonio went to the Geller home with the evidence team. Nicole and Jess put a file together, and made the forty-five minute drive to the home.

"And that's where we found him." Nicole told Jess about her and Antonio's undercover case. "In the last place we would have guessed."

Jess nodded despondently through the whole story, and said nothing when Nicole was finished. She looked better, but still visually unwell.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Nicole asked again.

"Yeah, yeah. Sounds like you two had a good solve."

"What was your case?"

"Nothing special. We found who we were looking for."

Nicole pulled into the Gellers' driveway.

"Mr. and Mrs. Geller, I'm special agent Nicole Scott, FBI. This is Jess Mastriani. We have to ask you a few questions."

Nicole and Jess followed Julie and Vincent Geller to the family room.

"And then I fed her and dressed her and I sent her to school," Julie said. Her voice was barely auditable because she was crying.

"And where were you?" Nicole asked Vincent.

"I had already left for work."

"Our supervisor mentioned Alexa skipping school," Jess said.

"She used to. But the last time we put an end to that," Julie said.

"She was punished," Vincent told Jess and Nicole.

"Which I thought was a bit harsh," Julie said. "But she promised she would never do it again."

"How was she punished?" Jess asked either of them.

"Does it matter? She said she wouldn't do it again," Vincent repeated.

"Actually it does. How was she punished?" Nicole asked again.

"I spanked her, alright," Vincent replied defensively.

"With your hand?" Nicole asked offensively.

"Yes. We had nothing to do with this! You need to be out there catching the guy who has her." Julie was still distraught. But at least they were able to understand her at that point.

After they left the home Jess, Nicole, and Antonio went back to the office.

"You think she skipped?" Jess asked Nicole.

"I doubt it. The cops would have found her by now."

"It just seems weird," Jess told her. "What six year old skips school in the first place? When I was six I loved school. I mean really, have you ever heard of a first grader skipping class?" As soon as she finished that sentence Jess's sick feeling became worse.

"She must have had a good reason to not want to go. Let's go find out why." Nicole started to walk to Antonio's office; then realized Jess wasn't by her, "you coming?"

"In a minute," Jess walked in the other direction.

Nicole wanted to follow her. But first she had to tell Antonio about their latest revelation.

"Hey, what's up?" Antonio looked up from his computer.

"With Jess I don't know. With the case we need to find out why Alexa was skipping."

"We should talk to the school. What's wrong with Jess?"

"I'm going to go find out." She handed him the Geller file. "If you could just take over with this until I get to the bottom of that."

"No problem."

"Thanks babe."

Nicole left Antonio's office, and went to find Jess. Jess was in her office with her face in her hands.

"Okay, what's up with you?"

"I must be coming down with something," Jess finally admitted.

Nicole put her hand on Jess's forehead. "You don't feel warm. How do you feel? Headache? Stomachache?"

Jess pushed Nicole's hand away without much force. She didn't appreciate her partner's "mom" act. "I have been sick to my stomach all week."

"Why didn't you go home?" Nicole rolled her eyes at her own statement that she knew the answer to.

"It's usually not all the time; only a couple of times a day. Today it was _all_ day."

"You probably have the flu. Go home. Stay there until you're not sick at all."

"I don't need to leave. I'm already feeling better. Listen, I had a vision."

"When?"

"Just now. I saw Alexa and a bunch of other children. They were doing jumping jacks. The other kids looked alright, but Alexa was upset. She was crying."

"Where was she? What did it look like?"

"School. I think she was at school."

"I knew the school had something to do with this."

Antonio went to Alexa's school. "I need to talk to you about Alexa Geller," he told the teacher.

"Has something happened to her?"

"She's been kidnapped."

Alexa's teacher gasped, "wha…what happened?"

"That's what I need to find out. What can you tell me about her family?"

"They're wonderful people. If you think they are somehow responsible for this you're wrong."

"Did you ever notice anyone watching Alexa on the playground?"

"I'm a teacher. Don't you think if I saw someone gawking at one of my students I would notify the office?"

"Did anyone other than her mom or dad ever pick her up or drop her off?"

"She walks to and from school everyday."

"What about the skipping school?"

"She did it a few times. But her parents had a long talk with her, and she hasn't done it since."

"When was the last time she skipped?"

"A few weeks ago."

Before he left the school Antonio stopped by the school office to pick up Alexa's school records. He then went back to the office to fill in Jess, Nicole, and Pollock.

"The last time Alexa skipped school was March 3rd. According to this her grades are good. And she doesn't really get into much trouble," Antonio read.

"I can't get passed the school skipping thing," Jess said.

"Yes. We know," Pollock said. "We all know, Agent. A six year old skipping school baffles you. We've established that. Can we move on? Scott, what percentage are the parents suspects in this?"

"About thirty, Sir. We're mainly looking at the school."

"I think those estimates should be higher," Pollock told her. "It seems that Child Welfare paid a visit to the Geller home on March eighth. Alexa's P.E. teacher reported suspicious bruises on Alexa's legs and back on the sixth."

"And it took them two days to look into it?" Nicole asked.

"I guess so," Pollock said.

"We're looking at the parents," Jess stated.

"They are definitely suspects," Nicole said. "Remember what Alexa's parents said about what happened the last time she skipped school? She was punished. And Julie said it was overdone. I think we ought to get the parents in here."

"What about my vision?"

"Well jumping jacks sounds like P.E. The P.E. teacher reported the bruises."

Nicole and Jess waited in their office for the cops to bring Julie and Vincent Geller in. Nicole's mom unexpectedly dropped by, "mom."

"Hey baby, I just stopped by to give you back your house keys." Her mom had watched her home while she was undercover. She handed Nicole the keys, and glanced at Jess. "Wow. You look awful."

"Thank you," Jess said sarcastically.

"Are you sick?"

"Oh no, she's fine; even though she's been miserable all day, and sick all week," Nicole retorted.

"What's wrong with you," Carla asked.

"I don't know," Jess sighed. She was getting sick of being asked that. "It's probably the flu. But I've never had a flu like this before. I'm tired all the time. I can go a few hours feeling fine, and then all of a sudden I'm sick again."

"Mmm, sounds like how I felt when I was pregnant with Nicole."

While Nicole talked with her mom out of the office Jess thought about what she had said. After Carla left Nicole came back to her and Jess's office. Her eyes were closed. She was thinking.

"Are you feeling worse?"

Jess opened her eyes, and looked at Nicole. "Maybe I am pregnant."

"You're not. You worry too much."

"It's been two months, Nicole."

"Jess, how…when did this happen?"

"I guess before Colin left. I can't believe this!"

"Okay…alright, don't panic. We don't know anything for sure yet. We'll get a test, and take it from there."

"Let's solve the case first," Jess said trying to stay focused on finding Alexa. She always put the victim before anything in her personal life; even more so when the victim was a child.

The cops brought Julie and Vincent in, and Jess and Nicole started the questioning.

"This is crap!" Vincent yelled. "Do you really think we would have told you we spanked her if we were trying to hide the fact that we had beat her to death?"

"You're wasting time talking to us. You need to be out there trying to find who did this," Julie said.

"I think we did find who did this," Nicole told her looking at her husband. "Child Welfare found unexplained bruises on your daughter just days after she was "punished."

"Read on, Agent," Vincent said to Nicole. "You'll see they had to drop the charges because there was insufficient evidence. You know why? Because we don't beat up our daughter!"

"Are you willing to take a lie detector test?" Jess asked them.

"Yes!" They both exclaimed.

"They both passed," Antonio told his fellow agents. "There was questionable response to, have you ever abused your daughter, but they didn't kill her, and they don't know who has her."

"Bring in the P.E. teacher," Pollock said.

Jess needed to lie down, so Nicole handled the interview with the P.E. teacher.

"Mr. Bradley Wilson?" Nicole asked unnecessarily. "I'm sure you've been told why you're here. Alexa Geller. You reported her folks on the sixth of last month. Can you tell me why?"

"I saw bruises. All children have bruises from falling off their bikes and stuff. But these weren't like those."

"How so?"

"Bruises from play accidents are usually on the knees or elbows. These were on her back, and they were bad, dark. When I asked her about them she seemed scared."

"Was that the first time she seemed battered?"

"Yes. That was the first time I ever saw anything suspicious."

"That's all we can do today," Pollock said watching from the other side of the mirror. "Everybody meet back here at five."

After they were alone Nicole pulled something out of her locker, and gave it to Jess. "I ran out and got this when you were resting, and I was waiting for them to bring in Bradley Wilson, here."

"What is th-," Jess realized it was a pregnancy test. "Nicole, I don't want to do this now. I thought we were going to worry about this when the case is over."

"How do you know it's not gonna take weeks to solve this? Do you want to know or not?"

Jess took a long sigh. It was apparent her answer was yes.

"How does this work?" Nicole wondered trying to make sense of the ridiculously long and complex instructions. "I think I got it. If this line turns pink it's positive, if it stays blue it's not."

"How long does it take to change? If it does."

"Three minutes. Okay, good luck. I will be waiting right here."

"Maybe it's inaccurate," Jess said in denial.

"No. It's positive, Jess," Nicole told her in an unfortunate tone. "You're pregnant. Are you okay?"

"I don't know," she said without emotion. "I just can't believe this."

"Come on, I'll drive you home."

"No. I'm okay. I need to be alone."

Jess did not sleep at all, and it showed when she strolled in at five.

"Anything new on the Geller girl?" Jess feebly asked Antonio.

"No. Did you sleep on a rock last night?"

"Ha ha," Jess said sarcastically. "I'll be in my office."

"What was that?" he asked Nicole.

"She took a pregnancy test last night. It was positive."

"Whoa! What? I didn't even know she was seeing anyone."

"It's Colin's. I'm going to go see if she's alright."

"Any visions about the case?" Nicole asked Jess, who was deep in thought.

"No."

"What are you gonna do?"

"Where have you been? I'm gonna have a baby!"

"No, I mean-"

"I know what you mean. I'm not gonna end the pregnancy. But when my family finds out they're going to kill me. My mom is going to be so disappointed. And my grandparents…they are going to want me to marry Colin, which is never gonna happen."

"They will get over it. They love you, and when they see that baby they will fall in love with her or him."

"I got something," Antonio popped in, to Jess's relief. "Bradley Wilson was fired from an elementary school in California in 99. He worked doing odd jobs until he was hired at Alexa's school."

"Why was he fired?" Nicole questioned.

"It doesn't say."

"How can it not say?"

"Don't question it." Pollock appeared as he always does at the right moment. "Get the school on the phone."

Antonio walked over to Jess's desk, and dialed the California school. He put it on speaker. Once he got a hold of the principal he asked her why Bradley Wilson was fired.

"The parents…and me were uncomfortable with the way he handled the children." The principal told him. "He was warned several times, but eventually we had to let him go."

"How did he _handle _the children?" Antonio asked.

"It's hard to describe. He always had his hands on them. He was hugging them or…it was just the way he did it. I told you it was hard to explain."

"That's alright. I think I get the idea."

"Get the P.E. teacher back in here, and call Alexa's principal. Find out if there have been any complaints," Pollock told the team.

Antonio talked to Alexa's principal, and Nicole and Jess pressed Bradley Wilson.

"I don't have her," he insisted. "I would never hurt a child."

"Yeah, yeah. You love children. You would never do anything to harm them. I've heard it all before, Mr. Wilson," Jess confronted him. "Now that you've got that out of your system let's talk about what really happened. I don't think Alexa's dead yet. You still have a chance of getting out of prison before you die; if we find her before she does."

Bradley stared Jess right in the eye; for a moment he looked like he was about to confess. But no such luck. "I don't have her."

"Really? Because it makes perfect sense to us that you would take a child you believe is being abused—and probably is."

"Does it? Why?"

"You knew that the Gellers were suspected of abusing their daughter, and that we would look to them first. And you assumed that when Alexa's body was found we would think they did it; which tells me you plan on killing her by beating her to death. You may have already started. She might be bleeding out right now."

"You have no proof."

"Don't you think that a jury is going to wonder how you knew there were bruises on Alexa's back?"

Those words she spoke reached him, "I want a deal."

Nicole looked to Jess to finish what she started.

"Here is you deal Mr. Wilson, if Alexa is breathing when we find her you won't spend the rest of your life in prison."

"She's in my garage. I bruised her some, but she should be fine; unless she hurt herself."

Nicole and Jess rushed to Bradley's home.

"What do you think?" Nicole asked her partner.

"I don't know that was a pretty vague confession."

"Speaking of confessions, that was pretty great questioning."

"Let's just hope Alexa is alive or it means nothing."

"Everything is alright?" Antonio asked them.

"Alexa is going to make a full recovery." Nicole told Antonio and Pollock.

"And Child Welfare is going to reopen the case and see if she really is being abused," Jess added.

"Good work," Pollock said. "You guys are free to go home. See you soon I'm sure."

Pollock didn't know about the baby, so Nicole waited until he had gone before she said anything in reference to it.

"So now what?"

"Now we go home." Jess knew that wasn't the information Nicole was searching for. "I don't want to talk about the baby."

"When are you gonna tell your family?"

"Not now." Jess walked away.

Nicole and Antonio looked on curious and concerned about what the future holds for their friend.


	2. Under The Influence

Under The Influence

"Why are you talking about this?" Nicole asked Antonio. He had been asking vague questions about their relationship that morning. She answered his questions as best she could and didn't give his curiosities much thought until they were headed to their desks. She stopped him in the hall. "Is there something you want to tell me?"

"We've been so unpredictable in our relationships and I want to know if we're serious, or is this another fling?"

If they had been alone she would have yelled, but since they were in the company of people they had to see daily she kept her voice down, gritted her teeth, and spat out "fling?"

Antonio wished he had used a better choice of words. "I didn't mean it like that."

"I don't want to hear it Antonio." Nicole left the man she loved—and at that moment hated—in the hall.

**xxxx**

Nicole had cooled down before she got to her desk. Jess was at hers too, in the same clothes she was wearing the night before. Nicole didn't say anything to her because she was on the phone and looked as mad as Nicole felt moment before.

"Right now I don't care about government security!" Jess yelled into the phone. "I am going to have a baby. Do you not understand? The child I am carrying is his. Colin McNeil is going to become a father this year!"

She was unable to make the D.O.J. see things her way and hung up the phone.

"They still won't tell you where he is, huh?"

"Where do they draw the line? If letting someone know they are about to become a father isn't enough to pull him, what is?"

"Were you here all night?"

"I had to finish my expense report and then I had to call those idiots. I have an ultra sound appointment and then I am going home."

"I'll drive you."

"What for?"

"I have to get out of this building."

**xxxx**

"Tell me you're kidding," Pollock said, but he really hoped the man in his office was not.

That man had just informed him that the director of the F.B.I. was retiring and that he was going to replace him.

"It's no joke, John. Congratulations. But you need to keep this under your hat because if you breathe a word of this to anyone it will spread like wild fire. All the S.A.I.C.s will know one of them will be replacing you and we won't be able to pick the best candidate because none of them will be acting as they really are when we watch them."

"I won't say a word," Pollock tried to play it cool and he did, but inside he was thrilled.

"Good. The Director will be handing in his resignation in early September."

**xxxx**

The nurse took Jess's blood pressure and left them to wait for the doctor. Jess asked Nicole why she had come with her.

"I had a fight with Antonio. Well, it wasn't so much a fight as him being an ass. He called us a fling."

"That doesn't sound like him. What started it?"

"He kept asking questions like, do I think we will ever get married. I said I didn't know. I asked him why he was asking, and his exact words were 'I want to know if we're serious or is this another fling?'. I could have killed him."

"You know he's had a difficult few months. I'm sure he wasn't trying to hurt you. He's probably looking for a firm foundation. Something he knows he can depend on."

"He knows I love him."

"Does he?"

"Jess."

"When was the last time you told him you loved him?"

She had to think about that. "I think it was some time in January. Damn, you're right."

"What are you going to do?"

"You seem to be on a roll, tell me."

"You need to stop hiding your feelings about him. Let go of the front and tell him how you really feel. Make sure he knows you're committed to him…if you really are."

**xxxx **

The physician came in. She introduced herself to Jess and Nicole with a last name that was impossible to pronounce. "That's okay. Just call me by my first name.. Mira. If I can tell, are you going to want to know if it's a boy or a girl?"

"Definitely. I've never understood why some people don't."

"Some women want to be surprised."

"It's too impractical for me. Almost everything I will have to buy I can't until I know if it's a boy or a girl; clothes, blankets, the crib lining. I'd go nuts if I didn't know."

Mira chuckled. "You don't have to worry about that. You're having a little boy."

Half way through the ultrasound Mira asked Jess when she thought she conceived the baby.

"Around the first of January," Jess answered.

"It was definitely January, but it would have been around the sixteenth or seventeenth, not the first."

Jess grabbed Mira's arm so hard the doctor almost pulled away. "How do you know? How do you know it wasn't the first?"

"The fetus is less developed than it would be if it were conceived two weeks earlier."

She let go of the doctor's arm. "Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Jess, what difference does it make?" Nicole asked.

Without saying another word, Jess hopped off the exam table and left.

"Jess, would you talk to me?" Nicole asked for the third time as they walked to the car.

"Colin might not be the father of this baby."

**xxxx**

Nothing was said until they got to Jess's apartment. That was when that Nicole tried to pretend that she could relate with what Jess's feelings were.

"Look, Jess, I know you're probably ashamed that you don't know who the father is, but it happens. I'm sure there's a way we can track him down."

"That is the last thing I need right now."

"Am I missing something?"

"…The day after Colin left I went out alone. I met this guy. We talked. We drank. The next morning I woke up in some crappy motel. He wasn't there."

"Like I said, it happens."

"I didn't have that much to drink, Nicole. It wasn't enough to make me blackout."

"Are you saying you think he drugged you?"

"I don't know. He might have."

There was silence between them. An uncomfortable silence. Nicole was desperate for the right words to say, but she drew a blank. After the initial shock, sadness, and loss for words, the only feeling left was anger.

"Did you get that bastard's name?"

"James Carroll...I don't want anyone to know about this okay?"

"He belongs in jail."

"I know. But I don't want to be the one behind it. I have enough to think about already. Besides, I'm not _completely _sure he used Rohypnol."

"Were you with Colin the day he left?"

"Yes."

"Good. There's a chance the baby could be his…You need to rest. I'll talk to you later."

**xxxx **

There was a new assignment waiting for Nicole when she got back to the field office. Antonio told her about it with his eyes on the computer the entire time.

"The Virginia office has had this one for a few days and they're hoping we will have more luck." He gave her the file. "Farrah Nielson. Twenty-four years old. She's a dog walker. She was last seen walking Donald and Wendi Groban's terrier. When Wendi came home at nine o'clock she found the dog wondering the halls."

"Is there surveillance in the building?"

"No. Which is odd because they live in a pretty top notch building. All they have is a door man who was on a break between eight-thirty and eight-fifty."

Nicole said nothing and Antonio thought she was giving him the cold shoulder. "Nicole, I'm sorry about this morning."

"Forget about it."

"..What?"

"I have bigger things to think about. You're off the hook."

Antonio didn't look a gift horse in the mouth for a second. He didn't care why he was getting off so easily and he didn't try to find out why.

"I'm going to go look at the board."

**xxxx**

"Scott, Cortez," Pollock greeted them in a manner that was unlike him—friendly. "You've heard about Farrah Nielson, I presume."

"Just moments ago, Sir," Nicole said.

"Where is your partner?"

"Home resting."

"Nap time is over. The only reason Virginia tossed this one our way is because we have something they don't. A psychic."

**xxxx**

When she came in Antonio filled Jess in on everything that he knew.

"Boy am I glad to see you," Nicole said to Jess when she got back. "I got nothing from Farrah's clients. And all the doorman was able to tell me is that just before eight-thirty Farrah left with the dog and at nine Mrs. Groban came home. She went up to the sixth floor, and came back down five minutes later asking why the dog was alone."

"Okay let's look at this over again," Antonio said picking up a marker to write on the board..

"Maybe she was mugged," Jess said. "Her assailant went too far, killed her, and brought the dog back."

"But how would he know where to bring the dog? He could have been following her for a while before he attacked. Farrah may have had a stalker." After saying that, Nicole saw her comment uneased Antonio.

While Antonio wrote on the board Jess came out of a vision.

"I saw a boy. He was two, maybe three years old. He was in a garden with blue roses around him." She tried to remember any other details. "That was it."

Antonio put the marker down and went over to an unoccupied computer. "There is a motel called the Garden Inn right here in D.C."

**xxxx**

At the motel Antonio searched the perimeter. Nicole talked to the clerks. Jess talked to some of the maids and looked around the rooms that were empty.

All of the rooms had wallpaper with blue roses on them. They looked so familiar to her, but she didn't know why. She thought maybe she'd seen the room in her vision and just forgot.

Antonio and Nicole came in one of the unoccupied rooms. "None of the clerks have seen her," Nicole said. "Did any of the maids?"

"No," Jess told them. "But this is definitely the right place. I know I've seen these rooms before."

"In your vision?" Antonio asked.

"Probably. I can't remember. I think if I had seen it in the vision I would know." It was that moment when she realized that the rooms looked familiar because she'd been in one of them before.

"What?" Nicole said.

"Antonio, we'll meet you back at the car," Jess said.

Antonio took the hint, but he didn't know why she wanted him to leave.

"Nicole, this is it," Jess said. "This is the motel I told you I woke up in two months ago." But Jess was more concerned with the fact that her vision had taken them further away from finding the victim than anything else. "My vision had nothing to do with Farrah."

**xxxx**

When they got back to the field office Jess went home to gather her thoughts.

"Why can't you tell me what's going on?" Antonio asked Nicole as the elevator doors closed.

"There's nothing to tell. Jess needs to rest. Her visions are a little off. That's all."

"Pollock is just going to call her in as soon as he finds out."

"He's not going to find out. He's also not going to find out we need to go back to the drawing board with Farrah's case. I am going to talk to Wendi Groban again."

**xxxx**

"I guess we have a dog walker for the same reason any one else does," Wendi told Nicole. "Our hours are insane and we never know when we will be home."

"The last day you saw Farrah, did she seem at all different to you?"

Wendi's face looked like she just realized something that she couldn't believe she had forgotten. "She said something about a guy that was following her. Those weren't her exact words, but she did say she had run into him at the dog park several times and that it seemed to be more than coincidental. He didn't have a dog either."

"Did she tell you what he looked like?"

"No. She wasn't sure he was stalking her. She said she might have been being paranoid."

"Given the fact that she's no where to be found, I doubt it. Thank you. You've been very helpful."

**xxxx**

"Cortez," Antonio answered the phone on his desk.

"_Wendi Groban said Farrah suspected she was being stalked the day she disappeared_."

"Description?"

"_I've got something better_. I had _C.S.U. retrace their steps and they found blood in the park where Farrah walks the dogs_. _They also found a piece of gum that belongs to a sex offender_. _Harley Kramer_._ I'm sending you his address_. _Meet me there_. "

**xxxx**

Nicole explained Harley's M.O. to Antonio as they walked up the walkway to Harley's door. "He was a park cleaner until he met his first victim...a dog walker. He stalked her and abducted her. He held her for three weeks before shooting her and leaving her for dead. Unfortunately for him she lived and testified against him. After a thirty year sentence he was released two weeks ago."

Antonio banged on the door. "Harley Kramer, F.B.I."

They heard a scream and kicked in the door. Antonio tackled their perp and Nicole found Farrah locked in a closet in one of the bedrooms. She was hurt, but would live.

**xxxx**

The long day was over. Reports were written and every one was free to leave. On her way back to Antonio's place Nicole stopped by Jess's to check in with her.

"Did you find her?" Jess was anxious to know.

"Alive and well."

"I can't believe I didn't remember I was at that motel."

"You were coming off Rohypnol."

"Farrah almost died because of that. I am going to have to be more careful about my visions."

"I thought you might want to talk," Nicole said.

"Do I look like someone who needs to talk?"

"You look fine. That's what worries me. You're handling this all too well."

"It's not the end of the world. I'm not going to crawl into bed and hide for the rest of my life."

"Good. I'm glad you want to deal with it. I just think you…aren't."

"Why? Because I'm not crying? Because I want to believe this is Colin's baby, so I don't have to think about whether or not I can handle raising a rapist's baby?"

"That's better. You might have been unconscious, but you were still raped, Jess. Be angry."

"I am. If that's what really happened. I don't know for sure. But if it did, it happened, it's over, I'm moving on."

"All right. What are you going to tell Colin?"

"Nothing."

"You can't just let him believe this is his child. He has a right to know it might not be."

"When he left we were broken up. He's not coming back to me, so he never has to know anything about the baby. When he gets through with his assignment and his boss tells him I called I'll just tell him I thought I was pregnant and I wasn't."

"Jess, I know you. You're an honest person. You're are not going to be able to do this."

"What I won't be able to do is deal with raising this kid if I know James is his father. I need you to just forget about what I told you might have happened and pretend with me that Colin is the only person who could possibly father this baby."

Against her wishes—and better judgment—Nicole agreed to Jess's request.

**xxxx**

"How is Jess?" Antonio asked Nicole when she came back to his place.

"Fine." On her way there Nicole remembered what Jess told her at the doctor's office, about being more honest with Antonio to help him feel more confident in their relationship. "I have to talk to you about something."

"Go ahead."

"About what you said this morning…I shouldn't have just let it go."

Antonio braced himself.

"I'm sorry."

"Huh?" he wasn't expecting that.

"You weren't totally out of line with what you said. I admit we have had our problems and I can also admit most…if not all of them were my fault. I know I don't say this enough, but I do love you."

"I love you too."

"And I do want this to work out."

"So do I. Are we okay now?"

"We're great."

**xxxx **

The next months didn't go as Jess had hoped. She couldn't get James—what she remembered about him and what she suspected happened between them—out of her head. She kept trying to push the idea that the child she was carrying might not be Colin's out of her mind, but the more she tried not to think about it, the more she did. It wasn't long before she tried to forget about the baby all together. She stopped going to the ultrasound appointments. She threw herself into her work until she couldn't work anymore. When she told Pollock about the pregnancy he put her on desk duty until her seventh month rolled around. She then had to stay home until after the baby was born.


	3. Labor Day

Labor Day

Antonio adjusted his tie while Nicole slipped into her red heels. They were getting ready for the banquet that would be held to celebrate Pollock's promotion. It was the third of September on a Monday evening.

"Labor day," Antonio complained as he combed his hair—Nicole was in front of the bedroom mirror choosing earrings—"Everyone is having barbeques and what am I doing? I'll tell you what, I am going to a four hour long dinner to celebrate the success of a man who did nothing but insult and reprimand me."

Nicole held up one earring to her right ear and another to her left. "Which one?"

"I like the one on the right."

"I like the one on the left."

"Why do you bother asking me?"

"C'mon or we'll be late."

**xxxx**

Jess's struggle to get ready was no easier. Being eight months pregnant even the simplest of maneuvers was a hassle. She cursed under her breath as she put on the only shoes she had left that were suitable for the occasion and also still fit her. She was in no mood to go out that night. The desire to stay in was a new feeling. She had been out of work for two weeks and was bored out of her mind. Usually she looked for excuses to leave her apartment, but that night she was exhausted and more irritable than normal.

**xxxx**

After greeting everyone Nicole and Antonio found their table and sat had something on his mind that he was just waiting for a good time to mention—he never found a good time, so he broached the subject right then and there.

"What?" Nicole said after he told her what he'd been thinking. "I can't believe that you thought now would be the time to talk about this; here of all places."

"I know it's not the best time-"

"Damn right it's not."

"But now that I've said it, what do you think?"

"I think we will talk about this later, Antonio." Nicole's gaze went from him to the stage where a band of older adults were playing soft tunes.

Antonio rolled his eyes. "I know what that means."

"What what means?"

"You dismissed me and turned your attention elsewhere. That means your declining my offer to move in together."

"I turned my head because I don't think we should be discussing this now, but since you insist, no I don't think it's a good idea."

"Why not? We love each other. We've been together for six months."

"Those aren't enough reasons, Antonio," her words were in a hushed tone when she saw Jess waddling across the room towards them. "We were starting to think you weren't coming."

"I almost didn't. My shoes barely fit. I'm tired. I weigh two thousand pounds. I suppose I should just be grateful I was able to fit through the door."

"Only a month and a half to go," Nicole said making light of Jess's attitude. She knew a bad mood—a constant bad mood—was part of pregnancy, especially in the last trimester.

"Where is Pollock anyway?"

"He's over there talking to the director," Antonio said.

**xxxx**

The dinner was over and the evening was coming to an end.

"That was the worst chicken I ever had in my life," Jess complained.

"I'm going to the men's room." Before he left, Antonio put his hand on Jess's stomach and spoke to her unborn child, "come out."

While Antonio was in the bathroom, Pollock made a speech and left.

Among everyone else Nicole got up and put on her coat. While Jess was _trying_ to stand up she felt a sharp pain in her stomach.

"Oh," she let out a long breath until the pain passed.

"Is this what I think it is?" Nicole asked.

"It is if you think the baby's coming."

"He can't be. He's not due for another month."

"Six weeks to be exact."

Antonio came back to the table. "What's going on?" he asked when he saw the look on Nicole's face as she was trying to help Jess out of the chair.

"She's having the baby."

"Not right this second I'm not. Everyone just calm down."

Antonio didn't take Jess's advice on calming down when he began what would be forty-five minutes of panicking by pushing Nicole out of the way so he could pull Jess from the chair.

"Don't worry," he told her, "we will get you to the hospital and everything will be okay. Just don't panic."

"Antonio," Nicole said calmly, "the only person panicking here is you."

They made their way through the crowd and out to the parking lot.

"Whose car are we going to take?" Antonio said.

"Mine. It's bigger and I can lie down in the back."

On their way to her car Jess's contractions caused them to stop three times.

"This is unbelievable," Nicole said. "First babies are not supposed to come this fast."

Antonio was falling apart at the seams. It would be something they would all laugh at in the future, but at that point it was only a source of annoyance to Nicole.

They got to the car and she laid in back. Nicole took the passenger's seat and Antonio pulled out of the parking lot.

"What's the quickest way to the hospital?" Antonio, who had calmed down—just a little, asked over Jess's moaning.

"Take the freeway," Nicole told him.

Ten minutes later they were on the freeway, but it was anything but quicker.

"This was a great idea," Antonio said to Nicole as the car stood motionless.

"There must have been an accident or something," Nicole said.

"Why aren't we moving?" Jess asked. From her position in the back she couldn't see they were backed up for miles. But before she could receive an answer she received another painful contraction.

"Are you timing these?" Nicole asked him.

"Timing what?"

"The contractions!"

"I'm driving, Nicole."

"Actually you're not."

"Whose fault is that!"

"They're coming every five minutes," Jess interrupted the arguing.

"This cannot be happening," Nicole whispered to herself, she then resumed her normal voice. "These contractions are coming too fast. We have to pull over and call an ambulance."

"Look around, Nicole. There is no room to pull over, and no ambulance can get to us. Jess, until we get to the hospital try not to think about it, okay? Let's all talk about something else."

Nicole gave him a look that said she didn't think that was a good suggestion.

"What, you got a better idea? There's nothing we can do. All you are doing is freaking out and that isn't helping us or her."

"I'm freaking out? You haven't said one sentence that wasn't in a stutter since this whole thing started!"

"He's right," Jess agreed, again stopping the bickering. "Talk about something else."

Silence filled the air as they all thought of what in the world they could talk about that would take their minds off the situation at hand.

"We could talk about what I wanted to talk about earlier," Antonio brought up the only thing that could take his mind off everything.

"Don't you dare bring that up now," Nicole warned.

"What?" Jess asked.

Nicole sighed. Maybe he was right. If anything maybe Jess could convince him it was a bad idea. "Antonio thinks we should move in together."

"That's a great idea."

"Huh?"

Antonio gave Nicole a victorious smirk.

"Shut up," she told him.

"We've been together long enough to take this step."

"Just because we've been together "long enough" doesn't mean it's time. _I _am not ready. Moving in together is a big step. It's like…it's like getting married."

Antonio never got a chance to respond. The conversation came to a halt with another contraction and what Jess said after. "Uh guys? My water just broke. This baby is coming _now_."

Antonio weaved around the other cars. Horns were blowing and he was scratching other cars, but he kept going. He made it to the shoulder of the road and sped to the hospital.

He pulled into the ambulance bay of the emergency room. "I told you we'd get here quickly," he told Nicole.

"Too bad you didn't think of that an hour ago."

**xxxx**

While Antonio parked the car Jess was taken to the Labor and Delivery floor.

"Looks like you're going to have your baby on Labor Day—ironic," Rachel said. She was one of the nurses on the floor. She had brown hair and was very friendly.

"Hello," the doctor greeted Jess, "my name is Crystal. I will be bringing your…" she flipped open the chart to see the sex of the baby…"son into the world. But first I have to examine you."

"I am going to go see if Antonio has stopped twitching," Nicole said leaving Jess and the doctor alone.

"You said he wasn't due until mid October?" Crystal asked.

"Right."

"Well, I think he will be okay. He's small, so we might have to incubate him for a while before you can bring him home. The nicu attending will come down here to talk to you. He can answer all your questions."

**xxxx**

The chairs for expectant families and friends were just across the hall from the rooms. Nicole came back to wish her friend luck and then joined Antonio and the other anxious people who had loved ones in the same "condition" as Jess. There was an older woman—probably a grandma-to-be—Nicole thought. Next to the elderly woman was a younger woman who was assumed to be the sister or cousin of the woman admitted to the floor. They were two happy individuals and so was everyone else surrounding them. Nicole and Antonio were the only ones not smiling. It was a weird feeling for both of them.

Things became even more awkward when a doctor wheeled an incubator into Jess's room. Some of the families that saw it looked at each other sadly. Nicole was grateful no one saw her come out of that room or they might have directed those looks to her and Antonio.

Later Antonio relaxed and was almost back to normal. "I could marry you," he said. He spoke in a low tone, so no one around heard them. They were too busy with their joy and anxiety to want to listen anyway

"What?" Nicole was stunned at how he would pick the worst possible times to discuss commitment.

"You said moving in together was like saying we were getting married. I can live with that."

"You can _live _with that? You can live with that!" Nicole was in a whisper and still no one heard her.

There was uncomfortable silence between them.

"And anyway," Nicole said, "I own a house. I'm not moving, so you would have to move in with me."

"I can do that. It's not like I love the place I'm at now."

"Yeah, but you love the short distance it is from work."

Washington D.C. is a busy city filled with crime. Nicole wanted a quiet place to live, so she bought a house in a gated community in Maryland. The downfall, it was an hour to and from work every day and Antonio was known for hating long commutes.

"If you're saying you're ready to take this step I'm not going to let a little driving get in the way. If that's our biggest problem we make one hell of a great couple."

**xxxx **

While Nicole was thinking over Antonio's reasoning, Jess was seeing the face of the person she had felt moving inside her for several months.

"It's a boy!" Crystal said. She placed the small—smaller than average—newborn on Jess's stomach. She read Jess's discomfort and figured it was from fear of harming such a small child. "It's okay, you can touch him."

Jess shook her head. "No. You should get him in that incubator thing." It sounded like she was in a hurry to see her baby get what he needed, but that wasn't her intension at all.

The nicu nurse took the baby across the room to examine him. Jess looked on while the pediatrician—she never caught his name—pressed the stethoscope against his tiny chest and another nurse wiped him off. But all the stimuli didn't make him cry. He moved around a little, but mainly just lied motionless.

He was weighed and measured. "Three pounds, fifteen inches," one of the nurses said.

The thought crossed Jess's mind of what any other mother seeing that would be doing—crying, repeatedly asking _is he all right? Why isn't he crying? _But she wasn't doing any of those things. It wasn't that she wished the baby wouldn't be okay, but she wasn't wishing he would be either. At one point one of the doctors—and then one of the nurses—looked back at Jess and then at each other. They thought it odd she was so quiet too.

The doctor placed a clear tube down the fragile infant's throat. They put him in the incubator and wheeled him out of the room.

"I'm sure he'll be okay," Rachel gave Jess reassurance she didn't need.

When Nicole and Antonio saw the incubator taken into the elevator they left their seats and went into the room.

"How is he?" Nicole asked.

"I don't know," Jess answered noncommittally.

"The N.I.C.U. attending is going to give him a full work up in the nicu. He will come down here shortly to give you the baby's status," Crystal said.

The pediatrician came down and talked in length to Jess about ventilators and feeding tubes. He covered blood work and tests that had been and would be done.

"Right now he is stable," the doctor said, "if there are no complications you can take him home when he reaches six pounds."

"I know you're tired," Rachel said after they were alone again, "but I need you to sign the birth certificate." Then she asked the question Jess had been anticipating/dreading. "And I'll need the name of the father."

"Colin McNeil."


	4. Collateral Damage

Collateral Damage

"I wasn't freaking out that bad," Antonio said in his own defense.

Nicole laughed, "You were so freaking out. I thought you were going to faint."

They were driving Jess's scratched jeep to the hospital to pick her up. It had been eleven hours since she had given birth to a son that she still hadn't seen yet.

"I have to get back to work, but as soon as I get a chance I'll be back to see him," Jess told Rachel as she wheeled her out to the front of the hospital.

"Have you seen him at all yet," Rachel asked, her tone making it known she thought it odd that Jess hadn't bothered to visit her baby in the nicu.

"Yeah. Twice," she lied.

Pollock came by the hospital to say goodbye to Jess, and congratulate her on her child—whom he never found out was probably conceived through crime.

"That guy that came to see you this morning was up there too. And I've seen him a few times. He looks good."

"Mhmm," she replied not interested.

Soon after they reached the ambulance bay Antonio pulled up in the car that he scratched up.

"Look at what he did to my car."

Antonio must have known what his friend was thinking because as soon as he got out of the car he had a defense.

"You were giving birth. I had no other choice."

"I didn't say anything," Jess said.

"Yeah, but you were thinking."

After Antonio and Nicole took her home they went to start their first day of work under the new Assistant Director.

They walked off the elevator to Pollock's old office anticipating meeting their new boss.

"So, you think we're gonna like this guy?" Antonio asked.

"He couldn't be any worse than Pollock—at least I hope not."

"Come in," he called from his office when Antonio knocked.

Nicole opened the door to see a man in his fifties with silver hair sitting behind the desk. He stood up and shook their hands.

"Nice to meet you, Agent Cortez, Agent Scott. I'll be your new Assistant Director Thomas Kemyss. I understand you have a partner…" he looked down at a sheet paper "…Jess Mastriani?"

"She is on maternity leave," Nicole explained. "The doctors don't recommend that she return to work until at least a month from now, but if I know Jess she will be trying to get back through the doors in a week or two."

"I might take her up on that. I read her solve average. I've never been one that believes in paranormal things, but I think she might change that."

"That she will."

"I don't have anything for you to work on now, so I guess you have some free time. What did Pollock usually have you do when there were no cases?"

"Busy work," Nicole said.

"Keeping files straight," Antonio elaborated, "perfecting expense reports we rushed, that kinda thing."

"All right. You can do that, and I'll let you know when we have something."

Jess patiently stayed home for three days doing nothing, but anticipating going back to work. Even when she actually did something it was related to her getting back to work—finding childcare, so she wouldn't have to take any more time off when the baby came home. But enough was enough. She'd allowed her body time to heal. She had been working out, and although she wasn't close to her old weight yet she was ready to be in the office again.

Antonio was looking into a microscope at D.N.A. when Jess came in.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"Oh please, like you didn't expect to see me soon. The only reason it took me this long to get back was because I was interviewing sitters for…the baby."

"You still haven't found a name yet, huh?"

"I haven't even thought about it," her honesty surprised even her. "Where's Nicole?"

"In the field. Have you met the new boss?"

"No."

"Thomas Kemyss. He is so much better than Pollock. Very easygoing. I don't think he'll give you any trouble about coming back early."

Nicole came in just in time to hear the end of that. "Go home."

"But she will," he said.

"Nicole-"

"You just gave birth three days ago."

"And I'm fine. It's not like I had surgery or anything. Don't worry I'm not going to do any field work. It's not like I could even if I wanted to. Now I'm going to go meet the new boss."

Jess almost collided with Thomas as she was going through the doorway.

"I was just coming to see you," Jess said as she shook the hand of the man who introduced himself.

"I thought you weren't coming back for weeks."

"I'm ready."

"Good to know. Because we have a case, and we need all the help we can get. This one's a baby."

Thomas's new team was in tow as he walked to the bull pen where there was a photo of a young child, a girl with blond hair and blue eyes.

"She's cute," Nicole said with a smile. "What happened to her?"

"Kidnapped—as far as we know," Kemyss said. "Last night her mother, Melissa Murphy, nineteen, left her with her regular sitter, twelve year old Chelsea Tomlin. When Melissa came back she went in Sarah's room to check on her, and the two year old was gone."

"I assume you are at least planning on staying in while you're here," Nicole said to Jess.

"Deal."

"Then I will go talk to Chelsea, and you can speak with Melissa when she comes in."

Antonio went to investigate baby Sarah's bedroom. Since the babysitter lived in the same apartment building as Melissa and Sarah Nicole rode with him to talk to Chelsea.

"I'll tell you what I've been telling you for three days," Nicole said in response of his inquiring if she'd made a decision about moving in together, "I will think about it. It's a big decision, and I can't just make it in a day."

"I just asked if you're leaning one way or another."

"I'm not. I will tell you as soon as I find out what I want."

Neither one of them said anything outside of business talk all the way to the apartments.

Nicole talked to Melissa in the parking lot for a few seconds. They met as she was on her way to go to the office for questioning. Afterwards Nicole headed to the apartment down the hall—Chelsea Tomlin's.

Chelsea's mother opened the door, and saw Nicole in.

"Hello, Chelsea. I'm Nicole. I'd like to ask you a few questions about Sarah and her mom. Is that okay?"

Chelsea smiled acceptingly.

"Tell me what happened last night."

"Melissa called me like she always does, and asked me if I could watch Sarah. I said yes, so I came over. Sarah was already in bed, so I just watched T.V. until Melissa got back."

"How long was she gone?"

"A few hours, I guess. She wasn't working. She said she just wanted to go out."

"Do you take care of Sarah a lot?"

"Almost every night. Melissa works six nights a week. She's a waitress."

"And you take care of the baby? Don't you go to school?"

"Yeah, but Sarah is always in bed when I come. Melissa just needs someone there, so Sarah isn't alone. I come over at eight, watch T.V. for about an hour, and fall asleep on the couch. Then when Melissa gets home at four I go home. Since we live right down the hall my mom doesn't mind."

"I mind now," Chelsea's mom cut in. "If we've got someone in this neighborhood who can just take a child from their own bedroom running around here I'm certainly not going to have her out of the apartment at four in the morning."

"That's probably a good idea," Nicole said. "So, Chelsea, you never actually saw Sarah last night?"

"No."

"And the windows were unlocked?" Antonio asked a fellow forensic.

"That's what the mother said."

Antonio looked down from the second story window assuming if it was a kidnapper he or she would have had to climb a latter up to the baby's window, take the child, and climb back down with her. It seemed like a long shot.

Jess and Melissa got comfortable in the questioning room, and began to discuss Melissa and her child.

"And where is Sarah's father?"

"I don't know."

"What's his name?"

"I don't know. I met him, slept with him, I never got his number, and he never got mine. I never saw him again, and nine months later I had a daughter."

Throughout the interview Melissa registered reasonable grief, but not as much as Jess thought she should or would.

Melissa's story was about the same as Chelsea's. The questioning took fifty-five minutes, then Jess left her alone in the room.

Jess closed the door from the outside, and suddenly heard crying. It was a child's crying. She looked around her to see where it was coming from when she realized it was only her that heard it. And just as suddenly as it started it stopped.

Antonio left the Murphy apartment with Nicole—she went over there when she was done talking to Chelsea.

"So you don't think she was taken out her bedroom window?" Nicole asked him.

"That's unlikely. The sitter would have heard the girl wake up. You can't climb out a window with a two year old without the kid making some noise."

"So either the mother killed her or Chelsea is lying and knows more—or both."

Jess let Melissa go, and went to her office to write down her findings. Nicole and Antonio got back soon after.

"How'd it go?" Thomas was waiting to ask. He was anxious about his first case in his new position, and with the victim being a child the outcome would reflect twice as strong on him.

Nicole told him that Chelsea never saw Sarah. Antonio told him that he thought it was not likely that the girl was taken through the window. Jess talked about her vision, and said she couldn't tell if Melissa was a grieving mother or responsible for her child's disappearance.

"Okay," Kemyss said trying to maintain a hopeful attitude. "What do we do now?" He had to ask that because he never worked missing person cases as an agent, so everything was new to him.

"Now is the time that we usually think up a theory or theories, and roll with it until it's proven out of the question. In this case it's easy. Our first theory—and so far only one—is Melissa killed her," Nicole said.

"So now we bring her back in for some odd number hours of questioning," Jess added.

Melissa finished her story for the fifteenth time. "And when I came back I gave Chelsea her money, and she left. Then I turned the T.V. off, and went to check on Sarah. That's when I saw she was gone."

Jess heard the crying again, and stepped out of the room. Nicole continued grilling Melissa. Jess made it all the way to Antonio's office before the crying of the child that was only heard by her stopped, and the vision started. She was seeing that same little blond boy in the field.

"I'm glad _you_ have something," Antonio said to her. He could tell she'd come out of a vision.

"I don't think I do. I just saw that same boy I was seeing when I found out I was pregnant. I don't think that has something to do with Sarah. This morning the hospital called me to tell me the baby has jaundice, and asking where I've been. I think I've just been thinking too much about it." Jess brushed off her vision, and went back to the questioning. Antonio took it more seriously than she did, and started looking into it.

"And if you can't even tell me where you went," Nicole was saying to Melissa when Jess came in, "when you went out that sounds bad to me, Melissa. How do I know that baby wasn't already dead, and in your trunk when you called Chelsea?"

"I told you it was some club I've never been at before. I don't remember the name."

"What street is it on?"

"It was dark," Melissa said in gritted teeth. "I don't know."

After several more reruns of her story Antonio popped his head in, and called out Jess and Nicole.

"What's up?"

"I looked into Jess's vision," Antonio said then he looked at Jess. "I think it did mean something. Three years ago the cops questioned Melissa. They suspected she was raped by a kid in her school. One of her friends reported it, and when asked Melissa denied it."

"Wait," Nicole said, "how old is Sarah?"

"Two," Antonio said.

"I know, but how many months?"

"Thirty-three. And the alleged assault took place in March of two-thousand and four."

"That's the exact time Sarah had to have been conceived."

Nicole took the paper Antonio had and she and Jess went back in the questioning room.

"What?" Melissa asked when Nicole and Jess sat down, and didn't say anything.

Nicole slid the paper across the table, and Melissa picked it up.

"So?" she said.

"So this happened right around the time your daughter was conceived," Nicole said.

"I already told you I don't know who Sarah's father is. And as for this, it never happened. It was all a stupid misunderstanding."

Melissa continued to deny she was ever raped, and Nicole and Jess gave up on getting anything out of her. She refused to take a lie detector test, and with no legal grounds to hold her they had to let her go.

Their next task was to bring in the then teenaged boy accused of raping Melissa three years ago. He adamantly denied having anything to do with Sarah, and passed a polygraph.

It was late, and Antonio and Nicole had gone home. Kemyss and Jess stayed behind working on deep backgrounds on Chelsea Tomlin and Melissa Murphy. Melissa was their main focus, but procedure dictated that they had to look into Chelsea's possible involvement also.

"So how'd you decide to join the bureau?" Thomas asked Jess.

She looked up from her computer and files. "It wasn't my idea that's for sure. I was just trying to help, and even after I became an agent I thought it was temporary. Sometimes I still have trouble believing this is my career forever."

"It doesn't have to be," he said closing one record, and opening another.

"I know, but I'd feel…I guess selfish if I ignored the visions, and knew people were in danger, but didn't do anything. I couldn't do that."

"Speaking of those visions, that is really something. How did that come about?"

"Long story," her drifted off tone told him she wasn't interested in talking about that. But not wanting to give him the impression that she wasn't interested in getting to know each other—which was so obviously what that was an attempt to do—she turned the tables on the conversation. "What about you? What made you become an agent, and now the Assistant Director? Congratulations, incidentally."

"Thank you. It's all I've wanted. Ever since I was a boy. And this…Assistant Director. It's almost surreal."

"Excuse me," Jess said.

She was experiencing what she called an audial vision—clues that are heard, but not seen. She had them often, but that was the first time she had three in the same day. She followed the sound of a child crying down the hall ways, and in to the bathroom. As soon as she looked in the mirror that's when she was taken totally into the vision. She saw the boy in the field. The grass around him was dying. Then in a flash she saw Melissa holding up a machete that came down on the child.

"Melissa killed her," Jess said to herself.

In the mirror there were carvings. Letters and numbers that Jess wrote down, and took to the nearest computer. They turned out to be the address to a city park.

It hadn't been easy for Nicole to fall asleep. Her mind was reeling with Antonio's offer, and what she was going to do next to find Sarah. Eventually she fell asleep, but her phone woke her minutes later.

"Hello."

"_Hey it's me," _Jess said. _"I think I know where Sarah is. I'm on my way there now."_

Jess gave her the address, and hung up.

The only sound that accompanied Jess's footsteps as she walked around the park was a hooting owl. She searched the perimeter, and all the areas Sarah could have gone unseen for a day. As she was walking past the bathrooms she came across multiple bushes all in a row. That was when she picked up that smell that every law enforcement official is so familiar with, but never gets used to.

She hesitantly combed the bushes with one hand until she saw the blond haired baby that the city had desperately been looking for for going on twenty-four hours.

Jess left as soon as the cops arrived to take over. Nicole was the one who identified Sarah as the child they were looking for officially to the medical examiner.

"How did she die?" the medical examiner was asked by Nicole.

"I can't be sure until I open her up, but it looks like blunt force trauma to the scull and abdomen. In other words, she was beaten to death."

Sarah was put in a body bag, and taken away.

"I guess that's it," Antonio said as they watched the van drive off.

"I guess so."

"You think Melissa did it?"

"I don't know. She had reason to be angry with Sarah, but after two years you would think she would have been able to look at Sarah as Sarah, not her father."

"I guess it doesn't always work like that."

They shared a look that didn't need any words. They both knew what the other was thinking.

While Nicole and Antonio were in their offices signing documents Jess—who had just spent ten minutes scrubbing her hands and putting on gloves and scrubs—was just walking into the nicu. She had never been there before. But it was almost exactly what she imagined it to be.

Almost every baby there had someone by his or her incubator—moms, dads, grandparents, doctors taking blood, and nurses feeding and changing diapers. Some of the parents were crying. Others were quietly reading children's books to their child.

A nurse drew Jess from her thoughts when she pointed her in the direction of her child. He was one of the only babies who was alone.

"His jaundice cleared up, so we took him out of the illumi light."

Jess walked up to the baby that she hadn't seen since the hour he was born. He hadn't grown at all, but looked completely different. He was hooked up to I.V.s. and machines. There was a feeding tube in his stomach.

She slid her hand in through one of the holes, and stroked his tiny hand with her index finger. He opened his eyes, and lifted his hand just enough to wrap it around her finger. The two of them stared at each other for the longest time. He seemed to know exactly who she was, and she couldn't help thinking that he was wondering where she had been. He had the bluest eyes, and when she looked in them she saw someone else. It wasn't James or Colin. It was her father. His blue eyes looked just like the dad she'd lost three years ago.

"Wow," she whispered to herself, "this is amazing."

That moment would mark the first time she ever felt love for her son. Her feelings were something she was unprepared for. Sarah's death was a sad occurrence, and she mourned for the child, but at the same time she felt just as sorry for Melissa too. While she stayed in that park looking at a child who was killed before she ever really got a chance to experience life, a child who was only collateral damage to a horrid crime, the only thing she had in her head was the baby she had given birth to. An innocent soul under the same circumstances as Sarah. Being blamed for something he had nothing to do with. Whether she was staring at the son of a man that she loved or a man who violated her was no fault of his. And she chose right then and there never to feel that it was.

"Jess," a voice from behind said. It was Nicole.

"How did you know I was here?"

"Lucky guess. I figured this is where you would go after seeing Sarah Murphy's body. How is he?"

"He's good. He had some set backs, but he's back on the road to recovery."

"He's not the only one."

It was the first time Nicole had seen Jess speak in reference to her son and smile. It was the first time she was present for a conversation about him, and not ignoring the topic or trying to change it. It was a relief to Nicole who—although she really doubted it—worried that her partner's baby would meet the same fate as Sarah—the victim of a mother who never dealt with her rape, and finally snapped; taking out all her anger on the product of it.

"I have a name for him. I'm naming him after my father," Jess said. "Joseph Michael Mastriani."

"That's a nice name, Jess."

"He has the same eyes. I was worried of what…or who I would see when I looked in his eyes, but this…I never expected this. I am so relieved."

Jess spent the night in the nicu holding the hand of her child. Upon coming to the hospital she didn't expect to fall in love with the baby she was visiting, but she had. And although she still opted against a paternity test, by morning she knew the results of it wouldn't matter anyway.


	5. Moving Day

Moving Day

"No, no," Antonio said. "It's crooked. Turn it to the left."

"I am," Nicole said firmly.

"_Your_ left."

They were trying to fit Antonio's sofa through Nicole's front door. When she agreed to let him move in to her house it took them days to decide the best way to merge their belongings. He wanted the house to look more like a man lived there, and she didn't want his old bachelor furniture in her living or family rooms. They finally reached a settlement she agreed to get rid of some of her "girly" things, and he agreed to get rid of some his old stuff. As part of the compromise he got to bring his couch—after he had it cleaned, and she exchanged the covers on the bed for ones of more unisex colors.

"I told you," she said, "we should have hired movers."

They finally got the beige sofa to the wood-floored family room, and let it drop right in the middle of it.

"Okay," Nicole said trying to catch her breath as she let her body fall on the couch. "That's the last of the heavy stuff."

"You wanna finish up or rest for a while?"

"How many more things do we have out there?"

"A dresser, a night stand, a few boxes of clothes, my-"

"I wanna rest for a while."

He looked out the window at the rented moving truck in the driveway. He wasn't in any more of a mood to go back out there than she was, so he sat down by her.

"I am so glad we're finally doing this," he said.

"Me too," she said with a smile.

At first the idea of moving in together made her very uneasy. She wasn't sure exactly what she was afraid of, but something about that kind of commitment worried her a lot, and she wasn't going to let him move in until it didn't. That happened three weeks after he asked. That day they were moving some of his stuff in her house she was in a place where she truly felt good about sharing her home with him. Putting aside the fact that it was ten in the morning—and they had been working for three hours—Nicole was happy about the next step she was taking with a man she loved.

"So how is this going to work?"

"What?"

"The expenses. Which bills do you want me to be responsible for?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Okay. How bout I'll take the electric, the cable, and half of the mortgage?"

"That's fair." She leaned closer to him. "Let's not think about bills now."

"Wasn't your mom supposed to come and help us?"

"She had to work."

"I thought she got another nurse at the hospital to cover her shift."

"She backed out, but she'll be here at four. She can help us arrange the furniture."

"Okay…Wow this is great."

"You are really happy about this."

"Well yeah. I mean this is all new for us. Living together we're going to get to know each other."

"We know each other."

"I mean better. You know what they say you never know someone until you live with them or go on vacation with them."

"Okay wise guy, tell me one thing about you that I don't already know."

Antonio thought back on all their conversations about their pasts. He was able to remember them because there were so few.

"Did you know I wasn't born here?"

"I know. You're from South Carolina."

"Not originally. I lived in Cuba until I was five. My parents, me, and my sister ran away in the seventies."

"You never told me that. I thought your family went to Cuba after you grew up. What happened?"

"My parents decided to go to America after I was born. They talked about it for years before they dared to try it. The only thing I really remember about the trip though is one night they woke me and my sister up, and said we're going to America. I remember wondering why they seemed so happy, and so scared at the same time. And then we went down to the ocean, and got into a big ship with a few other families. And I just cried through that whole trip. I was so scared."

"Why?" she said with sympathy in her voice that he had never heard before.

Nicole vowed to herself to show her feelings more—especially with Antonio—and that was a small part of it coming to light. Ordinarily she wouldn't have thought about him as a little child afraid and in tears, and even if she had she wouldn't have felt that kind of empathy, and she certainly wouldn't have shown it if she did.

"Because the waters were so bad that night and the next day," he said smiling at his childish fear that he would later see foolish. "I was convinced we were all going to drown. But we didn't, and soon we got to Florida. As soon as my parents saved up the money, we moved to South Carolina. I don't know why they chose Carolina. All I know is they wanted us to grow up with snow."

"So when did your parents decide to go back to Cuba?"

"Right after I got into a college here in the U.S. They just wanted to be sure Mariela and I had a chance to be something. They really missed the rest of the family, and our old home, so they went back. They missed it so much that they almost went back when I was ten, but then my mom got pregnant with Elias, and they couldn't stand to bring a baby back there."

It was pushing ten o'clock that morning when Jess strolled into the office. She knew ahead of time that Nicole and Antonio would be calling in "sick" that day, and she was not looking forward to doubling her work load, and solving any cases that came through on her own.

"Hello," she said to Thomas who was in her office waiting to present her the assignment he was sent.

"It's ten," he said, but not with too much irritation because he knew where she probably had been. "Were you with your son?"

"Yes," she answered taking the file out of his hand.

"How is he?"

"Getting better all the time." She looked up momentarily while saying that, then back at the file she was opening. "Where am I going?"

"Virginia. Paul Walker, thirty-four years old. Missing twenty-seven and a half hours. He dropped his kids off at a home child care center, headed for work, but never showed up. His sitter called the police yesterday evening when he was two hours late and she couldn't get in touch with him. The cops investigated for fifteen hours, and found nothing."

"Marriage status?"

"Wife is deceased. B.O.L.O. is out on his gray Volvo. I'd say your best bet is to talk to the babysitter and his kids."

"Can do."

Jess reached her destination—a rural city in Virginia. She would spend her time there interviewing Paul's children, his boss, and his co-workers. Her first stop, the babysitter.

"Come in," the sitter said to the agent who just identified herself. "I can't say I blame him for taking off."

"Why not?"

"If his kids were mine I wouldn't have lasted this long. He is one of the saddest men I've ever met. I haven't seen him smile since his wife died two years ago."

"The children give you trouble?"

"To be honest they are some of the worst kids I ever cared for."

"The police say that you have been their babysitter for four years. You spend nine hours a day with them. Why do you continue to have them in your program if they are so difficult?"

"I guess I feel sorry for Paul. The girls were all right until their mom died, and then I just didn't have the heart to tell Paul he would have to make other arrangements. I reckon he wouldn't be able to keep another sitter for more than a few days."

"Do you have any idea where he might be?"

"No clue."

"And you still have the children?"

"They're in the backyard."

"How old are they?"

"Seven, six, and four."

Jess went out to the sandbox to talk to the child the babysitter pointed out as Paul's six year old Caitlyn.

"Hi, Caitlyn."

"Who are you?" she said with an angry tone.

"My name is Jess. I want to talk to you about your dad," she sat down on the edge of the sandbox, "is that okay?"

"No!"

"I'm in for a great day," she said under her breath.

Antonio finished telling his immigration story, and some things about his family's adjusting to American life he never shared with Nicole.

"I never knew any of that."

"Your turn."

"What?"

"I told you some things you never knew about me, now you tell me something about you that I don't know."

"I suppose my wild teen years wouldn't surprise you."

"It doesn't have to be a surprise. Just something about you I never heard."

"One time when I was fourteen I ran away. I was missing for a month before the cops tracked me down."

"Where did you go?"

"New Orleans."

"That far?"

"Yeah. That was right after my mom went back to jail, so I was pretty resentful. Kelly almost came with me…She wanted to, but I wouldn't let her. Even back then I knew it was stupid and dangerous."

"What happened?"

"Nothing really. I hooked up with a bunch of losers, and eventually the cops caught up with me, and I was back in my foster home in Illinois."

Jess finished wrestling answers from three bratty kids. After giving her card to the babysitter, and leaving the house she got a call from Kemyss as she was getting into her car.

"_Paul's doctor put him on Prozac two weeks ago," _he said.

"So now we're thinking suicide?"

"_The police searched his medicine cabinet, he was on the medicine when he went missing."_

"But it wasn't working. The sitter said Paul was miserable. And even if the medicine did work he left it behind which means he's not on it now."

"_Exactly."_

"All right. I'm on my way to talk to his boss, and then I'll be back."

"Paul Walker used to be our greatest employee," his boss said. "But his work has been deteriorating for a while now. He's here everyday, but it's like he's not. He is a zombie."

Questions to his co-workers didn't reveal anything more than what his boss and babysitter had to say about him. He was a miserable man, and everyone thought he ran away. What's more, no one was surprised.

Jess got into her car, and headed down a long serene road. She was about to call in to the office, and see if Thomas had any new information, but before she dialed the phone she saw a car that matched Paul's pass her going in the opposite direction.

She made a u-turn, and followed him. Agents' vehicles don't get sirens, so she had no way of getting him—if it was him—to pull over. She followed him for five miles to a gas station. When he stepped out of his mud-covered car she saw it was in fact Paul Walker.

"Paul Walker. Jess Mastriani, F.B.I. We've been looking for you."

He seemed disoriented.

"Are you hurt?"

He looked around at his surroundings. "Where am I?"

"You're in Virginia." She checked his pulse by his wrist. "Has something happened to you?"

"No. I was just stopping for gas. I have to pick up my girls from school."

"Your children are fine. You need to come with me."

His willingness to come with her so easily without ever even seeing identification, let alone his state of stupor, made it obvious something was very wrong with him.

Jess drove him to the first hospital she came to. All the way there she watched Paul go from jovial to depressed all the while never quiet losing his confusion.

Hours later Antonio and Nicole were still putting off going back out to the moving truck. They were still on the sofa talking. Nicole talked about the family she had heard of, but never got a chance to meet—her maternal and paternal grandparents. Antonio talked about his extended family in Cuba.

"Wow," Nicole said taking in what she heard—and partly already forgot. "That is a lot of family. I don't know how you remember all those names."

"It's hard. Especially since they are all out of the country. The only ones I've seen in the past five years are Mariela, her husband, and their kids…What about us? Are we going to have a family?"

"Someday…maybe if we ever get married."

"How many?" he pushed.

"Huh?"

"You know how many I want, and this house would be perfect for four kids."

"What brought you to that?"

"The huge backyard. It has five bedrooms. We have the master bedroom, and the other four-"

Nicole interjected, "one of those bedrooms should be a playroom, and at least one of the other rooms should be a guest room for one of your ten million distant relatives, so that leaves two left. And I think two kids is more than enough….But I don't really think about it."

Antonio laughed. "It sounds like you've thought about it a lot."

"Okay, so it has crossed my mine, but only because I know how important this is to you," she stopped, sighed, and continued, "I'm not exactly the most maternal in the world. I didn't grow up seeing what that looks like. I'm not saying I'll never have or want a baby, but without you it wouldn't be something I'd think about or see in my future."

Antonio didn't want to anger or make Nicole feel bad about not wanting to be a mom, so he changed the subject. "That's miles away in our relationship anyway. Come on we have to get the rest of those things out of the truck."

Nicole and Antonio left the sofa that they had occupied for several hours, and headed for the front door that Carla was coming through.

"You're early," Nicole said to her mother.

Antonio looked at his watch.

"I said I'd be here at four," Carla said.

"And it is four," Antonio said. "We spent five hours talking."

In all the years they were friends and more than friends they had never learned more about the other than they had on that day. That day they spent five consecutive hours talking about themselves, disclosing every fear, want, detail of their lives. It didn't bring them closer—they were already as in love as they could get—but the new knowledge they had about one another would help them understand—and in Antonio's case, be more patient with—their significant other.

Jess watched through the glass as a young doctor examined Paul. As far as anyone could see he was perfectly healthy, and no one knew what the cause of his bizarre behavior was.

The physician left the room, and out to Jess. "What's wrong with him," she asked. She knew from the look on his inexperienced face that he wouldn't be able to answer.

"I'm not sure. His tests came back negative for all the standard drugs we look for."

"And you don't think the antidepressants have anything to do with this?"

"Going off an antidepressant suddenly would cause minor withdrawal. It wouldn't cause disorientation," he said writing on his clipboard. "But we will admit him, and figure out what the problem is. It's probably neurological."

Jess went back to D.C., and wrote a report. Then she went back to the nicu, back to the stool next to Joseph's incubator that she'd been sitting in every evening after work and every morning before work for three weeks.

Carla and Antonio pushed the sofa in the middle of the family room up against the wall by the window, so it would face the fireplace. Nicole was upstairs redoing the master bedroom. She got sick of cleaning and moving things, so she lied on her bed, and pulled out the cell phone she had on her at all times.

As part of getting ready to go into the nicu Jess always turned her cell to vibrate, so any calls she may have got wouldn't disturb any baptisms or stories being read. When she felt her phone go off she looked around the room to make sure it was okay if she answered it without leaving the room. When she saw there was nothing to interrupt she did.

"Mastriani."

"_Hello," _Nicole said. _"Are you busy?"_

"No. What's up?"

"_Didn't any cases come through?"_

"Some guy dropped his kids off with a sitter, and vanished. I found him in Virginia. He was disoriented, so I took him to a hospital, and left him there. They called me a few minutes ago to tell me that he was having a bad reaction to an antidepressant he's been taking."

"_What do you mean, like he was allergic to it?"_

"No. It just made him flip. He just decided to get on the interstate, and drive. He had no idea where he was going or when he would come back. But it wore off, and he's fine now."

"_Are you still in the office?"_

"I'm in the nicu. They extubated Joe when I got here. I heard him cry for the first time. It was unbelievable."

"_That is great, Jess."_

"They think he will be ready to leave as early as the first week of November. So what are you doing? How did your merging go?"

"_Certainly better than I expected. I was able to get him to throw out everything except that sofa and a dresser. But we actually spent more time talking than moving. We finally spoke about everything we've been keeping from the other; said things that we've avoided saying before. And I got to know him better. It was wonderful." _

It wasn't common to hear words like that come from Nicole, and even rarer to hear that tone in her voice. She sounded so relieved.

"Sounds like you had a very productive day."

"_You too. I'll see you tomorrow?" _She had to ask because it was going to be a Saturday, and she didn't know if Jess was going to come in or spend the day with the baby.

"I don't know. You might. Or I might just stay here, and listen to him cry…y'know until I get sick of it."

They said their goodbyes, and Nicole went back downstairs to her boyfriend and mother who were bonding. Jess stayed in the nicu until eleven that night. Before she left she got to watch the doctors and nurses take Joseph off the feeding tube. She held him for the first time, and gave him his first bottle.


	6. Who Says You Can't Go Home?

Who Says You Can't Go Home?

It was a sunny mid morning on October fifth. A nurse was buckling a six week old baby—who because of prematurity looked about a day old—into his car seat while his doctor was explaining his delayed development to his mother.

"The corrected age is the age he would be if he had been born full term. His chronological age is his actual age. For instance, he was born six weeks ago, so his chronological age is six weeks old, but he was supposed to be born yesterday, so his corrected age is one day old. It's important for parents of preemies to remember how this works," the doctor said, "because as they get older you'll be expecting them to be doing things that other children their age do, but you'll need to take the corrected age into consideration until he's at least twenty months old. Take, for example, a full term baby will start sitting up and crawling at six months of age, but when Joseph is six months old his corrected age will only be four and a half months."

"So I should only be worried if he's not doing what other _four _month olds are doing?"

"Right," he answered with an unusual amount of enthusiasm.

Jess laughed because she knew it was because most parents don't understand that at first. Lucky for him she had read all about premature babies, and knew all of that before hand.

"Got it," the nurse said. "You're ready to roll. Bye-bye Joseph."

**XXXX**

When Jess got to her apartment her son's newly hired nanny was there to greet them. After going through agency after agency Jess finally settled on a twenty-four year old woman with auburn hair and a Russian accent. She originally wanted a live-in caregiver, but she liked Teresa right away, so she chose her even if it did mean adjusting her schedule so she left no earlier than seven-thirty every morning and returned no later than eight every evening.

"Is this Joseph?" Teresa asked.

"This is him." Jess gave her the carrier, and Teresa took the baby to the bedroom.

Jess sat on her sofa and resumed the worrying she was doing about how and when she would tell her family about the baby.

**XXXX**

A month later, one morning Nicole returned to the office after she had been out to visit the family of a woman who her and Jess had rescued. Her first stop would be—as it usually was—Antonio's desk. Even though they had been living together for two months, and worked together full time, they still could never get sick of each others company.

"Hi there," she said.

"You're back early."

"Antonio, don't start."

Ever since his near death experience Antonio had been obsessed with safety. Oddly enough it wasn't _his _safety he was worried about. Ever since he moved in with Nicole, and was able to see how soon she could return from the grocery store or—when she called from the office, and told him she was on her way out—how quickly she got to Maryland he had been on a plight to get Nicole to slow down.

"It takes at least two hours to get to the Boyd's home and back, and you've been gone for just that, so either you spent two seconds at the home or you were speeding again."

Nicole had been as patient as she could with his new fears, but as the end of the year was approaching she was at the end of her rope.

"I was rushing back to see you."

Her cutting remark only irritated him further. "You promised me you would slow down."

"And I did. If I drove the way I wanted to I would have gotten here half an hour ago."

Antonio disregarded her explanation, and looked back down at what he was doing.

Nicole read the sadness and anxiety in his face. She sat on the edge of his desk. "Talk to me, Antonio."

"What's to talk about? You know why I'm mad. I've told you a million times. You obviously don't care, so I don't see why-"

"Hold up. What do you mean I don't care? Just because I don't do every little thing you ask me to doesn't mean I don't care."

"All I ask you to do is one thing."

"You know that's not true. You know it's not just one thing."

"So I'm a little more demanding."

"A lot more demanding, Antonio. A lot. I've been patient, but enough is enough. This has to stop. Yes, you were almost killed. But you weren't. You weren't even hurt. You lived, so start acting like it."

Nicole put her hand on his shoulder, and kissed the top of his head. "I love you," she told him then she left him to contemplate what she'd said.

**XXXX**

After leaving Antonio Nicole went to find Jess, so she could sign a document for her records.

"Sign this." She put the paper in front of her, and Jess didn't even notice her presence.

Nicole waved her hand in front of Jess's face, "hello."

"Huh? Oh," she grabbed a pen, and signed the page.

"You're still thinking about going home with the baby."

"Yeah. I don't how I'm supposed to get through this."

"Let me tell you a story. When I graduated Quantico I was so looking forward to having a steady, respectable career. But as my first day was approaching I was absolutely scared out of my mind. Because I was thinking about all the terrible things that could go wrong. You won't believe the crazy things that crossed my mind. But after my first day was over I came home, and I just laughed and laughed. You know why?"

"Why?"

"Because none of the horrible things I anticipated happened, and I realized how ridiculous all the thoughts I entertained were. My point is that sometimes things turn out much better than we expect."

"And sometimes they turn out a lot worse."

"Now we're getting into a glass half empty, half full thing. If you want to drive yourself nuts about this I can't stop you. But I want you to think about this, your family loves you, and even if they do get upset it's only because of that. Remember that."

Again Nicole left another friend to ponder her words of wisdom.

**XXXX**

At the end of that day Jess went home to pick up her son, and then headed for the airport. She had the whole flight to her home town to think about what her partner said. Through Joseph's crying, and the young boy behind her kicking the seat it was hard to look on the bright side, but she tried anyway. Maybe Nicole was right, she thought, maybe they won't be as upset as I think they will.

Jess parked her car in the parking lot of one of her family's restaurants. Joseph had only stopped crying, and fallen asleep minutes before. Finally everything was quiet, and she had a chance to think about how she would go about it all.

Before she left her apartment she called her cousin Sabrina and her brother Douglas, and asked them to meet her at the restaurant. She wanted to talk to them before she faced the rest of her family. They didn't know they were about to meet their new baby cousin/nephew.

Sabrina was only one of Jess's many cousins, and even though she was two years older than Jess they were very close growing up. Unlike most of the rest of her family Sabrina grew up near by Jess's home, so they spent a lot of time together. That was until Jess moved to D.C. That day would be the first time Jess would see Sabrina in four years.

Jess carried Joseph's carrier/carseat into the restaurant. Before anyone saw her she slipped into the storage room. She flipped over an empty crate, and set the baby carrier on it, and then she left for a moment to find Sabrina and Douglas.

Douglas was in the kitchen directing the chefs, and Sabrina was in the dining room waiting in one of the booths.

Jess went in the kitchen, and grabbed her brother, and then went to the dining room, and got Sabrina. She didn't say anything to either of them, and just when they got to the storage room Sabrina spoke up.

"What is going on?"

"Shhh," Jess said. They walked into the room, and after she closed the door behind them she only pointed to the carrier.

"Aw," Sabrina said. She walked closer to the infant whose attention she had just been drawn to.

"Oh man," Douglas laughed. It was only normal sibling rivalry for him to find it amusing that his perfect little sister had done something not so perfect.

Sabrina touched his hand. "He's so tiny. Oh, Jess, he is beautiful. How old is he?"

"Eleven weeks."

"Really? He's so small."

"He was premature."

"What?" Suddenly Douglas wasn't smiling anymore. "He was sick? You went through that alone?"

"I guess. Don't wake him up. He just got to sleep, and I don't think I can stand it if he starts crying again. I already have a migraine thinking about what everyone is going to say when I tell them about him."

"Yeah," Sabrina said, "that's gonna be bad."

"They are going to be mad."

"Thank you both. I feel so much better now." In a way Jess's statement wasn't all sarcasm. Part of her did feel better knowing that she hadn't underestimated her family. That mild relief passed soon, and was quickly replaced with more anxiety.

"Well if I was you," Sabrina said, "I would get it over with as soon as possible. The family is at the house. You should just go over there and tell them. Doug will go with you, and I'll stay here with the baby."

"Shouldn't he be with me when I tell them?"

"Well….you said you didn't want to wake him, and what's gonna happen when you tell them will definitely wake him."

"I'm not laughing, Sabrina."

"Okay, okay. But I do think you should ease into it. You can't just walk into the house with a baby, and say hello, how have you been. Who's this? This is my son."

"Yeah. You're right. Stay here, both of you. I'll call after I tell them."

**XXXX**

Jess opened the door, and walked into the home she grew up in, and hadn't been in in the longest time. It was quiet. Where is everybody? she thought. She was partly relieved until she heard talking in the kitchen. Of course, every Italian's favorite place in the house.

As she walked to the swinging door she listened carefully to try to make out the voices to know ahead of time who exactly she would be giving the news to. All she heard were women's voices. She figured all the men were where they usually were on the day before Thanksgiving—out playing golf—a tradition they came up with in the eighties. She heard her aunts (her father's sisters) and her grandmother on her dad's side—a woman who she referred to as Grandma Dorothy. That was the title her parents gave her and Douglas to call her to avoid confusion between her dad's mom and her mom's mom. But it turned out to be futile because Toni cut her mom out of her life shortly after her daughter was born.

As soon as she went into the kitchen she was instantly bombarded by her aunts.

"Hello, Jess, how is everything," Dorothy talked over her sisters and daughters who were fawning over her granddaughter.

"It's been better. There's something I need to tell you guys."

"Is there something wrong?" her aunt Jennifer (Sabrina's mom) asked.

"I think that's up to you."

They all adjourned to the family room. Jess' two aunts and grandmother took the couch, and her other aunts took the love seat. Jess stood in the midst of them.

"Where's mom?" Jess asked.

"She went to the restaurant."

"Which one?"

"The one on Halstead."

"Aw, crap," she said under her breath so she wouldn't offend any of her victorian aunts.

"Jess," Dorothy said, "what is going on?"

Before she could say anything she heard the front door open and close. She was hoping it wasn't her mom, but she was wrong. Toni strolled into the family room.

"You're here just in time," Dorothy said. "Jess has something important to tell us."

"I'll bet," Toni replied.

Jess had a whole speech prepared, but as she stood with half her family—and the half whose opinion she valued the most—looking on she forgot most of it, and the part she remembered she didn't even want to say. She just wanted to get it over with, so that's what she did.

"I had a baby," she spoke straightforwardly.

A smile crept upon the faces of everyone except her mom. Some of them chuckled, some of them laughed, none of them thought she was serious. They all thought she was kidding, perhaps it was an icebreaker to prepare them for the real news.

Dorothy was the first to notice Jess wasn't laughing with them. "You're not joking."

"No she's not," Toni answered.

**XXXX**

Antonio was enjoying his days off reclining in his chair, and reading the paper while his girlfriend was anxiously wearing herself out cleaning their home.

She wanted it to look perfect. The next day was going to be more than just a day of remembrance of the pilgrims. It was going to be the first holiday she would spend with her mother in the better part of twenty years.

"You know," she said to him, "you could at least pretend to want to help me."

"Help you with what? You've cleaned the counters perfectly, you've mopped the floors five times since Monday, you washed that dish this morning. This house is spotless." He folded his paper, set it on the coffee table, and came over to her. "Stop worrying. You and me and your mom will have a great Thanksgiving together." He hugged her the way he always did to make her feel better, and—like always—it worked.

"You're right. This will be great."

"There you go."

**XXXX**

Right after the nightmarish experience of telling her family about Joseph Jess called Sabrina and Douglas, and told them they could bring the baby home. After that she went out to the backyard—the only place she could find quiet—and sat in a bench swing. Soon Sabrina came out to join her.

"How'd it go?"

"At first as bad as I could imagine—and then some. But they calmed down a little. Their still upset that I'm not marrying Colin, but I think they'll get over that…in time."

"I think it will be sooner than that."

"What do you mean?"

"They are all in there falling all over themselves trying to hold him, and they love that you named him after uncle Joe…..Hey did I tell you Nathan is coming here?"

"He is?" When she said that she looked brighter than she had in months.

"Yeah. He quit his radio thing in California, and he's coming home. He called, and when I told him you'd be here he said he'd stop by."

Nathan Tobias Massey was Jess's best friend growing up. Their dad's met when the kids were seven, and every since then the families were extremely close. They would go on vacations together, and they spent a lot of time at each others homes. But Nathan and Jess were closer than their families ever were. They attended the same private schools, and had the same friends. They were inseparable. Nathan's and Jess's moms thought they would get married. Even as kids they were "boyfriend, girlfriend", but they grew out of that, and as they reached adolescence they were just friends.

But they grew up. Nathan attended a different college, and after graduating he moved to California. He made a name for himself by becoming a popular radio personality. Jess moved to D.C., and the two of them hadn't even spoken in years. Their families stopped being as close as they were when Joe died. It seemed he and Nathan's father—and Nathan and Jess's friendship—is what kept the families together. Once all that was gone they drifted apart.

**XXXX**

Later that afternoon when everything had quieted down—including Joseph who was napping in his aunt's arms—Toni finally got a chance to talk to her daughter alone. She went up to her old room where Jess was relaxing after a day of turmoil.

"I thought you'd be up here." Toni sat beside her daughter.

"Before you say anything I just want to say that I'm sorry I didn't tell you about him sooner. I just didn't want to add on any more stress."

"That's what bothers me the most. Why did you think telling your family..your mother..that you were in trouble would be stressful? When have I ever been intolerant of your mistakes?"

"Never. I know I should have told you."

"It couldn't have been easy dealing with a sick baby alone."

"It wasn't."

There was nothing more to say on that. Toni hugged her daughter—her way of letting her know everything was all right.

"So how is motherhood treating you?"

"It's okay."

"Just okay?"

"I love him so much. I'm sure things will get easier."

"They will…I can't believe my baby is a mommy."

**XXXX**

That night after dinner, after Joseph had fallen asleep, and Jess had put him down in a playpen in her old room. She heard the doorbell as she was coming down the stairs.

"I'll get it," she called out to her family in the other room.

She opened the door, and there he was. She screamed in excitement. He picked her up in a hug, and the two of them did a twirl in the embrace.

"You look great," she said.

"You look better."

"What have you been doing with yourself? I heard something happened with your talk radio thing?"

"Nothing happened really. I just got tired of it. I'm looking to do other things. How 'bout you? Anything new?"

The only reaction Jess could give to that was nervous laughter. "Yeah. A lot. But let's go inside. I'm not really in the mood to broadcast this to the neighbors."

After Jess's family greeted Nathan she brought him up to her room.

"Okay," he said as he closed the door behind them, "what's up?"

Jess held her hand out bringing his attention to the playpen in the corner of the room.

"Is that what I think it is?" He peaked in the playpen. "Yep. That's what I thought."

He sat down, and so did she, and for a half an hour she regaled him with stories about Colin and Joseph's early arrival into the world. She conveniently left out the fact that Colin might not be the child's father.

"Man," he sighed, "so that jerk just left his pregnant girlfriend just for some stupid undercover job?"

"No, no, no, no. It wasn't like that. Colin never knew about Joe. We parted on good terms."

"Still he _did _just leave."

"I guess so."

"So…are you having a hard time with this?"

"This is the first time I've said it, but…yeah. He's not that hard a baby to take care of. He doesn't cry that much, and when he does it's usually easy to sooth him, but when I look at him, and I think about raising him alone it scares me...a lot."

Nathan listened carefully the way he always did. Even when they were children he was always good at listening, and offering advice to solve problems.

"All my friends in D.C.," she went on, "said that when my family sees how well I do managing raising a baby and doing my job they would get over the fact that I'm by myself and not married. But now I'm thinking that maybe my family is right. Maybe I can't do this alone."

"You shouldn't have to."

"I know." She pulled out another tissue from a Kleenex box, and wiped her face that was stained with the tears she had held back for too long. "I don't know where this is coming from."

"You have a right…..You know what you need? Time away from being mama. Let's get out of here…No. Give me time to make plans."

"What plans?"

"It's a surprise. Tomorrow night I am gonna take you out."

"Tomorrow is Thanksgiving."

"So? This family eats at three in the afternoon anyway. I'll pick you up at seven."

What he did next caught her off guard. He leaned in and kissed her. She wasn't sure what that was supposed to mean. Their relationship had never been more than friends—since they were ten anyway, but that was definitely not the way you kiss a friend.

Before he left the room he stopped to look in the playpen. He watched Joseph for a while, and then he went.

Jess didn't give his actions anymore thought the rest of the night. She would have if she hadn't been so busy pacifying an infant who (she guessed) was upset about his unfamiliar surroundings, and probably missing Teresa.

**XXXX**

Nicole woke up at the crack of dawn that Thanksgiving morning. She continued her endless, completely unnecessary cleaning of her home—that she resumed the day before, and had been forcing Antonio to participate in—while her boyfriend slept in—typical man.

Finally—as noon was approaching—Antonio came down the stairs still in his pajamas.

"It's about time," she said.

"You're not gonna ask me to do anything are you?"

"Yes. Get dressed. My mom will be here in an hour."

Antonio went back up the stairs to change. While he was up there he took time to call his family in Cuba, his sister, and his younger brother. His family wanted him, his sister, and his brother to come home, but it was Mariela's husband's family's turn to have them and her kids for the holidays. Antonio opted to spend that year's holidays with Nicole. She needed him more than his family did. Elias was the only one of the three that didn't have arrangements.

"You should have gone home," he scolded Elias.

"_C'mon, Antonio, you know I don't care about this tradition crap."_

"Thanksgiving is not a Cuban tradition. The family just wanted to see us. Mariela had other obligations, and so did I, but you could have flown home."

"_Are you done?"_

"Yeah." Antonio gave up on trying to make his brother see the error of his ways. "I'll talk to you soon. Bye."

"_Bye."_

Antonio always had an interesting relationship with his baby brother. He was ten when Elias was born. While his older sister Mariela took on the roll of a second mother, he reacted like any little boy. He didn't pay much attention the baby his parents brought home.

Things changed when the boys got older. Antonio matured, and Elias idolized him. When Antonio got his driver's license his six year old brother was his first passenger. As odd as it seemed to him—and the rest of his family—Elias was his best friend. But all that changed as soon as Elias went to college. Suddenly he wasn't interested in being like Antonio—an achiever, driven towards success. He dropped out, moved out of state, and started living a life style that was anything but what his parents raised him to be. That was when Antonio's role in Elias's life changed from friend to worried father figure. His own father had given up on him, so did his mother and his older sister, but Antonio never did. He never would.

Antonio came back down the stairs dressed in a light blue shirt and Nicole's favorite tie on him. She barely glanced up from taking the turkey out of the oven as he entered the kitchen, but she instantly read his badly hidden look of disappointment.

"You called Elias," she knew.

"How do you do that?"

"The same way you know when I'm thinking about my dad or the foster homes or—before we fixed things—my mom. You want to talk about it?"

"No."

"Okay. See that's the difference between us. You say you don't want to talk about something, and I let it go. You would push me to tell you. I'm just saying."

"I'll remember that."

"Good. Hand me the turkey baster."

**XXXX**

That evening Jess got Joseph to sleep, and prepared for her evening with Nathan. Before she could go though she had to give her nervous sitters instructions to care for her son. They wouldn't have been nervous if the rest of the family hadn't gone out as well. There would have been at least five women (all of which had experience with babies) to help them.

"He'll probably sleep until I get back, but if he starts crying you can give him the bottle in the warmer. If that doesn't work you can try rocking him in that chair in the den."

"And if that doesn't work?" Douglas asked.

Jess heard Nathan's car pull up.

"Then you'll be screwed." She left before him and Sabrina could change their minds.

**XXXX**

After dinner Carla and Antonio moved to the living room.

Carla reached into her purse. "Look what I found," she said to Antonio. "Baby pictures of Nicole."

"Oh great," Antonio laughed.

Nicole was not amused. "I better be fully clothed in all those pictures."

**XXXX**

Nathan and Jess were just finishing their dinner.

"Have some more wine," he offered.

"I think I've had enough."

"Oh come on. Live a little." He took the glass, and poured the dark liquid into it. "Hey, what's that?" He pointed in a direction that required Jess to turn around to look.

While her back was turned he pulled out a diamond ring from his suit pocket, and dropped it in the glass.

"What?" she said.

"Never mind. Here," he gave her the glass.

"What was it?"

"Nothing. Drink."

"Are you trying to get me drunk, Nathan Massey?"

"You'll see."

It took longer than he anticipated, but eventually she finished the wine, and saw the rock on the bottom of the glass.

"What's this?"

"This," he took the glass from her hand, and pulled out the ring, "I hope is the beginning of our life together. Give me your hand."

She did.

"Jess, I love you. I've loved you since we were kids. I don't know why we didn't do this years ago, but we should have. We should have been together all along. I want to be with you. I want to be a father to Joe…"

She drifted in and out as he went on. Part of her was thinking he was making a mistake, and another part of her—a bigger part of her—believed he was right. Maybe they should have been together…that was certainly the consensus of their parents. A big part of her wanted more than anything to not be alone raising a kid. Her feelings of doubt overshadowed her feelings of hope for a future with a good man who she knew would love her and—more importantly—would love Joseph.

"…..Will you marry me?"

"Yes."

**XXXX**

"I better be going," Carla said.

"Already? It's still early," Antonio was enjoying hearing her stories about Nicole, and seeing the pictures.

"I know, but I have to be at the hospital at five tomorrow. I'm covering for a friend who went to be with family in Maine."

"Okay," Antonio conceded. "Come back soon."

"I will."

Nicole and Antonio walked Carla to the door. She kissed him and her daughter goodbye.

"See," Antonio closed the door behind Carla, "I told you this would go great."

"I could have lived without those pictures, but you're right it was wonderful."

The couple walked hand in hand to the dining room.

"I guess we better get these dishes in the dish washer," Antonio said.

"Isn't there a game on?"

"Don't rub it in."

Nicole took the dish out of his hand. "I'm in a good mood. Go. Watch the game."

He kissed her, and went on his way.

**XXXX**

Jess and Nathan walked into her Indiana home after a fantastic evening out. Joseph's cries were heard from outside, so Jess went straight upstairs to tend to him. Nathan went into the family room, and was startled to find Sabrina and Douglas sprawled on the sofa, spit up rags and baby clothes all over them and the floor.

"Yikes," Nathan said, "what happened here?"

"What happened here," Sabrina said, "was that me and Doug learned that we are completely incapable of taking care of an infant."

Douglas started to pick up the rags off the floor. "He started crying right after you and Jess left, and never stopped."

The crying ceased.

"Finally," Douglas said.

Jess came in the family room with a quiet baby in her arms. She stood beside Nathan. He wrapped his arm around her and rested his other hand on Joseph's light brown haired head.

"Why do you two look so happy?" Sabrina said with a hint of resentment.

"We have some news," Nathan said.

"We're getting married!" Jess finished.

After the rest of Jess's family came home Nathan called his parents. The couple delivered the news to everyone at the same time. To describe the families' reaction to the news as thrilled would be the understatement of the century.

**XXXX**

The next morning Jess was packing to go back to D.C.

"I have some things to take care of, but I'll be back here in a few weeks," Nathan told her while he was rocking the baby.

"What things?"

"Just things. Nothing big."

"Okay. I'll be back in a few weeks too. I don't want to sit around, and stress over the wedding, so I will be working until everything is planned out."

Jess's mom, Nathan's mom, and all their aunts and grandmothers wanted to plan the wedding. And Jess was completely fine with that. The last thing she needed was the anxiety of planning a wedding. She would go back to work for a month. The wedding was going to be in early to mid December—not the ideal month for matrimony, but everyone wanted to get it done as soon as possible. Joseph would be staying in Indiana with his aunt until his mother returned—giving his nanny a huge break for the holidays.

"All right, Joe," Nathan kissed his head, and set him down, "I have to go away for a while, but I will be back soon. I love you, Buddy."

"And I love you too," he said to his fiancé. He kissed her goodbye, and after saying goodbye to his family and his soon-to-be family (which always felt like family to him anyway) he rushed to catch his plane.


	7. The Worst Kind Of Victims

The Worst Kind Of Victims

The following Monday morning Jess and Nicole went back to work. Jess stopped in Thomas's office to tell him the news, so she could let him know that she wouldn't be there during most of December.

When she came out Nicole was waiting to hear how good or bad her time in Indiana was.

"There you are," Nicole said, "tell me everything."

She held out her hand showing the ring.

Nicole was silent while she put her thoughts in order to make sure they came out as inoffensively as possible. She was ninety-nine percent sure whatever she was seeing was the evidence of a huge mistake. "Jess, what in the world?"

"I'm getting married."

She crossed her arms. "Uh-huh, and I don't suppose this husband-to-be is Colin is it?"

"His name is Nathan. We grew up together. I haven't seen him in seven years."

"And now you're engaged to him. That makes sense."

As they walked to their desks Jess explained the whole story.

"All I'm saying," Nicole said as she sat behind her desk, "is don't do this in a couple of weeks. Take some time to think about it."

**xxxx**

After that first day back Jess went home. It was the first time she had time alone in weeks, and with Joseph in Indiana and nothing else to do she had time to think about her plans with Nathan. She told herself all the reasons she should marry Nathan and all the reasons why maybe she shouldn't.

Am I rushing into something I will regret?

No. You love Nathan. If all these bizarre things hadn't happened to your life these past four years you would have ended up with him long ago.

But is marriage something I am ready to handle right now? I already have to adjust to being a mother. Can I learn to be a wife at the same time?

Adjusting to being a new mother will be easier when I have someone here to help me. Nathan loves Joe, and he must really love me to make this kind of commitment. And isn't that what this whole thing is about—love? If I really love him and he really loves me isn't that all that matters? Isn't that enough to make this work even if it's hard?

I think it is.

She went to bed that night secure in the belief she was making a good choice.

**xxxx **

Nicole wasn't pleased when she heard Jess was planning on marrying Nathan. She never thought she would do something that rash. It was so unlike her. They continued their work together for three weeks, all the while Nicole tried to convince Jess to use better judgment, but Jess would hear no reason. She was going to marry Nathan.

As unhappy as she was and as much as she disapproved Nicole did what any real friend would do. She would be right by her friend's side when she was married, even if she did think it was the set up for a disaster.

They were in the back of the church. The ceremony would begin in minutes. Jess was almost ready to walk down the aisle.

"Are you ready?" Nicole asked—she meant emotionally.

"…Yes. I am ready."

"You don't sound without doubt. It's not too late to postpone this," she thought her remark was innocuous, but her tone revealed her true feelings.

"I'm not gonna do that."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

"Okay. Let's do this."

The ceremony went off without a hitch. The reception was beautiful and after everything was over Jess and Nathan said goodbye to their family, friends, and son and headed off for their two week long vacation in Barbados. They would be back to celebrate Christmas with their family and then after New Years they would go back to D.C. and try to find a home for the three of them.

**xxxx **

Nicole and Antonio left the reception and went back to their hotel room. That was when unlucky Antonio got to hear all his girlfriend's grievances. She kept her mouth shut all day and was ready to unload.

"The moment I first saw him I got bad vibes."

"Vibes?" Antonio laughed.

"This isn't funny, Antonio."

"It really kinda is. Look, Nicole, you were ready to hate this guy before you even met him. I know you think she made a mistake and rushed into this, but it's her life. You just have to live with it."

"Did you see that ring? And what about that car he drives. How does someone in talk radio afford that?"

"I don't know, but-"

"I don't trust him."

**xxxx **

"We've been married for a whole day," Nathan said as they toasted their glasses together over dinner.

"It's been one of the best days of my life."

"Just wait till we get home. We'll get a house and start living the family life. You, me, and Joe." He sipped his wine. "So where do you want to live, Virginia or Maryland?"

"I have no preference. We'll look in both and wherever the house we like the most is that's where we'll live."

"That won't work, babe. We need to settle on a state. I have business plans I have to make soon, and I need to know where I'll be living to make them."

"Okay, then Maryland. I've seen some of the towns there when Nicole was looking at houses. It's a beautiful state."

"Maryland it is."

**xxxx**

Like every year after the chaotic holiday season the team returned to resume their regular duties in early January. Nicole, Antonio, and Jess were sitting around talking about their holidays when Kemyss came in to give them their assignment.

"How was everyone's Christmas?" he asked.

"Not as good as Jess's," Nicole said about her partner who was still glowing.

"Congratulations," Kemyss said, "now back to the not so wonderful part of life. Come with me. You have to see the whole board to understand this one."

On the board, next to a truck load of information were five pictures of a caucasian family. There was a middle-aged woman with dark brown hair: _Margaret Evans (38)_, a stout middle-aged man: _Arnold Evans (46)_, and a young girl with dark hair: _Marissa Evans (8)_. And the picture in the middle was marked: _Missing_. It was an angry looking teenage boy with a black tee shirt and a ring through his nose:_Travis Evans (15)_.

The other two pictures were gruesome. Margaret was lying on the bed next to Arnold. There was blood covering the sheets. Arnold's eyes were closed, but Margaret's were opened. In the next photo Marissa was sprawled on the white carpeted stairs in a pink robe. The front of the robe was dark red.

"Last night," Thomas explained, "Travis stabbed his parents to death. His father was his first victim. He was stabbed forty-three times. Then his mother was stabbed forty-two. His sister was last. She was shot with Arnold's thirty-eight caliber once in the chest. She died six minutes later."

"And the boy's missing?" Jess asked.

"After he slaughtered his family he took off. He's a minor, so he's not a fugitive, he's a missing child."

"He's both," Nicole was quick to reply.

"Not to us. Our only job is to bring this boy home safely. We treat this like any other missing kid case—we do our best and don't allow our personal feelings to get in the way of our work or visions." He knew personal feelings about victims did affect Jess's visions and that it could be particularly hard to summon a vision when the person marked: _victim _wasn't such a victim.

"This one's a little out of our jurisdiction, but the agents believe he is armed and extremely dangerous, so you guys are going to Chicago."

**xxxx**

They were on the jet to Illinois discussing their latest case.

"So why'd he stab his parents and shoot his sister?" Nicole asked.

"He's a sociopath," Jess said. "He has a record of violence dating back to preschool."

"No. I mean why'd he choose to kill his parents and his sister differently?"

"Stabbing hurts a lot more than a shot in the heart. He must have wanted his parents to suffer and his sister to go quickly. I don't know why?"

Nicole took one last look at the photos in the file before shaking her head in a disapproving manner and closing it.

Jess opened the news paper and started reading the classifieds under housing.

"So what is Nathan going to do now?" Antonio asked her.

"He said he was going to look into some companies that do whatever it was he studied in college. I don't remember what that was."

"You don't know what your husband is going to be doing for a living?" Nicole said without thinking. If she had edited that she wouldn't have said anything at all.

"Nicole," Antonio said in a warning tone. He didn't want her to step in something she couldn't get out of.

"Well," Jess replied, "he left in a hurry this morning."

"So, you're still looking at houses, huh?" Antonio was happy when he thought of something to change the subject with. "What are you looking for?"

"Something with one story. I don't want to be walking up and down stairs all the time."

"The woman across the street from us is selling her home. That's a single story. Do you want me to get you the number?"

"Yes. I love that neighborhood."

**xxxx**

An hour and a half later Antonio was in the Evans' home and Jess and Nicole were on the porch of one of the neighbors.

Jess knocked on the door. An elderly black woman opened it.

After the introductions Jess and Nicole asked her about her neighbors.

"And that boy is a terrible child. I guess he must not get any discipline at all."

"What does he do?" Nicole asked her.

"He plays music all hours of the night. I hear him curing at his parents. He uses the most horrible profanity I have ever heard."

"What about the little girl," Jess asked her, "did he fight with her?"

"If he did I never heard it. I never saw him talk to her at all."

"Thank you, Ma'am."

While they were walking back across the street to the Evans' home Jess had a vision. "It was a blur," she told Nicole, "but I heard a train coming. I heard the bells that you hear the crossings and then I heard the horn."

"Maybe Travis is going to hop on a freight train…or get hit by one. I'm not sure which I'm hoping for."

"Nicole."

"I'm just kidding."

**xxxx **

At Travis's house Nicole, Antonio, and Jess went through his room. They found unbelievably offensive drawings and pictures of mutilated animals that fell victim to a very sick child. But nothing to tell them where he might have gone.

"All of his pictures that involved killing his family," Jess said, "always involved his parents, never his sister. Why did he shoot her?"

"That is what I wanted to know," Nicole replied, "where's our next stop?"

"Arnold's only remaining relative is a sister in prison. We should talk to her. She spent a lot of time around here before she was convicted."

"Of?"

"She killed her daughter's father. She got life and the nine-year-old is in foster care."

"Why didn't her daughter come live here?"

"It doesn't say, but I guess it's a good thing she didn't."

**xxxx**

Antonio went to the Chicago field office. Nicole and Jess went to the prison to talk to Denise Evans.

"There must be a mistake," Denise said, "Travis would never do those things."

She didn't react the way a normal person would if they were just informed that their nephew killed his family and was missing. She seemed indifferent, but she defended him nonetheless.

"He definitely did," Nicole said, "and now he's gone and we have to find him."

"So why are you here?"

"Can you tell us where he went….where he might have gone?"

"I wouldn't know. Ask Julie."

"Who's Julie?"

"My daughter. Travis babysat her. They spent a lot of time together…more time than I thought was normal."

"Then why did you allow it?" Nicole didn't bother to try to hide her anger. She thought it was abnormal for a fifteen-year-old to want to hang out with a nine-year-old too.

"Julie wanted to be with him. He used to buy her things. And with her out of the house I was free to go out."

They were surprised by her honesty, but not impressed. Their next job was to get permission from Child Welfare to talk to Julie.

**xxxx**

When they finally got the attention of a social worker they were able to get the information they needed.

"Ah, here it is," the social worker scrolled down her computer, "Julie Evans foster parents are Nancy and Robert Conley. They are at this address." She wrote the address down and gave it to Jess.

"Thank you," she told the social worker.

**xxxx **

"And you know," Nicole said as she put the car in park in front of the Conleys, "that no fifteen-year-old wants to spend time with and buy things for a nine-year-old unless he is getting something in return."

"I guess our killer is a child molester too. How are we going to go about this? Do we ask her what he did or just where he went?"

"If he was abusing her he would have taken her someplace remote. That's probably where he is now. We don't need to know what he did. We just need to know where he went."

"Be sure to tell her that. It might make her more likely to talk."

Before they got to the car they were met by a woman they assumed was Nancy Conley. She was an overweight woman in her fifties. Her expression wasn't welcoming.

"Nancy Conley?" Nicole asked.

"Who's asking?"

"Nicole Scott, F.B.I."

"What do you guys want with me?"

"Nothing. We need to talk to your foster child Julie Evans."

Nancy stepped on the porch. She opened the door and called Julie. After there was no reply she left the agents to go find her.

While she waited Nicole's eyes wondered until she set her sights on the sandbox in the backyard. A child was playing with a yellow toy dump truck. The first thing that caught his eye was the light blue cast on his left arm. The second thing she noticed was his face that—once she realized wasn't distorted from the distance, it was who she thought it was—took her breath away.

"What," Jess asked startled by her friend's gasp.

Nicole didn't respond. She left her partner and headed to the backyard. Jess never found out what Nicole saw because Julie came out right then.

"Hi," Jess said friendly, "are you Julie?"

The girl nodded.

While Jess was doing that Nicole was at the sandbox.

"Aunt Nicole," Ethan exclaimed. He quickly got up and wrapped his arms around her.

"What are you doing here?" she tried to sound calm, like she wasn't fuming that her nephew was in a foster home, like she wasn't mad at her sister for doing whatever it was she did that brought him there—judging from the cast she figured abuse.

"Mommy went to jail."

Damn it, Kelly, she thought. "Do you know how long she will be there for?"

Ethan shrugged.

"What happened here?" she asked holding his cast covered arm.

"I fell out of a tree I was climbing."

"Honey, go inside. Get all your stuff together. You're coming with me."

Ethan walked to the front of the home with Nicole in tow. He had to pass Jess and Julie to get to the door. "Hi, Jess." He waved as he passed by.

Jess's attention was taken away from the girl she was talking to—who wasn't talking back—to Ethan and then Nicole. "Julie, stay here. I will be right back."

Jess went over to Nicole. "What the hell was that?"

"That's what I'd like to know. Apparently Kelly is in jail. I need you to do me a favor. I need you and Antonio to take Ethan back to D.C. I'll finish up here and then I have to go see Kelly."

"Can we do that, take him out of the state?"

"I'll go to the Child Welfare office and sign everything I have to sign on my way back."

"What is Ethan doing?" Nancy came out to the porch. "He said you told him to pack his stuff."

"He's my nephew."

"You can't just take him."

"Watch me."

Jess took Ethan and Nicole stayed behind to finish with Julie.

"When Travis picked you up where did he take you?" she asked for the tenth time.

"By the trains," Julie finally said.

"The trains?"

"The ones by the fort. That's where we go."

**xxxx**

"_Cortez,"_Antonio answered his cell.

"How's Ethan?" Nicole asked.

"_He loves this jet."_

"I need you to find railroad tracks in the area of Travis's home."

Antonio looked on his laptop. _"There's only one in a thirty mile radius."_

"Give me the street."

**xxxx**

The tracks were at the end of a quiet main street. There was a crossing, but it was basically unnecessary because beyond the railroad was an old cabin-like fort probably built by kids decades ago and some woods.

Nicole parked her car on the side of the road and went to the fort. Armed (just in case Travis still had the gun) she opened the door.

Travis was sitting in the corner. His shirt was covered in blood. The gun and knife were right beside him.

Nicole pointed the gun at him. "Put your hands up."

He refused without saying a word.

"Put your hands up," she said more insistently.

When he still wouldn't move she took her chances and approached him carefully. She kicked the weapons away and got him in the cuffs, still he didn't blink.

It was going to be a long ride back to the Chicago office. It wasn't her job to find out why people do the things they do. She was only supposed to find them and if there were other crimes involved, hand the perp over to the people in charge of dealing with those crimes. But that case was particularly hard on both her and Jess—Nicole because she had spent the day dealing with people who were living the life she lived and had been trying to run away from for years, Jess because since motherhood she had found it more painful to see children being hurt.—and Nicole thought they at least deserved to know why some of it happened.

"Why'd you kill Marissa?"

He looked her in the eye through the rear-view mirror.

"She wasn't in any of your drawings. No one ever saw you fight with her, so why did you shoot her?"

"She was supposed to be across the street at her friend's house…but she came home and she saw."

"What you did to your parents?"

"She ran away and I grabbed the gun and shot her while she was coming down the stairs. I didn't want to use the knife on her.

**xxxx**

Travis was turned over to the Chicago agents and Nicole went to the jail to see Kelly.

"How did you know I was here?" Kelly asked her.

"A case I was working on brought me to you son's foster home. How could you do this? We always swore if we had kids they would never end up in one of those hell holes."

"I haven't bought a drug in five years, but I started using marijuana a couple of months ago. A cop busted me and the next thing I know I'm here for the next four to six months."

"You're here for buying drugs?" Nicole sounded oddly relieved.

"What did you think?"

"I thought you broke his arm."

"I didn't…Does he have a broken arm?"

"Nevermind. I'll take care of everything. I'm going to keep him with me in Maryland until you get out. Why didn't you call me when this happened?"

"I didn't want you to know."

"I thought you got passed all this."

"That's why I didn't want you to know."

"Fine. I'll call you later this evening so you can talk to Ethan. I have to get back. I imagine he is bored out of his mind in my office.

**xxxx**

"I'm bored," Ethan complained to Jess.

"I'm done here. You want to take a ride?"

"Yeah! Where are we going?"

"I'm going to look at a house that's across the street from your Aunt Nicole's."

**xxxx**

After she found Travis Nicole had called the D.C. office to tell them what she found. She gave them all the details, so by the time she got back everyone but Antonio was out of the office. He stayed behind because he was anxiously waiting for her to tell him what was going on with Ethan.

"Hi," Nicole surprised him, "where's Ethan?"

"Jess took him to go look at that house. He was getting restless. What's going on, Nicole?"

"Kelly is in jail and I have to keep him with me for the next four to six months. I'm tired and irritable and I don't want to argue about this."

"I wouldn't argue about this. I know how much you love him."

"I'm sorry…I'm just drained."

**xxxx**

That night Nicole was abruptly awoken by a reoccurring nightmare she had about one of her experiences in the foster circuit. Worrying Ethan may have lived the same nightmare she did sparked a dream she hadn't had in years.

Nicole sat up and the movement woke the man sleeping next to her.

"What's going on?" He turned on the lamp.

"I'm going to go check on him," she said.

**xxxx **

She adjusted Ethan's covers. She wasn't trying to, but when she touched his face she woke him up.

"It's time to get up?" he asked.

"No, baby, it's not. I just wanted to see if you were all right."

"I am."

It wasn't the ideal time. It wasn't what she planned, but she couldn't stand not knowing one minute longer. "…Ethan, were Nancy and Robert nice to you?"

"When I was a good boy they were all right."

"And when you weren't good?"

"Sometimes they hit me."

"Is that what happened to your arm, it broke when one of them was hurting you?"

He nodded.

Nicole made him get up so she could examine him for any other injuries. Besides a few scratches (which very easily could have happened when that sever-year-old boy was just being a seven-year-old boy) she didn't find anything else. She tucked him back in and waited for him to fall asleep.

When she got back to her and Antonio's bedroom he was waiting for her. "Is he okay?"

"He's going to be fine."

"What about you?"

"Me?" she tried to act like she didn't know what he meant. When that didn't work—like it never did—she tried the truth. "I had another one of those dreams."

"We know what brought that on. You want to tell me-"

Before he even finished that sentence she gave him a look that answered him. "Okay," he remembered what he learned on Thanksgiving about letting things go. "Goodnight."

**xxxx**

"He's still awake," Nathan said about Joseph. He had just been in the nursery—which doubled as their room also—trying to get the baby to sleep.

"If we just leave him alone and not go in there for a while he'll go to sleep."

"We have to get a bigger place."

"I saw a house today actually. You have an appointment with the realtor tomorrow. If you like it I think we should get it."

"What's it like?"

"You wouldn't think a single story home would be that spacious. It has three regular bedrooms, a master bedroom, a living room, a family room, a den, it even has a lower level rec room."

"I thought you said no stairs."

"It's only three stairs down. It will be a good playroom for Joe soon."

"Did you like the neighborhood?"

"Very child-friendly, but it's still quiet. I know you wanted quiet."

"It sounds perfect. Make an offer."

"Don't you want to see it?"

"I trust your judgment, besides I have to work tomorrow."

"You got a job?"

"I did. There is a spot open for K 93."

"That's talk radio. I thought you were done with that."

"It's only temporary. I've got other things going on."

"What other things?

"You keep asking me that."

"Because you won't tell me."

"We'll talk about it eventually. It's not the right time. Trust me."

She did. "All right."

Over the next two weeks Nathan and Jess moved to Maryland and Ethan adjusted to living with Nicole and Antonio. In the mornings on her way to work Nicole would drop him off at a private school she enrolled him in. In the afternoons Teresa would pick him up and he would stay across the street with her and Joseph until Nicole and/or Antonio came home. That way Nicole and Jess could stay in the office as late as seven.

Nicole filed a complaint against Robert and Nancy Conley. She had to take Ethan to Chicago so that Child Welfare could interview him. They found his accusations had gravity and started an investigation, but the last time Nicole checked the Conleys were still foster parents.


	8. Wolf In Sheep's Clothing

Wolf In Sheep's Clothing

Nathan was sitting in the living room when Jess came out to join him.

"Finally," she said, "I unpacked the last of the boxes. We are officially moved in. And I can say without a doubt that I hated this move more than any other."

Nathan only nodded.

"I guess it was because it was so much more difficult. I wasn't just moving myself. I had all Joe's things to bring too."

Still Nathan wasn't responding with anything more than acknowledgement.

"Honey, what's wrong with you?"

"I was thinking….Have you given any thought to how we will deal with it when Joe grows a little older and starts acting up?"

"You mean when we have to start disciplining him." She'd been waiting for him to talk to her about his concerns in that area.

Nathan and Jess grew up together, but there family experiences couldn't have been more opposite. Jess's parents were loving, nurturing people who encouraged their children. When they made mistakes they were disciplined in a painless, fearless manner that helped them to grow and learn from those mistakes. Nathan's mom and dad were free spirits until their son was born. They resented his presence and took every opportunity to let him and his sister know they weren't wanted. Maryann and Nathan Sr. hid the fact that their children were abused. Their closest friends—Joe and Toni—knew Nathan and Sylvia weren't treated as well as they should have been, but they had no idea how bad it really was. The only reason Jess knew was because he would tell her.

"When _you _have to start disciplining him."

Nathan had lines he just would not cross and one of those lines was harming a child. No matter how many bad choices he made the one thing he would never do was hurt a kid. He couldn't even fathom harming Joe. And in his mind the only way to "teach" a child right from wrong was through violence, so he was planning on leaving all those teachings to his wife.

"When I did things I wasn't supposed to do," Jess told him, "when I was young my parents would either put me in timeout or temporarily take a toy away from me. When I got older they would either make me stay in my room for a day or two or they wouldn't allow me to participate in whatever extra curricular activity I was in at the time. It worked just fine."

"Like that time when you and Doug were forbidden to go to that concert while your parents were out of town and you went anyway? Or all the other times they went out of town and you guys threw those parties?"

"No teenager behaves well all the time."

"When I did things I wasn't supposed to," Nathan told her, "my parents would either lock me in the closet all day or hit me with whatever was in reach. It scared the hell out of me, but I never _intensionally_ misbehaved. That is why I never showed up at any of those parties...and why I didn't go to that concert."

"So you think we should do those things to Joe?" Jess used her college-taught psychology on him. She knew he didn't feel that way.

"No…I just don't know what else to do."

"I just told you."

"It sounds so-"

"Humane?"

"Useless. I mean think about it, timeout? How does a kid learn anything from looking at a wall? What's scary about that?"

"The point isn't to scare him, it's to give him time alone to think about what he did wrong and contemplate a better way to handle the situation in the future. It is possible to teach a child without ever having to hit him. Other methods work better and no one gets hurt. But they do get upset. When we start enforcing time out, and we includes you, he will scream, and cry, and act like it's the end of the world."

"I don't think I can do anything to Joe that would upset him, even if it is only timeout."

"It's hard. I know. But the best thing you can do for him as his dad is to teach him self control, self respect, respect for you, and that he doesn't have to raise himself. He can depend on us to teach him right from wrong—without pain or fear."

"…I know. But I don't promise anything. I'll do what I can."

"That's all I ask." She kissed and hugged him all the while thinking about how lucky she was that she found such a caring man to help her raise her child.

**xxxxx**

It was the last week of January. Everyone was dealing with their own family troubles. Nicole was angry about having to bring a seven-year-old to prison to visit his mother, so she never did. Antonio was worried about how well she really would handle being a temporary mother. It was his chance to see if all the things she said could go wrong if they had kids were true. And Jess and Nathan were not living the fairy tale they'd hoped their life would be.

"Ethan," Nicole called from the kitchen, "Come down. You're gonna be late." After he was still upstairs five minutes later Nicole went to get him.

Antonio was oblivious to what was going on around him as he sat at the table reading the paper. He wasn't looking for a job, but as he was leafing his way to the sports section he passed a large ad in the employment section that caught his attention and made him think. It was an ad for Head Of Security for that same airport he nearly took that same job from eighteen months before. It was available again.

He always knew if him and Nicole ever got married he would have to find another position, either at another field office or another place of business. For all intensive purposes he was done with the F.B.I., and Head Of Airline Security was almost the same as what he did for the bureau, without the microscopes and gore. Plus, there was no danger and no sixteen-hour days. He could finally have a career where he left in the morning and came home at five. And best of all it was only fifteen minutes from his home, no more long commutes. His only concerns were what would happen if he took that job. Nicole would know he was planning a proposal. Did she want to marry him? Was he ready to marry her?

**xxxxx**

"That was some fight you and Nathan had last night. We heard it all the way across the street," Antonio said. He got to work that morning before Nicole because she was running late taking Ethan to school.

"Yeah. Sorry about that."

"The only reason I bring it up is because I know Nicole will be asking you about it. I just wanted to give you a heads up. I have to ask you something before she gets here too."

"What?"

"When you two are having your girl talks has she ever indicated that she wanted to marry me….at all?"

"Wow. That's a tough one. I know she loves you, but we never talked about marriage."

"That's what I thought."

"I don't know for sure. I'm just guessing."

"Could you find out for me?"

"…I suppose I could try. That will actually be good for me to have when she brings up the fight and I want to change the subject."

"Thanks. I appreciate it."

**xxxxx**

Thomas emerged from his office just to announce that thus far there weren't any assignments. He instructed Jess and Antonio to find some busy work and do it. Antonio went to the lab. Jess went to her desk and did paperwork.

"You're late," Jess observed as Nicole sat behind her desk.

"Ethan forgot his homework, so I had to go back and get it."

"You didn't miss anything. Kemyss said to find paperwork you might need to catch up on and do that."

There was silence between the two women for longer than Jess anticipated. Nicole worked quietly until she got bored. She hated paperwork. When her mind drifted off she remembered the blow out she heard coming from Jess's the night before.

"Oh," she recalled.

Here it comes, Jess thought.

"What happened with you and your husband last night?"

"I know, I know. We were loud. Sorry. Did we keep Ethan up?"

"Not at all. That kid sleeps like he's in a coma. What about Joe? Was he okay?"

"He was fine."

Nicole heard Joseph crying, but she didn't bring it up as she didn't want Jess to be defensive when she asked her next question. "So what happened?"

"Oh, y'know it's just adjusting. We both have a lot to get used to."

"He was pretty loud."

"We were _both_ pretty loud."

"What were you both so mad about?"

"I told you we're adjusting. Adjusting to life together. Adjusting to the baby. Adjusting to living together. It's all stressful. He got upset because the house was a mess. I got upset because he wasn't helping me straighten it up. I think we both knew that that wasn't really what the fight was about….Hey, how do you feel about marriage?"

That was a smooth transition, Jess, she said to herself.

Actually it was, because Nicole would think she was answering a hypothetical question about her and Antonio to help Jess with her marriage to Nathan. Nicole had no idea she was about to say things that would make Antonio decide to or decide against proposing.

"What?"

"How do you feel about marriage? Like if Antonio came in and proposed to you right now how would you feel?"

"I would be sad I was marrying a man whose idea of a romantic proposal would be here."

"But you _would_ marry him?"

"Yeah. I'd like for us to get married someday."

"But not soon?"

"I don't know. I guess it depends."

**xxxxx**

Later that day there was still nothing to do, so Kemyss let them go for the day.

Nicole left to pick up Ethan. Jess caught Antonio before he got to his car.

"So I talked to Nicole. And I think if you give her a proper, romantic proposal she will accept."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Great. I'm gonna stop at that airport on the way home."

"Good luck."

"Thanks."

**xxxx**

When Nicole got home with Ethan she wondered where Antonio was. She had no idea that her boyfriend was making a huge career move and thinking about how and when he would ask her to be his bride.

**xxxx**

After she was paid Joe's nanny left, and Jess went about her normal duties at home. She vacuumed, straightened up the house, fed the baby. He was napping and all was quiet at five-thirty that afternoon when Nathan got home.

"Hi, honey," Jess greeted him, "how was your day?"

"It was okay," he replied plainly.

It didn't look like he was going to do it, so she had to be the bigger person. "Listen, Nathan. I'm sorry about last night. We both said things we shouldn't have."

"I know. I was thinking about that today. I didn't say it, but last night I acted like I felt like this was a mistake, and I want you to know that I don't feel that way. I've never felt that way."

"That's good to hear."

They hugged, kissed, and smiled for the first time since the fight—the first one they ever had.

"I love you," Nathan reminded her.

"I love you too."

**xxxx **

"I forgot something at the office," Antonio lied when she asked where he'd been. He had no plans of telling Nicole anything until he proposed—which he would have to do in the next week when he would assume his new duties as Head Of Airline Security.

"You were gone for two hours."

"I remembered some things I left out of order in the lab."

"Oh," Nicole said without further question.

They sat down to dinner. Ethan talked about his day and Nicole listened interested. Antonio was looking at him and he looked like he was hearing what his soon-to-be-nephew was saying too, but in his mind he was thinking about his plans with Nicole.

Romantic, he thought, what kind of a romantic proposal can I give her? It didn't occur to him until that moment that he had absolutely no ideas for a proposal. He had never fantasized about making a marriage proposal, so he didn't know where to start.

**xxxxx**

Nathan and Jess's favorite Thursday night program was just ending.

"I didn't expect that ending," Nathan commented as they got up from the sofa.

The doorbell rang.

"Who could that be?"

"You get that," Nathan said, "I'm gonna go give Joe his eleven o'clock feeding."

Jess opened the door to Antonio. She knew it was him before she opened it because she was able to see him through the paned glass in the front door.

"Is something wrong?" she asked.

"I just need some advice. Is Nathan around?"

"In the nursery."

**xxxxx**

Nathan was rocking in a chair whilst feeding his son when Antonio came in the nursery. Nathan and Antonio had known about the other's existence for some time, but hadn't said more than a few words to each other.

"Hey, man. What's up?" Nathan asked.

"I need some advice about Nicole."

"Having trouble handling her, huh. She's a tough one. I pegged her from the second I met her."

Antonio chuckled. He found Nathan's remark somewhat humorous and somewhat chauvinistic and not so funny. Part of his laughter was a way of dealing with an uncomfortable situation. "I want to propose to her."

"Oh? You're a brave man, Antonio."

Nathan got up from his chair, and put Joseph in his crib. "So, what do you need advice on?"

"Well, I don't really have any ideas on how to propose. I was hoping you could give me some suggestions."

"You came to the right guy, Antonio. I've got a million of 'em."

Antonio left with a head full of great ideas, but his conversation with Nathan did make him think less of him.

**xxxxx**

"Where did you go?" Nicole asked. She'd woken up, but Antonio wasn't in bed.

"I was across the street."

"Why?"

"I wanted to talk to Nathan." He knew once he said what he wanted to say about his visit with Nathan Nicole would be too busy saying I told you so to ever even wonder why he was there in the first place. "I don't like him at all."

"Oh, oh, oh, you see? What did I tell you? What did he say to you?"

"A lot of things. He just seems kind of…chauvinistic. I guess that's the word."

**xxxxx **

That Sunday night Nicole and Antonio were sitting home with nothing to do. Teresa wasn't available during the evenings, so Nicole had hired a babysitter when she and Antonio wanted to go out. She was thinking of calling her, so she and he could get out of the house.

"Where would we go?" Antonio asked.

"We could go to Charlie's. Hey, you wanna call Jess and Nathan. We've never been out with him. This could be our chance to really get to know him."

"You call Jess and I'll call the sitter."

"_Hello," _Nathan answered the phone.

"Hi Nathan," she was friendly even though she didn't want to be, "this is Nicole. Antonio and me are just sitting here with nothing to do, and we decided to go out. We were wondering if you and Jess want to join us?"

"_Thanks, but we don't have a sitter."_

"We hired a girl a few weeks ago. Bring Joe over here."

"…_Well, Jess is in the nursery. Let me go ask her. Hold on."_

Jess was rocking Joseph after his feeding.

"Hey, honey," Nathan came in, "Nicole is on the phone she wants us to go out with her and that other guy."

"Antonio," Jess corrected.

"Yeah. Do you want to do that?"

"We don't have a sitter."

"They do. She says we can bring him over there."

"…Okay." She hesitated because she could see Nathan didn't want to go, she knew Nicole wasn't crazy about him either, and she didn't want them getting into something.

Nathan dragged himself back to the phone. _"Nicole?"_

"Yeah."

"_We'll be over in forty-five minutes."_

"Cool."

**xxxx **

The babysitter arrived, and the four of them headed out. Jess and Nathan were in their car behind Antonio and Nicole's.

"How long do you think this evening has to last?" Nathan asked Jess.

"I guess a couple of hours. It won't be that bad. If Nicole comes on too strong don't take it personally. She's like that with everyone. Maybe you'll get along with Antonio. Who knows, you guys might become friends."

**xxxxx **

Charlie's was a bar that doubled as a semi restaurant. It was a fairly large room with pool tables, ping-pong tables, dart boards, and arcade video games. When Jess, Nicole, and Antonio were single, still living in D.C. they used to go there all the time.

They all sat around a small table, and ordered drinks. Nicole and Antonio looked at Nathan as if they were trying to get a read on him. Jess cleared her throat to break them out of their staring contest.

"So, Nathan," Nicole said. "You have your own radio show."

"That's right."

"What's it about?"

"Oh, nothing you'd be interested in. Just three guys talking."

"About?"

"Their girlfriends, relationships, sex, stuff that bothers us. You'd be bored."

Nicole grilled him for a while longer. Then the four of them got to talking. Eventually the talking between Antonio and Nathan moved from the table to the pool table across the room, leaving Nicole and Jess alone.

"Is the only reason you wanted us to come here tonight so you could interrogate my husband?" Jess wasn't very annoyed when she asked that. She was expecting it.

"The truth? Yes."

"Why don't you like him?"

"I don't know, Jess. I'm trying though."

Jess looked across the room to Nathan and Antonio. "They seem to be getting along."

"Oh, I almost forgot. Antonio asked me to ask you to watch Ethan Tuesday night. He wants to take me somewhere. He won't tell me where."

Fortunately Jess was able to agree to that and make it seem like she too had no idea what he was planning.

**xxxxx**

On Monday morning while they were getting ready for work Antonio had a thought.

"So are you enjoying having Ethan here?"

"Of course. I love having him here," she answered without a thought as to why he was asking. She figured he was just making small talk.

"So you like having a kid in the house."

Then Nicole knew where he was going. "Antonio, does this line of questioning have anything to do with us having kids?"

"I know you were worried about what kind of mother you'd be-"

"I'm not Ethan's mother. He's only here for a few months. Our own child wouldn't be leaving the state in four to six months."

"That's right. But I've seen how you've been caring for Ethan. If you had to be his mother you would be great at it."

"You really want this don't you?"

"It's more than I want it. I want you to have it too. I don't want you to miss out on being a mother because you're afraid."

She grabbed his hands and looked into his eyes. "I promise I will think about everything you just said. But I don't want to talk about this anymore today. Okay?"

"Okay."

**xxxxx**

Nicole dropped Ethan off at school. On her way to work she thought to do something that she never thought to do before—and it seemed weird to her that it never crossed her mind. She turned on the talk radio to hear Nathan.

Nathan was a co-host of a talk radio show for men. He was accompanied by two other guys who shared his views, and Nicole wanted to hear exactly what those views were.

By the time she parked her car she couldn't wait to turn it off and get out. Maybe it was just for show or maybe he was—as Antonio said—chauvinistic. But what she heard was worse than chauvinism. It was vulgar, disrespectful, down right terrible views on women.

At the office she excused herself and Antonio to some place where they could be alone.

"On the way here I listened to Nathan's show…."

Antonio made a face.

"….What? You've heard it?"

"I may have heard parts of it."

"So you knew what kind of guy he is. How long?"

"Not long. I heard it yesterday."

"When were you going to tell me?"

"When you found out."

"I'm not gonna yell at you about this now. On my way up here I was thinking about that night you, me, and Jess went Charlie's two years ago. Remember Jess was dating that guy, and you told us that you ran a check on him? That was the first I knew that you did that with the guys she dated."

"Some of them."

"Whatever. Did you do that with Nathan?"

"….No," he knew he had the answer she didn't want to hear.

"Why not?"

"This happened too fast. I didn't think of it until a couple of days ago, and by then I figured it was too late."

"There's no such thing as too late to keep a friend of yours away from a maniac."

"Think about it. If there is something in his past you would have to tell Jess, she would get mad at both of us for doing that, and it would cause more trouble than they already have."

"I tried to like him. But every time I learn something new about him it makes me dislike him even more. I just have a bad feeling about this guy."

"Fine. I'll run the check. But if I find anything you're gonna be the one to tell her."

"Fair enough."

"Hey, guys," Jess startled the couple who were talking about doing something they knew they had no business doing, "Thomas wants us in the bull pen."

"We're coming," Nicole said trying not to seem shaken by her partner's unexpected entrance.

**xxxxx**

They spent the rest of that day trying to find an elderly man. He was sent home to his family and friends just hours later—just in time for the team to write their reports, get ready to leave, and for at least one of them to be back in Maryland before Teresa had to leave. Jess was first to go.

Antonio came into Nicole's office as she was getting ready to leave for the day. He had some papers behind his back and a nervous look about his face. He had a lot to be concerned with, but the thing that bothered him most was anticipating Nicole's reaction to his news.

He cleared his throat and Nicole noticed him.

"What's up?" she asked.

"I…uh..I ran that check on Nathan."

Nicole abandoned the files she was gathering on her desk, came over to him, studied his face, and crossed her arms as if to prepare herself for what she was about to hear.

"I'm ready," she told him.

He chickened out right at the last minute. He knew what he now knew about Nathan would consume Nicole. He would never be able to propose to her in the two day time slot he had. He had to propose that night. Then he could tell her the truth on Tuesday. But just to get her off his back for the evening he lied like a rug.

"He looks like a great guy. Never been in trouble with the law. Never even had a speeding ticket."

Nicole smiled somewhat relieved and somewhat embarrassed that she was so wrong about him.

Antonio felt guilty about lying, but it was the only way she would be able to tell him whether or not she would marry him.


	9. Made Man

Made Man

Jess was driving home from the office. She went down one of the streets she often made part of her commute. It was a short street with little shops, drycleaners, antique stores, and grocers on either side. Buyers and customers would park on the side of the road in front of a parking meter. Jess noticed Nathan's car parked. She saw him come out of a flower shop and go into a laundry mat. It wasn't at all a busy street, and since there were no cars behind her she waited for him to come out. She was curious as to why he wasn't at work.

Nathan seemed startled when he emerged from the laundry mat and saw his wife's car in the street.

"Hi," she said.

"…What are you doing here?"

"It's nice to see you too. Why aren't you at work?"

"I got off early, so I decided to tour the city."

"Oh." It seemed like a lie. But she decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. "I guess I'll see you at home. Are you heading back there now?"

"Soon. I have to stop at the bank first."

"Okay. Love you, bye."

"I love you too, bye."

**xxxxx**

When he got home Antonio called Jess to ask if she could watch Ethan that evening. Then he went to tell Nicole that he was taking her out. He was very allusive to it all, and she had no idea what was on his mind.

Antonio called Elias to check on him—something he did every two weeks or so. But he hadn't been able to get in touch with him the past few days. Once again after five rings he heard the answering machine. "Elias, it's Antonio. Call me when you hear this. I'm starting to worry."

**xxxxx**

Around seven that night Nicole walked Ethan across the street. Normally she would have just let him go alone, but she wanted to see Nathan. She wanted to start being a good friend to Jess by trying to be a friend to Jess's husband. She still didn't approve of what he did on the radio, but she figured it was an act.

Ethan rang the bell the way he loved to do. He'd ring it five or six times in a row and Nicole would always have to tell him to stop.

"It doesn't make them come to the door any sooner," she told him.

"I know," his smirk made her wonder if maybe he just did it to bug her.

His behavior the past week had been getting increasingly unruly. Deliberate defiance, using swear words, refusing to eat more foods, were all just some of the things Nicole had contended with while trying to care for her formerly sweet nephew. His misbehaviors went unpunished because Nicole didn't know how to punish without hitting. She was reading books that were teaching her how to do just that.

Jess opened the door and they came in.

"He's already eaten, so you can let him stay up for another hour, and then bed." Nicole looked down at Ethan. "And I don't want you giving her any trouble."

He only smiled and with his eyes said _we'll see_.

Nathan came to the living room.

"Hello, Nathan," Nicole said politely, surprising him and Jess.

"Hello," he replied somewhat surprised and then he went back to his paper.

"We'll be fine. Take your time. I'll see you when ever," Jess told Nicole.

Antonio's attitude and Jess's unusual accommodating still didn't give Nicole the slightest of clues about what her evening would be. She kissed Ethan goodbye.

**xxxxx**

After dinner Antonio brought Nicole to the planetarium. It was open late for a night activity they held every month.

"What in the world are we doing here?" Nicole asked.

"You'll see," he held her hand and brought her to a space simulator room. It was a big dark room with chairs that tilted back. Guests would sit down and look up at the stars and planets that gave the feeling you were careening through space.

"I like this," Nicole commented. "This is cool."

Nicole got lost in thought as she stared at the stars going past her. Then it stopped. All the stars were frozen. They moved around and it looked like they were spelling something. Before she knew it she was looking up at a bunch of stars that spelled out: will you marry me, Nicole?

She got it. She sat up quickly to find Antonio was no longer sitting beside her. He was on one knee in front of her with a ring in his hand. The lights came on.

Nicole froze. Suddenly it all made sense. She couldn't believe she didn't see it coming. She was scared, but there were fifty people staring at her and the man knelt before her. She certainly could not say no.

She put on her best smile, "yes."

Everyone clapped. Antonio slipped the ring on her finger and hugged her.

I can't believe this, she thought as they hugged and the applause echoed around them, we're not ready for marriage. What is he thinking?

**xxxxx**

They were walking hand in hand out of the planetarium to the car. Antonio was telling her about everything he'd been up to.

"And I knew from the second I saw that ad I was ready to leave the bureau and start my life with you."

"Are you sure this is what you want? You don't have to give up being an agent. I'm sure you can get a position with the Maryland field office."

"I don't want to be an agent anymore. I want us to start living like a normal married couple. I want to work five days a week. I want a normal eight to five career. I want to have a bunch of little Antonios and little Nicoles waiting to greet me when I come though the door. I want to be around to eat dinner with them, give them their baths, and put them to bed. I don't want to have to worry about someone coming to harm my family. I just want peace, and I haven't had that for a year."

They reached the car. Nicole stopped him before he could go over to the driver's side.

"That's very sweet, Antonio. But did you notice something about what you just said?"

"What?"

"All those things you want. I wasn't a part of any of that."

"Yes you were. I said-"

"You said you wanted us to start living like a normal married couple. That's all. Then you talked about how your life would be ideally, but you didn't mention me. You mentioned kids and being dad. And that you wanted a job that you would be safe doing."

"I love you. I really think we can make this work."

"I love you too, but I need to be sure that you want to marry me because you love the idea of waking up with me every morning. Not because I can give you kids. And not because our relationship makes you feel safe."

Antonio opened his mouth, but she continued talking.

"And even when I am sure of it then I have to be sure that I really want to marry you. I also have to be sure I can give you what you want in a wife."

"You do. These past four months of living with you, waking up with you, going to bed with you have been great."

"I don't know if I can do this, Antonio."

He was patient. He wasn't hearing anything he wasn't expecting.

"Let's go home," he said, "I'll get Ethan from Jess's, put him to bed, and then we can stay up and discuss all of this. I will prove to you that we can make this work." He kissed her and opened the passenger's door for her to get in.

**xxxxx**

"How did it go?" Jess whispered while Antonio was lifting his sleeping nephew-to-be off the bed.

"She said yes. Now all I have to do is make her stick with that. Oh, yeah, she asked me to ask you if he behaved."

"I didn't have that much trouble getting him to sleep."

"Not that much? Is it okay if I tell Nicole you didn't have any? I really don't want her to have anything else to talk about besides us tonight."

"That's fine."

"I'm getting so sick of lying to her."

"What else are you lying about?"

"…Uh….nothing, nothing. I better get him to bed."

"Sure. See you tomorrow."

"Bye."

**xxxxx**

Ethan was asleep in his room. Nicole and Antonio settled in their bed to talk about all the pros and cons of marriage. It was Nicole's turn to disclose all her fears and Antonio's job to promise that none of them were valid. She interrogated him with question after question after question. She had to be sure he wanted to marry _her_. She needed to know none of his decisions were about his being almost killed. She needed to know he would have proposed that night even if he hadn't lived the ordeal he survived twelve months before.

He was certain his reasons were mostly because he loved Nicole. He did acknowledge that perhaps he had realized how short life is and maybe that made him want to move a little faster than he used to. But he was confident that sooner or later he would have asked Nicole to marry him. He knew she was the only person he wanted to be his wife. He promised he would make their marriage work. She believed him.

**xxxxx**

The next morning Antonio and Nicole happily got ready for work. Nicole couldn't believe she was looking at her engagement ring and not feeling overwhelmed with fear.

Antonio was happy too, but one thing loomed over his head. He still hadn't told Nicole the truth about Nathan. His friend Jess still didn't know who she was really married to. Sooner or later he would have to tell one of them. But he was going to let Nicole enjoy her first day as a fiancé first.

"So you're going to tell Kemyss today?" Nicole disrupted his thoughts.

"As soon as we get there. Just one more day of being an agent."

"Hopefully we'll have a tough case, and you will solve it and go out with a bang."

**xxxxx**

"What the hell is this," Nathan said looking at a glass he pulled out of the dishwasher.

Jess was busy dressing Joseph and only looked back at him for a second. "It looks like a glass, Nathan."

"It's filthy. I thought you said you ran the dishwasher last night."

"I did."

"Then what's wrong with this glass?"

"I don't have control over what the dishwasher does. You don't like the way I wash them, you don't like the way the dishwasher washes them, maybe you should try washing them yourself."

"Maybe you should try…" he stopped. If they continued it would have been the fifth argument they'd had in less than twelve hours.

They were both exhausted and without saying a word decided to let that one go.

It wasn't that they weren't in love with each other, but for some reason they were always fighting. Nathan was always tense and Jess sensed it. He wasn't willing to tell her why and she didn't really want to ask. She didn't really want to know.

**xxxxx**

"Come in," Kemyss said to Antonio. "Sit down," he said with that typical placid attitude he always managed to have. "What's on your mind?"

"Well, Nicole and I are engaged."

"I see."

"I know I can't go on working on this team, so I've accepted a position with the airport. I start on Thursday. I wanted to give you more notice than that, but I just wasn't able to. But I was sure the airport would have called you to confirm my resumé."

"They did. Congratulations. You've done good work here. We'll miss you."

"Thank you, Sir," Antonio stood up and shook his hand.

**xxxxx**

"Congratulations," Jess hugged Nicole, "it's about time."

"When he did it I was freaking out, but then we talked and it…it just really feels right. For the first time in my life I can see myself as someone's wife…it still sounds weird though."

"You'll do great. You two belong together."

"I think so too, I really do."

**xxxxx **

The team had a typical day. They got an assignment that they solved in less than seven hours. That was the good work that their team typically did. They were let go early—at three.

Nicole and Antonio took the same car to work. On their way back to Maryland Antonio decided it was time to tell Nicole that he had lied to her.

When they reached the first traffic light he gave her some papers he had in a compartment by the driver's seat.

"You should read this," he said as she took the papers he offered.

"You look nervous. What is this, a prenuptial agreement?"

"…No. But we can talk about that later."

Nicole read for moments before she realized what she was reading. "This is Nathan's background check." Nicole read of allegations of illegal gambling, gun running, extortion, importation, and exportation. The accusations were endless, but there were no convictions. There were also a number of other men involved in these accusations. Nicole put two and two together: Jess married a made man.

**xxxxx **

On the way home Jess stopped by the drug store. She had just enough time to do what she had to do before Nathan came home. She was feeling somewhat lousy the past two days. It wasn't until that morning that she realized that was how she felt when she was pregnant with Joseph. After some thinking back on the month of December, and specifically their wedding night, she decided to buy a test that would tell her what she already knew.

_Pregnant, _the digital test read.

She didn't feel the way she felt when she found out she was pregnant just ten months before—scared, angry, embarrassed, confused. This time she was almost completely content. There were some concerns; surely two children has to be more tiring than one, and her and Nathan were going though a rough patch, but overall she was okay about it.

**xxxxx**

Nicole knocked on the door. She heard Jess call come in, so she did.

"You have interesting timing," Jess told Nicole.

"Where's Nathan?"

"He won't be here for about another hour."

Nicole didn't say anything when she gave Jess the papers Antonio had shown her.

"What's this?" Jess asked not even bothering to look at them before getting an answer.

"Read it."

Jess did. "He never told me about any of this."

She was calm and Nicole knew why. Jess was thinking those were all unfortunate mistakes where as Nicole was thinking they weren't.

Jess finished reading most of what she'd been handed. She looked up at Nicole.

"You don't really think this is true do you?"

Nicole said nothing.

"Nicole, I grew up with this guy. I would know if he was in a mob."

Still Nicole was patient. Denial is always the first stage in grief. "His radio show ends at eight every morning, doesn't it?"

"Yeah. So?"

"So why isn't he home until after five?"

"I don't know. I never asked."

"His most common crime is extortion. But the easiest to prove would be the illegal gambling. Doesn't he have people over here often when he wants you and Joe out of the house?"

"I can't believe you're asking me these things. My husband is not a criminal. His family-"

"Is involved in this too…Or at least they were. When Nathan moved here his dad retired."

Jess's expression to Nicole was one of disbelief. She was smiling as though she thought Nicole was being stupid. But inside her mind was reeling. Not even the denial of a loving wife could overshadow—not entirely anyway—all the things she had seen Nathan doing since they married—frequent phone calls where he would lock himself in the bedroom and insist on being alone, not wanting her or Joseph in the house when his friends would come over.

Jess's smile disappeared and was replaced with a look of anger. "Where did you get this anyway?"

Nicole was quick and frank. There was no point in lying, "I ran a check on him."

"You ran a background check on him." She laughed raucously. "What gave you the right to do that?"

Still Nicole maintained her complete honesty in a composed state. "I was suspicious about the amount of money he always seemed to have and I felt if he was involved in something that could be dangerous to you or Joe you should know about it."

"Then why didn't you talk to me about this?"

She had no more answers.

"You didn't because you knew what you were doing was wrong. This wasn't about you getting information to protect us. It was about you poking your nose in where it doesn't belong to dig up dirt on Nathan."

Nicole knew part of that was true. "If I made you feel violated then I'm sorry. But now that you know who he is, you can't obsess about being mad at me. You have to deal with this."

"There's nothing to_deal_ with. None of this is true and as soon as Nathan comes home he'll prove it."

**xxxxx **

Nathan came though the door with a gym bag in his hand. Jess was waiting for him on the family room sofa. She didn't know what she would say. She stood up, and showed him the papers.

"Is it true?" was her only question while he read them.

"Of course not. I hung out with a bad crowd in L.A. when I found out who they were I bailed, but it was too late. The cops already saw me as one of them, so they arrested me."

"Is that the truth?"

"Yes."

"The _whole _truth?"

"The whole truth."

"Why don't you get home until after five everyday? And what were you really doing at that flower shop and laundry mat yesterday?"

"There's more to a job in radio than just being on the radio. I have to plan the next day's show. I have to clean the studio. And as for the flower shop and laundry mat, I was just looking at the areas of town that I never saw before."

Jess was feeling foolish. She smiled, embarrassed. "I'm sorry."

He smiled back. "Don't worry about it." He hugged her. "Listen, I have to drive up to Atlantic City."

"Atlantic city? What for?"

"We're doing a special broadcast up there. I'll be back around nine tonight."

"Okay…But first there is something I want to tell you."

"Shoot."

"I'm pregnant."

"….Oh, wow. Okay."

"Are you all right?"

"I'm great. You?"

"I'm great too."

"Okay then…I'll see you later."

"What's in the bag?" she said referring to the gym bag.

"That's just some radio equipment. I'll be right back."

He left the gym bag in the middle of the room. He walked through the dining room, down the hall, and disappeared into the master bedroom. Jess was alone with a gym bag full of "radio equipment".

Knowing if he was telling the truth about what was in the bag she would feel even more stupid than she already did, so she didn't look inside. There was no reason for her to doubt him.

He came back to the family room, grabbed the gym bag, and kissed her.

"Bye," he said.

"Bye," she replied as he walked to the door. "Be careful," she added, but he was already gone. She was never sure why she threw those last words in. Maybe it was because he was going to be on the highway for two hours. Or maybe she was still suspicious of him. She told herself she believed him and didn't think about it the rest of the day.

When Nicole's big window that showed everything that went on outside when she was in the living room revealed Nathan leaving with a bag (that she assumed contained some of his things) she figured that Jess had made the right choice. She was pretty sure her company was not welcome, but just in case Jess needed someone to talk to Nicole went back over there.

Again, after Jess said come in, Nicole did.

"I saw him go," Nicole said. "I'm glad you saw the truth. I thought it would take you longer to believe it."

"Wrong again, Nicole. All that stuff you found when you were invading Nathan's privacy was—just as it said—allegations. He didn't know about those things those people were doing. The police believed him, and that's why he's married now and not in prison."

"You believed that."

"Yes I did."

"So where did he go just now?"

"Atlantic city."

"New Jersey. Doesn't sound like a place for the Mafia at all," Nicole said full sarcasm.

Jess just thought she was full of something else. "If you want to think that that's fine. I don't care. You can go now."

"What if I can prove to you-"

"You can go now."

**xxxxx**

That Tuesday evening Nicole read of all the "business" activities Nathan had engaged in while he was in New Jersey. He had only been there for six hours and was far from finished with what he came there to do. "After he left he went inside this casino for less than ten minutes. After that he went straight to the bank and deposited, as you can see, a very large amount of money."

"He told me about that," Jess said in his defense, "he has been in business with the owner of that casino for years now."

"When did he tell you that, from New Jersey two hours ago? Which is right around the time Agent Ricardo called and said Nathan figured out he was being followed. And if you need more proof, tax records of the owner of that casino don't mention Nathan at all."

Jess was stunned. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. She knew who Nathan was and she knew Nicole knew it too. It was futile to say anything more to defend him. But that didn't mean she had to admit it aloud. "I have to feed Joe." She showed Nicole to the door.

* * *

Love has the power of making you believe what you would normally treat with the deepest suspicion.

-Mirabeau

I'd like to make this and subsequent chapters a little less confusing by explaining the terminology of the mafia:

THE STRUCTURE OF LA COSA NOSTRA

Made Man: refers to any guy in a mafia family.

Family: the boss and members of the group. They can be but don't necessarily have to be related.

Boss or Don: is the lead of the family all major decisions are made by him.

Underboss: is second in command and will take the boss's place if he dies or goes to jail.

Capo: Capos are third in command. They are like lieutenants that lead their section of the family. They have soldiers that work for them. Capos have specific areas that he operates and territory that belongs to him.

Soldier: Soldiers are the last in the family. They belong to the Capos. They are the lowest ranking among made men. They are responsible for the "dirty work".

Associates: are not members of the family. They work _with _the mob—I.E. drug dealers or lawyers.

Consigliere: is not part of the family either. He acts as an advisor and makes impartial decisions.

Here is another term that you might find useful to know the meaning of:

Extortion: protection rackets are extortion schemes. The Capo tells a shop, casino, or business owner to give a percentage of the weekly earnings to him so he can "protect" the owner or the business. The idea is his soldiers will not harm the owner, the owner's family, or the business if he gets his money.


	10. Lies My Husband Told Me

Lies My Husband Told Me

Carla wasn't expecting company when she heard someone knock on her door. "Who is it," she asked.

"It's Nicole."

She opened the door. "Baby, it's late. What are you doing here? Is something wrong with Ethan?"

"Ethan's fine. I just couldn't wait to show you this," Nicole showed her the engagement ring.

Carla screamed with excitement, "you're getting married!"

"I know!" Nicole screamed back.

When they both realized everyone in the building probably heard them they went in the apartment.

"Sit down. Tell me all about it."

"He brought me to this space simulator at the planetarium and had them make the stars spell out Nicole will you marry me?"

"That is some man."

"He sure is."

"What kind of wedding do you want to have?"

"Something simple," Nicole answered like she'd had it planned her whole life. In reality, she never imagined her wedding until the night Antonio proposed. But she knew for sure she didn't want the whole town to be there.

"Really?"

"Absolutely. A friend of mine was married in December and her family invited everyone they ever knew. I remember thinking how uncomfortable I would be to have all those people looking at me. That's the only thing I'm sure of though."

"I have a confession to make. I have always dreamed of your wedding day, ever since you were a baby."

"That works out perfectly. I am going to need all the help I can get."

Carla was happy she would have a hand in the most important day of her daughter's life.

**xxxxx**

Antonio was in the den when Nicole came home later that evening.

"Did you see your mom?"

"She is so happy for us."

"That's good. The airport called. They don't need me to go to that orientation thing tomorrow, so I have another day as an agent. Every time I think I'm out they pull me back in."

Nicole laughed. "You could always stay home tomorrow."

"You know I can't just stay home all day."

"Right. You'd go crazy. That's one thing we have in common."

**xxxxx**

Joe was asleep in his room. Jess was anxiously waiting in the living room. She would be the first person Nathan would see when he came home from New Jersey. She was prepared for the fight of her life.

At ten o'clock he came through the door. He saw Jess sitting on the couch with her arms crossed and the smile washed off his face. "What's wrong?" he asked even though he knew exactly what was on her mind.

"Sit down, Nathan."

He took a seat in the love seat diagonally across from the sofa.

Jess moved from being reclined in the couch to sitting on the edge of it. "Before I go postal I am going to give you one more chance to tell me the truth. Why. were. you. in. Atlantic City?"

He looked down for a moment then back to her eyes. "It's not the right time, Jess."

"I need to know."

"All right, you want the truth?"

"I think I already have it." Part of her still hoped it would turn out to be a misunderstanding.

"I am in the Mafia. I am part of a mob. My dad was and now I am too."

Now Jess was the one looking down. "All right then, that's all I needed to hear." She got up and walked away.

He followed. "What do you mean that's all you needed to hear?"

"I mean there is no way we can continue this as long as you're gonna be apart of that."

"Are you saying you want a divorce?"

"Of course I want a divorce!"

"Why? This has nothing to do with you."

Jess wasn't in a mood for humor, but the absurdity of that made her laugh. "How can you say that? This has everything to do with me."

"No. This is me."

"You bring these people in our home!"

"I made sure you weren't here. And I was gonna tell you…when the time came."

There they were standing in the family room. Nathan looked grieved that he was about to lose his wife. Jess's face expressed both grief and anger.

She sighed and folded her arms. "Do you kill people?"

"No."

"_Have _you killed anyone?"

"Have you?"

"I've killed criminals."

"So have I."

Jess paced back and forth like a caged animal. "I cannot believe this! I am two months in to my marriage and a pregnancy and I'm standing here asking my husband if he has killed anyone! And listening to him justify it!"

"I killed one guy. It was self defense"

"Yeah right."

"It was. I admit we were doing something wrong, but _he _pulled the gun on me. If I hadn't shot him I'd be dead. I know you know what that feels like."

"Don't you dare try to make it sound like we are the same. I don't even know you anymore."

"You are the only one who does know me. I wanted to tell you I was just waiting for the best time."

"And what is that, the best time? Is that like when you're dating someone and you tell them you're five years younger than you actually are, and you're waiting until they are too in love with you to break it off before you tell them your real age? Is that what the best time was?"

"Something like that."

Silence.

"You don't have to worry."

"How can you say that with a straight face?"

"Because it's the truth. Look, you don't understand this. We are like family. We _are_ a family. I look out for them and they do the same for me. Being married to me in this town, you and Joe are safer than you've probably ever been. I work hard making our family name known well around here. No one is ever going to want to touch you or our kids."

"If you believe we're so safe why didn't you want me here when they were?"

"Because I didn't want you to know about this before the time was right. Now that you know, I'll have them over. You can meet them and you'll see they are just like me."

"No! Don't you ever bring those men in our home again!"

"_Our _home? Does that mean you're not leaving or kicking me out?"

"…We can forget about all this right now if you tell me you'll quit doing this."

"I am not really _doing _anything. They're my friends. I've known some of them since I was a kid. I just kind of hang around."

"What were you doing "hanging around" the laundry mat and the flower shop? Was that the Massey family extortion I read so much about?"

Nathan decided not to tell another lie, "yes."

"I want you to bring that money back…all of it, including what you got in New Jersey."

"I can't do that. I don't even have it any more." There was another lie.

Jess shook her head. She couldn't believe that was the man she married. "How did this happen to you? What started this?"

"When I was eleven my dad took me to meet his friends and told me what he really did. It was the first time he spent time with me…not pounding or yelling at me. It was scary, but it was a good kinda scary. Like a roller coaster, thrilling."

"You never told me about that."

"He made me swear I wouldn't say anything. I knew my mom didn't know. It was just something between the two of us. I liked that. Anything to bring us together, y'know?"

"Yes," Jess replied, showing she understood, but making it clear to him that she didn't think it was an excuse for what he did.

"My dad got all the way to boss, but when he found out I was moving to Maryland and ready to settle down he retired. Can you believe that? He gave up the only life he's ever known just for me, so he could send the Underboss here just to teach me the business. That's the only time he's ever sacrificed his happiness for me."

"He still hasn't. He only wanted you to be apart of this because it would reflect badly on him if his only son didn't become a made man. And I certainly hope you are not planning on teaching this to Joe."

"I won't."

"And you know if you have to feel closer to your dad by hurting other people it's not worth it."

"Maybe not to you. And besides I'm not hurting anyone."

"Yes you are, honey. You're taking from them. You're threatening them. That's hurting. I know this isn't you. And you have to stop it."

"I can't."

"This is going to catch up with you sooner or later. Just like when you were in California. What happened there anyway? I mean really. If you weren't part of your dad's group until you moved here what were you doing?"

"I was a consigliere to another family."

"So you really didn't actually do anything?"

"No."

"…I don't know what else to say. You honestly expect me to tolerate this?"

"I know you love me. I love you too."

"I guess that's not enough."

**xxxxx**

Instead of her alarm clock going off Nicole was woke up by the sound of her doorbell. "I'll get it," she told Antonio.

Nicole tied her robe and went down stairs. She opened the door to Kelly."

"Good morning," Kelly said cheerfully.

"What are you doing here?"

"I got early release for good behavior."

"How did you get here?"

"I took a plane. I couldn't wait to see him. Where is he?"

"He's still sleeping. I don't wake him up for another hour or else he gets tired and doesn't focus in school."

"Okay. I can wait. I've waited this long."

Kelly and Nicole sat in the living room. Nicole was glad Kelly was out of jail. She knew Ethan missed her. But at the same time she wasn't looking forward to losing Ethan.

"So," Nicole said, "how are you?"

"I'm doing good. I know you're worried about Ethan, but you don't have to be. I'm not gonna screw up again."

"I hope not."

"When I get back I am going to move to better neighborhood, maybe out of Chicago all together. I might find some suburban town close to work, but out of the city. That way Ethan can go to better schools and I can stay away from temptation."

"That's a good idea." Nicole looked at the clock. "Well, if you're going to take him back to Chicago today he won't be going to school, so I guess you can go wake him."

"Actually, I just wanted to see him and touch him, but I think it might be better if you keep him until I find a new place for us to live. It'll be easier to move and get everything in order if he's here."

"Okay. I have to go get ready for work. I'll be back down in half an hour."

**xxxxx**

"Who was that?" Antonio asked. He was in front of the mirror shaving when Nicole came in the master bathroom.

"That was Kelly. She got out early and came to see Ethan. She's going back to Chicago to get everything in order and then she'll take him."

"Well, that's good, isn't it?"

"I was hoping he would finish the school year at Geneva. I hate that he is going back to public school."

"Couldn't you just send Kelly the tuition to send Ethan to private school in Chicago?"

Nicole gave him a look, "you know she would never let me do that. She's too proud."

"You knew this day would come. I guess you have to let go."

**xxxxx**

While Antonio made breakfast and Ethan was still asleep, Nicole sat down with Kelly to tell her what Antonio suggested. "Maybe you should stay in Chicago."

"What?" Kelly said incredulously.

"Ethan is doing really well in school, you know. He's been attending a private school, Geneva Academy. I'm pretty sure they have a chapter in Chicago."

"Nicole, I am not going to let you pay for my son's education."

"Why not? He's my nephew and I love him. And I know you know his chances are better in a private school. Don't let your pride get in the way of what's best for your baby."

"…I don't know."

"Just think about it."

**xxxxx**

That morning over breakfast, while she was getting Joe ready, while she was getting ready herself Jess never spoke to Nathan. He decided to break the ice, even though he was nervous about what kind of a response she would give him. He had to bring it up because it was important.

"Jess, Teresa is going to be here soon, so let me just say this and then you can go back to ignoring me."

"Okay." She stared right in his eyes with her arms crossed, giving him her full attention and still making it known that she really wanted nothing to do with him.

"I figure you found all that stuff out about me from Nicole and Antonio…mainly Nicole I'm sure."

"And?"

"And I'm sure you told her it was all wrong, right?"

"Go on."

"No matter how mad you are at me you have to remember that as far as they are concerned it _was_ all wrong."

"In other words, you want me to keep my mouth shut." She was going to anyway. If for no other reason because she was embarrassed. She needed to work everything out by herself, and to do that she would have to lie to everyone who knew what Nathan did and even people who didn't. She was still going over what she would say to her family if she had to divorce Nathan. She would never tell them the truth.

"I would have put it nicer, but yeah. Will you?"

"Only because I don't want the Maryland police tearing up my house…and since I brought it up, there isn't anything in around here that could be…incriminating, is there?"

"No. I told you, I don't bring that home with me."

**xxxxx**

Kelly took Ethan to school. Nicole and Antonio went to work.

Antonio put the car in park.

"It's your last day…for real this time."

"It sure better be."

"I'm going to miss this, us driving to work together. Oh, I almost forgot I talked to a wedding planner this morning and she is coming over at seven tonight to meet with you, me, and my mom. Okay?"

"All right."

**xxxxx**

On her way to work that morning Jess stopped by her lawyer's office and told him to draw up papers for a divorce in case she couldn't make Nathan see things her way.

Antonio and Nicole's flirting—that they often did when no one was around or looking—stopped when Jess got to her desk. Antonio knew she knew he had a hand in the background check, so he left feeling uncomfortable.

"Did you talk to him?" Nicole asked her partner, knowing Jess would know exactly who she meant.

"Yeah. It was a mistake, just like I said."

"I know you don't really believe that." Nicole was losing the patience she had.

"I took vows."

"He is a professional criminal!"

"Even if that were true…Nicole, you don't understand. And it's none of your business anyway." Jess said those last seven words remembering that she was mad at Nicole for "starting" it all in the first place.

**xxxxx**

"Her name is Bailey Hughes," Thomas explained the pictures covering the board of a four-year-old girl with blonde hair. Some of the pictures looked like those of a child, others looked like those of a twenty-year-old in the running for Ms. America. "She disappeared from her ballet class yesterday afternoon. This one's for us because it's a high profile case. Her father twenty-six-year-old Jose Hughes is a professional actor."

"Where?" Nicole asked.

"Malibu." He gave Jess the file.

"What else do we know?"

"As you can see Bailey participates in a lot of child beauty pageants. She's won over forty titles. She's also involved in ballet, tap, piano, and singing lessons."

"Doesn't give her much time to just be four," Nicole commented.

"I guess not. She was with her nanny Gwendolyn Packard when she went missing. Her mother Ella Hughes aged twenty-eight was at the spa and her dad was on the set. The parents have been cleared and so have the nannies."

"Nann_ies_?" Jess said.

"Gwendolyn is the daytime nanny and Elizabeth Rhodes stays with the girl at night. Bailey spends most of the time in their care."

**xxxxx**

The flight to California was mainly quiet. When the three of them did speak it was only in relation to Bailey. Nicole was frustrated and somewhat angry at Jess for her decisions with Nathan, Jess was very upset with Nicole for being the instigator of all their problems to begin with, and Antonio was stuck in the middle.

"The police talked to all the children who were in the studio when Bailey went missing, but only a hand full of them gave enough information to consider worth thinking about," Jess told them. "Four of them were taken to the local police department for further questioning by people who know how to talk to kids."

"What did they see?" Nicole asked.

"One girl said she saw a man with his daughter. She said they left before the class was dismissed because quote 'her daddy's cell phone rang and he got scared and left.' They figure she meant that he became nervous after taking the call. Another two girls said that there was a woman without a child watching them. But of course they're all too young to help a sketch artist."

"How old are the children who talked to the cops?"

"All the children in the class are between three and five."

**xxxxx**

"I was talking to some of the other nannies. Bailey was running around the room playing," Gwendolyn told Jess and Nicole.

"Then what happened?" Jess asked.

"I turned around and she was just gone. I don't know how no one saw anything."

**xxxxx**

Antonio came back from the dance studio. "What's new?"

"Typical story," Nicole said, "nanny is too busy talking to the other adults to notice the kid. When she finally decides to check on her she's no where to be found. At least this one didn't use that old adage _I only turned my back for a minute. _This is exactly why I don't let Teresa take Ethan anywhere."

"Okay, I have something that might help us," Jess approached them, "Bailey's pageants were all conducted by the same agency, Little Starlet Inc. Little Starlet's pageants are for children six months to seven years old. Their shows are all held in L.A."

"All right," Antonio said, "I'll cross reference all the registered child molesters in the area who have abused children seven or younger." He left them to go to the local field office.

"When was Bailey's last performance?" Nicole asked.

Jess looked over all her notes until she found it. "Three weeks ago."

"Where?"

"The Octoplex."


	11. Some People Change

Some People Change

Nicole and Jess came back to the local field office after having talked to the director of the pageants that Bailey was in.

"You've been gone for three hours," Antonio said. "What took you so long?"

"The director was in the middle of a pageant and wasn't available to speak to us until after it was over, so we had to sit through two hours of sixteen children being degraded," Jess's tone said she was disgusted without her having to.

"And it was all for nothing because she couldn't tell us anything. We did get a list of all the janitors for the auditorium, but I don't think it will lead anywhere. The director told us that during pageants the only people allowed in the Octoplex are the contestants, their families, her, and the lady that takes the tickets."

"What tickets?"

"The family and friends of the girls in the show are given tickets that they must show before coming in the building. It's very carefully monitored, so just anyone can't come in."

"Just in case I found eighteen offenders that fit our profile. Sixteen have been cleared and the other two are gone."

"Gone where?" Nicole asked.

"If we knew that then they'd be here," Jess retorted.

Antonio interjected to keep the peace. "We don't know where they are, but their pictures are in the media and we made it clear that they are only wanted for questioning. They are no where near close to being suspects."

Jess caught a look of the clock on the wall. "One of us has to get back if we're going to be in Maryland before eight. Who's staying and who's going?"

"We're all going," Nicole said. "Tomorrow morning we can talk to the nannies and parents again."

**xxxxx**

The jet took them back to the D.C. office. Antonio left. Nicole stayed back to talk to Jess about something that had been bothering her.

"Jess, I need to talk to you."

"If this is about anything other than business, Nicole, I don't want to hear it."

"It is about business. I would like you to do me a favor. I feel uncomfortable having Ethan in your house..as long as you're with Nathan. But I don't want to have to get another nanny, so would you mind if Teresa watches Joe and Ethan in my home?"

As angry as Jess was with Nicole she couldn't find any fault in that request. She didn't even want her own son in that house. "Not at all. When I get home I will tell Teresa to go to your house tomorrow morning."

**xxxxx**

Nicole was the only one who went straight home. Jess stopped by her attorney's to get the divorce papers her lawyer left for her in his office mailbox. And Antonio swung by his lawyer's to pick up something as well.

**xxxxx**

Nicole made her home look perfect for the wedding planner that she and Antonio were expecting.

The doorbell rang.

"That's her," Nicole said.

They answered the door holding hands.

"Hello, I'm Beth, the wedding planner."

"I'm Nicole, this is Antonio."

They adjourned to the living room. "My mother is going to be helping with this. I can't imagine what's keeping her."

"That's okay. Tonight we are just going to cover the basics. We won't get into the major decisions until next week." She gave them a guide of outfits to choose from. "This catalog contains almost every kind of wedding attire that exists. Everything from bride's dresses to the ring bearer's suit."

"All I have to do is look through this book?" Nicole asked pleasantly surprised at the simplicity.

"Welcome to wedding attire choosing in the twenty-first century. But it's not all that easy. What kind of wedding would you both like?"

"Something small and simple. We are only inviting our closest family and friends."

Antonio nodded in agreement.

Carla came by after Beth had left and looked through the catalog with her daughter.

After two long hours of listening to Nicole and her mom discuss the wedding Antonio slipped away unnoticed up to the master bedroom. He opened the drawer of the nightstand to get the prenuptial agreement he had picked up on his way home. He hoped there was a way he could show it to Nicole without upsetting her, but he knew there wasn't. He even practiced in front of a full length mirror.

When he gave up rehearsing talking to Nicole he called Elias. He still hadn't been able to get in touch with him. He got the machine. "It's me _again_. Call me back, Elias. I mean it."

"Mom's gone," Nicole stood in the door way until he hung up before she came in, "you can come out of hiding now."

"He's still not answering."

"I'm sure he's fine."

"Sit down." He reached out for her hand which she gave him and sat on the bed

"About the wedding-"

"Uh-oh. You're not backing out are you?" she said only slightly kidding.

"No…There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just say it. I got a prenup and I would appreciate it if you would sign it."

Nicole yanked her hand out of his and left the bedroom.

"Nicole, wait."

She turned around.

"This is only precautionary. Fifty percent of marriages end in divorce. Putting that together with our past it only makes sense to-"

"Just assume we're going to end up divorced? Why the hell are we getting married then?" She left and he didn't stop her.

**xxxxx**

Nathan and Jess's discussion was interrupted by the sound of Nicole's car peeling out of the driveway across the street.

"What the hell was that?" Nathan said.

"Forget that. What's it going to be?" She'd shown him the divorce papers and given him an ultimatum, give up the Mafia or give up his family.

"I can't make that kind of choice."

"I think you just did." She gave him the pen to sign, but he pushed her hand away and stood up indignant.

"I can't believe you would make me do this."

"And I can't believe you would put me in this position."

"What do you expect me to do? I'm supposed to give up my whole life—not to mention the money—and get some crappy job flipping burgers? We can't give our kids the kind of life we had on minimum wage, Jess."

"Okay, first of all, that money you make was never going to be used for anything on our children. I'd rather work two jobs than send my kids to school with blood money. Secondly, your family should be your whole life, not this, and thirdly, you went to college for four years. There are a million other things you are qualified to do."

"If that's what you want it's done."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that."

But Jess didn't seem satisfied.

"What, you don't believe me?"

"I'm sorry, but no. I think you need—we both need—time to think. To make our decisions based on a lot of thought given to them, not in the heat of the moment. You need to find out what is important to you, Nathan."

Nathan left that night. He would spend their separation in a hotel twenty minutes away. No one would ever know they were separated.

**xxxxx**

The next day Antonio started his new position at the airport. Nicole hadn't come back to their home until after two the night before, so she was running on no sleep that day. Jess did very little sleeping herself and was tired as well.

They got their coffee, briefed Kemyss, and got on the plane; all without saying a word to the other.

"I'll talk to the nannies and you can interview the parents, okay?"

"All right." Nicole wanted to say more than that. She wanted to say something that would be a start to her reconciling with Jess, but she couldn't think of what to say. She contemplated apologizing, but it would be insincere. She wasn't sorry for finding out the truth about Nathan.

**xxxxx**

Nicole sat down with Bailey's parents while Jess talked to the nannies in the other room.

"About how many hours a week do you care for Bailey?" Jess asked the nannies.

"Almost all day everyday…until after she goes to bed," Gwendolyn said.

"Then I arrive," Elizabeth said. "I have a room on the other side of the house. Sometimes Mr. and Mrs. Hughes are home, but they need me here in case they have to leave."

"Why would they leave in the middle of the night?"

Elizabeth shrugged.

"When they are home do they care for the girl?"

"Not really, no. If she has a nightmare or needs something I take care of it."

"The only time Ella spends time with Bailey is when we are prepping her for the pageants," Gwendolyn explained.

**xxxxx**

"Why even have a child if you never want to have anything to do with them?" Jess asked as they were on their way back to the field office.

"She's a trophy child. They want to show her off. They don't want to spend time with her otherwise."

"How did they seem?"

"Devestated. Honestly, I don't think they did it."

"Neither do I. Aside from the fact that both nannies seemed like they were hiding something, I had a vision while I was talking with them. I saw this woman running with Bailey. She was white with shoulder-length brown hair."

"A woman? Who is she?"

"Let's go find out."

**xxxxx**

When they got to the field office nearest to Bailey's home Antonio's replacement was there.

"Devin Ricardo. Nice to meet you." Nicole knew him, so he introduced himself to Jess.

"Likewise."

"What did you make of Jess's vision?"

"I looked into Ella and Jose's past. The only thing that stands out is that they have had an exorbinate amount of nannies."

"That explains why the nannies seem to be hiding something," Jess said.

"Not necessarily," Nicole replied, "they are a celebrity family. The nannies probably have to sign contracts to not speak to the media. If they do they will be sued. On top of that they can never leave the house without being followed and having pictures taken."

"So maybe they quit because they couldn't take the pressure."

"I'm going to get some of them in here to answer some questions." Nicole left the room.

"Is something wrong with her?" Devin asked Jess about Nicole's abrupt exit.

"We're not getting along well these days. We try to work on our own parts of the assignment and stay out of each others way. Do you have photos of Bailey's nannies?"

He gave her a file filled with driver's license pictures. While she leafed through them trying to find a nanny that matched the woman in her vision, Devin decided that was a good time to unburden himself to his new colleague.

"Agent Massey?"

"Yes."

He nervously cleared his throat. "So…uh I don't know if you know this or not, but Agent Scott asked me to follow your husband. I figured if we were going to work together you should know that I am the one who was responsible for all that stuff you probably found out about him."

"I knew. But thank you for telling me. I appreciate the honesty."

"Are we going to be able to work together peacefully?"

"Sure. I don't blame you. You were only following Agent Scott's orders."

"Oh. That's why you two are angry with each other."

"I am not in the mood to talk about that right now."

"Okay. Does anyone in there look familiar?"

"No." She closed the file and set it on the desk. "This doesn't make any sense to me. If the woman carrying Bailey wasn't a nanny who was she?

**xxxxx**

Nicole and Jess wrapped up their business in California and went home. Nicole got home after eight that evening. She knew it was time to talk to Antonio about the fight.

"Is Ethan in bed?" Nicole asked.

"Yes."

"How was your first day?"

"I can see myself working there until I retire. I'm going to have to get used to coming home before it gets dark out though."

"Antonio, I was thinking about yesterday and I'm sorry."

He was surprised to hear that from her. He expected she would want an apology from him. He expected there would be another fight when he wouldn't give it to her.

"…The night that you proposed and we had that talk you seemed so sure that we could do this. You made me believe that we could make this work. At times I have my doubts. But I always thought that was okay because you would always be sure. I know now that was selfish for me to put it all on you."

"I understand. I didn't think I'd say this tonight, but I'm sorry too. I didn't go about explaining my reasoning for the prenup to you well. I _do _believe in this marriage. When I think about all the things that have gone wrong with us in the past happening again I honestly feel we are strong enough to get through. You've always been unpredictable and sometimes you've blindsided me, but I think we're past that now. I think I know you well enough to know what's coming next. I don't see any hurdles we can't jump, but just in case I'm wrong…" he stopped there, not seeing any need to finish the thought.

"We should protect ourselves from a messy divorce."

"Right."

"Where is the agreement?"

"Right where I left it."

"I'll get a pen.

**xxxxx**

One week later Bailey was still missing. It wasn't the first time Nicole and Jess had to work on finding more than one missing person at a time, but it was the first time they had to work on another case while trying to find a missing child. Jess and Nicole had searched for and found seven other people while looking for Bailey Hughes. Bailey was still no where to be found and the agents were out of leads. Jess's vision came few and far between when it came to Bailey. However, they worked just fine finding other victims.

"How is Bailey's case coming?" Kemyss asked after he briefed them on their newest assignment.

"It's not. We've reached a dead end," Nicole was sad to report.

**xxxxx**

Nathan and Jess didn't talk much after he left. He called to see how Joe was doing, but he never came over. Jess didn't push him to make a decision. She wanted him to come to her on his own, and he did on the second Sunday of March.

"How have you been?" Jess asked him.

"I've had a lot of time to think about what's important to me. I quit the Mafia and the radio show."

"I didn't say you had to give up the radio show."

"I know, but all that stuff I said was crap. I didn't realize until yesterday how hard I've been trying to get my dad's approval all these years. I can't believe that a man who has never had a meaningful conversation with me my whole life has influenced so many of the big decisions I've made. It's pathetic."

"It's normal."

"I realized it's time I start doing what _I _want."

"What do you want?"

"I want to be a husband, your husband, and Joe's father. And I am willing to give up anything that stands in the way of fulfilling the promise I made to do that."

She was impressed. "If I had to write a script for you to say to make up for what you did and what you put me through I could not have made it as good as what just came out of your mouth, Nathan."

"Does that mean you forgive me?"

She hugged him, and the tears in her eyes gave him his answer.

Later that day Nathan moved back home with his family.

**xxxxx**

Jess came back to the bedroom after having gone to check on Joe who was crying.

"What was wrong with him?" Nathan asked.

"As near as I can tell, he's teething."

"Already?"

"Well he is six months old."

"He's really only supposed to be developing six weeks behind his age."

"All I know is he's been fussy the past few days. He has a doctor's appointment on Tuesday."

"I'll take him. It's not like I have anything else to do. There's no reason for Teresa to come over here as long as I'm not working. Give her some time off."

"Have you given any thought to what kind of work you're going to go in to?"

He smiled and showed her a note pad he'd been writing on. "I have so many ideas. There are so many legal careers out there that I actually want to do. I am going to have a career I can tell Joe about. This is great."

"I am so proud of you. What ideas do you have?"

"Well, first I thought I might go to law school. Isn't that ironic?"

"If that's what you want you should do it."

"I like this one better."

"Medical school. I like that. With two kids it'll be great having a doctor in the house."

"You won't have one until four years from now."

"You can do it."

"You think I should?"

"Yes."

"I'm going to medical school!" For the first time in his life he was happy about what he was doing and it showed.

**xxxxx**

Early April came that year, bringing with it all the chaos of its first three months. Nathan got into an Annapolis medical school. Jess wasn't going to risk being naive twice with the same person, so as much as she hated to doubt him she did have him followed for a while to be sure he really was where he said he was. And he was.

Nicole and Jess had been _just_ partners for two months. Nicole never knew about the separation or Nathan's new career goals. The friendship was virtually gone and both of them were fine with that.

Nicole had bigger things to think about. Kelly found a good job and was finally moved to a better neighborhood. She would be flying in for the wedding and then she would be taking Ethan away. Nicole was on pins and needles thinking about her impending wedding day and losing her nephew.

Antonio was spending his Saturday reading the paper when Nicole came in the family room and sat by him. "We are finally done," she said to Antonio. "We have the church. We have the reception room. Everyone has their plane tickets. And your family will be here next week. Everything is all ready."

"You still have one more thing to take care of."

She looked confused. She thought she had everything in order. "What?"

"When are you going to fix things between you and you-know-who?"

"I have nothing to say to her. She made her choices."

"So you're willing to flush a three year friendship down the toilet because you don't like those choices? Isn't that what almost caused you to lose Kelly?"

"What am I supposed to do, pretend I think it is okay that she is staying married to him?"

"No. You're supposed to do what you did on her wedding day. Be there. Be her friend even if you think she's making a mistake."

"I will _think _about it."


	12. My Best Friend's Wedding

My Best Friend's Wedding

After giving much thought to what Antonio said that Saturday Nicole decided he was right. She knew she wasn't wrong for what she did, but she also knew she was judgmental and hadn't been a good friend. She pondered about what she would say and went across the street.

"What are you doing here, Nicole?"

"I wanted to talk to you. How are you?"

"You know about the baby."

"Baby," Nicole said. "You're pregnant." She wanted to say what she was thinking, about how she could have done that, about how now she would never have Nathan out of her life even if she did divorce him, but she kept quiet. "Congratulations."

"How did you find out?"

"You just told me. I actually came over here to say something completely unrelated."

"Oh, what?"

"I don't want to lose you as a friend."

"Then you have to accept my marriage."

"I do…I will…I'll do my best. Where is he now?"

"He's in the nursery, rocking Joe to sleep. What's new with you?"

"Nothing really. Just planning out the wedding. A lot more of Antonio's relatives are coming than I expected. What about you, what's new?"

"We were separated. I almost divorced him."

"What changed?"

"He did. He put all that bad stuff behind him."

"You still can't say it can you?"

"I'm afraid it might come back to haunt me in a court of law one day." Jess had never actually said Nathan was in the Mafia to anyone other than Nathan and she was not going to start with Nicole. "It's going to be a boy," she changed the subject.

"Have you picked out a name yet?"

"Not officially, but every first born son in Nathan's family has been Nathan Tobias Massey since his great, great, great, great grandfather, so I have a feeling that's what his name will be. That will be confusing though, having two people named Nathan in this house."

"How far along are you?"

"Four months. I told Kemyss last week. That's why I've stayed in the office the past few days."

"He's asleep," Nathan said as he was coming down the hall. When he got to the kitchen and saw Nicole he was tempted to turn around. "Hello."

"Hi, Nathan."

"You better get started on the lawn. The weather guy says it's going to rain later," Jess gave him an out of an awkward situation. It was more her out than his. Nathan wasn't afraid of Nicole, he just couldn't stand her. Nicole felt the same about him.

"Right." He left.

"You don't believe he's really changed," Jess stated that as a fact not a question.

Nicole didn't know if she believed Nathan changed or had just told that to Jess and she bought it. She wasn't taking any chances though. The nanny would still be taking care of Joe and Ethan in her home, and she really wanted nothing to do with Nathan.

"I hope he's really changed, Jess. I really do. And I would really like it if you came to the wedding."

"You know I wouldn't miss you becoming Mrs. Antonio Cortez."

"There will be none of that. I've been Nicole Scott my whole life and I intend to die Nicole Scott."

**xxxxx**

A week later Antonio's family came to Maryland. Nicole had never met anybody in his family before that day.

While Antonio was at the airport picking up his parents his sister and her all-American husband Mariela and Dave Hadley and their three children pulled into Nicole's driveway.

"Hello, Nicole. Antonio has told me so much about you," Mariela said.

"It's nice to meet you." She shook her hand and Dave's.

Dave introduced all their children starting with the eldest, his ten-year-old daughter. "This is Yarisbet, Alejandro, and Elian." He wanted to add 'can't you tell my wife picked the names' after that, but he thought better of it.

"The baby of the family. Your uncle Antonio told me all about you," Nicole said to Elian.

Elian smiled, but was too shy to say anything. But he was thinking I'm not a baby.

"My nephew is upstairs. You can go up and play with him if you want."

**xxxxx **

When Antonio came through the door with his parents Carlos and Armena Cortez their daughter, son-in-law, and grandchildren were anxious to be reunited with them. After the chaos calmed Antonio introduced them to the woman who would soon be their daughter-in-law.

"Mom, papa, this is Nicole."

Armena caught her off guard with a hug. "Welcome to the family, Nicole." Her English was better than Nicole expected. There was barely an accent.

Carla stopped by after her shift like she promised Nicole she would and met the family.

They spent the day together getting to know each other.

**xxxxx**

The children and adults were outside in the backyard. Carla came in the kitchen to see if her daughter needed any help preparing dinner.

"Is there anything I can do?"

"No. I got it. How do you like everyone?"

"They're great. You are going to be so happy."

"I am so happy already."

**xxxxx**

Nicole couldn't stop smiling that day. That night after the house was quiet (because Carlos and Armena were asleep in the guest room and Mariela and her family went back to their hotel) Antonio and Nicole were in their bed trying to sleep, but neither of them was tired.

"What are you thinking?" he asked.

"Kelly is coming to get Ethan in two days. After the wedding she's taking him back to Chicago."

"I thought you were sad about that. Why are you smiling?"

"She agreed to send him to Geneva in Chicago. And I've been thinking about something else. But I am going to miss him."

"I know how you feel. I am going to miss having him here too."

"It'll be weird not having kids in the house. I've gotten used to it. Earlier I was watching Ethan and Mariela's kids play in the backyard and I was thinking what if all those kids were ours. I was thinking if you had your way and we had four kids how overwhelming would that be? So I was trying to really pretend they were all mine."

"Is that what you were just thinking about?"

"Yes. It was great."

"There is a way we could get kids in this house after Ethan leaves."

"I was thinking of that too."

"Really? You're ready to have a baby?"

"Well…maybe not a baby. I had something else in mind."

"What?"

"I lost my family when I was three years old. There are so many couples out there that only want to have biological children and that's why I and so many other kids are raised by the state."

"You want to adopt a child? That's great. I think that's a really good idea, Nicole."

"I want a three-year-old girl. I want to give her what I never had."

"We can apply to an adoption agency as soon as we get back from the honeymoon."

They laid in bed for a while longer still too excited to sleep.

"Antonio," what she was about to say would kill all the excitement he had, "if you want to postpone this wedding until you can get in touch with Elias I would understand."

"I'm not going to do that."

"He's your brother-"

"It doesn't even feel like that anymore. It feels like he's my kid. I've been trying to help him for eight years and I can't do it anymore. I have faith that he will change, but I can't let him run my life anymore."

**xxxxx**

On the day of her best friend's wedding Jess got up early. Nathan was going to stay home with Joe (because the seven-month-old was too young to be quiet through a wedding ceremony and because Nathan wasn't invited, nor did he want to go) and was feeling uneasy about being alone with the baby all day.

He followed her to the entrance hall with his fussy son in his arms. "How long do you think you will be gone?" he asked with a hint of the nervousness he was feeling.

"It's almost nine-thirty now. The ceremony starts at twelve, and the reception starts at one. I will try to leave by four, so I should be back before five."

"Seven hours, Jess? I thought you would be back at like one."

"Relax, baby. In ten minutes he should take his morning nap and then at three he takes his afternoon nap. During the time I am gone he will only be awake for three and a half hours. His schedule is on the counter. You'll do fine. But if you have a problem you know my cell number. I will see you later." She kissed him and their son and walked out the door.

**xxxxx**

Nicole came out of the bathroom to Armena, Kelly, Jess, Beth, Mariela, and Carla who were waiting for her.

"You look great!" Mariela exclaimed.

"Beautiful," Armena told her.

Nicole was less excited. "I can't believe I let you talk me into wearing this thing," she said to Beth.

"That dress looks great on you," the wedding planner replied.

"Jess, tell me the truth. Do I look ridiculous?"

"You look beautiful."

"Sit down. Let's get started on your hair," Carla said.

Beth worked on her make-up and the rest of the ladies talked Nicole out of her pre-wedding jitters.

**xxxxx**

Down the hall Antonio was just about ready to wait for his bride to walk down the aisle. He was combing his hair when he heard a knock at the door.

"Come in." He thought it was his father even though Carlos had just left after giving him some last minute marital advice. He couldn't believe who he saw (from the mirror he was standing in front of) come through the door. "Elias."

He turned around. He wasn't sure how to feel. He was happy his only brother came, but still angry that he hadn't bothered to tell him he was coming, so he wouldn't have had to spend the days leading up to his wedding wondering if he should or should not postpone it; let alone the worry that had been plaguing him about what was wrong with Elias that he hadn't called in months.

"You didn't think I'd come did you?"

"You should have called me."

"I know, but I'm here now, right? Lighten up, man, you're getting married. Congratulations!"

Antonio let himself smile despite the fact that he wanted to be mad. He hugged his brother, and Elias allowed it even though he didn't like affection—between men anyway.

**xxxxx**

It seemed like forever while Nicole waited for the double doors to open and the music to start. While she waited to walk down the aisle she thought of her life leading up to where she was standing that day. It seemed insurmountable that the life she led brought her to Antonio.

She lost her father before she got to know him. She didn't remember him, but she had been told he never harmed her. The abuse she suffered in the foster homes was mainly inflicted by women. Even though most of her pain had been caused by women (her foster moms and her real one) she grew up thinking she would never have a good relationship with any man. But as an adult she learned that wasn't so. She dated many good men. The problem with the relationships was always her. She couldn't get close to anyone. They tried to reach her, but couldn't. When they couldn't take it anymore they left.

Antonio was different. He knew if he gave it enough time he could get to her. He was the only one who put up with her difficulties bonding and learning to trust again. He was the only one she couldn't push away with her issues. She lost him once for being unfaithful. She lost him the second time when neither of them really wanted to be in the relationship. But she never lost him because he couldn't take her problems. As much as she pushed (particularly during their first relationship nine years before) him away she couldn't chase him off. She tested him and tested him, but he wouldn't leave. As much as she thought about it it seemed more than just luck that she found him. It was a miracle.

The doors were opened and the music started. Nicole began her walk down the aisle. She tried to ignore the thirty-three adults and twenty young children and teenagers that stood watching her, but found it very difficult in that dress. It wasn't long before she was by Antonio.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join this man and this woman in holy matrimony…"

The minister went on with words he said several times a week. Nicole and Antonio stared at each other. Both of them nearly forgot they had an audience.

"Antonio, do you take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, till death do you part?"

"I do."

"Nicole, do you take this man to be your lawful wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, till death do you part."

"I do."

"By the power vested in me by the state of Maryland and Almighty God I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride."

**xxxxx **

An hour into the reception Nicole danced with her husband. Mariela danced with her husband and children. And Jess was on the other side of the room talking Nathan out of panic.

"It's okay to just leave him in the crib and let him cry."

"_I don't think you're listening to me, Jess. He is not crying. He is __**screaming**__._"

"He's teething. We have to expect him to be more irritable for a while. Turn off the monitor and give your ears a break."

"Is this seat taken?" Elias asked Jess as she was putting her cell down.

She motioned with her hand for him to sit down. "Go ahead. That was my husband. He's home with our seven-month-old. It's his first time spending the day with the baby and he's a little nervous."

Elias reached across the table to shake her hand. "Elias, brother of the groom."

"Jess, friend of the bride and groom."

"You work with my brother. I think he mentioned you."

"I used to work with him. Antonio quit the bureau."

"He did? I guess a lot has changed since I talked with him last. Do you want a drink?"

"Sure."

**xxxxx**

"Come on, buddy," Nathan tried to pacify Joe, "you're not hungry. You're not wet. What is bothering you?"

Joe cried louder.

"I'll change you again. Maybe that will help."

Nathan laid Joseph on the changing table. The baby kicked his legs, not wanting to be put down. While thrashing Joe hit his arm on the rail of the table and cried louder from his self-inflicted pain.

After icing the baby's arm and changing him Nathan laid him on his back in the crib, annoying Joe further. He turned the monitor off and left the baby to his own devices.

**xxxxx**

The fast music stopped and Antonio and Nicole sat down.

"Phew. You still got it. Remember those clubs we used go to every night back in phoenix? I couldn't keep up with you then and I can't keep up with you now."

"Check this out," Nicole said pointing out her friend and brother-in-law laughing and drinking at another table.

"I hope he knows she's married."

"Who could miss that ring?"

"Someone who's as drunk as he seems to be. That is just the kind of trouble Elias would get into, to mess around with an ex-mobster's wife."

"That's so great."

Antonio was confused until he realized Nicole was watching her mother and Antonio's family talking. Carla had Elian on her lap and what ever she was saying to him was very funny to the five-year-old.

"It's like they've been family forever. You wouldn't know that they didn't know each other until a couple of days ago."

**xxxxx**

It was nearing four o'clock and the guests were starting to leave. Nicole and Antonio's flight to Hawaii didn't leave until the next morning, so they were spending their first night as man and wife with their family. Mariela and Dave went back to the hotel. They were going to come over for dinner that evening. Antonio's parents were riding back home with him.

"We will be in the car," Antonio's father said.

"I better get going to," Jess told them. "Nathan's probably at the end of his rope by now. Oh, yeah, about your brother, he is wasted. I figured you wouldn't have room for him in the car with your parents, so do you want me to take him in my car?"

"Yes. Thank you," Antonio said equally embarrassed and grateful. He was especially grateful that his parents spent the afternoon talking to Carla and their grandchildren, so they never noticed Elias after he'd drank too much.

**xxxxx**

After taking Elias across the street to Antonio—and helping him take his brother to the bedroom, so his parents wouldn't see Elias drunk—Jess went home to her frazzled husband.

"Honey, I'm home," she said only to bug him because she knew he wouldn't be in the mood for jokes.

"I don't need you now. He just fell asleep."

"I told you you could do it. How'd you get him down?"

"I just left him there. I haven't heard anything from the nursery, so I assume he is asleep."

Jess was hit with a bad feeling. "How long ago did he fall asleep?"

"Just now. A couple of minutes ago. It was pretty sudden actually."

She ran down the hall to the nursery. Nathan stayed in the living room until he heard his wife scream.

Jess found the baby face down in the crib. He looked like he was sleeping peacefully at first; until she picked him up and noticed his pale face and light blue lips.

"Nathan, call 911!"


	13. Looks Bad Doesn't It?

Looks Bad Doesn't It?

As soon as they got back from the wedding Kelly and Ethan went back to Chicago. Antonio's parents had been up all the night before anticipating the wedding of their son, so they went up to the guest room to take a nap before dinner.

Antonio came into the kitchen where Nicole was cooking.

"Is Elias still out?" she asked.

"Like a light. There is no way he is going to be up for supper. I'll just tell my parents he's sick."

"Cheer up. This is a special night."

"Speaking of that, why are you slaving over the stove on our wedding night?"

"I don't mind."

"This isn't what I hear people do on their wedding night."

"We have two weeks to do that. I like that we our going to spend our first night as a family together. I wish Kelly could have stayed. But I'm really happy that she is so excited to get her new life started. I think she's really going to make it this time."

**xxxxx**

It had been two hours that Nathan and Jess waited for the prognosis of their son. Both of them were all out of tears and had been sitting in silence for the better part of an hour.

"I'm sorry," Nathan said.

"It wasn't your fault."

"I was watching T.V. while our baby was suffocating."

"I was the one who told you to turn off the monitor."

"I should have known he quieted down too fast."

"Blaming yourself won't help anyone."

"I need some air. I'll be back in five minutes. Let me know if they tell you anything."

**xxxxx**

"Dana Brooks, Child Welfare."

"It's about time," the pediatrician said.

"You said you suspected a seven-month-old was suffocated by his father?"

"I am just required by law to call you into anything even remotely suspicious. I don't know if the parents did anything. The father claims he left the baby on his back in the crib. When the mother checked him he was face down and not breathing."

"Are there any other signs of abuse?"

"He did have a bruise on his arm. His father said it happened when the baby accidentally hit his arm on the side of the changing table."

"Seven-month-old infants don't usually suffocate themselves, do they?"

"It usually happens with babies under six months old, but here's the kicker, this child was premature. He's developing slower. Right now he is the weight—and has about the strength—of a five-month-old. It is not at all outside of the realm of possibility that this was an accident. If it weren't for the bruise I never would have called it in."

"You did the right thing. Where are the parents?"

"Down the hall, to the left."

"And how is the child?"

"I'm keeping him over night for observation, but he'll be fine. He was revived before any damage could be done."

**xxxxx**

"Mrs. Massey?" Dana said.

"Yes. How is my son?" Jess asked the woman she thought was a doctor.

"He will be fine." She flashed her I.D. at Jess. "I am Dana Brooks from Child Welfare."

Jess let out a breath she wasn't aware she was holding when she heard Joe was okay. She wasn't at all shocked to see a social worker. She knew the laws. "I figured they'd call you. Look, it was an accident. Joseph has been unusually fussy for a while now and he was overtired. I'm sure he rolled over on his stomach and was too exhausted to wake up to roll on his back."

"The doctor said your husband was alone with the child all day."

"He was."

"Where were you?"

"At a wedding."

"How long was your son alone with your husband?"

"About seven hours."

"Has he cared for the child before?"

"All the time. I want to see my son."

"I need to speak to your husband."

"He's outside. Can I see my son now?"

"Yes."

**xxxxx**

The police that were first on the scene to Nathan's 911 call stayed behind after the ambulance left to speak to one of the next-door neighbors Mrs. Abernathy. She was the busy body of the neighborhood and was happy to tell the cops that she heard Joe cry all the time. Her words prompted the police to tell Child Welfare to investigate.

**xxxxx**

Nathan and Jess were in Joe's I.C.U. room watching their son sleep. And watching them with very hostile and suspicious eyes were nurses in the nursing station. They were alone in the room, so they could talk without being heard.

"Are they ever going to stop watching us?" Nathan asked.

Jess didn't say anything.

"What's the matter? The pediatrician said he'll be okay."

"This looks really bad, Nathan. At first I wasn't thinking straight, so I didn't see it. But now…I see how bad this looks."

"You know I have really good lawyers. Nothing bad will happen. I'll take care of it."

"No, Nathan. Don't even think about it. We will handle this together and legally. No bribes, no threats. Okay?"

"Okay, but it will take longer."

"It's worth it. Listen, I think we should call the family."

"Why? I don't want people knowing about this."

"Neither do I, but if worse comes to worse and they take him from us they won't put him in a foster home if he has a relative in the state. I don't like it any more than you, but I like our baby being cared for by strangers less."

"Okay. Call someone."

**xxxxx**

"Elian, sit properly and use your fork," Mariela scolded her youngest child.

"He's fine, dear," Dave said.

"Easy for you to say. You're not going to have to get that stain out of his shirt."

"That's enough, both of you," Carlos said.

"Do you two do that yet?" Armena asked.

"Not yet," Antonio and Nicole said.

"Just wait," Carla laughed.

Antonio asked his wife if they should tell their family what they'd been talking about.

"Go ahead," Nicole said.

"We've decided to look into adoption when we get back from Hawaii."

"That's great," Carla said. "I was starting to wonder if I would ever be a grandmother. But why adoption, is something wrong?"

"No. Not that we know. But I am thirty-two. The reason we want to adopt is because Antonio and I thought it better to make a home for a child who is already here rather than bring another one into the world."

"I think it's wonderful," Armena said. "Congratulations."

"What is adoption?" Elian asked.

"That means that you are going to have a new cousin soon," Mariela gave the simplest answer she could come up with.

**xxxxx**

Nicole looked out the window as their plane left the ground. In twelve hours they would be in sunny Hawaii. Antonio was sitting next to her with a goofy smile on his face.

"I know what you're thinking of," she said. "You're just thrilled about this adoption thing aren't you?"

"Let's also try to have a child of our own."

"Oh no, not you too."

"Not me too what?"

"Did you hear what your sister said to Elian last night, when he asked what adoption is?"

"She said he would have a cousin soon."

"That wasn't much of an answer. Why didn't she tell him exactly what it means?"

"Maybe she thought he was too young."

"Or maybe she didn't want him feeling like this kid isn't really his family."

"Is this about Elian and Mariela or you?"

"When I was in the foster homes I had a lot of bad experiences and a lot of bad feelings, but I think the worst feeling I ever had was that I didn't belong there. I don't want our family to make our daughter feel that way. And she will be _our _daughter."

"Mariela isn't like that. She will love this girl like she would if you gave birth to her. And Yarisbet, Alex, and Elian will follow by example. I promise."

"What about you? Why did you want a biological child?"

"…Okay, I'll tell you. Last year-"

"Oh boy. Here is comes. Anytime you start a sentence with last year I know what's coming. Let me guess, your brush with death made you want to leave a part of you on this earth."

He laughed. "You got me. But also I just think it would be nice to have something that is a part of us."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay. We'll throw away the birth control and whatever happens happens. And we will still talk to an agency when we get back."

"Deal."

**xxxxx**

Jess met her mother outside of the hospital when her cab pulled up. "What kept you so long?"

"The only flight I could get wasn't until four this morning."

"Nathan and I have to meet that social worker at noon and I didn't want Joe to be alone."

"Are they arresting you?"

"My lawyer says they're just going to talk to us at Child Welfare. I don't know what's going to happen after that."

"You didn't sound like you were telling me the whole story over the phone last night. It sounds like they are making a lot out of this. Babies smother themselves all the time."

"I think it was that b..witch Gloria Abernathy. Joe's been crying a lot and I know she told the police that. I'm sure she also said we fought a lot in the beginning of our marriage."

**xxxxx**

"Does your son cry a lot?" a social worker asked Nathan.

"Lately yes. He might be teething."

"I didn't see any teeth."

"I said might."

"I have a daughter. When she was Joseph's age she was colicky. She would scream for hours on end. It drove me out of my mind. I know how aggravating a fussy baby can be. Sometimes you just want to do something..anything to quiet them."

"I didn't smother my son."

**xxxxx**

In another room Dana was speaking to Jess.

"Is Nathan patient with Joseph when he's crying?"

"Sometimes he's more patient than I am. Nathan loves Joe more than I ever thought a man could love a child he didn't make. You would never know Joe isn't his biological son."

"Sometimes people are sick. That sickness can make it very easy for them to hurt or accidentally kill someone they really do love."

"I know about that. I'm no idiot, Ms. Brooks. I know about child abusers. And I know my husband isn't one of them."

"From what we here you're not home with him very often when he's with the baby. How do you really know what goes on when you're gone?"

"I know Nathan."

**xxxxx**

"So let's go over this again."

"Joe was crying. He had been crying for hours. I decided to leave him in his crib. I thought he might cry himself to sleep. Jess came home, went to check on him, saw he wasn't breathing."

"That's a tad bit different then the last story you told."

"Yes I called my wife. Yes she suggested I leave him alone. But I was responsible for him. I don't even know why Jess is here. She didn't do anything wrong. All this stress is not good for her. She's pregnant."

**xxxxx**

"Why did you decide to check on your son?"

"Nathan said he fell asleep abruptly. He usually doesn't do that. Joe usually cries himself to sleep slowly."

"The doctors said Joseph was revived just before any damage could be done…Your husband is in medical school isn't he?"

"If you're going where I think you are with this. You need to get the story straight. _I _revived Joe while Nathan called 911."

"But he made sure you went in there."

"I went in there as soon as I got home. I suppose you're going to tell me he had control over when I walked through the front door too. I know it sounds like a big coincidence. God was watching out for him."

**xxxxx**

"I laid him on the changing table and he was flailing and kicking. He hit his arm on the rail."

Nathan was angry at the allegations against him, but he was still respectful of the social worker. She was wrong about him, but he had deep respect for people who helped children in need. His son just was not one them.

**xxxxx**

"I am going to a funeral today," Dana said. "For a boy whose father killed him. He threw him against the wall. He had been beating that child for months and the boy's mother never knew about it…until Jay was dead."

"That's sad..tragic really, but that's not what's happening to my son. I think we're done here."

**xxxxx **

On the plane they were flipping through pamphlets of the resort they would be staying at.

"I want to try this, parasailing," Nicole said.

"You're not getting me up there."

"What do you want to do?"

"I'd like to try this golf course."

"Golfing? You can do that at home. We're going to Hawaii. This is probably our last vacation for a long time if we are going to have kids. We could be home bound for years."

"You're not chickening out on me are you?"

"Not yet. Are we ready for this?"

"I've been ready for a long time. And I think you have too."

"Okay," she closed the pamphlet. "That is the last thing we are going to say about our impending family until we get back to Maryland. This is our honeymoon." She kissed him.

**xxxxx**

"What do we think?" the Child Welfare supervisor asked the social workers.

"I think he did it," the one who talked to Nathan said.

"So do I," Dana said. "But I don't think the mother knows it."

"My question is…or it should have been do we have proof? Any real proof that can stand in a family court?"

"A seven-month-old almost died."

"But he didn't," Dana said. "He was revived just before it was too late, his mother sent by his father, a medical professional. Nathan knew he could shut that baby up without killing him."

"That won't stand up with a judge. All you have is a corrected-aged five-month-old baby who can't even sit up. He very easily could have smothered himself."

"What about the bruise?"

"One bruise means nothing."

"It means a lot when it was obtained the very day he almost died. Sir,-"

"Sir nothing. Close it."

**xxxxx**

When her cell went off Jess left Joe's I.C.U. room to answer the call.

"Massey."

"_Good news_," her lawyer said, "_Child Welfare is closing the case as inconclusive_. _It's over_."

"Inconclusive. That means they can reopen it at any time."

"_Let's worry about that when and if it happens_. _Usually when these things get closed they stay closed_. _Take your son home_. _Get on with your lives_."

"I guess it's better than the alternative. Thanks." Jess put away her cell and as she looked down the hall to her dismay she saw the last person in the world she wished to see—Nicole's mother.

"Hi, Jess. What are you doing here, working?"

"No. I'm not in the field."

"So then what brings you here?"

She thought about lying, but she figured Carla would learn the truth sooner or later and she wanted her to hear her side of it before the other nurses told her what they thought. "…My son. He's in the I.C.U. He's all right though. He's being released in a few minutes."

"Thank God. What happened?"

"He smothered himself in his crib…Listen, Carla, I know about doctor/patient confidentiality. Is there a such thing as nurse/patient's mother confidentiality?"

"Don't worry. I won't tell Nicole."

"Thank you."

That afternoon Joe was released into his parents' custody.

**xxxxx**

At seven that evening Jess did what she always did when she was home to rock Joe to sleep. She rocked him to sleep singing _Joe Knows How To Live _By Eddy Raven.

"He's asleep," Jess came out to the family room to her mom and Nathan.

"Mom was just telling me that Doug and Sylvia have been seeing each other," Nathan said.

"Are you kidding?"

"Ever since the wedding."

"I was surprised too," Nathan said. "Sylvia's never seen the same guy for more than one night."

"I hope they work out," Jess said. "They both need a stable relationship. And we have something to tell you too, mom. You are going to have another grandson in September."

They had a quiet celebration that evening. Celebrating Joe's survival and the impending arrival of the newest member of their family.

"I have to get to bed. My flight is early." Toni kissed Jess and Nathan. "Goodnight and if I don't see you before I leave good morning and goodbye."

"Bye," Jess said.

"Goodnight," Nathan said.

Nathan reclined in his chair. "Tough two days, huh?"

"I want you to know that I never thought for a second that you hurt him."

"I know."

"Joe is lucky to have you and so am I."

"I'm lucky too."

**xxxxx**

The following Sunday Jess and Nathan went somewhere they hadn't been in a long time—church. They sung the songs and prayed to their Lord, all the while thanking him that they could do it with their son in their arms.

In Hawaii Nicole and Antonio had their last big hurrah before they tied themselves down with kids.


	14. Diagnosis Murder

Diagnosis Murder

"But my favorite thing was the parasailing," Nicole told Jess about her honeymoon. "I always wanted to try that. I couldn't get Antonio to try it though."

"Sounds like you two had a great time."

"So anything interesting happen to you?"

"…Nope. Just boring. Boring, boring, boring."

"I'll just pretend I don't know you're lying."

"Thank you."

"How's the baby?"

"Kicking me to death."

"Good morning, everyone," Kemyss said to Nicole and Jess.

"Good morning," Devin said.

"Good morning," they said.

"What's new?" Nicole said.

"A baby was taken from Clearview Park in Maryland."

"You're kidding. My nanny takes Joe there all the time."

"Six months old. Elijah Cohen." He gave her the folder. "The child's mother is still at the park. You're supposed to meet her there."

**xxxxx**

"Where is Samuel? I called him thirty minutes ago," Maureen cried.

"I'm sure he will be here soon," Nicole said. "While we wait for him, let's go over what happened again."

"He was right here in the stroller. We were getting ready to leave. I turned around to get his diaper bag in order and when I turned around he was gone." She began sobbing.

"We will find him," Jess told her. "How long was your back turned."

"Like five minutes."

"Did you notice anyone following you or watching you?"

"No. There was no one," she said still crying.

**xxxxx**

Samuel arrived and brought his wife home.

"What do you think?" Nicole said as they watched the couple drive off.

"I saw the baby in a vision. He was crying. I think he was getting blood drawn."

"By a doctor I hope."

"Yes. At least there was that. He was in a doctor's office. I saw the doctor talking to the parents. He said he was sorry and they were crying."

"Samuel and Maureen."

"Yeah."

"I hope that's metaphoric and not a vision of how this is all going to end."

**xxxxx**

Nicole told Jess about her and Antonio's plans for their family. "We meet with an agent from the adoption agency this afternoon." They got to Devin's desk.

"I have to check something. I'll be right back," Jess said.

"Did you get anything out of Jess's vision?" Nicole asked Devin.

"Nothing specific or that stands out. You'd be surprised how many hits you can get off blood, doctor, and infant…Forensics didn't find anything on the stroller or near the bench. No finger prints, no footprints other than Maureen's."

"It doesn't sound right. You can't kidnap an infant when his mother is three inches away," Nicole said. "On top of that there was no one else in the park to verify Elijah was really there at all. And who goes to the park at nine in the morning?"

"Jackpot," Jess said as she was coming to them. "Teresa takes Joe there at ten every morning. I called her and sent her Elijah and Maureen's pictures she knows them. They were there yesterday, but they left early. Elijah had a doctor's appointment."

"Jackpot is right," Devin said.

**xxxxx **

Jess stayed behind when Nicole went to talk to Samuel and Maureen at their home because Kemyss ordered her to stay out of the field when an arrest might occur.

They wanted to get a warrant to search the home, but didn't have just cause.

Samuel opened the door. "Have you found him?"

"No, Sir, I need to speak to you and your wife."

Maureen came down to talk with the agent.

"Did Elijah have blood drawn lately?" Nicole went straight to the point of her visit.

Maureen gasped and started crying again.

Samuel got nervous and brought Nicole to another room. "You'll have to excuse my wife. She's understandably distraught."

"What does Elijah's blood test have to do with his disappearance, Mr. Cohen?"

"Nothing. She's not in her right mind. Listen, we told you what we know. If you'll excuse me, I have to take care of my wife."

He opened the door to let her out.

**xxxxx**

"Your six-month-old patient is missing. As his physician I would think you would want to help us," Nicole tried to get Elijah's pediatrician to talk about his visit the day before.

"You know that by law I am not allowed to disclose a patient's medical information. Get Samuel or Maureen's permission or a warrant and I will talk to you."

"So you do have something to say. Something that might shed light on this."

"This conversation is over."

**xxxxx **

"You're not going to get a warrant based on a vision," Kemyss said. "Do you have anything else?"

"No."

"Then get another theory. We don't know the parents and doctor had anything to do with this. It could have been a stranger abduction."

"Do you honestly believe somebody was able to grab a baby while his mother was five inches away?"

"It doesn't matter what I believe. You can't get a warrant and you have to do something, so either sit around and wait or get another strategy."

"I want to talk to the mother alone," Jess said. "I know she has something to say."

"Samuel will never let that happen."

"It's worth a try," she started to walk away and stopped when she had her second vision.

Devin and Nicole waited to hear what she saw.

"It's was the same as the last one. The baby was crying. I saw the blood being drawn. This time I saw it closer."

"Like that is the main part of the vision?" Devin asked.

"Yeah. Then I heard the doctor say there is no cure."

"What does that mean?" Nicole said.

"Maybe it's not metaphoric. Maybe that's what happened when they went to the doctor yesterday. I'm going to go find out."

**xxxxx**

"Absolutely not," Samuel said when Jess asked him if she could see his wife alone.

"Sir, I am a mother. I know how your wife must feel. I promise to be gentle."

"…Okay."

Jess went up to Elijah's nursery. Maureen was sitting in a rocking chair sobbing.

"Mrs. Cohen."

"Do you have any new information on my son?"

"We don't know where he is yet, but we do have more information. I understand you know my nanny Teresa."

"Yes. Is Joseph your baby?"

"He is."

"He's a beautiful child. He used to play with my Elijah on the quilt I always brought."

"Teresa told me Elijah had a pediatrician appointment yesterday morning."

Maureen put the handkerchief to her face and cried more.

"Was your son diagnosed with a terminal illness yesterday, Maureen?"

"Tay-Sachs Disease."

**xxxxx**

Nicole called Antonio.

"_Are we still meeting with the adoption agent_?" he asked.

"I'm on my way there now. I only have time for her to go over the basics. Jess is out talking to someone and we're on hold with this case until she gets back."

"_All right_. _I'm leaving now_. _I'll see you there_."

**xxxx **

"Patricia Gadsby. Nice to meet you. Please sit," the adoption agent said. "So tell me what made you want to look into adoption?"

"I was raised by the state, and I want to give a family to a child who is in the same circumstances I was in fifteen years ago."

"What about you?" Patricia asked Antonio.

"I just want a child. It doesn't matter to me where she comes from."

"Antonio's wanted to be a daddy for a long time."

After a short while more of getting to know them Patricia explained the process. "Do you want an infant or an older child?"

"We want a girl, about three years old."

"I think the best option for you two is the foster/adopt program. In plain adoption we register you and put you on a waiting list and if and when a child becomes available when you're next on the list you get her. It could be months, it could be years, it could be never. In the foster/adopt program you become registered foster parents and you usually get a child right away. Then as soon as the child becomes legally available for adoption you get the first choice to make her legally yours."

"Why doesn't everyone do that then?"

"Because when you first get the child you are only the foster mother. We can take the child back at any time. If we gave you a girl that we took from her parents because of abuse. You would have her through the investigation and if the parent pleads or is found guilty while they comply with the judge's orders for rehabilitation. The counseling and parenting classes usually take about six months. Then if the parent wants the child back she will be removed from your home. A lot of people have trouble with that. But if the parent relinquishes his or her rights to the child you may adopt her."

"The parent can also lose their rights if the crime is severe too, right?" Antonio asked.

"Yes. But it usually doesn't not happen that way. A majority of children taken from their homes are returned. I'm not going to lie to you. The first rule of our system is to remedy and decrease the risk of abuse or neglect by assisting parents in properly raising their kids. The second rule is do everything we can to reunite children with their parents..when it is safe to do so. And when the crime is something that the parent who is responsible for it has no chance of getting a second opportunity to raise the child—like life threatening battery or sexual abuse of any kind—the child is usually only put in foster care until arrangements are made for a blood relative to take in the child."

Antonio was shocked. "So what you're telling us is the only way we could get a kid is if her parents relinquish her to the state, she was molested and there are no blood relatives, or she was battered to within an inch of her life?"

"I'm sorry to say that is completely true. That is why most people choose to just wait—possibly for years—for a child who already is available for adoption."

Nicole's pager went off. "I have to get back to work. Antonio and I will discuss this later, and call you in a couple of days."

"Actually I'm gonna hang back here for a few more minutes."

"Okay." She kissed him goodbye. "See you later."

"That's the third time I've seen that this month," Patricia said to Antonio.

"What?"

"You came in here with a smile that could light up a room. Now you look like you lost your best friend. I see that expression a lot when I tell people how difficult this can be."

"I didn't think we would have to choose between waiting years or taking in a child we might lose."

"If it were just your decision what would you want to do?"

"I want to help this system any way I can, but I don't know if I can raise a child for six months, a year, and then just have them leave. On the other hand, Nicole and I aren't getting any younger. We can't just wait around for years. It's not like we're twenty-five and will be as active and able to handle having a young child in five years. It's not just my decision to make though, and I think I already know what Nicole is going to want to do."

**xxxxx **

"Tay-Sachs," Nicole said.

"That's all she would tell me, but I think we can fill in the blanks."

"You think they killed him?"

"I'm sure of it. I was doing some reading on this disease while I was waiting for you. It's a terminal, agonizing disease. Parents watch their kids suffer and die for months, sometimes years. They didn't want him to suffer. They probably gave him an overdoes of cold medicine or aspirin, something to kill him peacefully. I called in for a warrant and the house is being searched right now. They didn't have time to get rid of whatever they used to kill him."

"And you're sure about this?" Kemyss said.

"My visions have stopped. That usually means I figured it out."

"You sure did," Devin said. "We found Elijah's body. He was buried in the backyard of his home. They confessed to giving him half a bottle of Nyquil this morning."

"You did it again," Thomas said to his team. "Good work."

Jess walked off sullen and Nicole followed her.

"What is it?" Nicole said. "We got them."

"Yeah. Their son is dead and they're going to prison. Real great outcome, Nicole."

"You sound like you don't think they belong in jail."

"I don't."

"They murdered their baby."

"It wasn't that simple, Nicole."

"I know it wasn't their first choice, but would you do it, if it were Joe?"

"I would not let my child suffer for months. I would have done the exact same thing."

"No, you wouldn't."

"I was faced with this two weeks ago. When I came home from the wedding Joe was unconscious. He suffocated himself on his mattress. When I was waiting for the ambulance I was thinking about what if he never wakes up? What if he ends up being a vegetable and I have to decide whether or not to pull the plug? Before we even got to the hospital I knew I would let him go." After that long-time-coming minor outburst Jess pushed the elevator button and hoped the doors would open quickly.

"…I'm sorry, Jess. I didn't know. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was just so glad he was all right. Nathan and I decided to never speak of it again."

"This case must have been a nightmare for you."

"This was the first missing child assignment we've had since Bailey Hughes. I was hoping for a better ending this time."

"We still might find her alive."

"I'm going home to my son…And I think I am going to take time off. For the rest of the pregnancy. All this stress can't be good for the baby."

"That's a good idea. I'll call you later."

**xxxxx**

"How was your day?" Nathan asked her when she got home that evening.

"Hell. And yours?"

"I learned how to repair a broken femur. What happened to you? You look tired…more than usual."

"Where is the baby?"

"In the nursery."

**xxxxx**

"Hey, Joe. How are you?" she said picking him up. She brought him to the rocking chair and sat with him facing her. "I was thinking about you today. I think about you everyday, but today more than usual. I was thinking about your brother too-"

"Honey," Nathan came in the nursery. "What happened today?"

"He is only eight months old and already he has a friend who's died."

"Who died?"

"This baby that he sees everyday when Teresa takes him to the park. His name was Elijah. His parents killed him to protect him from dying a long and painful death. Tay-Sachs."

"That's awful. I'm sorry. Are you okay?"

"It made me think about this child that's growing inside me. I never believed in abortion before today. If I found out this baby was sick I would do it in a heartbeat."

"You sound really bad." He picked up Joe. "I'll take care of him for the rest of the night. You just rest."

"Yeah. I need it."

**xxxxx**

Nicole got home anticipating whether or not they would agree on which program was best for them.

"Did you find who you were looking for?" Antonio asked Nicole.

"Yeah. He wasn't alive, but we found him."

"I'm sorry."

"So am I…Listen, what do think about this foster/adopt program?"

"I did a lot of thinking on that versus the regular adoption and I decided…that I can't decide. What ever you want is okay with me."

"You don't have _any _preference?"

"No." That was a lie. In the end he did prefer the regular adoption program. But he wanted Nicole to have what she wanted. She wanted to help someone. And he knew the foster/adopt program was how she would want to do it."

"I want to try the foster/adopt program."

"I thought so. I have all the information right here."

"How did you know I would pick this?"

"I didn't. I have all the information on the adoption program too." There was no truth in that either.

**xxxxx**

Over the next three months Nicole and Antonio attended classes two evenings a week to become licensed foster parents. They decided to start with two children—girls, preschool-aged—and hoped sooner or later they would find one they could adopt.

Teresa enjoyed a long vacation (which she would need since she could soon be a nanny to four children) while Jess was a stay-at-home mom. She loved being there when Joe woke up in the mornings and being the one who rocked him to sleep every night. She wasn't bored at all being home all day the way she thought she would be. She especially liked that she was the first person he crawled to. She was still a consultant for the bureau and still was involved in some of the cases that came through.


	15. Old Habits Die Hard

Old Habits Die Hard

In August 2007 Nicole and Antonio graduated their foster parent class.

"Congratulations," the social worker said to the couples with their certificates. "And on behalf of the children of Maryland, thank you."

**xxxxx **

"Are you ready? They will be here any second," Antonio said.

Two days after becoming licensed foster parents Nicole and Antonio were expecting their first foster child to arrive. She was three years old and her name was Heather. She had been abandoned by her parents four months before and had been in the system ever since. She'd been in one previous foster home, but her last foster parents sent her away when she broke an antique during a tantrum. Nicole was ready to take her on.

Even though when they were filling out the paperwork Antonio and Nicole said it didn't matter what race the child was, as luck would have it Heather was half African American and half Hispanic.

The doorbell rang.

Nicole took a deep breath and let it out. "I'm ready." She grabbed his hand and they went to the door.

A social worker was holding the hand of a child that stood no taller than thirty-six inches with brown eyes and dark brown hair that was slightly longer than shoulder length. In her eyes Nicole recognized that look of sadness and hopelessness.

"This is Heather," the social worker said. "Heather, this is Nicole and Antonio."

"Hi, Heather," Nicole said.

"Hi," Antonio said.

None of the three adults expected her to answer back and she didn't. Her social worker gave Antonio her suitcase and gave Nicole Heather's hand.

**xxxxx **

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Nathan said. "You've been getting prenatal care from the same doctor all these months. She delivered Joe. She knows you. If we go to Indiana you'll have only a week or two to get to know the doctor who will deliver this baby."

"It makes sense that we go to Indiana for a while. Then our family won't have to come all the way over here for Joe's birthday and they will be able to see this baby as soon as he's born. And I want to go home for a while. I haven't seen any of our relatives other than my mom since the wedding last year."

"How long do we have to stay out there?"

"Maybe until a few weeks after the baby is born. Why are you dreading this so much?"

"I'm not looking forward to facing my dad. I haven't spoken to him since I quit the business. I knew I'd have to see him eventually. I was just hoping it wouldn't be this soon…I better get these last suitcases out to the car. I can't believe we have to drive all the way there. Ten hours on the road with an eleven-month-old. I can't wait."

"Blame the airlines. They don't let women in the third trimester fly."

**xxxx**

"And this is your room," Nicole and Antonio ended the tour of their home. "This is your bed," Nicole told Heather, "and we might have another little girl come here and she will sleep in that bed over there."

"Are you hungry, thirsty? Do you need anything?"

Heather shook her head. They still had not heard her voice.

"Antonio, give Heather and I a minute alone, okay?"

"Sure. I'll get lunch started."

Nicole sat Heather on the bed next to her. "My mommy and daddy left me too when I was your age. I know how scary it is to be sent to live with strangers."

"Where did your mommy and daddy leave you?"

Nicole smiled, having finally gotten that child to talk. "My mom went away and my dad…he died."

"My daddy and mommy took me to the bus stop and they said they would be back, but they never came back for me."

"I know. And the policeman found you, right?"

"Yeah."

"They loved you, but they knew they couldn't take care of you anymore. They wanted you to live with people who could give you what you need." That was the biggest lie Nicole told that week. Heather's parents abandoned her because they didn't want a child. The wanted the money they used to feed and clothe her to support their drug habits.

"I wish they would come back."

"I know. But I promise you will be happy here." Nicole kissed the top of her head.

**xxxx **

Nicole left Heather to get used to her room and have time alone. She went downstairs to help Antonio in the kitchen.

"I called Teresa," Antonio said. "She'll be here early tomorrow, so you can be here while Heather gets to know her before you have to leave them. How is she doing?"

"I got her talking. It's going to take some time for her to feel comfortable with us, Antonio. Don't expect her to be loving and affectionate right away just because she's a kid. We might never get through to her before she leaves."

"I know that, Nicole."

"I just don't want you to be disappointed."

"I can handle it."

**xxxx**

Nathan pulled on the freeway.

"What are you going to say?" Jess asked him.

"To who?"

"Whom. Your dad."

"I don't want to think about that now, hon."

The ride was basically silent except for Joe's occasional cries and the music they played to quiet him down. They were two hours away from their home town when Jess decided to ask him something that had to be asked. And that was the last chance she would have for a while to ask it.

"Nathan."

"Yeah."

"What's wrong? Really."

"What are you talking about?"

"Are you upset about the baby?"

"No. Where do you get these ideas? Jess, I'm fine with the baby you're carrying. I'm fine with Joe, and I'm fine with you."

"So then what's wrong?"

"…I guess I'm just frustrated. I was doing the math last night and I found out that I am not going to be bringing home a paycheck until my residency and even then I will only make around thirty thousand a year. I remember the days when I made that in a week…on a bad week."

"So what are you saying?"

"Get that look off your face. I'm not saying I'm back in the Mafia. I'm just frustrated."

"It must be hard for you as a guy to not make anything, but you need to think of the big picture. You could either have a career where you have to lie to your kids about what you do or you could stand a little dent in your pride now so later your sons can say they want to grow up to be doctors like daddy. And financially we are fine. Better than fine. I can't think of anything we need or want the kids to have that we can't afford."

"Why doesn't that make me feel better?"

"I'm not a shrink, but if I were I think I'd say that you're upset about disappointing your dad and nervous about facing him."

**xxxxx**

Nicole read the last line of the story they were reading to Heather and she closed the book. Antonio tucked her in and Nicole turned on the night light.

"We'll see you tomorrow, Heather. Good night."

"Good night," Heather said.

They turned off the main light and shut the door to a crack.

"You enjoyed reading her that story," Nicole said.

"I loved it. I am so glad I am not in the bureau so I can be here to do that every night…And maybe for our baby too. How is that coming?"

"I haven't been on the pill since the honeymoon. If we can still have kids we will." She flipped on the hall light for Heather and they went down stairs.

"Mom is coming over tomorrow after her shift to meet her. If I forget be sure to tell Teresa in the morning because I don't think either of us will be home yet when Mom gets here."

"Okay. I think I will go in the family room and call Elias. I want to see how he's doing and tell him about Heather. Then I'll call my parents."

**xxxxx**

Jess put the key in the lock and turned the knob of her mom's house. Nathan walked in behind her with Joe in his arms asleep.

"I've been waiting for you guys," Toni said.

"We probably would have been here an hour ago, but we stopped at every single rest stop on the way," Nathan said looking at his wife.

"You know what," Jess said, "why don't you carry the baby for a while?"

"I am carrying a baby. And this one weighs a lot more than the one you're carrying."

"Nathan, you can put Joe upstairs. I have the playpen all set up," Toni cut in before the quarrel escalated.

Nathan left the room with Joe.

"Trouble in paradise?"

"Nathan is being such a pain lately. I don't what's wrong with him."

"He's probably nervous about the baby. When I was pregnant with you your dad was a mess. Even though you were our second baby it still unnerved him."

"Why?"

"Double the money, double the stress, double the crying…get it?"

"I guess so."

"Don't worry. He'll come around."

**xxxxx**

"_Tomorrow I am going to the toy store and I will send Heather the nicest present I can find_," Antonio's mom told him.

"Thank you. I'm sure she will love it.

"_Did you talk to your brother lately_?"

"I called him tonight. He's doing well." Antonio couldn't tell his mother that he couldn't reach Elias and that when he talked him a month before he sounded awful.

**xxxxx**

That evening after Heather had gone to sleep at an unexpected seven-thirty Nicole and Antonio had the evening all to themselves. They weren't pregnant, but talked about it, and for the fun of it started thinking up names for the child they might have.

"What about…" he thought of another name, "…Richard?"

"No. How about Mathew?"

"Mateo."

"I could never pronounce that. Maybe we should think of girls' names. I have a bunch of those. Hannah, Carly, Christiana."

"Alexis."

"That's too popular."

"And Hannah isn't popular? Every girl I see now is named Hannah."

"I didn't say it couldn't be popular at all. I just said I would prefer if it weren't _too _popular."

"What do you think about Zachary for a boy?"

"That's a good one."

"Then Zachary if it's a boy and Hannah if it's a girl?"

"All right."

Before they went to sleep that night they tried again to conceive Zachary or Hannah.

**xxxxx**

"This is almost unbearable, Jess," Nathan said as he laid with his wife on her old twin bed with Joe's playpen in the room with them. "Why the hell didn't we just get a hotel?"

"It probably wouldn't be this bad if I weren't this fat. It's going to be worse when there's a bassinet with a screaming infant in here too. You're right. It was a bad idea to come here."

"You're not fat. You're pregnant. And yes, it was a bad idea to come here…I can't take it anymore." He got up. "I'm going to go sleep on the couch."

She grabbed his hand before he walked away from the bed.

"What is it?"

"I don't know."

He kissed her hand and let go. "Don't worry, babe. This mood I'm in has nothing to do with you."

Jess did very little sleeping that night. Not only was she uncomfortable from the pregnancy, she was scared to death that her marriage was falling apart.

Nathan and Jess were no longer the Nathan and Jess they used to be. They used to be happy.

We used to complete each other, she thought. Now we're just in each other's way…Actually it seems more like me, Joe, and our baby are in his way. What is happening to us?

It was probably more the hormones of the pregnancy than anything else, but she did more crying than sleeping that night.

**xxxxx**

Nicole and Antonio's alarm clock went off. Instead of the groggy looks they usually had on their faces, that morning they both were smiling from ear to ear.

"Good morning," he said.

"Good morning."

"Do you think we made a baby last night?"

"I don't know. Let's go take care of the baby we have now."

"Teresa will be here in half an hour. What time are you going in?"

"I want to give Heather at least forty-five minutes to get to know her before I leave, so I'll be a little late. I already cleared it with Kemyss."

**xxxxx **

Toni was feeding Joe his breakfast in an old highchair she'd found in the garage when Jess came in the kitchen.

"There you are," Jess said to Joe. She kissed the top of his head.

"I heard him crying and you were still asleep, so I took him. What is Nathan doing on the couch?"

"I can't tell if he was too uncomfortable in the bed or just wanted to get away from me…I hope you hosed this thing down," she said about the highchair.

"Of course I washed it. What's this about Nathan wanting to get away from you?"

"When is everyone getting here?" Their family was coming over to celebrate Joe's first birthday.

"Around twelve. I got the cake in the refrigerator."

Jess sat at the table. "Oh, I can't wait for this baby to come out. After what happened to him I never thought I'd say this, but I hope this one comes early. I'm already nine months pregnant, so he would be fine if he came now."

"You don't want him to come now. When they're older Joe and that baby will not be happy if they have to share a birthday."

"You know I was thinking about that. Joe's birthday is September third and this baby is due September fifteenth. Every year from now on I'm supposed to have two parties in the same month?"

"That is a choice you will have to make with them when they are older. For the next couple of years you can have their parties on the same day. It won't matter to them, but in three or four more years they might want their own day. And they should have that if they want."

Nathan came in.

"Good morning, Nathan," Toni said.

"Morning."

"The family will be here around noon," Jess said knowing Nathan would want to know when his dad was coming.

"Great," he spoke with sarcasm. Toni didn't notice it.

**xxxxx **

Antonio was the first person home to see his foster child.

He picked her up and was happy when she didn't resist it. "Did you have fun with Teresa today?"

"Yes."

"She was a very good girl," Teresa said.

"Where is Nicole?"

"She will be home later, honey," he told Heather.

**xxxxx**

He put it off for five hours, but it was time for Nathan to confront his father. They went upstairs to the den, away from the party, so they could be alone.

"What do you want, Nathan?" Nathan Sr. asked his son.

"I thought we should talk. I haven't spoken to you since I left the business."

"I don't think there's anything to say. You abandoned your family and gave up money that your wife and kids need. And for what, what are you doing with yourself now?"

"I'm in medical school."

"School. What are they paying you?"

"Nothing."

"So you're mooching off your wife. And what's going to happen when you graduate? How much will you be making when you're a doctor?"

"I don't know exactly."

"It won't be as much as you were making before, that's for damn sure. I don't know what's wrong with you, Nathan. You've always been a hard headed son of a bitch. Always going against me. Even when you were a kid. And you wonder why you got your ass kicked so much."

Nathan was shaken, but didn't know why. It wasn't like it was out of character for his father to talk that way to him. It had just been so long that the wounds had slightly closed and were just reopened…and salted.

**xxxxx**

"There you are." After a search through the house Nathan found his wife in the kitchen cleaning up the highchair that their baby had desecrated with cake and ice cream. "I wanted to let you know I'm leaving. I'm going back to Maryland. Call me when you go into labor."

"Nathan, wait." Jess couldn't move fast, but luckily she caught her husband in the driveway and caught him before he got in the taxi he called. "What happened?"

"I just talked to my dad. I can't stay around him."

"All right. We'll go to a hotel."

"I don't even want to be in the same state with him, Jess. I have to go home. And anyway I shouldn't be taking so much time away from school. Call me when the baby is coming. I'll be here before he's born."

**xxxxx**

It was three days before her due date and Jess decided to do something she used to do all the time before she moved away—she visited her dad in the cemetery. Actually it was a mausoleum. She sat on a bench in front of the wall where her dad was.

"Hi, dad. I know it's been a long time since I've been here…About three years. I didn't come when I was here last year because the first time I was so worried about telling the family about Joe and when I came back for the wedding I was really stressed out. I guess you know Joe turned one year old last week. He's still small, looks about ten months old, but he's so much bigger than he was the day he was born. He's crawling. He is starting to pull himself up and stand. His doctor says he'll be walking soon.

And this one is due in just a few days. I can't wait to see him…And of course you know about Nathan. I guess you know _all _about Nathan. I am so afraid he is going to go back to his old habits. He's so frustrated with not making money in medical school. And I know his dad just made things so much worse. I don't know what I'll do if he gets back into that stuff again. I can't stay with him, but I also don't think I can raise these boys alone and be an agent…"

**xxxxx**

Nicole picked up her home phone that afternoon. "Hello."

"_I was expecting the machine_."

"There was nothing to do, so my supervisor sent me home," she told Heather's case worker. "What's up?"

"_I have some very good news for you_. _Heather's parents terminated their parental rights in family court today_. _Since we can't track down any relatives, she is officially available for adoption_."

"You're joking. Does that mean we can have her?"

"_It sure does_. _First thing's first_, _you have to come in and fill out some paperwork_. _Then it will take about_ _six months for the adoption to be finalized_."

"This is great. I'm going to call Antonio right now. Thank you so much."

**xxxxx**

"_In six months she will be all ours forever_. _We go in tomorrow afternoon to fill out the paperwork_," Nicole told Antonio.

"Great, honey. This is just great. As soon as I get home I am going to call everyone."

"Do you think I should tell Heather?"

"No. Let's not say anything until it's final. We don't know what could happen."

**xxxxx**

"…So that's everything that's new with me," Jess said to her father. She had such a sense relief after she told her dad every feeling, every fear, and everything she felt she couldn't tell anyone else. Sure he wasn't talking back, but somehow saying what she felt out loud helped her a lot. She smiled feeling much better, but that didn't last long when she felt a sharp pain. "This cannot be happening now. Why do I always go into labor in the worst possible places?" she said to herself and him while dialing her cell phone.

Nathan excused himself from his group at the medical school when his cell went off. He saw from the caller I.D. that it was Jess. "Are you having the baby?"

"_Yes_._ I'm going to the hospital right now_. _When will you be here_?"

"I left my suitcase in the car, so I don't even have to go home. I'm heading to the airport now. I'll be on the first flight." He heard her moan and didn't hear anything in the background. "Where are you?"

"_At the mausoleum_."

"Alone?"

"_Yes. But it's okay_. _I'm at the car_."

"You're sure you can drive yourself?"

"_I'm pulling out of the parking space right now_."

Nathan stayed on the phone with her while she drove to the hospital and he drove to the airport. Then he hung up to call the school and tell them why he left and she called her family.


	16. Nathan Tobias Massey VIII

Nathan Tobias Massey VIII 

Heather was a very intuitive child, so while Nicole was playing with her that afternoon she saw her foster mother seemed more happy than usual.

"Why are you so happy?"

"Because I love playing with you," Nicole said. At least that was part of the truth.

Heather smiled. That was the first time anyone ever said that to her.

Antonio came through the door and Heather ran to him and grabbed his hand. "We're playing _High Ho!_ _Cherry-O_. Come play with us."

**xxxxx**

After dinner Nicole put in a children's movie and the three of them sat on the couch to watch it. But not long after it started Heather fell asleep on Nicole's lap. Antonio and Nicole talked through the rest of the movie.

"I can't believe she will be ours soon," Antonio said stroking Heather's hair.

"It's surreal, isn't it? If someone had told me two years ago that I would be married to you and we would be adopting a child I would have said they were crazy."

"Life is funny that way."

"Did you ever think we would end up like this?"

"On our first date I knew…well, I thought to myself this woman is not the marrying kind. I never saw this coming until after we moved in together."

"You must have been pretty sure you would be able to talk me into having kids to propose."

"I knew you would come around."

**xxxxx**

"Where is Nathan?" Jess asked her mom who was holding her hand through another contraction.

She had been in labor for six hours and was ready to deliver.

"Jess, we are going to have to have you start pushing soon," her doctor said.

"I'm not doing this without my husband."

"It's not up to me. Your son is ready to come out."

"We will be right here with you," her aunt said.

"…Okay."

**xxxxx**

Nathan got off the elevator to the Labor And Delivery floor.

"How is she?" he asked his mother-in-law.

"Not pregnant anymore. Where were you, Nathan?"

"I had my stethoscope and some other metal instruments in my lab coat. It took forever to get through the medal detector. Then the flight left an hour late…Where is Jess?"

"In there. The baby is being examined and they will bring him down soon."

**xxxxx**

Nathan hugged his wife. "I'm so sorry I wasn't here with you. You have every right to be mad."

"I'm not mad."

"But you wanted me here so much."

"That's because when I had Joe I was alone. This time my mom and Aunt Jennifer were here with me. I'm just glad you're here now." She hugged him again.

"How does he look?"

"Just like Joe, except his eyes are brown and he's as bald as a cantaloupe. He has a few hairs though, they're blond."

"I don't know where he could have gotten that from."

"Go figure. I'm just relieved he is healthy."

**xxxxx**

One of Jess's uncles who was home with Joe brought the twelve-month-old to the hospital to meet his brother. The family gathered around the bed to hear what the baby Jess was holding would be called. The only person who wasn't there was Nathan's father. His mom told everyone he was sick. Only Jess and Nathan knew that wasn't true.

"All right. Tell us the name," Sabrina said. They all knew what the name would be though.

"Everyone," Jess said, "This is Nathan Tobias Massey. But we're going to call him Toby."

"So you don't get confused," Sylvia said.

"We thought about just calling him by his middle name, but we thought Toby was cuter."

"_She _thought that was cuter," Nathan said. "I have no intension of calling him that after he reaches two or three years old."

The family laughed.

"May I?" Nathan's uncle said holding out his arms. Jess gave him the baby. "Hello, Nathan. Do you know that you are the eighth man in this family to have that name?"

**xxxxx**

The next morning, over the phone, Nicole and Jess filled each other in on what was going on with them.

"_That's wonderful, Nicole_," Jess said. "_How long before she is legally yours_?"

"About six months."

"_Have you told her_?"

"Not yet. We think we better wait until it's finalized. So how is everything with you?"

"_I had the baby_; _seven pounds, nine ounces_. _He's healthy and strong and I'm bringing him home in an hour_."

"Congratulations. What is his name?"

"_Toby_."

"Toby?"

"_Nathan Tobias is his full name_. _We're calling him Toby_."

"How is Joe? Do you think he will be jealous of the new baby?"

"_I think he's too young to be jealous_. _In about two months he will probably forget there ever was a time when Toby wasn't with us_."

"When are you coming home?"

"_In a week or two_."

**xxxxx**

Jess went back to Maryland the week after Toby was born. When he was five weeks old she went back to work.

"Good morning," Kemyss said to Jess. "How was your leave?"

"I've had better."

"Are you and Nathan still having trouble?"

"How the hell did you know about that?…Excuse me."

"It's okay. People talk. That's just the way it is around here."

"Yeah. Anyway, I'm ready to be working again."

"You came to the right place. Missing guy. Devin will fill you in."

**xxxxx**

"He left the office on Tuesday at five and his wife said he never made it home," Devin told Nicole and Jess about thirty-nine-year-old Jeffrey Anthony. "The police found his car at the airport. C.S.I. found no prints in the car other than his own. We'd never know it was a kidnapping if it weren't for the prints on the steering wheel. It was like his hands were on ten and two and no where else on the whole wheel."

"So someone wiped their prints off the wheel and had Jeffrey Anthony put his hands on it to make it look like he left his car there," Jess said. "Because we would know right away it was a kidnapping if there were no prints on the wheel at all."

"We know anyway. You can't drive with your hands solely in those places and no where else unless you're just going straight. His wife Cynthia Anthony is waiting for you in room one."

"Did I tell you Joe is walking now?" Jess asked as they were going to talk to the wife.

"Only five hundred times," Nicole joked. "Antonio's been teaching Heather to read."

"Really?"

"She knows the letters and the sounds. We think she'll be reading words soon."

Nicole and Jess had become those ladies who could think or talk about nothing other than their kids. Anytime they had any kind of free time on their hands they spent it bragging about their children.

**xxxxx **

"He left the same time he did every morning," Cynthia said.

"Did he seem out of character at all during the days leading up to his disappearance?" Nicole asked.

"No."

"It says here that you called his office at five-twenty-five. That's a little early to be worried," Jess said. "When does he normally come home, five-thirty?"

"Five fifteen. I just knew something was wrong. Gut instinct or woman's intuition."

"It takes your husband fifteen minutes to get from his firm to your house," Nicole repeated basically what she said for clarity.

"Yes."

"Thank you." Nicole and Jess left the room.

"Okay," Jess said, "that interview wasn't even half over. Why did we leave?"

"Because we know she's lying. It takes at least thirty to forty minutes to get from where Jeffery works to his home…You can send the lady in interrogation one home," Nicole told another agent. "We'll stop by his office and talk to his colleagues and then we'll go to his house and finish with his wife."

"And on the way from the firm to his house we'll time it."

"That's what I'm thinking."

**xxxxx **

Nicole and Jess were talking to one of the men Jeffery worked closest with.

"I don't know who would want to hurt him," he said.

"How was his marriage?" Nicole asked.

"Cynthia and Jeff were doing great…" He cleared his throat. It seemed like a nervous habit.

"Is there something you're not telling us?"

"…If I tell you and you tell his wife and then it just turns out he was on a break-"

"If you don't tell us and he turns up dead it will be your fault," Nicole said.

"He was having an affair. Some girl named Julie. I don't know her last name…Do you have to tell Cynthia about this?"

"We'll see," Jess said.

**xxxxxx**

Cynthia opened the door to Nicole and Jess.

"Thirty-nine minutes," Nicole said. "And that's just how long it took us to get to this street. I stopped timing when it was safe to say you lied to us."

"You want to tell us why?"

"I think he was having an affair."

"So you killed him?"

"Of course not! I think she lived around her and I think he stopped by her place before he came here. Sometimes he would leave work early."

"So he was already around this area when five came and it took him fifteen minutes to get here," Jess finished what Cynthia was trying to say. "What did he tell you when it took more than forty?"

Cynthia opened the door wider to let them it. "He would often offer to do the grocery shopping for me."

"And those were always the days he took longer to get home," Nicole said. "Why didn't you just tell us that?"

"Because I couldn't even admit it to myself until just now. One day I called him at work and they told me he left at four. The week before they said the same thing."

"Do you have any idea who this woman he may be having an affair with is?"

"No."

**xxxxx**

Nicole called Devin from Cynthia's driveway. "There is a woman living in this area named Julie. What can you come up with?"

"_Just a second_," he told her. "…._Julie Everett, Juli__**a**__ Marks, and Julie Springer_."

"How many of those live about fifteen minutes from Cynthia Anthony?"

"_Julie Springer_ _should be just about that distance_."

"What can you tell about her?"

"_Not married_, _works at a nearby grocers, she_'_s twenty-one_."

"That's just who I was looking for. Thanks."

**xxxxx**

When they stopped by Julie Springer's home she wasn't there. Her boss told them she had been out sick for three days.

Nicole and Jess went back to the office to get a warrant to search her home.

"Julie Springer is only wanted for questioning," Kemyss said to an agent who gave information to the press. "She's not a suspect. For all we know Jeffery's wife killed her too."

"In Jess's vision she saw Jeffery Anthony tied in a chair and there was an ocean behind him," Nicole said. "She thinks he is still alive."

"Where is Jess?"

"I think on the phone with our nanny for the fifth time today."

"Find her and go back to Julie's home. Here's the warrant to search it."

**xxxxx**

"Ms. Springer," Nicole said. When they got to her home she was walking up the walkway. "Where is Jeffery Anthony?"

"I don't know. I was supposed to meet him at a restaurant yesterday, but he never showed up."

"You mind if we look around?" Nicole showed her the warrant.

"It doesn't look like I have a choice."

"That's the spirit."

**xxxxx**

Jess and Nicole were looking around Julie Springer's bedroom.

"Looks like they've been together a long time—at least two years," Jess said.

"How do you figure?" Nicole asked from the closet.

"This picture of them together. It was taken at Lee Sanford's book signing. I remember it because I was living around the library where this was and it was hell getting down the street to my apartment."

"They've been together for at least two years, the wife just found out about a couple of weeks ago, and now he's gone. Sounds like Cynthia had something to do with it."

"Or she told Julie he's married and they're working this together."

**xxxxx**

Devin read all the hits on her vision he came up with to Jess. "…And Ocean Park. That was the last of them. Did anyone of those sound useful?"

"No. I don't even know if it was an ocean. It could have been a lake."

"Hold that thought," he said when his phone rang. "Agent Ricardo…Okay. Thank you."

"What?"

"You were right. It was a lake and the Homicide Division just fished Jeffery's body out of one."

**xxxxx**

"What do you think, was it the wife or girlfriend?" Nicole asked Jess.

"It's hard to tell. The wife lied to us, but she had an explanation for it. The girlfriend was missing for three days, but she didn't seem like she had something to hide."

"It's so weird how we never know how these things end. When we find them dead Homicide takes over and we don't see how it turns out. Doesn't that bug you?"

"Not really. When we find them dead I prefer not to be reminded of the ones we lost."

"It bothers me. But I guess it's just part of the job. See you."

"Bye."

After her collegues left Jess was alone in her office.

"Jess!" she heard some guy calling for her.

She got up from her desk and began walking the halls. She thought it was someone who needed her help. She never expected it to be who it was. She gasped when she saw him—Colin.

"Jess, I am so sorry. I'm sorry. I just got back twenty minutes ago and my boss told me you called last year. I got here as soon as I could. How is the baby? Was it a boy or a girl?"

"Colin, relax. There was no baby. It was all a mistake."

"Oh." He put his hand on his chest. "I'm so relieved…So how have you been?"

"Good. I got married. What about you?"

"It's good to be home. Who's the lucky guy?"

"Nathan. Remember I told you about him once?"

"Yeah."

She tried not to look nervous and she was happy they weren't in her office, so he didn't see the pictures of the Joe. "I was right in the middle of something, so-"

"I'll let you get back to what you were doing…Congratulations on your marriage. I'm glad you're doing well."

"I'm glad you're doing well too."

**xxxxx**

Nicole was straigtening up Heather's room when she heard her doorbell ringing like crazy.

"You can't get that?" Nicole said passing Antonio. He was sitting in the family room downstairs reading to Heather.

"We're right in the middle of this thing," he replied.

Nicole opened the door.

"I thought you were Ethan, the way you rang that bell," she said to Jess. "What's wrong with you?"

"Colin came by the office."

"Heather, can you go up to your room?" Antonio said.

"Okay. Bye, Jess."

"Bye, Heather."

"Okay," Nicole said, "tell us what happened."

"He got back two hours ago and his boss told him I called last year."

"Did you tell him about the baby?" Antonio asked.

"I told him I was wrong. He doesn't know there is a baby. I planned that conversation a million times in my head, but I felt totally unprepared."

"I can't believe he believed you," Nicole said. "You're bad enough at lying as it is, but when you're nervous it's terrible."

"Fortunately for me he was freaking out too. His discernment was off."

"I don't get it," Antonio said. "He bought the story. Now he's out of your life for good. What's the problem?"

"The problem is she is feeling guilty," Nicole said. "Am I right?"

"Yeah."

"Antonio, can you go finish reading that story to Heather?"

"Sure."

"Sit down," Nicole said, giving them some time for Antonio to leave the room. "Jess, it's not too late for you to tell him the truth."

"And then I'd have to tell him he might not be the dad and then I'd have to get the paternity test."

"Only on Colin. If he's not the father that's it. You wouldn't feel obligated to tell that other guy, would you?"

"No. But…I don't want to know if Colin is not the father."

"Then just forget about it."

"I don't want to do that either."

"Which is worse?"

"The first one."

"Then you have to forget it, Jess."

"Yeah."

"Do you ever talk to Nathan about this?"

"No. And as far as he knows Colin is the only man who could be the father, so don't say anything to him about the other guy."

"When do I ever have conversations with Nathan? Do you think he would be upset if Colin was in Joe's life?"

"No. He's not like that. He loves Joe. He would want what's best for him. But even if Colin was the father I don't know if I think it's best he be in Joe's life."

"Why?"

"You know, I just think it would be weird for him. He'd probably end up living out of suitcases, being shipped back and forth from our house to Colin's every weekend. I want my children to have a traditional upbringing. That's why I got married…Did I just say that?"

"And you wonder why you two are having trouble."

"Please don't give me the I-told-you-so speech."

"I won't. You want my advice? Go home. Work out things with your husband, raise your children, and forget about Colin."

"That's what I am going to do."


	17. Awful, Beautiful Life

Awful, Beautiful Life

In late October of that year things were looking great for Nicole and Antonio. The paperwork for Heather's adoption was all filled out. They got approval from the family court. All they had to do was wait until it was finalized in April.

Heather was bonding fantastically with her soon-to-be parents and had a special bond with her soon-to-be father. She was already calling them Mommy and Daddy.

They went to the zoo, the park, museums, and fairs. Every weekend Nicole or Antonio thought of something to do with her. And having her in their lives made their relationship stronger than it ever was.

Children in the home was having the opposite affect on Nathan and Jess. They were okay the first few weeks after Toby was born, but it was all down hill from there. They fought more than they did when they were first married.

Everything was so bad between them Jess shuttered to think of what came of the last time the two of them were together. Everything she'd ever read told her that after giving birth a woman could not get pregnant again for six weeks, but her doctor told her otherwise at her six week check up. On that afternoon Jess was informed that she was three weeks pregnant.

Jess was seriously considering terminating the pregnancy. She was so sick of being pregnant. She was so sick of being out of work. And she didn't want anymore ammunition for Nathan and her to scream about.

**xxxxx **

"Hello," Nicole answered her phone.

"_Hello, Nicole_." Heather's case worker said.

"Hi…Is something wrong?" Nicole read the tones in people's voices very well. She always knew when someone had bad news.

"_Heather's paternal grandmother came to see me today_."

"What? You said there were no relatives."

"_I said we couldn't find any relatives_. _Heather's mother ran into her mother-in-law yesterday and told her Heather is being adopted_. _The grandmother was here first thing this morning_. _She wants to contest it_. _I'm sorry, Nicole_."

"First thing this morning."

"_I waited until after five-thirty because I knew at least Antonio would be home then_."

"So that's it?"

"_You can get the family courts involved in this_. _She's not yours legally, but you have provided a nurturing home for her for two months_. _Her grandmother has never even met her_."

"How much of a chance do we have of winning?"

"_It depends on the judge_. _Some are more sensitive to reuniting children with blood relatives_. _Can you come in tomorrow morning_? _I'm meeting with the grandmother again_. _Maybe if she met you and Antonio she will change her mind_."

"We'll be there."

Nicole went in the other room.

Antonio looked up from the couch. "What happened?"

"Heather's grandmother talked to her case worker today. She wants her."

"Can she do that? We already started adopting her."

"She said we should go to her office tomorrow and meet the grandmother. Maybe if she meets us she will change her mind," Nicole's voice unexpectedly cracked and she started crying.

Antonio felt just as badly, but he stayed in control. He wrapped his arms around her. "It's all right. I'm sure once she sees how much Heather is loved she will let us keep her. And if not we'll fight it in court."

**xxxxx**

Jess had just told Nathan they were having another baby.

"Are you kidding me?" Nathan asked. "Are you freaking kidding me? When did this happen?"

"I guess it happened the last time we had sex, Nathan."

"It was three weeks after Nathan was born!"

"My doctor says it can happen anytime after the baby is born. Any time."

"Great. That's just great, Jess. Nice job."

"It's not like I planned this."

"You never plan it, do you?"

"That better have been you really asking not an insinuation."

"How hard is it to pop a pill, Jess?"

"May I remind you that the night this baby was conceived I told you I wasn't taking anything?"

"And then you immediately continued with, but I can't get pregnant for another three weeks."

"I said I probably couldn't! And us being together was _your _idea. You wanted it."

"I never wanted this." Right after he said that he knew he crossed the line.

Toby woke up and they heard him crying in his nursery.

Nathan threw up his arms. "I guess we better get used to that." He left the room.

"Where are you going?"

"Out," was all he said before she heard the front door close.

**xxxxx**

Antonio was just as—if not more—upset about the possibility of losing Heather as Nicole, but he didn't show it. He was too busy playing the tough guy for Nicole—and she was sick of it.

She wanted someone who she could really talk to. Someone who would acknowledge that she might lose her foster child, so she went over to talk to Jess.

Jess opened the door. "Nicole, this isn't a good-"

"I have to talk to someone who will be real with me," Nicole said coming in.

"Did something happen?"

"Heather's grandmother wants her."

"I'm sorry." She would have been as shocked as every else if she didn't have her own problems.

"She's never even seen her before and Antonio and I have raised her for two months. Now all of a sudden she can just come out of nowhere and take her from us? Does that sound right to you? The more I think of it the madder it makes me."

"I'm sorry."

"And of course Antonio is no help…or too much help. I can't figure out which. He says we're not going to lose her. Her case worker made it clear we very well might."

"Sorry," Jess said sitting on the couch. She could tell this was going to take a while.

"Our only chance is to go down to the Child Welfare office tomorrow morning and basically beg that woman to let us keep Heather. This is such a nightmare."

Jess's mind went elsewhere. She realized Nicole was finally done. "…Um…I could give you the number to some lawyers. From what I hear they never lose. I don't know if they know anything about family court though."

"Are these Nathan's lawyers, Jess? I don't want Mafia lawyers."

"I don't know what they are. If you don't want the numbers then I can't help you. I have some ironing to do."

"What is going on with you?"

"I am pregnant again."

"That must be a strain on the problems you and Nathan are already having."

"He left. I don't know if he's coming back."

"What did he say…exactly?"

"He was just mad. I can't say I blame him. I am too. Who does this? One accidental baby is bad enough, but three? There is no excuse for that."

"Nathan made two of those babies, so I hope he isn't trying to make you feel like this is all on you."

"It doesn't matter who it's on. Our marriage is dying here and I think one more child will just hammer the last nail in the coffin. This is it for us if I have this baby…I guess the only question is give up the baby or the marriage?"

"What are you going to do?"

"Nothing. Not until I talk to Nathan."

**xxxxx**

That night Antonio left another voice mail on Elias's machine and went upstairs to find his wife. He passed Heather's room and stopped to watch her sleep for a while.

Nicole was in their bedroom.

"Did Elias pick up?"

"No. Are you feeling any better?"

"Actually I am. I was thinking about Heather. You see, all day I've been thinking about our feelings and not what's best for her. If we really love her we should want what will make her the most happy…The only blood relative I have in my life is my mother. The only blood relatives I have ever known are my parents. I never had a grandparent. I never had an aunt or uncle. Sometimes I feel like a part of me is missing. I don't want Heather to ever feel that. If she asks about her family one day I don't want to tell her we kept her from her grandmother."

"This grandmother failed as a mother. That's why her son became a drug addict and abandoned his daughter at a bus stop. And we should give her another child?"

"Did your mother fail with Elias?"

"No. And this is not about Elias. My mother knows Elias has problems and she would live in the same city as him if he had a baby. Where was this woman the past three years of Heather's life?"

"Maybe she didn't even know Heather existed. Antonio, I know this is hard, but I think we should seriously consider backing off."

"I don't want to do that."

"You knew this could happen."

"Yes. I knew all the while we were fostering her, but we filed to adopt her and we were accepted. If it didn't take them so long to finalize it we wouldn't even be having this conversation."

"Wouldn't we? I don't need papers to tell me Heather is my daughter. It wouldn't matter if this happened now or in April. I would still be saying these things…But I know this isn't just my decision and I promise I will let you make the call on this one. If you want to take this to court I'll be right behind you."

"Unwillingly though, right?"

She didn't have to respond. He knew the answer. "Do me one favor?"

"What?"

"When we meet her tomorrow think about Heather. Think about what she would want."

"I will."

**xxxxxx **

Nathan came home after ten that night. He had hours to collect his thoughts and was ready to come home and talk rationally about the problems they were having.

The house was quiet as he walked through it looking for Jess.

She was in the living room. She had been crying and he knew something was very wrong. That wasn't the look she would have over the baby or him. Something was terribly wrong. His heart started racing.

He didn't say anything. He just came closer and waited for her to tell him.

"Grandma Dorothy called."

"Did Grandpa die?"

"No…Mom and Doug did. It was a car accident. A truck ran a red light."

He tried to console her, but she pushed him away.

"We have to go to Indiana. I'm going to call Teresa and have her take the boys."

"What can I do to help?" he asked.

"Just get ready."

"Do you want me to get the babies ready?"

"I'll do it."

**xxxxx**

"Assistant Director Thomas Kemyss," he answered his desk phone the next morning.

"It's Nicole. I'm having a family emergency. I can't come in."

"You too?"

"Too?"

"Jess called in ten minutes ago."

"Oh. I don't know anything about that. I have to meet with Heather's case worker."

"All right. If we have a big one I'll page you 911 and then you need to come in after the meeting."

**xxxxx**

Every morning Teresa would either stop by Jess's to pick up Joe and Toby and bring them over to Nicole's or Jess or Nathan would drop the boys off before work.

On that day Teresa came through Nicole's door with the boys already with her.

"Did Jess tell you why she's not going in today?" Nicole asked Teresa.

"She dropped the boys over with me on her way to the airport last night. She didn't say what was going on, but something was wrong. She looked like she'd been crying. Nathan too. I didn't want to upset them further, so I didn't ask. They told me they'd be back in four or five days."

**xxxxxx**

Nicole tried Jess's cell again while her and Antonio were driving to the Child Welfare office. She didn't know her efforts to call Jess were futile because Jess left her pager and cell phone at home. She got the machine again.

"No answer," Nicole said to him.

"I'm telling you it's probably nothing. We saw the boys. Teresa saw Jess and Nathan. They're all alive and well. You know they're having relationship problems. That's probably what this is about."

"But why would they go to Indiana to fix them?...No. That's not it. You don't just leave your babies with a nanny in the middle of the night, so you can leave the state because you had a fight."

"We cannot think about this right now. Our minds should be on what we are going to say to Heather's grandmother."

"We're not rehearsing anything. We're just going to go in there and talk to her honestly. Remember, we are still considering just letting her have Heather."

**xxxxxx**

Heather's case worker, her grandmother, and her foster parents all sat around a table.

"I want to remind everyone here that this meeting is not about you three," the social worker said. "It's about Heather and what is in her best interest."

The three nodded.

"Okay. Say what you need to say to each other."

"We love Heather very much," Nicole said. "She is doing well. We already have a school we're on the waiting list to enroll her in."

"It's the best in Maryland," Antonio said.

"I know that you love her, but I love her too. You're probably wondering where I've been all these years."

Nicole nudged Antonio to make sure he didn't dare reply to that.

"I didn't know about Heather. Growing up, my son was such a good boy. He made the Honor Roll every year until seventh grade. When he was twelve he changed. All his friends were in gangs and we were living in an area of Virginia where he couldn't find any friends who weren't involved in some kind of criminal activity. He couldn't wait to get away from my husband and I and left home when he was barely eighteen.

Eventually I moved. I wanted move long ago, but my husband didn't. After he died I came here. I didn't see my son again until he married Heather's mother and I haven't seen him since. I have a nice home now and I'm in a great community. I hear the schools are really good here too. I wouldn't dare take Heather unless I was sure I could do better for her than I did for my son."

Antonio and Nicole just looked at her and than at each other. Nicole grabbed his hand. She was hoping it would make it easier for him to say what she knew he knew he had to say.

He turned to the caseworker. "We will stop the proceedings. We won't fight her taking Heather."

**xxxxxx**

"I was talking to Aunt Jennifer while you were upstairs getting ready," Nathan told Jess on their way to the funeral home to pick out coffins. "The police told them Mom and Doug were killed instantly. They probably never even saw it coming."

"Police always say that. I've said that to people more times than I can remember. And I usually say it when I know the victim suffered a lot."

"Jess-"

"Just stop talking, Nathan."

**xxxxx**

"How did it go?" Teresa asked Nicole and Antonio.

"We've decided to terminate the adoption," Antonio said.

"Oh, I am sorry. I'm sure you want to be alone with her. Let me get the boys' things together and I will go."

Antonio went upstairs and Nicole helped Teresa get the diaper bags together. "We only have her until Saturday. Her grandmother needed an extra day to buy everything for her room. We should be back from dropping her off at three. Can you bring Joe and Toby back then?"

"Sure, but why?"

"I think having other kids in the house will help Antonio get passed losing Heather."

**xxxxx**

Nicole and Antonio pulled into Heather's grandma's driveway that Saturday.

"This is a very nice house, isn't it, Heather?" Nicole asked.

"Yes."

"I'll bet you will have a lot of fun here," Antonio said.

Heather's grandmother came out of the house as they were getting her out of the car.

"Heather," Nicole said, "this is your grandmother."

"Hi," Heather said smiling. She heard so many nice things about her she couldn't wait to meet her. "My name is Heather."

"I know. It's so nice to meet you. Can I have a hug?"

"Yep."

**xxxxxx**

Nicole and Antonio stuck around while Heather got to know her grandmother.

"And here's another toy I bought for you," her grandma said.

"Thank you."

"Would you like to go put it in your room?"

"Uh-huh."

"You're going to spoil her," Nicole said smiling as they watched her skip down the hall.

"That's the idea. I want to thank you both for not getting the courts involved in this."

"We just wanted what was best for her," Antonio said.

"You know, I have a full time job and no sitter. Do you think I could drop her off at your place in the mornings?"

"Yes." Nicole and Antonio were elated. "Thank you."

"And I don't get off until six, so you'll probably have some time with her in the afternoons."

"Thank you so much."

"You're welcome. Every child needs a mother and father."

**xxxxxx**

Later that day Antonio was in the family room playing on the floor with Joe and Toby.

"Having fun?" Nicole said.

"Yes."

"I didn't know Heather's grandmother would let her stay in our lives. I figured this would help."

"It does." He looked up at her. "What?"

"I also didn't know I would have a surprise for you tonight."

"What is it?"

"This." She showed him what she had behind her back.

"Is that what I think it is?"

"Yes."

He got off the floor. "We're going to have a baby?"

"Yes."

When they finished laughing, screaming, and hugging they looked at the babies. The six-week-old in the rocker looked confused and the thirteen-month-old looked at them both like they were crazy.

"Soon we will have one of those here all the time," Nicole said.


	18. Awful, Beautiful Life II

Awful, Beautiful Life II

Nathan and Jess got to the church on the day of the funeral. He went in and she stayed outside thinking about what she would say to eulogize her mother and brother.

"Jess?"

"Yeah." She didn't recognize the lady in her early sixties that she was seeing.

"I know you don't remember me. The last time I saw you you were only a few days old."

"Who are you?"

"Your grandmother. I'm you mom's mom."

**xxxxxx **

"And now Toni's daughter and Doug's sister has something to say," the minister said.

Jess walked passed the coffins, up to the podium, and looked at her family and friends of the family that filled the pews.

"I never thought I'd be here saying these words. Even as I stand here looking at you all it seems surreal. Like a dream. A nightmare really. Because this happened so unexpectedly I don't even have anything prepared. I spent the past few days planning this funeral. I never had time to write out eulogies, so I guess I'll just talk about my mother and brother.

My brother Doug was four years old when I was born. I have two children that are only twelve months apart. It doesn't seem like much, but I've seen first hand how different a twelve-month-old is compared to an infant. In child years four years is not close in age as far as development is concerned, but Doug and I never seemed to notice that. It was like we were the same age growing up.

Some of my best childhood memories are me, him, Sabrina, and Nathan playing together, hanging out in our rooms telling secrets that no one else knew. To this day we know things about each other that even the people that know us best would never guess…"

**xxxxxx**

Two babies was more trouble than Nicole had expected. Antonio was better at juggling them than Nicole because he was the first off work every day and had to watch them after Teresa left.

Nicole was changing Joe and Antonio was changing Toby.

"I can't believe Teresa does this nine hours a day," Nicole said. "I can't believe _you_ do this until Jess or Nathan comes to get them."

"The key is to remember little tricks to make it easier. I'll give you one right now. Make that diaper tighter because if you don't he will take it right off. And this one, he gets colicky if you don't burp him twice after every feeding."

"I think you know more about these kids than their own parents do. You are going to be such a wonderful father."

"You know what I was thinking? Maybe we should set up our baby's room today. We can go buy everything we'll need."

"What are we going to do with them? It's Sunday. We can't call Teresa."

"We'll bring them with us. We can use real babies as visual aids."

**xxxxxx**

"…Doug wasn't just a friend to me though. He was a typical big brother. He was always looking out for me. I could talk to him about anything. Whenever I brought a bad grade home on my report card or a test he would be the first person I showed it to and he would stand by me while I told our parents. If I ever had a problem with another kid in school or in the neighborhood Doug was the one that took care of it. I never fought any battle by myself…"

**xxxxxx**

"We want to start with the things we will need to have delivered," Nicole told Debra, the employee that was helping them—a blond haired lady in her mid thirties.

"Let's start with the crib. We have a large variety of cribs; white, wood, antique. Do you have any preference?"

"We have wood floors in the bedrooms. A wood crib would be a good match," Antonio said.

They came to the aisle with the wood cribs. "This is our selection."

"Wow," Nicole said. "This is going to take a while."

Twenty minutes later they were half way down the aisle.

"These cribs are all the same, Nicole."

"This one has a Natural finish. It matches our floors exactly."

"Get it."

Joe started crying.

"I guess we didn't take in to account how fast toddlers get restless," Nicole said. "Take him to the toy aisle."

**xxxxxx**

"…It's so funny how we just assume we have plenty of time to say the things we want to say to each other. There are so many things I wanted to tell them. Things I wanted to ask them. To talk to them about. Stuff I really wanted them to know. I know they know everything now, but I still wish I had got the chance to talk to them about it.…"

**xxxxxx**

"Do they make changing tables that have straps to keep the baby from rolling off?" Nicole asked.

"They stopped doing that because they wanted to discourage parents from leaving their babies unattended on the tables," Debra said. "All they have now are railings. Call me when you decide."

Nicole looked at all the tables for a while before Antonio came back with Joe.

"Where have you been?" she asked—he'd been gone for half an hour.

"Tickling Elmo. This should keep him quiet the rest of the day." Antonio placed the toddler back in the cart with the toy.

"This is the only Natural finish changing table they have."

"What's wrong with it?"

"Some of them have dressers underneath. This one doesn't. And I'd like the rail to be higher"

"We're never going to have a hand off them when they're on it, so what does it matter?"

"Okay. We'll get it…About what you just said, 'we'll never have a hand off _them._'? I think one is enough. After what we've been through with Heather I don't want to try to adopt again and I am getting to the age where it's a risk to the baby to get pregnant. Think of it this way, this baby will be our only child. She or he will get all our attention. This baby will feel very special."

"I didn't think of it that way. That must be pretty cool to not have to share your parents with anyone."

"It is. I remember being the only child in one of my foster homes. It was nice…before it all went to hell."

**xxxxx**

"…No one could ask for a better mother than Toni Mastriani. She was the typical soccer mom. She was on every field trip, at every school function me and Doug ever had. Some how she managed to be a disciplinarian and a friend to us. We respected her, but we felt we could talk to her about anything. As a mother of two young children, I find myself lying awake at nights trying to figure out how she did it and how I can be half the mother she was…"

**xxxxx**

"We'll have these things at your home between four and five this afternoon," Debra said.

"Now what?" Antonio asked.

"Now we change and feed them and look at car seats, strollers, and unisex newborn clothes."

"When are we going to know whether it's a boy or a girl?"

"We still have a while before they can tell the sex for certain. Anything before that is an educated guess. And I want them to be sure before we buy anything pink or blue."

Nicole and Antonio sat in the eatery. Antonio fed Joe and Nicole gave Toby a bottle.

"Burp him twice, right?" she asked.

"Now you're getting it."

"I better. We still have two more days with them."

"Do Nathan and Jess even know that we have them?"

"Only if she called Teresa. She probably didn't. I wonder what happened with them. I'm sure he did something."

"You should give Nathan a break, Nicole. He's not that bad. I talk to him every afternoon. He's a good guy."

"He was in the Mafia."

"He _was _in the Mafia. He gave it up for his family. He really loves these kids. And he loves Jess."

"Then why is he always screaming at her?"

"We always hear her start screaming first. She is pregnant and she has two children under two years old and she works fifteen hours a day. Of course she is going to be irritable and short with him. I would bet anything that she starts most—if not all—of those fights."

**xxxxx**

"…I found out on the day that this happened that I am pregnant. I was unhappy about a third pregnancy in less than two years and I actually thought I was going to terminate it. That was one of the things I wanted to talk to my mom about. Since she is gone I guess I'll have to get used to figuring out what she would say. She would have wanted me to have it. My last act as her daughter will be to do what I know she wanted me to do. She did so much for me, but I think this last thing was greater than all of it put together. She saved my baby's life."

**xxxxx**

At the wake Jess was by the buffet with Sylvia.

"That was a beautiful eulogy, Jess. What you said about the baby really got to me."

"I could tell."

"He proposed to me the day before the crash." She showed Jess the ring.

"A part of him will always live on in you."

"More than you know. I found out I was pregnant last week. I told him the day he died. I was thinking about abortion from the time I heard about what happened until you said all that stuff about knowing your mother wants you to have the baby. I think Doug wants me to have this baby, even if I'm doing it alone."

"I know he does. And you're not alone."

**xxxxx **

Nathan was in a circle with some of his relatives talking.

"How are you doing, Jess?" Nathan's cousin asked her.

"Much better."

"What you said was nice."

"Thank you. Can I talk to him alone?"

"Sure." Everyone surrounding Nathan walked away.

"I'm keeping the baby, Nathan."

"I know. I always figured you were. I had no idea you were thinking about abortion."

"I was never going to do it without talking to you first, but I think if you'd been okay with it I would have."

"I think I might have been okay with it. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I know this is hard on you. But this is something I have to do. I can't go through another loss this year. I have to have this baby."

"I understand."

**xxxxx**

Antonio carried in the last of the things they bought that they didn't have delivered while Nicole put down two very fussy babies down for their long over due nap.

Nicole and Antonio looked at all the bedrooms trying to decide which should be their baby's. They picked a room and started setting it up. When the crib and changing table arrived they put both of them together.

"It looks pretty good in here," Nicole said.

"It'll look better when we know if it's a boy or a girl. We can paint the walls and pick quilts for the crib."

"Let's invite my mother over for dinner, and then we can surprise her with this."

**xxxxx**

Before she went home Jess had one more thing to face. She had to know this woman who claimed to be her grandmother.

"I wasn't sure you'd want to have anything to do with me," her grandmother said. "You must be pretty angry with me."

"I don't know anything about you."

"Your mother never told you what kind of mother I was?"

"She never said anything about you at all. What happened?"

"It wasn't one thing. It was just a bunch of little stuff. I was young when I had her and I wasn't a good mother. It wasn't like I had boyfriends or was abusive or she went without food, but I wasn't there for her the way I should have been. By the time I realized it, by the time I wanted to fix it she was all grown up and she thought it would be best if I was out of her children's lives. I guess she was afraid I would hurt you and your brother the way I hurt her. I wish I could have seen you grow up. I wish I could have been in your life."

"It's not too late for you to be in my life and you can see my children grow up. Come stay with us in Maryland sometime. We can get to know each other."

"I'd like that."

"What is your name?"

"Maddox Mochrie."

"Maddox. What origin is that?"

"Celtic. Actually it's a boy's name. I was named after my father. It's a long story."

"Tell it to me when you visit us."

"All right."

**xxxxxx **

"Are you sure you and Nathan can't stay longer?" Jennifer asked.

"No. I have to get back to Joe and Toby."

"What are we going to do about the house and the restaurants?"

"Damn it. I didn't even think of that…I don't know what I'm going to do."

"I'll take care of it, babe," Nathan said. "I'll drive you to the airport and I'll stay here and get everything in order."

In the car as they were getting closer to the Indianapolis airport Nathan reached over and held her hand.

She looked at him.

"I want the baby…I want you to know I want this baby."

**xxxxxx **

Nathan stayed in Indiana for a month taking care of everything that needed to be done. Sylvia and her unborn baby got the house and he sold the restaurants that the family didn't want.

Things were good between Jess and him for the rest of the pregnancy. It was starting to look like they were going to be okay.


	19. Like You Can't Even Imagine

Like You Can't Even Imagine

On July sixteenth 2008 Jess's daughter Madison Toni Massey was born. She was an eight pound baby with chestnut brown hair. Six days later on the twenty-second of July Nicole and Antonio's son Zachary Scott Cortez was born. He had black hair and his skin was a perfect blend of his mixed heritage—a shade darker than his father and a couple shades lighter than his mother. Nicole was especially proud of how well her husband handled her going into labor and how he stood by her without fainting as she had Zachary. Those birthing classes they took together really helped prepare him.

**xxxxxx**

The six weeks of maternity leave was the longest time Nicole had ever gone without working since she was a teenager. In early September she was able to go back to work. She would miss seeing her baby all day, but she couldn't get out that door fast enough.

**xxxxxx**

"Did you see the news this morning? They found another body," Jess said as she poured coffee.

"I saw it," Nicole replied.

They were talking about a serial killer that had been terrorizing Maryland for eight months.

"I hope they don't call me into this."

"I have something that will brighten your day. I've been following Maureen and Samuel Cohen's trial. The wheels of the system move slowly, but a verdict was finally rendered yesterday. They were found guilty of obstruction of justice, but they were let go on killing Elijah. They got probation. They won't do any jail time."

"I needed that. Thank you." She was happy to hear that.

"Is your family coming here for Joe and Toby's birthdays?"

"No. When they came to see Madison we had a celebration for all three of them."

"How is Sylvia doing with the new baby?"

"She's adjusting. That's one of the reasons I wanted the family to stay in Indiana. She needs all the help she can get. Sylvia's not exactly the maternal type."

"Welcome back," Kemyss said. "It's good to have you back."

"It's good to be back, Sir," Nicole replied.

"Your timing is perfect. A five-year-old boy just disappeared from the Baptist Children's Home on Kendall."

Nicole and Jess made a u-turn back to the elevator and went to the home.

**xxxxxx**

"Stephen was at breakfast and then he went to his room to get his back pack. When Ms. Betty went to check on him his window was open and he was gone."

"Was anything missing from his room?" Jess asked.

"No. The only thing he took was the back pack."

"Do you have a picture of Stephen?"

"No."

"Nothing?"

"His mother never took any photos of him and neither did we."

"What does he look like?" Nicole asked.

"He's about forty inches tall. He weighs fifty pounds. He has blond hair and brown eyes."

"What was he wearing?"

"A yellow tee shirt with a truck on it…that yellow bull dozer from _Bob The Builder_."

"Scoop," Jess said. Three children made her very familiar with those characters.

"Yeah. And blue shorts."

"What is his mother's name?"

"Cyndi."

"And the father?"

"As far as I know they don't know who he is."

"What brought Stephen here in the first place?"

"A long history of physical abuse. She lost him three times actually. I don't know the whole story, but I know Cyndi complied with the judge's orders and she was getting him back tomorrow."

**xxxxxx**

"Stephen was first taken from his mother at age two when he hospitalized for a skull fracture. He was removed from Cyndi again at age three for a broken arm," Agent Ricardo read. "And this last time was three months ago when she backhanded him in a grocery store. Onlookers called the police when his nose started bleeding. She's on her way in."

"I don't know what we're going to get from her. She was getting him back tomorrow, so I doubt she kidnapped him."

"We don't know anyone kidnapped him just yet," Jess said. "It hasn't even been forty-five minutes. He could have wandered off. It wouldn't be the first time."

**xxxxxx **

"Where is Nicole?" Kemyss asked Jess.

"Talking to Cyndi Lewis."

"How are your visions?"

"I don't think I will have one. I've only once had visions about someone whose picture I haven't seen."

"Keep at it. If this is a stranger abduction the perp will likely kill Stephen three to four hours after he grabbed him…" He looked at his watch. "…That give us only two hours."

**xxxxxx**

Jess and Nicole were looking at the information they had on the missing boy.

"The finger prints on and around the window look like Stephen went out on his own," Nicole said. "He was meeting someone or someone called him…Vision?"

"Yeah. I think it was Stephen. He was with a group of other kids. About five or ten. They looked about ten years old. I think they were jumping him."

"What's he doing with such older kids?"

Before Jess could answer Devin came over and did it for her. "Some cameras at a gas station filmed this." He put the tape in.

They saw six boys and one girl—all about age ten—walk down the sidewalk with Stephen in the midst of them. He was dirty, his nose was bleeding, and he was crying.

"He was taken by children?" Jess said incredulously.

"They either took him or they found him. It doesn't matter which because they have him now."

"And your vision doesn't sound like they want to help him."

"The police are out trying to track them down."

"Let's get out there," Jess said.

**xxxxxx**

Jess pulled her car on the side of the road to talk to a cop in the area where the kids were last seen. The officer had just been talking to a witness.

"What did she say?" Nicole asked.

"They were headed that way. And that the little boy was crying for his mother. My captain just told me seven kids were seen coming out of a remote area about half a mile away from here. When the kids saw the cops they fled.

Jess and Nicole drove to the area and helped the police search for Stephen.

**xxxxxx **

"Do you think there's any chance we find this boy alive?" Nicole asked.

"There's always a chance…Not that good of one though. Look."

Nicole looked down. It was a piece of Stephen's shirt. There were drops of blood on it.

**xxxxxx **

"Thanks for your help," Jess told the cop.

"I wish we'd had a better outcome."

"It's hard to believe a bunch of kids could do something like that."

"It happens all the time."

"You've seen this before?"

"I've seen much worse."

"Worse?"

"Like you can't even imagine. There's some evil stuff out there."

"I suppose. Thanks again."

"No problem."

"Are you ready?" Jess asked Nicole who was waiting by the car.

"Yes."

**xxxxxx**

During the long drive back to the office Nicole was silent.

"It gets easier you know," Jess said.

"What?"

"Dealing with a kid being the victim after you have a baby. It gets easier."

"How much easier?"

"I'm not going to lie to you, it's always going to be harder than it was before Zachary was born, but it won't always be this bad."

"Why did they do it? When it's one kid you can say he or she was probably abused, but what when it's more than one kid from different families? What then?"

"I don't know, Nicole. I guess kids get influenced by other kids. The one or ones who were abused coerced the others."

"Who's to say our kids won't grow up to be like that?"

"They won't."

"How can you know? If kids can just be influenced like that. How do you know that?"

"Our kids are loved and will go to a school and live in a neighborhood where they will only be around other kids who are loved. That's how I know that."

**xxxxxxx**

Nicole came home early that day, but not before Antonio.

"How was your day?"

"First days back are always rough. It's going to take me while to get back into the swing of things." She held out her arms and he gave her their baby. "Hello, Zachary. How was he?"

"Teresa said he was happy all day. I fed him when I got here. He ate like a horse. Finished almost the entire bottle."

"He is getting so big. He's come a long way from that tiny little six pound baby he used to be…Is it hot in here?"

"No. Are you okay?"

"Turn on the air."

"Okay."

She sat on the couch. She was sweating and was losing her breath. "Antonio!"

He was only half way to the thermostat when he heard her yell. He came running back to her.

"Take him."

Antonio took back the baby. "What is going on with you?"

As soon as she handed Zachary back to Antonio her breathing came easy again and she felt calmer. "I think I'm all right now. I don't know what that was."

"When you went for your six-week check up did the doctor really say you were ready to be working again?"

"Yes."

"And she knows what you do?"

"Yes, Antonio. She said I was all right."

"Maybe you still need some time off."

"I'm okay now. Really."

**xxxxxx **

"The body of Ernesto Gomez was found this morning. The twenty-nine-year-old man was missing for five days. Detectives are now telling us that they believe this kidnapping and murder is linked to the January kidnapping and murder of Reagan Adams, the February kidnapping and murder of Ava Lynn Porter, and the other February kidnapping of Sean Knight, based on similarities in each crime. You may remember six-year-old Sean escaped from his captor. The child is now working with police to help them track down this alleged serial killer.

Although police are not telling us why they believe the incidents are related, we know that in all cases the bodies were found in or near a lake. Detectives say there are more similarities, but they are not releasing that information to the media at this time."

Jess turned off the news after she heard more coverage on the serial killer.

"This is going to be Earl Pevney all over again."

"Who is Earl Pevney?" Nathan asked getting into bed.

"He was a serial killer that I found before I became an agent. I know the agents working this will—if they don't already know—find out about it and try to get me to help with this one. I don't know if I can handle it with everything I have going on now."

"Then you shouldn't do it."


	20. Panic

Panic

It had been one month. One month of pretending, one month of hiding, and one month of trying to figure out why she had to do those other two things.

Ever since the Stephen Lewis case Nicole had been having panic attacks every time she held Zachary. Antonio witnessed the first one—although he didn't know at the time what he was seeing—but he hadn't seen the other ones. She never told him what was going on. In part because she wasn't sure herself.

She never really intended to go out of her way to hide it from her husband, but it came so easy it was more of an effort to tell him. She worked from the time Zachary woke up in the morning until the evening hours. During most of those evening hours Antonio joyfully took care of the baby and when it was her turn to do the middle-of-the-night feedings she was alone with the baby and no one was there to see how uncomfortable she became.

Antonio didn't know exactly what was going on, but he sensed something was wrong with Nicole's maternal bond with his son—it wasn't there anymore. He decided that evening when she got home he would get to the bottom of it.

"Why don't you give him this feeding?" He gave the baby and bottle to Nicole.

Okay you can do this, she thought. Smile, look relaxed. He just wants to see you take care of him. You've managed to go three days without him seeing you hold this baby. Feed him for a while and then you can make an excuse to leave the room…No. Then he'll know something is wrong. Give _him_ a reason to leave the room.

"Honey," Nicole said. "I told Heather we would call her tonight. Could you go call her? I'll be in in a minute."

"All right."

Antonio left and she was able to start her deep breathing to try to calm down.

**xxxxx **

"Where are we?" Audra cried. She was blind folded and couldn't see where her abductor had taken her.

He wanted her to see what was coming, so he took the blindfold off.

She saw they were at a lake in a remote area. Finally she knew who the man who had held and tortured her for five days was. "You're the serial killer."

"You finally figured it out." He laughed an evil laugh that made her skin crawl. He found the reaction he got when his victims found out who he was hilarious beyond measure.

When he doubled over laughing Audra Hayes took the last chance she would have to get away and ran. She didn't make it far before he pulled out the gun he carried and shot her in the back.

**xxxxx **

Detective Meryl Redman was the head of the agents in the Maryland office investigating the serial killer.

"The killer has never killed anyone with a gun before," his agent observed as he looked over the information.

"He never put a bag over someone's head to suffocate him before Ernesto Gomez. This guy doesn't exactly follow an M.O. We wouldn't even know any of the deaths were related without these," Redman pointed to the pictures of the bodies. The one thing—and sometimes only thing—they all had in common were stun gun burns on their backs between the shoulder blades.

**xxxxx**

"Hey, babe," Nathan said.

"Where have you been?" Jess asked from the kitchen. "You were supposed to pick up the kids from Antonio."

"We have company." When they got to the kitchen Jess was able to see Nathan had brought someone home. It was a man she'd never met. "Jess, this is Martin, an old friend of mine."

"Hello, Martin."

"Jess."

"Can you leave us alone for minute?" Jess asked the guest.

"Sure. I'll be in the living room, Nathan."

"Who is that?"

"He's a friend of mine."

"Why didn't you ever mention him before?"

"I don't know. Do you have to know every aspect of my life? Why are acting like this?"

They were not alone in the house, so she couldn't yell the way she wanted to, but she whispered as loud as she could. "Because you left our neighbors stuck caring for our children for three hours until I came to get them and then you bring this guy home who I've not only never met but never heard of, leading me to believe that you know him from something you don't want to tell me about."

"If you're gonna start this up again I'm leaving."

**xxxxxx **

"_If you could just come in tomorrow and look over our files of these killings we would really appreciate it_."

"I find missing people, not serial killers, Agent Redman."

"_Please, Agent Massey, we are at the end of all our _leads. _We have nothing_,_ and the public is panicking_. _There_'_s a maniac out there with no rhyme or reason to his choice of victims_. _Everyone is in danger and they know it_. _I heard you found a serial killer before_-"

Nathan came through the door and Jess was sick of hearing the S.A.C.'s arguments, so she caved. "Okay. I'll see you in the morning." She hung up.

"Hi."

"Where were you?"

"Just out. I'm sorry for running out like that."

"It didn't surprise me. You do that all the time. Just once I would like to have an argument that gets resolved without me having to wait until you come back."

"I'm here now."

"Who is Martin?"

She knew and it didn't look like it would be something she would be letting go, so he told her. "He's a Capo that works in another county."

"Are you back in the Mafia?"

"No. No. On my way home today I stopped by to see some old friends and me and him decided to start hanging out again. We were really good friends, but I stopped talking to him after I quit. We are just hanging out. I am not back into that stuff again and that is the whole truth, Jess."

"He's going to try to get you back."

"He's not going to. Those days are behind me."

"Why do you have to hang out with him?"

"He's the only friend I have anymore."

"What about Antonio? What's wrong with him?"

Nathan and Antonio had been good friends for a few weeks and went bowling or golfing every Sunday that their wives weren't working—when Nicole and/or Jess were working one or both men had to stay home with their children.

"What's wrong with him is his wife is a bitch."

"Nathan."

"It's true. Every time I go over there I have to talk to her and have her give me that look. I just can't stand her, but I know how close you are to her and I never try to keep you from her. All I'm asking is that same consideration from you for Martin."

"…All right."

"Thank you." He kissed her.

**xxxxx**

Her grandmother had plans that night, so Heather was spending the night with Nicole and Antonio.

Heather skipped into the nursery while Nicole was giving Zachary his bottle. "What are you doing, Mommy?"

"I'm feeding him."

"Why do you look scared?"

There was that intuitive nature Heather had that Nicole loved and at times didn't. "I'm all right."

"Are you afraid you will hurt him?" She meant hurt him by dropping him accidentally, but what she said made Nicole realize what the problem was.

"Yes I am." She couldn't believe a four-year-old solved her problem.

"Don't worry. If you hold him very tight he won't fall."

**xxxxx**

"Antonio, I have to tell you something."

"What is it?"

"I have been having these panic attacks every time I hold Zachary."

"And you're…happy about this?" He couldn't understand why she was smiling.

"I'm happy because I finally figured out why. I had this case about a month ago with this five-year-old that was abused by his mother, kidnapped from his group home, and then murdered by some children that knew him from school. I couldn't understand how a child could murder another child. Jess and I concluded that a child who would think up something like that would have had to have been abused. That got me thinking about my own childhood and those statistics about children who are abused are likely to abuse their own kids. That must be what triggered it. I didn't want to be near Zachary because I was afraid I would hurt him."

Antonio put down his paper and leaned forward. "Why didn't you tell me about this?"

"I wanted to, but I couldn't. But now that I know what is causing it it'll probably stop."

"It doesn't always work that way, Nicole. Just _knowing _what caused the attacks won't make them go away. You have to face this."

"I did."

"You identified it. Now you have to deal with it. First thing's first, have you ever felt frustrated enough that you felt like you were about to hurt him?"

"I don't think so…No."

"How do you think you will feel when he's a year old and starts saying no or he throws something at you?"

"I will put him in his playpen for a timeout."

"That was a logical answer. And you told me what you would do. I asked how you would feel."

"Angry."

**xxxxx**

"So then he starts telling me about all this stuff he's read about how abused children can overcome what they went through and not repeat the cycle."

"What's wrong with that?" Jess asked as they got to their desks.

"There's nothing wrong with it. It just…hurts me that he never told me he was reading all these things. It's like he knew he would have to protect Zachary from me."

"He's just exercising damage control. I read the same books when I married Nathan and I couldn't trust him more."

"You knew about this."

"Who do you think gave Antonio the books?"

"Great, so nobody trusts me."

"It's not about trust. Antonio has a duty to take whatever steps he needs to take to protect his family. It's not just about Zachary. Now that he's read those books he has the skills to help you help yourself."

"You know what the real scary thing about all this is? I think I need those skills…Enough about me. How-"

"Before you say that let me tell you something. I know you don't want to, but you and Nathan should get together and talk some time. I think if you got to know him you would like him and I think he can help you with this."

"How could he possibly help me?"

"You two have more in common than you think. I talk to Antonio about this kind of thing regularly. It helps to talk to someone who knows how you feel." From the look on Nicole's face Jess wished she hadn't said that.

"You talk to Antonio about me possibly harming Zachary?"

"No. _I _talk to Antonio about Nathan."

"But Antonio talks about me."

"Yeah. It's more about our fears than you or Nathan. Don't turn this into a giant argument, Nicole."

She was mad, but wasn't in the mood to fight. She decided to let that one go. "I won't."

"Will you talk to Nathan?"

"Fine. Only because I know you won't let it go."

"Good. What were you going to say?"

"How did your meeting in Maryland go?"

"I told them that they could tell me all the information they had on the guy and show me the sketch Sean Knight helped the sketch artist with, and I would see what I could do, but I am not looking into every single missing person case in the areas trying to make myself have a vision about which one the killer has."

**xxxxxx **

Nathan was walking across the street to get his kids when Nicole got home. She'd hoped to put it off longer, but she didn't.

"Hello, Nathan."

"Hi."

"How are you?"

"…Good. How are you?"

"I'm good."

"Jess didn't leave when you did?"

"No. She had to take care of some last minute paperwork. She'll be home in an hour or so."

"Oh."

"I was thinking…you and I ought to get together sometime and talk."

"…Okay?" He was dumbfounded. What could she want to talk to him about?

"Since you and Antonio are friends and me and Jess are friends we should get to know each other better. We might become friends too. I think Jess and Antonio would like that."

"All right. Tomorrow's Saturday. If you're not working you want to get some coffee or something?"

"Sounds great."


	21. Cold Case

Cold Case

"Did you tell Nicole that her and I should be friends?" Those were the first things Nathan had to say to Jess when she came home.

"Hello."

"Hello. Why did tell Nicole her and I should become friends?"

"I said you two should talk. That's all."

"What is all this?" he asked about the papers and files she brought home.

"I got another lead in the Bailey Hughes case. Before I left I got a call from the California office. They told me one of her old nannies—who was paid under the table, which is why we never knew about her—heard about what happened and came in to talk to them."

"What did she say?"

"Nothing. They were too busy and it's my case, so they gave her my card and I have to go out there to meet with her tomorrow morning. I'm just looking over some of the information I already have. It's been so long I probably forgot a lot of things."

**xxxxx**

Jess bolted straight up in bed that night.

"What? What?" Nathan said feeling around for the lamp to turn it on.

"I saw her."

"Who?"

"Bailey. I think she was drowning."

"Do you know where she is?"

"It doesn't work that way. I have to think about and sort through all the details."

"Where are you going?"

"To the dining room to look at those papers I have on the table."

**xxxxx**

When Nathan came out to the living room with his baby daughter in his arms and his sons toddling ahead of him that morning he couldn't believe Jess was still at the dining room table.

"You spent all night looking over this stuff?"

"Yes." She looked at the clock. "I have to get ready. I'm supposed to be in California at nine."

"So since you're leaving I guess I have to watch the kids. I can't go out with Nicole."

"Not so fast. Antonio agreed to watch the babies."

"Damn it."

**xxxxx**

"Mrs. Hernandez, thank you for meeting with me."

"I came in as soon as I heard. I just got back from Guatemala. I was in the super market and I saw it in the tabloids. I didn't really think it was true at first. I can't believe it. I wish I could have told you what I knew last year when this happened."

"Tell me what?"

"José and Ella had parties. I don't mean regular parties. They used to invite other couples, sometimes just single men and women they met in bars and…um…"

"Are you saying they were swingers?"

"Yes."

"Where was Bailey during these gatherings?"

"Asleep in her room. Sometimes if I was on those nights I would stay in there with her to make sure she stayed in her room, but when I was off I couldn't protect her. I think that she left her room and saw them on at least one occasion."

"She told you that?"

"Not in so many words, but she knew about things that a child that age wouldn't otherwise know about."

"Is it possible Ella and José were forcing Bailey to participate in these orgies?"

"They were not the best parents, but I think they loved her and I really doubt they would hurt her like that."

"If she saw them, then they probably saw her. Her abductor was probably one of the guests. Can you tell me anything about them?"

"I never even knew their names."

"Think, Mrs. Hernandez. Any detail can help."

"There was a lady at the party who was looking at a picture of Bailey. She asked Ella about her."

"Did you ever see her again after that night?"

"I think so."

"Tell me what she looked…" She had a vision. She saw a young girl being drowned in a lake. She was sure it was Bailey until she saw who was drowning her. It was a man that matched the sketch artist's drawing of the Maryland serial killer.

"Agent Massey?"

"…You've been very helpful. Leave your phone number with that agent over there. I will call you and we can finish this."

**xxxxx**

Nathan and Nicole went to a nearby coffee shop.

"I'm not going to beat around the bush. Jess thinks that we might be able to help each other. Since this is about the safety of my child I'm not going to be proud. I'll just say it…" But just saying it didn't come easy for Nicole.

"Say what?"

"I had a rough childhood. I'm worried I might do some of the stuff that was done to me to Zachary."

That was the first time Nathan felt a connection with her.

"You understand," Nicole said from the look he gave her.

"I do. I think we can help each other."

**xxxxx**

"Agent Redman." Jess made it back to the Maryland office in record time.

"Did you have a vision about the killer?"

"I think so. Is there a missing girl, about six years old, blond hair?"

"Melanie Groves. She's seven. Is she the one he has now?"

"I can't be sure. I was having visions about a blond haired girl about that age. I thought it was a four-year-old girl that went missing twenty-one months ago. She would be six years old now. Now I'm thinking it could be Melanie."

"If it was Melanie is she still alive?"

"I'd be surprised."

"That fits. She's been missing for five days. This guy keeps his victims for five days before killing them."

"You should start looking in remote areas with lakes. I think you'll find she was drowned."

**xxxxx**

"It's easier now," Nathan told Nicole. "But in the beginning when Joe would cry I was more afraid that I would do something than I actually felt tempted to do something."

"But you _were _tempted?"

"Yeah. Now it's not as bad. Just the other day I was home alone with all of them. Madison was screaming at the top of her lungs, Toby was fussy because he's still teething some, and Joe was having what I now know to be his first temper tantrum, and no bad thoughts came into my head. Not once. I put Madison in her crib. I put Toby in his crib. And I gave Joe a time out in his playpen. When they were all safely confined I went out to the back porch and took five. When I came back in I was feeling great. The rest of the day went fine."

With everything he said only two words stuck out. "Bad thoughts. Is that what you call it?"

"Yeah."

"That's what I call it too."

"When you think about some of the worst things that were ever done to you and imagine doing them to your kid?"

"That's it. I didn't think anyone would ever understand that."

"When I get too worried I think about this, my father and mother never showed any kind of remorse about what they did to me or my sister. They never tried not to hurt us. They just didn't care. I figure with as much as I care about my kids and as much as I try to make sure I will never hurt them, I'm not that likely to lose control with them."

**xxxxx**

Jess did exactly what she said she would not do when she got home that evening. She had all the files of all the missing people in the area. She planned to find out which one the killer was with and save them before the five days were up.

She got so into looking over all the records she never even noticed that it was after eight and her husband wasn't home, until her door bell rang and Antonio came in with her children that had been running him ragged all day.

"I'm sorry," Jess said. "I had no idea you still had them."

"It's all right. We had fun. I wore them out for you."

"Thank you. I can't believe Nicole and Nathan are still out."

"I know. It's great. Nicole is talking."

"So is Nathan. He talked to me all the time, but I knew he felt awkward because he knows I can't understand a lot of what he feels. I'm glad they both finally have someone who understands them."

They were both very relieved that the future of their children was looking better.

**xxxxx**

"Was I right or was I right? You guys had fun, didn't you?" Jess asked him when he got home.

"I wouldn't exactly call it fun, but it was good for both of us. We're doing it again next week."

"I knew you would like her if you got to know her."

"How was your day? Did you find Bailey?"

"No. And in addition to that, I'm in a fervent search for a killer."

"I thought were going to work on that from a distance."

"I thought that too. But I was wrong. I changed my mind when I met the parents of the little girl he killed today. Because he doesn't have much of an M.O. I don't even know if he has any of these people. He might strike again tomorrow or six months from now."

**xxxxx**

"Jess was right," Nicole said. "Nathan is a good guy. He did some dumb things in the past, but I really think he is over all that stuff now. And now that I know what he went through growing up I can't fault him for what he did as much as I used to."

"Did you talk to him about what you went through?" Antonio asked.

"I did. And it wasn't that hard."

They heard their baby crying from the monitor.

"You want me to take that?" he asked.

"I want to do it."

Just for support Antonio followed her up to the nursery and hung back while she rocked Zachary.

"How are you feeling?"

"Better than I did when I did this this morning."

**xxxxx**

Jess's search for the killer went on with no significant results. She got a description of the woman who was asking about Bailey at the party, but again the trail ran cold and Bailey was not found.

While the panic of the state over the killer increased, Nicole's panic decreased. Every day it got a little easier to hold Zachary. And every day she became more confident that she would never harm her child. The talks she had with Nathan and her mother helped a lot.


	22. IOU

I.O.U.

Antonio, Nicole, Jess, and Nathan had three peaceful months. Nicole and Antonio had a wonderful Thanksgiving and Christmas when his family came to stay with them. They enjoyed the holidays with Antonio's family, Nicole's mom, Heather and her grandmother, and even Elias was there—that was the highlight for Antonio. Nicole's highlight was Zachary's first Christmas.

Some of Jess and Nathan's relatives came to Maryland for the holidays. Sylvia couldn't be there because her baby kept her too tired. But both Nathan's parents came. It wasn't as bad as he expected it to be, but it could have gone better. Overall their holidays were fun.

**xxxxx**

It was January 2009 and the gang was back to work.

"At first I didn't give it a second thought, but now I remember I have seen her somewhere before." While Nicole, Jess, and Devin waited around for Thomas to give them their assignment that morning, Jess was telling them about a lady she saw watching her in the parking garage before she came up. The woman with short dark hair in her mid forties noticed Jess notice her watching and drove away.

"Maybe she was just there. Just because she was looking at you doesn't mean she was watching you," Nicole said.

"But I _know_ I've seen her before. This is going to drive me nuts all day."

"I know right? It's like when you get a song in your head, but you can't remember who sings it," Devin said.

"The husband of Amelia Brock of Brock Enterprises is missing," Kemyss said. "Phillip Brock never showed up to work this morning. When Amelia got to work this note was found on her desk. Attached to it is a picture of Phillip."

Nicole took the note from him and read it. "If you ever want to see him alive again go home and wait for further instructions."

"When you get to their house try not to look like federal officers in case the kidnappers are watching."

**xxxxx**

"I don't think I ever saw her around here. She must be from Indiana," Jess said as they drove to Amelia and Phillip's home.

"Who?" Nicole asked. "Amelia Brock?"

"No. The woman I was telling you about. The one in the parking lot."

"Jess, let it go. It's nothing I'm sure."

"You're probably right, but it bothers me that I can't remember who she is."

**xxxxx**

Nicole went over the speech she'd spoken millions of times—about what to say and not say when talking to someone who calls for ransom. "And make sure they let you talk to him. Do you have any questions?"

"I got it," Amelia said.

"You and Agent Scott will wait for the call. I'm going to talk to some of your employees."

**xxxxx **

Nicole and Amelia sat around the living room in Amelia's Virginia mansion. It was dead quiet as they both stared at the phone, willing it to ring.

"When will they call?"

"There's no way to tell."

"Shouldn't something more be being done?"

"My partner is talking to your employees, friends, and family and other agents are going over a list of all the people your company has fired in the past twelve months. But until we get a call we can't do much more."

"I don't even understand how this happened. My husband is almost six feet tall and weighs almost two hundred pounds."

"Anybody can be kidnapped."

"How? How do you take a six foot tall, two hundred pound man right off the street?"

"Threats. Someone could have had a gun on him or they could have threatened to go after you if he didn't come with them. They could have said they already had you."

**xxxxx **

Jess came back and called Nicole away for a moment.

"Brock Enterprises across the country have fired over three hundred people in the past eleven months. It's going to take a week or more to clear all those people. And that's if we can get help from the field offices in those areas."

"We don't have that kind of time. What about Phillip's colleagues?"

"Thirty people work at his firm. We're in the process of going over all of them now, but nothing stands out. Most of the people didn't even know what his wife did."

**xxxxx**

Nicole and Jess were at Amelia's with her when all either of them could do was wait.

"I'll be right back. I'm going to the powder room," Amelia said.

When Amelia was out of the room Jess went back to racking her mind about the lady she saw that morning.

"This is killing me. I know I've seen that woman before. I know I have seen her before."

"So, Jess, you think you've seen that woman before?"

"I know I have! Who was she?"

Nicole's joking mood passed. Now it was time to be serious again. "I don't know, Jess, but we have to focus on this guy right now. After we find Phillip you can go back to your insanity. Okay?"

"Fine."

**xxxxxx**

The agents had been there all morning and most of the afternoon. Finally the phone rang.

"Hello," Amelia said.

"_Did you call the police_?"

"No. What do you want?"

"_Sixty-three thousand dollars_."

"When do you want it?"

"_Before eight_. _Place it in Phillip's black gym bag and go to the women's locker room at the Y_._M_._C_._A_._ on Highbanks Blvd_._ Put it in locker six_."

"What is the combination?"

"_There isn't one_. _Go to the women's bathroom and you'll find the key in the last stall_. _It's in the toilet paper roll_.

"It'll be there if I know my husband is alive. Let me talk to him."

"_Honey_."

"Phil, are you okay?"

"_I'm fine, baby_…" Dial tone.

"That went well," Nicole said. "You were perfect."

"Were you able to trace it?"

"We're headed there now. It's almost always a payphone, but we'll talk to people who work in businesses in that area. And if they have cameras outside of their businesses that will help us a lot. You just get that money together."

"Does your husband work out at that gym often?" Jess asked.

"Four times a week. He goes there at five in morning and works out before work."

**xxxxx **

"What do we know?" Kemyss asked his three agents.

"The call was traced to a payphone," Nicole replied. "There were no cameras, no evidence."

"What about the ransom?"

"We know whoever did this lives in Virginia. Someone stalked that family for a while. They knew Phillip's work out schedule."

"Since it was an odd ransom request and not anywhere near as much as they could have gotten, we think it was an employee that felt entitled to that money," Devin told the boss.

"What do you think?" he asked Jess.

She wasn't listening to what they were saying. When she noticed Kemyss looking at her she just said the last thought she had about Phillip's kidnappers and hoped her reply had to do with what he said. "Someone who was fired probably. And there's a woman involved. She was in the ladies' locker room and bathroom."

"I think so too. Work on that theory—it was an employee that was fired from the Brock Enterprises in Virginia. Find out why he felt Amelia owed him that money."

**xxxxx**

"Here we go," Devin said.

"What?" Nicole asked.

"Jerome Franco was fired eleven months ago. He was two months away from retirement. His pension would have been sixty-three thousand dollars."

"Let's go."

Phillip was found alive, and his abductors—Jerome and his wife—were arrested.

**xxxxx**

After finding Phillip Jess decided to take her mind off the lady she saw watching her and go see the latest information Maryland had on the serial killer. When she got back to D.C. to write her report on the Brock case an agent told her someone named Maggie Patterson was waiting for her in her office.

"Hello?" Jess said.

"Jess, hi." Maggie shook Jess's hand.

That was her! The lady that occupied most of her thoughts that whole day was standing before her. Finally she would know who she was. "Do we know each other?"

"I know you. I kind of watched you grow up. Your father showed me pictures and we met when you were little."

"My father…You were at his funeral weren't you?"

"Yes. Last winter when you found that Indiana boy and you talked to the reporters; they mentioned you work here. That's how I found you. I couldn't talk to you this morning because I didn't have all my thoughts together. I didn't mean for you to see me drive off like that. I hope I didn't upset you."

"Oh, not at all."

From the next room they heard Nicole cough on the coffee she was swallowing when she heard Jess say that.

"I need your help," Maggie said.

"Is someone you know missing?"

"No…My grandson is dying."

"Sit down, Mrs. Patterson."

"It's Ms. I was never married. You can call me Maggie."

"I'm sorry about your grandson, Maggie, but I don't understand why you're here."

"Luke—that's my grandson—has leukemia. He needs a bone marrow transplant. My son, my daughter, myself, and all our relatives on my side have been tested. None of them are a match. The only chance he has is to have my daughter's father's side tested. That's where you come in."

"And you need me to find your daughter's father?"

"Luke's mother—my daughter Kate—is your sister. Jess, your father and I had an affair and we have two children together."

"Look, Ma'am, I don't who you are, but-"

"I'm desperate. I know this is hard for you to believe, but this did happen. I never wanted you or your family to find out, and I wouldn't be here unless it was a last resort. Luke is your nephew. He's only fifteen months old and he's dying. We need you. If you don't believe me you can arrange a D.N.A. test for you and Kate."

"That won't be necessary. Please leave."

"Please-"

"Leave my office or I will call security."

**xxxxx**

When Maggie got to the parking garage her daughter was waiting for her.

"Kate, what are you doing here? You should be with Luke."

"Did you tell her?"

"Yes. She reacted pretty much the way I thought she would."

"Damn it. You should have let me tell her."

"We knew her first instinct would be to deny it. I'll talk to her tomorrow. I won't give up until she agrees to the D.N.A. test. For now, just go back to Indiana and be with Luke."

"I am not leaving here until I talk to her. I'm going to wait until she comes down. Where is her car?"

"Over there."

Maggie went to her hotel. Kate waited by Jess's car until she came down.

"Who are you?" Jess said somewhat annoyed. An hour had passed since the "crazy" woman told her her father had another family. She refused to believe it and resigned it to what Nicole said it was: "just what happens when you are on the news as often as agents with our solve record are. Any time you're in the public eye you run the risk of attracting maniacs." But Jess was still upset that it was said.

"Kaitlyn Mastriani."

"Okay. That's it. If I see you or your mother again I will press charges against you for harassment."

It was just then that Nicole came down to hear the last of that conversation. "What's going on here?"

"This is Kate, Maggie's daughter, I assume," Jess said.

"You know stalking an agent is a serious crime?" Nicole told Kate.

"I know. I'm sorry, but…" She reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her toddler son. "…I don't know what else to do. My baby is sick. I know it doesn't look like it in this picture, but he is."

"Kate," Nicole said, "leave this garage or I will arrest you right now."

"Nicole," Jess said.

"What?"

Jess couldn't take her eyes off of the baby in the photo. He was sitting in his hospital crib looking up at the camera. His hair was blond and he looked remarkably like her fourteen-month-old son. "Nicole, look. He looks just like Toby."


	23. Donor

Donor

"How long will it take you to find the results?" Jess asked Devin.

"I'll do it myself. I will call you when I know."

"What's the use? I already know. That baby looked so much like Toby."

"A lot of blond haired babies look alike, Jess. Don't get all bent out of shape until we know for sure. You should go home."

"I'm not going home. I want to know how the hell this ever happened. I'm going to go talk to Maggie Patterson."

**xxxxx **

Maggie was surprised to see Jess at her hotel. "Come in."

Jess walked in and Maggie closed the door. They stared at each other amongst uncomfortable silence.

"Would you like to sit down?"

"No. But I think I need to."

When they were both comfortable (or as comfortable as they could be in that situation) Maggie starting talking, assuming she knew exactly why Jess was there—to hear the story.

"It started in the fall of 1981. I worked at his restaurant in Rensselaer. We were good friends at first, but it progressed quickly that October. I never wanted him to leave your mother and I told him that. He wouldn't have anyway even if I'd asked him to. He loved you, your brother, and Toni."

"When he was away from us all the time…was he with you?"

"Not always. A lot of it was business. He was away from us too."

"Go on."

"Well we decided at first it would be a no strings attached relationship, and I think he really started feeling guilty a few years into it. We were on the verge of ending it. But then I had Kenneth in 1985 and things got more serious, they had to for Kenny. He needed his father. Joe started spending more time with us and even more when I had Kate in 1987."

"Why would you have children with a married man?"

"We never planned it. Joe did not want more children. That's one of the reasons we got together…" she had never meant to reveal that to Jess.

"It's okay. I figured it out when you said you starting sleeping together the month I was born."

"He loved you. He loved you so much, but he was scared. Your father had nothing growing up and he wanted to give his kids everything. He was afraid he couldn't afford more than one child. When you were born he knew he was going to have to work twice as hard to give you both the life you wanted."

"I was an inconvenience, so he ran out and made two other inconveniences?"

"The condom broke with Kenny and I was on birth control with Kate. They were even more unplanned than you."

"That helps a lot," Jess said sarcastically. "You said before that I had met you. What was that about?"

"It broke your father's heart to have four children who didn't even know each other. As you know in his culture family is _very _important. His family was split-"

"That was all his doing."

"You're right." Maggie leaned over to a drawer and pulled out an old picture and gave it to Jess. There were four kids: a boy about ten holding a baby that could only be a few months old, a toddler boy, and a five-year-old girl. "He really wanted at least one picture of all his children together, so we met to have this taken at the park. Do you remember it?"

"No." Jess handed her back the photo. "Who did he tell us you were?"

"A friend."

"And how did he keep me, Doug, and Kenneth from calling him daddy?"

"You and Doug did call him daddy. That's why we got together for that picture before Kenny could talk well...or be old enough to question why kids he didn't know were calling his father daddy."

"Was that the only time he brought us to see you?"

"…Yes."

"It wasn't. I can't believe it. My father took my brother and me to be around his mistress. What did he do, leave us there, so you could babysit? Did we spend the night at your home while my father was just down the hall in bed with you?"

"It was never more than a couple of hours weekend afternoons. And it wasn't about you guys being around me. He wanted you, Doug, Kenny, and Kate to love each other. He hoped he would tell you all the truth when you grew up. But Doug was a lot older than the rest of you and I think he suspected something. When he turned eleven he started asking a lot of questions, and Joe was afraid he would say something to your mom, so we thought it was just best that you and Doug stop coming to Rensselaer."

**xxxxx**

On the way home Jess got a call from Devin. He told her what she already knew: Kate was her sister.

As she walked up her walkway she heard Joe and Toby laughing. When she came through the door she saw Nathan playing with his kids. That roughhousing she always discouraged was a pleasure to watch.

"Where is Maddie?" Jess asked.

"Napping. How was your day?"

"I found a man abducted for ransom and I found my sister and father's mistress."

Nathan almost dropped the two-year-old he was hanging upside down. "Your what?"

"Yeah. It turns out my father had a whole other family."

"I'm going to take them down to the rec room. I will be right back." Nathan picked up his sons and took them out of the room.

The door bell rang.

"Hi. Come in," she told Nicole and Antonio.

"Okay, Jess, what the hell is all this?" Nathan came back in. The four of them sat down to talk.

"After you left," she said to Nicole. "I took Kate up to Devin and we had a D.N.A. test. When I was on the way back from Maggie's hotel he called me and said it was a match."

"You spoke to Maggie?" Nicole asked.

"Who's Maggie?" Nathan asked still trying to get a grasp on the whole thing.

"The other woman. Her grandson—my...sister's son—is sick and she needs me to be tested for a bone marrow transplant."

"And Kate is your sister?"

"Right."

"How did these people even find you?"

"There was a lot of media coverage in Indiana when Nicole and I found that kid last winter."

"Oh."

"Are you going to do it, the transplant?" Antonio asked.

"I don't really have a choice."

"Wait a minute," Nathan said. "You have to think about this. There are dangers to these procedures."

"Like?"

"Like bad reactions to the anesthesia. You could have damage to your bone or the nerves or muscle in your hip where the marrow comes from."

"Is that common?" Antonio asked.

"If it happens it doesn't really matter how common it is. It's one hundred percent for her. Even if there's a chance she shouldn't do it."

"That means it's not common," Jess interpreted her husband's remark.

"I don't think you should do it."

"When I told her about the kids she asked me if we could get them tested also."

"Absolutely not. That's not happening, Jess."

"We can worry about all this later," Nicole said. "You spoke to Maggie? What did she say?"

"A lot of things. Like my birth was what threw my dad into the arms of another woman."

"She actually said that to you?" Nathan asked disgusted.

"Basically."

**xxxxx**

Nathan climbed into bed with his wife that night.

"Are you feeling any better?" he asked.

"A little. I've had a lot of time to think."

"You spent the evening in the playroom with three babies. When did you have time to think?"

"When I was with them. My nephew…he looks like Toby. I keep thinking about what I would feel like if it was him that was sick."

"That's what makes you want to get tested?"

"I always knew _I _would get tested, but I think…we should really consider getting the boys-"

"No, Jess. It's bad enough you're doing it. You cannot put our kids through this. Never mind the dangers, it's a painful procedure."

"You said they use anesthesia."

"It wears off. They could be in pain for days or weeks."

"Kate's baby could be in pain for months and then die."

"Not Madison."

"Of course not. But Toby and Joe?"

"…All right."

**xxxxx**

Jess didn't waste any time. The next morning she and her sons were on the first plane to Indiana. Nathan stayed home with their daughter.

She stopped in Indianapolis first to meet the niece that she never met—Sylvia's five-month-old daughter.

Sylvia sat in her living room when Jess—who still had the keys of her mom's old house—let herself in with her boys.

"Surprise. I see you haven't changed the locks."

Sylvia hugged her. "They are getting so big."

"Say hi Aunt Sylvia," Jess told her two-year-old.

"Hi Syvia."

"That was close enough." Sylvia kissed her nephews.

"So where is my niece that I still can't believe I have only seen through pictures?"

Sylvia led Jess and the boys to the other room.

"This is Shania Sylvia Mastriani. I figured part of me and part of Doug, so she gets both our names. And I named her after my favorite country singer—Shania Twain. Where is Nathan?"

"He's at home with Madison. I'm on my way to Rensselaer. Don't ask. It's a long story. I'll tell you later."

**xxxxx**

That night Jess got to Luke's hospital holding two sleeping babies in either arm. There were a lot of people in one of the pediatric rooms and she recognized Maggie and Kate.

"Hi."

Everyone turned around to see Jess.

"Thank you for coming," Maggie said. "Everyone, this is Joe's daughter Jess. And these are her kids…"

"Joe and Nathan," Jess said. "They can be tested too."

**xxxxx**

The next morning while they waited for the results of the blood tests Jess got to know her brother and sister.

"So you're an F.B.I. agent," Kenny said. "What's that like?"

"Taxing. It has its good times and bad times."

"What made you want to be an agent?"

"Let's just say life can take some weird turns and put you in places you never thought you'd go. What about you two, what do you do?"

"I'm in law school," Kenny said.

"And I'm in college part time and I work as a secretary during the day. I've been on leave every since this happened though," Kate told her.

"What is your major?"

"When I started I was going for early childhood education, but now I want to be a pediatric nurse."

"Kaitlyn Mastriani?" the doctor said.

"Yes," she stood up enthusiastically to the doctor—and probably only one left—that she hadn't met. "Do you have the results?"

"Yes. Mrs. Massey is not a match and neither is Joseph Mastriani…"

The family sighed. The grandmothers' and Kate's eyes welded up with tears.

"…Nathan Massey, however, is a perfect match. We can do the transplant this afternoon."

The room erupted with joyful tears, laughter, cheering, and clapping. Jess was happy that Kate's baby's prognosis looked better, but she was worried about her baby more.

**xxxxx**

Jess had been watching Luke and Toby sleep for hours. The transplant went off without a hitch and both toddlers were doing well. Sylvia drove up to Rensselaer to pick up Joe and would watch him while Jess lived out of the hospital.

"Coffee?" Kate held out a paper cup.

"Thank you."

"It's too bad you live so far away. I think they would have been good friends growing up. But they can still talk on the phone when they get older."

"Kate, I'm really glad I was able to help Luke and your family, and I wish you the best. But I think after Nathan is released we should go our separate ways. I have always wanted a sister, but I don't think I will ever be able to make myself okay with why we're related."

"I can understand that. It bugs me too. But we _are _related, and so are our children. Do you think it's fair to keep them from knowing each other because of what our parents did?"

"I have to think about that." Jess knew exactly where she had to go to get the answers she needed…

**xxxxx**

Jess sat on a bench in the mausoleum.

"Hi, Dad… "

**xxxxx**

"_So how is Toby doing_?" Nicole asked when Jess called her.

"He's fine. He'll be sore for the next few days, but he is being released tomorrow."

"_And how are you getting along with Kate_?"

"She thinks we should stay in each others lives and allow the kids to know about each other, and I…I'm still not sure. I talked to my dad this afternoon and-"

"_Wait_._ You __**talked **__to your dad_? _What do you mean by that_?"

"Relax, Nicole. It's not like he talked back. I went to the mausoleum. I just talked to him, and I tried to understand why he did what he did. I guess anyone can make a mistake. And then once Kenny was born he had to stick around."

"_So you_'_ve forgiven him_."

"I think I have…so I guess I have no reason to not want my sister and brother in my life. I didn't realize that until just now. Thank you."

"_That_'_s why I called_."

"How's Nathan doing with me away?"

"_He picks up Maddie later and later every afternoon_."

"Oh, I'll kill him. I am sorry."

"_Don_'_t be_. _Zachary loves having her here_, _and so do we_."

**xxxxx**

Toby made a full recovery and was let out. Joe, Toby, and Jess said their goodbyes and went home to Maryland. Jess, Kate, and Kenny decided to stay in touch and talk on the phone regularly to get to know each other. Two months later Luke went into remission and was discharged.


	24. Rock Bottom

Rock Bottom

Elias Cortez had been running his life into the gutter for years. By March 2009 he was a drug addict, alcoholic, and addicted to gambling. In other words, he had hit rock bottom. He was jobless, penniless, and homeless. As if he were the boy in the story of the prodigal son, one day, after he had been beaten, he picked him self off the bar floor, dusted himself off, and made a cross-country journey to one—and possibly the only—person who could help him.

**xxxxx**

After a hard day at work Antonio thought his day could only get better. But as he pulled into the driveway and saw some filthy guy standing in front of his door, he thought otherwise.

Antonio quickly got out of the car to see who this man was on his property and why.

"Excuse me."

Elias turned around.

"Elias?" Antonio could barely recognize his younger brother. His face was covered in bruises, his shirt was torn, and the whites of his eyes were red. Antonio quickly unlocked the door and pulled him inside. Later, he would wonder if he did that because he was in a hurry to help him or if he didn't want the neighbors to see Elias. He figured it was a mix when he silently thanked God that Teresa was taking care of Zachary at Nathan and Jess's that day—she wouldn't see him. "What happened to you?"

"Antonio…I lost everything—my apartment, my job. I got nothing."

"How did you get here?"

"Don't make me answer that?"

"Who did this to you?"

"I did. I owed some people and I couldn't pay."

"What happened?"

"Started using," he barely whispered the words he knew would disappoint his brother.

Antonio sighed. He was tempted to scold, but what could he say that his brother didn't already know in that moment? "Using what?"

"Pot, coke…heroine."

"Heroine? Elias, how…never mind."

**xxxxx**

Antonio iced and bandaged his brother's wounds and sent him upstairs to change. When Elias came back down Antonio was waiting to hear more about what happened.

"Are you wanted by the police? Have you done anything illegal…besides using drugs?"

"No."

"Don't lie to me."

"I didn't."

"I assume you're here because you want my help."

Elias broke down. He muttered something, but Antonio couldn't hear it.

Antonio held his brother and tried to pacify him. He remembered the last time he'd done that. It was when Elias was five years old. He had fallen off his two-wheeler while he was learning to ride. Back then Antonio never imagined that his sweet, innocent little brother would become a drug addict. He had high hopes and expectations for Elias. It was that faith Antonio had in him that gave Elias the courage to come to him, so Antonio knew he couldn't lose that faith now. Deep down Antonio knew Elias was that same sweet boy with potential that just needed to be tapped into. Only this time he wasn't helping him ride a bike. He was weaning a drug addict and helping him rebuild his life. It would not be as easy.

**xxxxx**

Nicole came home, put down her bag and went straight for her eight-month-old that was in his bouncer. Soon after she picked him up Antonio came in with a bottle.

"Hi," she kissed him. "Why isn't he in his pajamas?"

Antonio didn't answer. He put the top on the bottle and put it in the diaper bag. That was when Nicole noticed the two diaper bags on the couch.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"Teresa is coming over to take Zachary to her place for a few days."

"Because?"

"Elias is here. He needs my help. And Zachary cannot be here while I give it to him."

"Why? What are you going to be doing?"

"Detoxing him. Until I find a really good rehab center I'm gonna do it here. I already told my boss I am going to be out for the next three weeks. That's how long I figure it will take me to find a rehab and take him there."

"You want our baby to live with the nanny for three weeks."

"I said a few days. Seventy-two hours is how long it takes for Elias's worst withdrawal symptoms to pass. He'll be writhing, vomiting, and screaming and I don't want Zachary to see or hear it."

"Antonio, you are not qualified to do this."

"Nathan gave me all the facts and told me exactly what to do and what not to do."

"All right. He is your brother. This is something you have to do. What can I do to help?"

"Go to the hardware store and buy locks and boards, so I can lock him in the guest room and board up its windows."

**xxxxx**

Before he went to bed that night Antonio talked with Elias. He wanted to prepare him for what he would be going through the next few days.

"Then by day three you should be doing better."

"When does this start?"

"By two or three tomorrow morning. I'm leaving Zachary's monitor in here with you. You can call me if you need anything. But you gotta know there's not much I will be able to do outside of emotional support. This is going to be hard, Elias. It's going to be one of the hardest things you'll ever go through. Are you ready?"

"I have to be."

"Okay. Bucket's by the bed. Good night."

**xxxxx**

"Good morning, everyone," Kemyss said.

"Morning," Devin said.

"Good morning," Jess said.

"Good morning," Nicole barely uttered. She got little sleep the night before.

"Is the baby keeping you up?" Thomas asked.

"Something like that."

Kemyss put a picture on the board. "Cade Anthony Prescott. He just turned twenty months old. Mother is deceased. His single father reported him missing this morning."

"What time last night did he last see him?" Nicole asked.

"Not last night. He last saw his son three weeks ago. Mr. Prescott works long hours. When he leaves for work the baby is still asleep, when he comes home Cade has already been laid down for the night. The only reason he would have seen him this morning was because the nanny called in sick."

**xxxxx**

"I can't do this! I can't do thiiiiisssss!" Elias screamed.

"Yes you can! You have to!" Antonio yelled over his brother's cries.

He got off the floor and went to the window. He tried to rip the board off. "Let me the fuck out of here!"

"You're wasting your time pulling on that. There are more than thirty bolts holding that board up. It's impossible to get it off without tools."

Elias picked up the lamp and threw it at Antonio. Antonio dodged it and left the room.

**xxxxx**

"When I get home I am wiped out," Michael said. "Cade is a very light sleeper. If I went in there he would wake up. He would have been up for hours. I couldn't risk losing a night's sleep, so I never checked on him."

"What about in the mornings?" Jess asked.

"I need as much sleep as I can get, so I set my alarm to give just enough time to shave, put on my suit, and leave in time to get to the office."

"And you couldn't fit in five minutes to say good morning to your son," Nicole said.

"Are you going to sit here and criticize my mistakes or are you going to find who took my son?"

**xxxxx**

"I put him to bed around eight. Mr. Prescott came home at eleven, and I left," the nanny told them.

"Did Michael seem different or odd, was he in a bad mood?"

"He was a little irritated. He lost a big account he'd been working on."

**xxxxx**

Nicole closed the interrogation room door. "He was in a bad mood and tired. Cade probably woke up and was crying and Michael couldn't stop it, so he shook him, and the kid died."

"I don't think so," Jess said. "He doesn't strike me as the kind of person who would do that. I think he's telling the truth."

"Why?"

"Think about it. The nanny knew three weeks ago that he was going to be starting this account. She knew when he works on assignments like this he can go for weeks without seeing the baby. If she wanted to take Cade that would have been the perfect time to do it. If she found someone who could take that baby far away all she had to do was show up for work everyday. Cade could have been missing for the past twenty-two days."

"But what's the motive? Why would she want to take him?"

"She's a woman. Women steal babies all the time. She's in her late forties. She has no kids of her own. She knows it's too late to have biological kids and she's too old to apply to adopt. Cade is her only chance to be a mother."

"Let's release her and watch her."

**xxxxx**

"Sorry about the lamp," Elias said. Antonio came back a few hours later when his brother had calmed down.

"It can be replaced. I brought you some soup. You really should eat something."

"If I eat that I'm going to barf."

"At least drink some water…I just got off the phone with a really good rehab center in Texas."

"Why do I have to go there? You said in three days my body won't need the drugs anymore."

"You won't need them physically, but drug addiction is also mental. You're still going to want them…for the rest of your life. You have to have the skills to resist."

"How long?"

"It could be eight weeks, could be six months, could be a year. They say there's no way to tell."

**xxxxx**

Jess vented to her partner while they watched the nanny's home. But Nicole's mind was elsewhere. "Nathan is painting Alaina's house today."

"Who is Alaina?"

"This woman in his group at the med school. At first they only studied together. Now he's always doing favors for her. Today he painted her house. This weekend he's going to help her repaint her mother's florist shop."

"I saw this thing on 20/20 about how being around too many paint fumes can lower a man's sperm count."

"That should be my only problem. He better be careful or we might not get pregnant at all this year. You didn't hear a word I said. What is wrong with you?"

"I'm just distracted. Sorry."

"What's going on?"

"Nathan didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

"Elias came over yesterday. He was a mess. He started using drugs and now Antonio is detoxing him in our home."

"You're kidding."

"I wish I were. He screamed all night. It was like listening to an exorcism. Horrible. I thought the neighbors were going to call the police."

"We didn't hear anything."

"Lucky you. Anyway, it's gonna take about three days to wean him off it."

"That's just the physical part."

"What I don't understand is how this happened at all. Elias had dream parents, a great role model in Antonio, and a good childhood. Yet somehow he managed to screw his life up in the worst possible way."

"It happens."

"It's always something, huh? So what were you saying about Nathan?"

"I'm probably just being paranoid. I shouldn't be worried. We're not having any problems."

"I'd keep an eye on him just in case."


	25. It's Time For Me To Know The Truth

It's Time For Me To Know The Truth

The next day Teresa took Zachary and Jess's kids to the nearby playground. She sat on a bench and opened a book. Madison and Zachary played on a quilt while the boys ran to the slide. Teresa looked up from her book periodically to check on the children. She noticed a strange guy in the distance watching Toby and Joe on the playground.

**xxxx **

Cade's father ran down the hall as Nicole and Jess stepped off the elevator with his son. "Thank you. Thank you so much for finding him."

"No problem, Mr. Prescott. It's what we do," Jess said.

"The paramedics checked him out," Nicole told him. "He's fine. You can take him home."

**xxxx **

Teresa closed the book as the strange man approached her. "Can I help you?"

The guy reached out to shake her hand. "James."

"Teresa."

"I didn't mean to startle you. I haven't seen him in a while," he said looking at the boys.

"Who? Nathan or Joe?"

"Joe. He's my son."

**xxxx **

Jess and Nicole walked into Kemyss's office. "You wanted us, Sir?" Nicole asked.

"Sometimes God smiles down on us, Agents. I have some good news. The Maryland serial killer has been apprehended. Thanks to you, Agent Massey."

"Me? I didn't do anything."

"That vision you had last week that we thought was a dead end. The lead agent in the investigation ran it again. It brought him face to face with the killer, who is now in maximum security. Congratulations."

"I'm just glad it's over. Maryland can relax now."

**xxxx **

"Look," Teresa said. "I don't know who you are, but Joe's mother has never mentioned you."

"That's because she prefers to believe that her ex-boyfriend is Joseph's dad, rather than some guy who she had one drunken night with."

"That may be true, but until I get the okay from Jess or Nathan I cannot allow you to speak with their children."

**xxxx **

Later that day Nathan stopped by Nicole's to pick up his kids. "How was your day?" Teresa asked Nathan.

"I'm beat. Completely exhausted…what?"

"Nothing. I'll discuss it with Jess. You're tired."

"Tell me."

"We were at the park this morning and a man claiming to be Joe's father approached me."

"Colin?"

"No. James. I told him that if he wanted to have anything to do with Joe that he had to clear with you and Jess first."

"What did he say?"

"He gave me this number and told me to tell Jess to call him, then he left."

"Thank you."

**xxxx **

Jess and Nicole happily left the office that day. As they got in the elevator they heard the TVs blaring with the news coverage of the capture of the Maryland killer.

"So how long is Antonio going to be in Texas?"

"Only a few days," Nicole said. "He wants to be with Elias while he gets adjusted."

**xxxx **

"Hey, I just saw the news. You must be relieved," Nathan said as Jess walked through the door."

"One of the best days I've had in a long time." She kissed him, but noticed some resistance. "Is something wrong?"

"Who is James?"

"James?" She really didn't know who he was talking about.

"Joe's father. I thought Colin was Joe's dad."

"Where did you hear that name?"

"Teresa met him in the park today."

"I don't understand. I never told him about the baby. I never saw him again after the night Joe was conceived."

"Well he knows now. Who is he? Why didn't you tell me about him?"

"I didn't see the point. I never thought I would have to deal with him again…Did Joe meet him?"

"No. Teresa wouldn't let him. So were you dating him when you were with Colin?"

"The night Colin and I broke up I went to a bar and got completely wasted. I woke up in his motel room."

"So it was an isolated event."

"Yeah. I never told him about the baby, just like I never told Colin. It's been over two years. Why is trying to get involved now?"

"Call him and ask him."

**xxxx **

"You didn't call him, did you?" Nicole asked. Jess went over there when she couldn't bring herself to tell Nathan the _whole _truth about James. "Please tell me you didn't."

"I didn't."

"Good."

"What do you think I should do?"

"Are you kidding? This is an easy one. We go over to his place and tell him if he ever tries to get near you or Joe you'll tell the police-"

"Tell them what?" Jess interrupted. "That I was drunk when I was with him?"

"He drugged you."

"We don't know that. I had _a lot_ to drink that night, Nicole. I could have just been with him and passed out. He might not have done anything wrong. And if he didn't I don't want to get him pissed. Maybe if I kiss his ass I can make him see it's in Joe's best interest for him to have one father."

"If he's not even the father you don't have to make him see anything."

"I told you I don't. want. a. paternity. test."

"Because you know he could be the father and you know what he did. That's my point. If we confront him he will back off."

"What if he's been watching me ever since I had Joe?"

"That looks even worse for him…he has been stalking you to see his son, but never had the guts to approach you. That screams guilty, Jess."

"I have always been really good at reading people. I think if I meet with him and talk with him I'll be able to tell what kind of person he is. It's time for me to know the truth."

"And then what?"

"If I think he didn't do anything wrong I guess I'll have to have a D.N.A. test. I already got rid of Colin, so if James isn't the father nothing will change. If he is maybe I can talk him out of wanting to be in Joe's life."

"And if you find out he did drug you?"

"I'll make sure he stays away from my son."

"How?"

"I shouldn't even be talking to you about this."

"Tell me."

"I'm sure there is something Nathan can do to "take care" of this."


	26. Closure

Closure

James put his beer on the coffee table and got up to answer the door. He was surprised to see Jess; and even more surprised to see her as calm as she was.

"Come in."

She stepped inside and waited for him to close the door before she spoke. "Why now? Why after two years do you want to know Joe?"

"He's my kid."

"You don't know that."

"He could be. And if he is he should know his father."

"That depends."

"Depends on what?"

"On what kind of man his father is?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the night we made that baby. I don't remember it."

"It's a blur to me too. We were drunk."

"You were drunk. But I never black out, ever. So why did I that time?"

"…Wait a minute. Are you saying you think I drugged you?"

"Did you?"

"No!"

"Why should I believe you?"

"You're a freaking F.B.I. agent for crying out loud. Can't you tell when someone is telling you the truth? I did not do anything wrong that night. And yes I know I shouldn't have just fled the next morning, but when I woke up I remembered I never told my wife I would be "working late" that night. I had to get home to her. I tried to wake you up first, but you were out of it. I'm sorry, but I did not drug you. You believe me, right?"

"For now. Sit." She pointed to the couch and then proceeded to question him as she paced across his living room. She asked him every question she could think of about his life. The entire "interrogation" lasted forty minutes.

"And that's about it," he said. "Do you want my blood type too?"

"We don't need blood to do this." She pulled out a ziplock bag from her purse. In it was a long q-tip.

"What the hell is that?"

"I need to swab the inside of your mouth for D.N.A. This is what will tell us if you are my son's dad."

**xxxx **

The next day went as usual, with the exception of Jess popping into Devin's office every half hour to ask him if he got the paternity results back.

"Yes. They are finally in. Thank God," Devin said relieved he would be freed from incessant nagging. "He is not the father."

**xxxx **

"He's not the father," Jess told her husband when she came home.

"That is great, so we're done with him for good, right?"

"I told him. He took it well and he promised to leave us alone. I was so relieved. I don't know what I would have done if he were the father."

"It's over. Now, are there any other secrets between us that need to be resolved?"

"That's about it." She never did tell him she suspected James had drugged her, but since it was over there was no reason to delve into that.


	27. The Hand That Rocks The Cradle

The Hand That Rocks The Cradle

It was January 2011. Nicole and Jess were still working with Devin under A.D. Thomas Kemyss, Antonio was still the head of security at the Maryland airport, and Nathan was in his fourth year of medical school. He was doing his rotations at a local hospital. He would be graduating soon and was trying to decide what area of medicine he wanted to specialize in. The four's past year and a half had been peaceful. Nicole and Antonio were doing well and so were Nathan and Jess.

The four children they had between them were also doing well. Joe was a typical four-year-old boy. Nathan was three and quickly growing out of his nickname Toby. His father stopped calling that when he turned two and his older brother, who was in the stage of wanting to be like Daddy, did as well. Pretty much the only people who called Nathan Toby were the females in his life—his mother, Nicole, his baby sister, and Teresa. Zachary and Madison were active toddlers and would be thirty months old in mid January.

Nicole's day had been average, but when you are an agent average means hard. She was beat. As she drove down her street she let out a loud sign when she remembered that Antonio, Nathan, and Jess all had plans and she was going to be spending the evening with four children.

She dragged herself out of her car and headed to the front door. It was ajar. That's odd, she thought. Why would Teresa leave the door open? Nicole walked in.

"Teresa, you left the door open," Nicole called. "Teresa? Zachary? Is anybody here?"

With a quizzical look about her face she continued walking through the house. She got more and more nervous with every step. This was unusual. The house was always a madhouse at the end of the day, so why was it so quiet now?

When she walked into the family room her hand covered mouth as she gasped. "Oh!"

She found Teresa sprawled across the wood floor, face down in a pool of her own blood.

Nicole frantically dialed 911. She knew it would do the nanny no good. Teresa was dead, but where was her child? Where were any of the children?

"_911_. _What is your emergency_?"

"I just got home from work. I found my nanny dead and I don't where my son is?" Nicole ran through the house looking in every room and closet, all the while calling the children. "Madison, Joe, Toby, Zachary!" over and over again.

"_Ma'am_, _calm down_. _Officers are on the way_. _Can you tell me how old the children are_?"

"Four-year-old and three-year-old boys, and two two-year-olds, one boy, one girl."

Nicole swung open the door of the last room she hadn't checked…the master bedroom. She heard a sound coming from the closet. In any other circumstance she would have drawn her gun before sliding the closet door open, but with her son "missing" she couldn't think clearly. It was just as well. If she had her gun in hand she would have further scared the already terrified four children hiding there. They were all the way in the back and it looked like they had made a pile of clothes to hide behind. Joe was holding Madison and Zachary close to him.

"I found them! Thank God. They're okay." She knew she was supposed to stay on the line with the 911 operator until the police arrived, but she hung up and turned off her phone. She did not want anyone interrupting her finding out what had taken place.

"Are you guys okay?"

"Mommy!" Zachary was the only one who reacted to seeing Nicole...and even his reaction was delayed. Jess's kids remained silent. Nicole picked up her son and helped the others out as well. "Are you hurt?"

"No," Madison told her.

"What about you, Nathan?"

He shook his head.

"Where's my Mommy?" Joe questioned.

"I'm going to call her right now."

**xxxx**

"And there they were…right in our closet." Nicole explained to Antonio, Nathan, and Jess what had happened, while the police were upstairs talking to the kids.

"We better get this blood mopped up before the kids see it."

"What makes you think they already haven't?" Jess sighed, still trying to get a grasp on the days events.

"They haven't," the sergeant came down the stairs. "The didn't tell me much, but from what I was able to gather, as soon as Joseph heard the yelling he took the others to hide in the closet. They haven't been down since."

"So they didn't see her get stabbed?" Antonio asked hopefully.

"I don't think so."

"Well thank God for that," Nicole said.

"What did they hear?" Antonio asked.

"The doorbell and then a lot of yelling. 'Some guy screamed at Nanny Teresa', Joseph said. Then he told me that he took the other three children to the bedroom and they hid there until Nicole found them. The medical examiner said Teresa died around eleven this morning."

"They were in the closet for almost six hours," Nicole stated the obvious.

"Joseph had a hard time keeping them there...especially the toddlers, but he didn't give up. Smart kid. I know this has been hard for all of you, and I hate to make things worse, but I may need to talk to the children again tomorrow," the sergeant said.

"Why tomorrow. Can't it wait a few days?"

"With children that young we can't risk them forgetting even the smallest detail. I'll be in touch."

**xxxx**

The next day Nicole answered the door. It was Jess. "How is Zachary doing?"

"He seems fine. He slept well. He's just fine."

"Madison is too. I think her and Zachary were too young to really know what was going on. I think they will be okay. The odd thing about it is Joe and Toby seem okay too. Do you think maybe because they didn't see it, it won't affect them?"

"We can always hope. Do they know what happened?"

"No. Nathan and I decided we are going to tell them Teresa moved away. We figure any abandonment issues that arise from that are better than them knowing someone killed her."

"Antonio and I figured the same thing."

"Did he go to work today?"

"Yeah. When we put Zachary to bed last night…like I said he was fine. Antonio didn't see any reason to stay home. I am so tired. I didn't sleep at all last night thinking about ever leaving my kid with another nanny. I loved Teresa, but let's face it, her personal life caused this. She pissed someone off. I hate to think of how this could have ended for our children, if Joe hadn't done what he did."

"Me too. But I am not leaving my children alone with any one person again. I am going to look at child care facilities this afternoon. That's why I came over here, to ask you if you want to come."

"I thought we ruled that out because of our hours."

"Most of them close at six. Nathan and/or Antonio can pick them up before that."

**xxxx **

"Sit down," the detective ordered the suspect in Teresa's killing.

"I thought I was just here for some questions. Why am I in an interrogation room?"

"To be interrogated," the other smart mouth detective answered. "Where were you at eleven o'clock yesterday morning…because we know you weren't at work."

"It was my lunch hour. I always leave on my lunch break."

"You go to a restaurant?"

"Sometimes, but not yesterday."

"How convenient."

"I wasn't hungry. I went for a drive. I stopped in the park."

"Anybody see you?"

"Plenty of people did. But I didn't take their names…You guys really think I did this don't you?" Antonio could not believe it. He thought it was odd that they were questioning him for the second time in as many days, but he didn't think they really believed he was guilty.

"I'll tell you exactly what I think. You and Teresa were having an affair. That's why you left work everyday. Yesterday you and her had a fight, you lost control, grabbed a knife, and stabbed her."

"What makes you think this? You have no evidence of this. Because it isn't true."

"One of your neighbors saw a black SUV in your driveway around the time of the killing."

"Hundreds of people drive SUVs in this state."

"On top of that, the door knob was not tampered with, which means the person who killed Teresa either had a key or it was someone she knew and she opened the door. And there are no other finger prints on either side of the knob other than yours, your wife's, Teresa's, and the Masseys. Everybody has a provable alibi, except you."

"My neighbor's kid told you the doorbell rang. Teresa let him in. The door was left ajar. The killer never had to touch the knob."

"Which brings me to my next point. Yesterday you were incredibly interested in what the kids told us transpired during Teresa's murder."

"A woman was killed in my home. Of course I was interested."

"You were more interested than your wife or your neighbors. You asked a dozen questions and all of them were about what the kids said."

Then it was the next detectives turn. "And then of course there's the kicker, Teresa was killed by a knife from your kitchen."

"…I want a lawyer."

"You're going to need one. Stand up. Antonio Cortez, you are charged with the murder of Teresa Artamonov. You have the right to remain silent…


	28. Evolution

Evolution

After two and half hours of finger printing and processing, Antonio was finally able to make his one phone call.

"_Scott_."

"Where are you?"

"_Jess and I are on our way back from interviewing daycares_. _We_-"

"You need to come down to the police station. I've been arrested."

**xxxx **

Thanks to Nathan's connections, the lawyer he referred Antonio to had him out on bail early that evening. While the children played in the playroom, the four gathered around Nicole and Antonio's living room to try to piece together the crime.

"Okay," Nicole said, "so the killer rings the doorbell. It's someone she knows, so she answers it. They have some kind of fight. He follows her into the kitchen, sees the knife, grabs it, and stabs her here in the family room."

"That's probably how it happened," Jess said, "but why?"

"Did Joe say anything about what the guy was saying?"

"No. He couldn't make any of it out. I thought that was weird at first too, but then I thought maybe he wasn't speaking English. Teresa is Russian. Maybe her killer was a relative or an ex that was visiting her."

"What about the car?" Nathan asked.

"Yeah," Jess remembered, "one of the neighbors saw a black SUV in the drive way…We all know who told the police that."

"Gloria Abernathy," they said in unison.

"Does anyone Teresa knew drive that car?" Nathan asked.

"We don't anyone Teresa knew."

"I can't believe that." Nicole said, still appalled that she left her child alone with someone she really knew nothing about. "I still can't believe we just left her alone, all day, everyday with our kids and we knew nothing about her. I mean who's to say this is the first time something like this happened?"

"What do you mean?" Antonio asked.

"Well, she could have had men here all the time. Who knows what our kids have seen or heard."

"Let's deal with one crisis at a time." Jess said. "We'll find who killed Teresa, and then, when Antonio is off the hook, we can worry about that."

The phone rang.

Antonio went into the kitchen to answer it. When she heard it was the police, Nicole went in to join him.

It was about this time Jess noticed something silver slightly under the entertainment center in the family room. She reached under and picked it up. It was a bracelet that belonged to Teresa. As soon as she realized this, she was taken back to the day before. It was no ordinary vision. There were no metaphors or clues. It wasn't blurry or out of focus. She saw, as if she were standing right there watching, Teresa's murder. She saw it clear as day.

"Babe," Nathan said, "are you all right? Was that a vision?"

"…I think so. Not like…I usually have. I saw him. I saw the man that killed Teresa."

"It wasn't…Antonio, right?" He had to wonder why she looked so shocked.

"No, no. It wasn't. I don't who it was, but I saw him."

"You'll never guess what that was." Nicole and Antonio came out of the kitchen. "What happened to you?"

"I saw Teresa's killing. When I picked up this bracelet. I never had anything like that happen to me before. It was like I was there."

"What did he look like?" Antonio asked.

"White, brown hair, brown eyes, overweight. He had a mustache. He was wearing a black leather coat. And he was Russian."

"You got all that from a bracelet? Let's go down to the office and see if we can find him in the database." Nicole said. "We'll have a name to give to the cops. They may already have him as a suspect. That call Antonio just got, that was the sergeant. They dropped the charges."

"Just like that?" Nathan said. "I knew Barry was good, but not that good."

"They didn't even give a reason," Antonio said. "They just said I have been cleared."

**xxxx **

On their way to the D.C. office, Jess continued to express her surprise and concern over what had happened.

"I've heard of that before, psychics who can see things if they hold something that belongs to the victim. But I have never done that before."

"Maybe your abilities are evolving. You're getting better"

"This isn't better. That was the worst thing I have ever seen. I'm just going to do that all the time from now on?"

"Isn't it better than just being hit with a vision at any time? Isn't knowing when one is coming better than just minding your own business and suddenly being taken out of this world?"

"I guess. But it isn't easier. I was there, Nicole. Right there."

**xxxx **

It didn't take long for Nicole and Jess to pull up the profile of the man she saw in her vision. The vision was so clear she was able to give a complete description, right down to moles and scars.

"Is that him?" Nicole asked her partner.

"That's him."

"His name is Harold Petrov. Petty theft in 1992 and assault in 1996. That's it. He lives in the same neighborhood as Teresa, but there's nothing here that connects them."

"He was Russian. Was he from Russia?"

"Most of the people in that neighborhood are Russian. Harold was born here."

**xxxx **

The sergeant investigating Teresa's murder just stared at Nicole and Jess. He looked pretty much the way they expected him to when he was told how Jess and Nicole came to be certain that Harold Petrov killed Teresa.

"Are you kidding me?" the sergeant finally spoke. "April Fools isn't for another three months."

"I know how crazy this sounds-"

"Do you? Because you look completely serious."

"We are serious." Nicole said. "You don't have to believe us, but what harm could it do to look into the guy?"

"We have a suspect. That is why your husband was let go. This Harold guy doesn't even drive a black SUV. What reason do you have to think he even knew Teresa…what sane reason?"

**xxxx **

Nicole and Jess did everything they could do to prove how and why Harold killed Teresa, if for no other reason, they wanted the person who took such an important person away from their children to be in prison. But they couldn't prove it. They found out Teresa had been short on money and needed more to send back to her family in Russia. She had been running scams in her neighborhood. Harold Petrov must have been one of her victims. But with no evidence he was going to get away with it.

Nicole and Jess could not let that happen. For the next two months they were (without Kemyss knowing it) only part time agents. They spent the rest of their time trying to get Petrov. Their work deteriorated. Their solve-rate plummeted. Even when she was giving her all to the cases at hand, Jess still had vision's of Teresa that impeded the cases of the people she was supposed to find.


	29. Moving On

Moving On

Assistant Director Thomas Kemyss sat at his desk squeezing a stress ball early that March. He never imagined he would have to consider what he was considering. They had been such good agents, but now, if something didn't change soon, Agents Scott and Massey would no longer qualify to work in the D.C. Missing Persons' Unit.

This is their last chance, he thought. He put the ball in his drawer and left to give them the assignment, whose outcome would make his decision for him.

**xxxxx **

"Did you see him?" Jess was anxious to hear whether or not Nicole had been able to sell the evidence she and Jess had found on Teresa's killer to the investigating officers.

"Yes. But they've put the case on the back burner, Jess. I don't think he will ever be arrested for this."

"Good morning," Kemyss said. "Molly Sorrells. She works in the Maryland office as a secretary. This is a federal employee, Agents. It is vital to your continuation in this office that you find her alive within seventy-two hours."

Nicole and Jess were not surprised to hear that. They knew their careers, at least in this office, were in jeopardy. Thomas had been doing them a favor keeping them as long as he had. Since Teresa's death in January, the pair's solve rate had plummeted. They constantly were on the phone with the daycare checking on their children or doing something else unrelated to work. However, maybe only because of Jess's visions, they did keep their solve rate well above average, but no longer as high as it needed to be to work in D.C.

"Understood." Nicole took the file and Kemyss walked off. "She left the office yesterday at six forty-five," she read to Jess and Devin, who had just joined them. "She never made it home. Her car was found in the parking garage with the door open and the keys on the seat."

**xxxxx **

They had just left the Maryland office and were headed to Molly's apartment to speak to her husband.

Jess's cell went off. "It's the center," she sighed, knowing it was the Director of Little Angels Daycare calling to tell her that her son was having another fit. "Hello, Mrs. Wright."

"_Hello, I'm sorry to bother you at work again, but_-"

"I understand. What happened?"

"_Nathan has been sitting by himself in the corner all morning_. _He refused to come out to the playground, and when I tried to force him, he threw a fit_."

"Can't an aid watch him in the classroom, while you're out?"

"_All the aids are accompanying teachers on a field trip today_._ I tried to call your husband, but I got no answer_."

"All right. I'm on my way."

"Are we going to the center?" Although Zachary hadn't had any problems since his nanny's death, Nicole still worried about him and dropped by the center to check on him regularly, so she was happy to have an excuse to go today.

"Yep."

"Did you ever get a chance to speak with that child psychologist?"

"Yeah. She told me it was normal after a loss and that he will get over it."

Nicole pulled into the Little Angels parking lot and both of them left their cells in the car.

**xxxxx **

"Say that again?" Kemyss was having a bad connection with the officer he was on the line with.

"_Molly Sorrells is in a silver Civic Hybrid going east on Woodland_. _She is in the company of a man_."

Kemyss typed in his agents G.P.S. to see about where they were, so he could tell them to be on the lookout. "Any idea if this guy is her husband?"

"_We don't know_. _The car is now going west down Pierson_."

"My agents are on that road," Kemyss dialed Nicole's cell. Answering machine. He kicked his desk. "Scott! Molly is in a car headed straight for you!..."

**xxxxx **

Nicole put the car in park in the D.C. office parking garage. They had heard Kemyss's message after they'd left the center, but no other messages or calls. They didn't know how it turned out, but they did know if Molly wasn't still missing, they were both fired.

It was a long walk to Thomas's office, and when they got there, he just told them to sit down and sighed. He was angry at their carelessness, but also sad to see them go. His mixed emotions caused him to appear indifferent, and, therefore, they had no idea what was coming.

"Molly Sorrells' body was found in a river about twenty minutes ago."

Silence.

"Where were you?"

"Sir, it was my fault. I had to check on my son."

"And neither one of you could pick up a phone?"

"We left them in the car. With all those children, you can't hear anyone in that center anyway, and we only expected to be there for a few minutes-"

"Stop, Scott!" He calmed himself down. There was no use in screaming. He needed only to say what had to be said and be done with it, with them. "This case was your last chance to continue in this unit. Since you both were very aware of that, and this happened anyway, it is very obvious to me now that your priorities lie elsewhere. I'm sorry, but I am going to have to terminate you. I recommend that you get help for your families, so that this pattern of deterioration that you have exhibited for the past two months doesn't continue. If it does, you will eventually lose your badges."

**xxxxx **

"Hi."

"Hey, guess what?" Nathan said. "You're officially married to a doctor."

"You finished your rotations early?"

"I told you those late hours would pay off. I got my license today."

"Congratulations, honey. You earned it."

"I still have a lot to decide though. I haven't decided what area I want to practice or if I want to work in the hospital or have a private practice…" She wasn't really listening. "What's wrong?"

"I got fired today."

"What? What the hell happened?"

"I saw it coming. I've just…you know what, I don't even want to talk about it. It's not even my biggest problem right now."

**xxxxx **

"What are you going to do?" Antonio asked Nicole.

"Find a position somewhere else or stay home."

"Will you be happy staying home?"

"I doubt it."

"Then find another position."

"It's not that easy. In the first place, my record isn't exactly perfect. I have disciplinary notes from front to back, and secondly, what about Zachary? I have to do what's best for him."

"It's hardly best for him to have a stressed out mother who feels trapped, which is exactly what you will be if you stay home just because you think it's in his best interest. You have to want it, Nicole. You don't."

**xxxxx **

Nicole and Jess had choices that had to made, and soon, so that evening they decided to go to Charlie's to discuss the consequences of those decisions.

"We both saw this coming," Jess said. "It's interesting we didn't do anything to stop it."

"I guess we just didn't care anymore. With what our kids have been though…Kemyss was right, our priorities lie elsewhere."

"So do we resign or find other positions?"

"That's the million dollar question. I never saw myself as a stay-at-home mom, but then again, I never saw myself as a mom."

"Toby's not getting any better, and I wonder if things would be easier on him, if I were home."

"At least you have other income, from the restaurants. If I stay home, Antonio will be our only source."

"He does fine."

"I just hate the idea of him…of me not contributing to my family. I've been working since I was sixteen. How can I ever get used to just staying home? Don't you think that will be boring?"

"Zachary and Heather will keep you plenty busy. You can chaperone her field trips and go to school functions."

"Her grandmother's been doing all that since she retired. Antonio and I almost never see her anymore."

An hour into their debating the pros and cons of each choice, Jess's phone rang. She didn't look to see who was calling, assuming it was Nathan wanting her to come home and help him wrestle Toby into bed, she just picked up the phone. "Hello."

"_Agent Massey_?"

"This is she."

"_Hello, Jess, this is Brooke Haslett_. _How are you_?"

"Fine. How are you?"

"_Good_. _I hear you are no longer working in the D.C_._ office_."

"It just happened. How did you hear it?"

"_News travels fast_. _The reason I_'_m calling is because I have been searching for several replacements in my office_. _Are you interested in moving to San Francisco_?"

"What positions do you have available?"

"_Homicide, missing persons, drugs, trafficking_. _Take your pick_."

"Thanks, but I haven't even decided if I'm going to continue being an agent."

"_I_'_ve seen your records in_ _D_._C_. _We could use you here_. _Think about it_. _Call me in a few days_."

"I'll think about it."

"Who was that?" Nicole asked.

"Brooke Haslett. She is the S.A.C. in San Francisco. She offered me a job."

"You worked with her in Indianapolis, right?"

"Yeah."

"Are you going to take it?"

"I don't know. I guess Nathan can find work there just as easily as he can here, so that shouldn't be a problem. What do you think?"

"If you want to move out there, go for it."

"No, I mean, what do _you_ think of it?"

"Me? Oh, no, Jess, I'm not moving. When I said I'd have to choose between finding another position or staying home, I meant another position with in driving distance of Maryland."

"We could both use a change. All of us actually, especially the kids."

"I can't move."

"Why not?"

Nicole needed a while to come up with an answer. "…Heather. I can move away from her."

"You just said you never see her, and you can visit. You'd end up seeing her just as much as you do now."

"Brooke offered this job to you."

"She said she had several positions that needed filling."

"I'm sure once she sees my record, she won't be interested."

"I'll call her."

"No, Jess, don't call her." Before Nicole finished that sentence Jess had dialed the number and left the table.

"So what did she say?" Nicole asked when Jess got back.

"She said it looks like we work well together and that if you wanted to she could pair us up out there."

Nicole was hoping Brooke wouldn't be interested, that would be one less huge choice to make. "What about my house?"

"Rent it."

"Where will we live? I don't want to raise my kid in San Francisco."

"I'm sure there are plenty of surrounding towns that are just as good as where we are now. Look, let's just try it for a few months and if we don't like it, we quit."

"Maybe."


	30. Choices

Choices

Madison and Zachary chased each other from one of the two connected hotel rooms to the other while Joe and Toby fought over the only hand-held video game that the boys hadn't broken on the plane.

"You guys have the kids today," Jess told Nathan and Antonio, "because we're going to be in the San Francisco office all day."

"You want us to drive around looking at neighborhoods with four kids all day?" Nathan said. "I thought we were going to find some kind of daycare service."

"We're only going to be here for one day. The only reason we even needed the rooms was because I know if we leave tonight, the kids will melt down on the flight back."

**xxxxx **

"And this is Nicole Scott," Jess introduced Nicole to Brooke.

"Nice to meet you. I've heard a lot."

"Most of it is true…unfortunately."

"Well, according your track record in D.C. you and Jess seem to get results and you haven't had any disciplinary notes in a while, so I don't predict a problem. I think that you and Jess will be happy here."

"Uh, Brooke, we haven't actually made a choice yet."

"I know. But I hope to change your minds by the end of the day. Shall we start the tour?"

Nicole and Jess nodded.

**xxxxx **

"This looks nice," Antonio said. They had just entered the town of Levi, population less than two hundred, mostly young couples with children. It was one of those towns where everybody knew each other. There was one police station with a sheriff and two deputies that patrolled and kept a very short leash on the town, which was probably what accounted for the lack of crime in Levi—no crimes reported since 1998 and no murders since 1983. It was a good place to raise children, and only twenty minutes from San Francisco.

"I like the houses. They look roomy." Nathan pulled up Levi on his laptop for more information. They both liked what they read. Most of the residents were couples with young children like them. "The only school is a private one owned by the town."

"This is one of those close knit, Mayberry towns…only with money. Jess and Nicole will love it."

**xxxxx **

Brooke finished the tour of the office. "Have you decided what department you're interested in?"

"We were thinking Homicide or Missing Persons," Nicole answered.

"Since you already know everything the Missing department entails, why don't you try Homicide for a week or two and if you don't like it, I'll station you in M.P. The substitute agents I am using now can stay a couple of extra weeks while you decide."

"We will definitely take it into consideration." Jess shook Brooke's hand. "We'll call you this evening with our decision."

"As they left the office, Nicole expressed her interest in Homicide. "I like the idea of no living victims."

"Except there are," Jess reminded her. "The families."

"Damn. I didn't think of that."

"I suppose it could be less stressful. No more informing families that their loved one was found dead. No more late nights, rushing to find the victim before he's murdered."

"And now that your visions come so easily, we'll be cracking cases left and right."

"Does that mean you want to move out here?"

"Well, Antonio's totally on board with it, so…yeah, I guess we could try it. What about you?"

"If Nathan likes it here, yes."

**xxxxx **

"Stop running!" Nathan yelled at his boys. "Sorry," he told the realtor.

"No problem. This house was designed for children. The sellers had six. So what do you think of it?"

"It's good," Nathan said.

"Certainly spacious," Antonio added.

Nathan excused himself to quiet his three rambunctious children.

"So," Antonio said, "What else do you have?"

"In Levi? This is our only property on the market. People rarely move from here."

"I can see why."

**xxxxx **

Nicole, Nathan, Jess, and Antonio made themselves comfortable around the kitchenette table of one of their San Francisco hotel rooms, while the children slept in the other.

"So how was the interview?" Antonio asked.

"Good," Nicole told him. "I'd like to try it."

"Great."

"Do you like it here?" Jess asked Nathan.

"It's promising. I can live here."

"Good, because I think I'd like to try it too."

"So it's settled," Nicole said, "we're moving here. Now all we have to do is find places to live. Did you guys find any nearby cities good for children?"

"Already taken care of," Nathan showed them pictures of the house they looked at. "It's in Levi, about twenty minutes from here. Trust me you'll love this place—the house and the town. And it's already vacant. We can move in right away."

"What about you guys," Jess referred to Antonio and Nicole.

"Yeah, about that," Antonio eased into his and Nathan's idea, because he knew Jess and Nicole wouldn't like it. "That's the only house for sale in Levi."

"Well, then we can't take it. We have to live in the same city, Antonio. You and/or Nathan are going to have to watch the kids until we find child care."

"That will be pretty easy to do if we live in the same house."

Nicole and Jess got the idea. "No."

"Just listen-"

"We cannot live in the same house, Nathan."

"It's a big house, it's not like we'd be crawling all over each other and it's a good opportunity to make some money."

"How?" Nicole said, barely interested in this idea.

"When two houses go on the market in Levi, we can sell this one."

"It's not worth all the trouble this will cause."

"What trouble?"

"Us sharing a house with another couple, Nicole and Antonio having to live with three extra children, one of which is throwing fits constantly these days, none of us will have any privacy."

"It's a five bedroom house. Look at this floor plan. There is a mother-in-law suite, which is basically just another master bedroom on the other side of the house and down this hall is a regular room. Antonio and Nicole can have the mother-in-law suite and Zachary can have the bedroom. We'd be all the way over here in the master bedroom. Look, the other two rooms are in the same hallway. Nathan and Joe can share this one and Madison can have the one closest to us."

"We'd never hear them at night, but you would and you'd never hear Zachary, but we would," Antonio added. "And there's a big bonus room upstairs, away from the main rooms, so the kids can play without disturbing us."

"What made you guys even think of this? There must be other towns around San Francisco."

"Nicole, once you read about this town, you're going to want to raise Zachary there," Antonio assured her. "And once you see it, you'll love it. Their school has an excellent reputation."

"The town has a school?"

"Levi Day School." Antonio handed Jess a pamphlet.

"And this house has an office, which I am going to need soon," Nathan added. "I could even work from home. The father of one of the guys in my med school runs his practice out of his home. And I'm sure you and Nicole would be okay with having a nanny with me right there in the house."

"You guys thought of everything didn't you?" Jess said. "…All right. If it's okay with Nicole, we can make an offer in the morning."

Suddenly, all eyes were on Nicole. "Fine."


	31. Day One

Day One

Within a couple of weeks of meeting with Brooke and deciding to take the job, Nicole, Jess and their families were settled in their Levi home. Nicole and Jess opted to try two weeks in homicide first. Antonio was searching for some kind of high security job. And Nathan decided he didn't want a bunch of sick people in his home, so he was going to work out of the house.

Brooke finished reviewing their duties and then gave them their first case.

"This one is a little different then what you will normally see. In most cases we know who the victim is. This body was found in a shallow grave at a camping site ten miles south of here. We know she is a woman, and that's about it. The medical examiner finished the autopsy, so you'll have to go to her for the rest of the details. You take it from there. Any questions?"

"No."

"Good. I'll be in my office, if you need anything."

**xxxxx **

After meeting the M.E. she explained her findings.

"She was stabbed once, but what killed her was being buried alive. Dirt in the lungs indicate she was still alive when she was buried, but there was no dirt under her nails. She didn't fight the burial. She had to have been unconscious."

"Any idea how old she is?" Nicole asked.

"Between twenty-three and twenty-six. Her finger prints aren't in the database."

"All right. Thanks." Nicole turned to leave.

"Actually," Jess said. "Can you give me a minute?"

The medical examiner thought it was strange, but she left Jess alone in the room with the body.

Jess reluctantly reached to hold the victim's hand, hoping that whatever happened wouldn't be that bad.

Suddenly she was in a townhome watching the victim and a man fight over another man. The killer stabbed her once in the chest and she fell to the floor, when the victim slipped in to unconsciousness, Jess returned to reality.

"Any luck?" Nicole asked when they left the building. She couldn't tell because Jess seemed like herself—not shaken up at all.

"Yes. The M.E. was right. The victim was buried unconsciously, thank God. I know because after he stabbed her, the vision ended. That means she didn't experience anything after that."

"Do you know who she is?"

"No names were mentioned. The killer was yelling about some guy, I guess she was killed by her husband or boyfriend. He was wearing a denim jacket. His hair was dark."

"Maybe he's in the database. How do you think Antonio's doing?"

"I just hope he's still alive."

**xxxxx**

Antonio was at his wits end. He wasn't having any luck finding a job and the kids were driving him nuts—crying, screaming, tantrums, yelling, hitting, fighting over and over and over. Jess and Nathan tried to warn him that he was not going to be able to take care of their kids all day. Toby was a handful by himself, but him _and _Joe and Madison were unbearable. Even Nicole tactfully told him in the privacy of their bedroom the night before that Jess and Nathan's kids would be too much for him. But he insisted that he could hold the fort down while Nathan was applying to hospitals.

**xxxxx **

"How do know it was a townhome?" Brooke asked Jess.

"I saw out the window several other homes connected to each other, all the same color—yellow and white. I also saw the parking lot."

"And you're sure they were not apartments?"

"Positive. Two stories and bigger than apartments."

"Okay. Try to find townhomes matching that description in this area," Brooke told another agent. "And you two see if the killer is on file."

**xxxxx **

Nathan walked through the door and, despite all the chaos he heard in the house, was still in a great mood. He found Antonio at the dining room table engulfed in newspapers.

"Did you find anything?" Antonio hoped Nathan had more luck.

"Saint Francis Memorial in San Francisco. They hired me as and E.R. doc. What about you?"

"Nothing. I gave up on the job search an hour ago. Now I'm looking for daycares."

"Tough day?"

"Tough doesn't begin to describe it. Nicole was right. I can't watch these kids by myself."

"So did you find anything?"

"No," he sighed from exhaustion. "All the centers and programs in San Francisco are full and Levi only has home child care preschool programs. So far I haven't found any that take children under three. If I have to stay home until Zachary and Madison turn three in July, I'll lose it…Thank God!"

"You found something?"

"Perfect. Read that…"

_Child care offered at the Levi Library. Now accepting children two _

_and up. After-school pick up from Levi Day School. Toddlers and_

_preschoolers are cared for in the "Preschool Room" located in _

_auditorium 2 and school-aged children are cared for in the_

"_After-school Care Program" located in auditorium 1._

"Let's go check them out."

**xxxxx **

The killer didn't come up in the database, but the analyst found the townhome property. Twenty-one out of the twenty-three renters of the ten homes were accounted for in just ninety minutes. Missing were Suzie Logan and Gerald Meyers. The minute she stepped into the home Jess knew it was the one from her vision and the pictures were of the couple she saw fighting.

"This is her. And Gerald killed her."

"Now we just need some actual proof."

"D.N.A. tests from the family will prove it's her body."

"Yeah, but it won't prove Gerald killed her."

"Then we need to find him. If I freak him out with enough details on him stabbing her and the fight they had, maybe he'll confess. Let's hurry up and find him, I really want to get home."

"Oh, I'm sure Antonio is fine. Nathan might be back by now."

"It's not them. I'm worried about Toby. He is so unhappy, all the time."

"I've noticed."

Jess couldn't help but laugh at Nicole, who was so obviously worn out by his fits.

"I wouldn't worry about it, especially now. They've moved across the country. They're going to be starting yet another child care program, and they are all still getting over Teresa. It'll get worse before it gets better…"

"What?"

"Nothing."

"You were going to add something to that. Tell me…Please, I need all the help I can get."

"I was going to say, it might help if you and Nathan were more consistent in your discipline of him, all of them actually."

"God knows I try, but I am gone all the time and Nathan just won't. He doesn't want to upset them."

"They seem pretty upset to me."

"That's exactly what I told him. He still refused."

**xxxxx **

The daycare services at the Levi Library were located on the east side in the auditoriums, just down the hall from the entrance of the library. Although they were labeled auditoriums, they were only a little more spacious than the average classroom.

"Look for something that says Preschool Room," Nathan suggested.

"Here it is."

The six of them entered the room and were greeted by two caretakers—a woman in her fifties and a kindly gentleman in his early sixties.

"Hello," the woman said. "I'm Deborah Hall and this is my husband Roger. We also go by Ms. Deborah, Mrs. Hall, Mr. Roger, Mr. Hall, or Roger depending on which child you ask," she chuckled. She seemed very nice and Nathan and Antonio knew their children would take to them right away.

"I'm Nathan Massey and these are my children—Joseph, we call him Joe, Nathan, and Madison."

"Hi," Roger said friendly.

All the children barely muttered hello or hi under their breath.

"Hi, I'm Antonio Cortez and this is my son Zachary.

**xxxxx **

Gerald was still gone and the pair had no leads to follow up on, so Jess decided to go back to the townhome and hold some of his things to induce a vision. Nothing. She noticed all the knives were missing from the holder, so she held that and was led to the bloody murder weapon in the dumpster of a shopping mall. But the case wasn't closed until they found Gerald. It was starting to feel like a missing person case.

**xxxxx **

Roger and Deborah Hall's services were invaluable to the Levi community. Not only did they volunteer in the Preschool Room Monday through Friday, they also offered night and weekend care in their home. Nathan and Antonio were impressed by their accommodations.

"That's great," Nathan said. "I know this place closes promptly at five-thirty and I'm not sure if Antonio and I will be able to get here in time."

"If you can't pick them up by five-thirty, you can pick them up from our home at your convenience. We even have a spare bedroom with cots for children to spend the night. Sometimes parents get off late and the kids are already asleep and since we're headed back to the library in the morning anyway, it makes sense that they sleep over."

"We just love children." Roger added. "We were never able to have any of our own, so we consider this class our brood."

Antonio and Nathan left Madison, Zachary, and Toby in the Preschool Room and brought Joe to auditorium one to see the After-School Care Program since he would be starting Kindergarten that fall.

That program was run by a volunteer named Layla Pierson. She was a mother of one child in the after-school program and one in the preschool program. Her room was just as colorful as the preschool room with many toys. Joe liked it immediately.

**xxxxx**

Brooke Haslett congratulated her agents on the recovery of Gerald Meyers and his confession.

"Case closed. That has to be a record. Did you enjoy your first day of homicide?"

"I think I need to give it more time to adjust." That was Jess-code for 'I was bored'. Nicole agreed.

**xxxxx**

Jess and Nicole stayed in the office late that day, solving some cold case murders. By the time they got home, everybody was in bed.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," Nicole didn't expect Antonio to be asleep at nine o'clock.

"That's all right. I can sleep in tomorrow. I was going to wait up for you, but the kids killed me today."

"I told you. And I hate to burst another bubble, but tomorrow is Friday. Jess and I are working, so you and Nathan have the kids, no sleeping in.

"Nathan got a job in the Saint Francis E.R. and Joe, Toby, Madison, and Zachary will be leaving with you tomorrow morning. We enrolled them in a child care program at the library."

**xxxxx **

"It's going to be so good to be working again," Nathan said. "You wouldn't think a few weeks out of work would be as bad as it is."

"I'm glad you found something you'll enjoy doing."

"How was your day?"

"Boring. I didn't say anything to Brooke yet, but I am definitely going back to M.P. as soon as possible. I don't want to think about work right now. How is Toby?"

"Same."

"Something's telling me this is more than just Teresa. Maybe I'll take him to see someone."

"A shrink? Come on, Jess, it's not that serious. He'll come around."

**xxxxx**

Nicole and Jess opted to be transferred back to the Missing Persons' Unit. They were happy to be back to their old familiar roles and, except for their home lives, everything was fine.


	32. Endurance

Endurance

April 2011. Jess and Nicole finished their first case in the San Francisco Missing Persons' Unit that Monday, and they couldn't have been more ready. Homicide was terrible. There was no mystery and with Jess's visions, the killers were caught with in the day. Jess didn't feel like she was doing much good. At least with missing people there is somebody who needs saving. Homicide felt like a waste of her abilities. Nicole felt like a fly on the wall, completely useless because Jess did all the work. It just wasn't working for them.

Antonio had found another job in security, guarding a celebrity. It was really more like just being a body near him, but the money was good and the hours allowed him to get off in time to pick up the kids. Nathan was happy in his E.R. job and was searching for an available building to open a private practice.

And the children made a full time job out of making their parents miserable. All the children acted out using irreverent humor and hitting one another, sometimes for no reason. Zachary clung to his mother like glue, cried often, and insisted on sleeping in his parent's bed. Nathan threw horrible tantrums with violence, spitting, cursing, and destruction. At times he seemed to be fueled by anger. Madison was violent like Joe and Nathan, she threw tantrums, but what made her the most difficult was her out right defiance. It was almost impossible for her parents or Nicole and Antonio to get her to do anything. She and Zachary developed the odd habit of covering each others mouths to silence the other when he or she was crying. Joe was angry as well, but at times he would just burst into tears for no reason.

It was obvious to the four parents that these were not normal preschooler and toddler behaviors, but that's all they knew, and since the daycare didn't have any problems with them at all, Nicole and Jess to came to the conclusion that whatever was wrong with them was environmental—something they could figure out and change.

**xxxxx **

"Okay, is it my day to pick up the kids or make dinner?" Jess asked as they left the office.

"It's your day to pick them up and Antonio is making dinner tonight."

**xxxxx **

Jess glanced in the rear view mirror of her van. All the children were asleep. She took her time getting home that day. The longer she could delay getting home and waking them the more relief she would have to get her through the long evening. She was grateful for this new habit the kids had of falling asleep on the way home. They all gave up their naps the year before.

**xxxxx **

Dinner was silent that night, and Antonio, Nicole, and Jess didn't dare say a word for fear they would get the kids talking, which would quickly progress to some type of drama. Nathan was a bit braver.

"Did you guys have fun at daycare today?" he asked.

"I hate daycare," Toby said. He hated everything and everyone these days.

"Joe, did you do anything fun?"

"I painted."

"You did? Of what?"

"Of my friend Brendan. We had to paint a picture of our friends and I painted Brendan and he painted me. It was Mrs. Fisher's idea."

"Who is Mrs. Fisher?" Jess chimed in.

"She's a librarian. She had to help Ms. Deborah because Mr. Roger was sick."

"Who did you paint, Zachary?" Nicole asked.

"Jacob."

It wasn't long before the evening got back to normal. The children got wild and Madison told a toilet joke. The reprehending she received only made her act out more.

**xxxxx **

"Zachary," Nicole wrestled with her son over his newest irritant—a bath strike, "stand still so I can get your shirt off."

"I don't want a bath!"

"Everybody has to take baths."

"I wanna keep my clothes on!"

"If you let me give you a bath, without your clothes on, you can sleep in Mommy and Daddy's room tonight."

"Okay."

**xxxxx **

Madison sat on the couch watching a DVD. She pulled at her hair habitually now. No one knew if it was a nervous habit or self inflicted pain she used to distract her from what ever was going on in her head.

Nathan looked over from his recliner while turning the page in the paper. "Madison, stop pulling your hair."

She ignored him and he went back to his paper.

**xxxxx**

Nathan and Joe were upstairs in the play room. Toby saw an opportunity he could not resist. Joe was sitting on the floor drawing with the Magna Doodle with his back to his brother. Nathan positioned the kick ball he was playing with and kicked the ball into Joe's back.

"Ow!" Joe threw down the Magna Doodle and stomped over to his brother.

Nathan laughed as his brother came towards him. When Joe got close enough, Nathan employed his best defense, he spit at Joe and ran away laughing.

Joe caught him on the stairs and the boys rumbled down the last few stairs hitting and scratching each other. When they finally came to rest, both were in too much pain to continue.

**xxxxx **

It was the best part of the evening for Nicole, Jess, Antonio, and Nathan—all the children were asleep.

"How can we be having these problems?" Antonio vented. "There are four adults in this house and four children. It's not like we're out numbered. Why can't we get a hold on this?"

"Because it's not environmental. I admit Nathan and I…mainly him are lax in discipline, but I really think what we're seeing is grief and stress, not the symptoms of undisciplined children. Look at the way Joe and Zachary cry for no reason, just out of nowhere. That's stress."

"I think we need to consider the possibility that we made a mistake when we told them that Teresa just left," Nicole said.

"You think it would be less stressful if they knew she was murdered?" Jess said incredulously.

"Who says they don't? Think about it, they're angry, sad, anxious. Do you guys really think all this comes from her leaving and us moving?"

Nathan finally expressed his irritation. "You are all making too much of this. Whatever they are going through, it will pass."

"How can you be sure?" Nicole asked.

"We've only been here for a few weeks, they've barely gotten used to the house. This is there second daycare in three months, and the nanny they knew their whole lives, the woman who spent more time with them they we did is gone. Of course they're stressed out. In a few months everything will go back to normal."

**xxxxx **

Before going to bed, Jess checked on her children. She stood in Joe and Nathan's dark room, only lit by the glowing stars on the ceiling, looking at the bruises and scratches from their earlier fight.

She went to Madison's room. She saw strands of Madison's chestnut hair twined around the child's finger and thumb. Jess knew Madison had been pulling her hair, but she never pulled it out. Jess was troubled.

**xxxxx**

Jess marched into her and Nathan's bedroom and held out her hand.

"She's pulling it _out _now."

"Like I said," he replied annoyed, "it's from the stress of the move. She's fine, Jess."

"I don't know how you can be so certain."

"What do I do for a living?"

"And?"

"How many kids do you think I see everyday? How many things have I read and studied on child behavior? How many months did I spend in pediatrics?"

"All right, I get the point. You'd know if there was something seriously wrong with them."

"Yes."

**xxxxx **

Nicole and Antonio watched their little boy sleep peacefully between them.

"I think he's going to be okay," Nicole whispered.

"I know he will."


	33. Fix You

Fix You

July 14th. Nicole and Antonio waited in the airport for their daughter's plane to arrive. They had not seen Heather since they moved to Levi. Heather was thrilled about the visit and so were Nicole and Antonio. The reason for the visit was not only to catch up with Heather, but also so she would be at the birthday party for Zachary that Sunday. Nicole, Antonio, Jess, and Nathan had opted to have Madison and Zachary's party the Sunday between the children's actual birthdays.

"Mommy!" the seven-year-old ran into Nicole's arms.

"You've gotten so big."

"We've missed you." Heather leaned from Nicole into Antonio's arms. "How have you been doing?"

"Good."

"Are you doing well in school?"

"Yes. I'm going to third grade in September."

"I know. I can't believe how much taller you are."

**xxxxx **

That Friday Nicole drove the five children to daycare. Even though Heather was a school-aged child and the After-School Room was open all day during summer break, Nicole thought Heather would be more comfortable with her brother in the Preschool Room.

**xxxxx **

"Elizabeth Stafford reported her nine-year-old adopted daughter of two years missing at seven-forty this morning," Brooke read. "Dana went to bed at nine and Ms. Stafford checked on her at eleven. The girl went missing between eleven and seven-thirty."

**xxxxx **

Forensic agents were crawling all over the child's room when Nicole and Jess arrived.

"It looks like she ran away," the agent told them. "Her pink bag is gone and some of her favorite toys and clothes are too.

It was always a relief to the agents when a missing child turned out to be a runaway. It made the chances greater that the child would be recovered before any harm came to him or her.

The partners sat down with Elizabeth Stafford once she calmed down.

"The fact that she ran away and wasn't taken out of her room is very good news," Nicole said.

Elizabeth registered no comfort by Nicole's news.

"Did you and Dana have an argument last night?" Jess asked. "Do you know why she would want to run away?"

Elizabeth shook her head, still to choked up to speak. "I know she missed her biological parents." She soon broke down again and told the agents how much she had always wanted a little girl and how she couldn't have biological children. She told how happy she was to get Dana. "She was already seven when I got her, but it felt like I had known her all her life. She's a little angel. Everything you'd want in a little girl. I just want my baby home."

**xxxxx**

Nicole spoke with Dana Stafford's former caseworker, while Jess stayed behind and questioned the neighbors to see if they had seen the child. Both agents were getting very different reports from what Elizabeth had told them about Dana.

"Dana is a very troubled girl," the caseworker said. "She has R.A.D.—Reactive Attachment Disorder. I did not think we would find anyone to adopt her. We couldn't even keep her in a foster home for more than a couple of weeks. Elizabeth Stafford was a God send."

"I hear she greatly missed her bio family."

The caseworker looked at Nicole oddly. "Dana hated her parents. Dana hated everyone."

**xxxxx**

Brooke had Elizabeth brought in when her agents, who were still in the field, informed her of the statements made by the caseworker and the neighbors, who told Jess that Dana was a terror.

"You neglected to tell my agents how troubled Dana is."

"It's not as bad as they make it sound."

"She was expelled from two schools. She has a serious disorder. Why did you keep that from us?"

"Because I was ashamed! She was my daughter! I should have been able to fix her. I couldn't love her enough to make her trust me."

**xxxxx **

Antonio reached the front of the home after patrolling the grounds. The daughter of his employer was coming up the walkway.

"Layla."

"Hi."

Layla and Antonio had become friends, but if she had it her way they would be more.

"I thought Dad gave you today off."

"He did, but I didn't have anything better to do and I wanted to make sure he was safe."

"That crazed fan sent him another letter."

"Yeah. But I wouldn't worry about it. Just keep the security system on."

**xxxxx **

"Anything?" Nicole and Jess went straight to Brooke upon return.

"Nothing good. When I finally got her talking she referred to Dana only in the past tense."

Nicole sighed. "She staged the runaway."

"Not necessarily," Brooke said. "We're not giving up. Jess, did you have any visions?"

"When I held one of her toys I felt a lot of turmoil, but nothing else."

"I have something," another agent approached them. "Did Elizabeth mention the girl was in therapy three times a week."

"A re-birthing expert," Nicole uttered, not quite a statement, not quite a question.

"Yes."

Nicole stormed into the interrogation room with Brooke and Jess in tow.

"Tell us what you did!" Nicole yelled at Elizabeth.

"I haven't done anything."

"You're lying! You killed that girl!" Jess and Brooke tried to stop Nicole to no avail. They were stunned by her outburst. "You and that quack shrink wrapped that girl in blankets and suffocated her and you dumped her body somewhere! Tell us where she is!"

"Agent!" Brooke was finally able to subdue Nicole.

Now it was Elizabeth's turn to shock the room. "In the San Francisco bay."

**xxxxx **

Nicole waited by the car at the bay. She couldn't bring herself to search for Dana's body.

Jess returned to the car. "We found her, the bag and the toys too. The M.E. still has to do an autopsy, but the cause of death looks like-"

"Suffocation."

"Yeah."

**xxxxx **

Five-year-old Kelsey Smith was strapped in her booster seat in the back of her mother's car, singing to herself. Pat was grateful that her daughter was distracted and would not see the tears she fought escape down her cheeks as she drove.

**xxxxx **

Jess easily put two and two together and didn't need to ask why Nicole was so upset about Dana, so she didn't plan on saying anything at all while she drove back to the office. She knew Nicole did not want to talk and it was easier for Jess to keep quiet, but her conscious got the better of her and she thought maybe Nicole needed to discuss her ordeal.

Jess bit the bullet. "How did you know about Dana?"

From reliving the trauma in her head over and over again, Nicole's defenses were down and she just began talking without realizing it. "I was six years old. It was my fifth foster home and the first one where I felt they actually loved me. They bought me things. They told me they loved me all the time. I wanted to trust them. I wanted to love them, but I couldn't. Then one day they told me that they wanted to adopt me, that they wanted to be my parents forever, but first they had to help me get better. I didn't know what that meant, but I was happy that they wanted to keep me. They started taking me to see Dr. Mathison almost every day. She told me I had to forget about my past and pretend that I was born to my foster parents."

"Re-birthing therapy."

"They prepared me for it for weeks and when the day came I was excited. I was going to be better and I was going to know how to love them, and they were going to be my parents. On the floor of Dr. Mathison's office there was a bunch of blankets spread out and she told me to lie on them. My foster parents and her rolled my up, tight, and just told me to fight my way out. I couldn't move. It felt like they were sitting on me. I told them I couldn't get out, they just screamed at me. I started to fight when it got harder to breathe, but it was no use. Eventually I blacked out and when I woke up I was in my bed at the foster home. Social worker came that evening and took me, put me somewhere else."

"Because she found out what happened to you?"

"No. Because my foster family told her they changed their minds about adopting me. Before the social worker came, my foster mother said she had wanted me to be her little girl, but she couldn't handle having a child that didn't love her and since I "didn't want" to be born to them, she couldn't be my mom."

**xxxxx**

Patricia Smith walked into the police station with her daughter's hand in hers.

The commissioner greeted her, but could tell from the expression on her face that this was no friendly visit. He put Kelsey in his office with some crayons and paper and sat with Pat in the questioning room.

"What is it, Pat? Is this about Drew?"

"No. Drew's fine…or at least he will be until he hears about this."

"Start at the beginning."

"You know I'm a teacher, right?"

"Yeah."

"All right, so since it's summer break I am not working and that has allowed me to spend my days with Kelsey. She's been so depressed this year and I was hoping being with me would cheer her up, and it did. But not because she was with me. Because she was safe." Pat got choked up again.

"Did something happen to Kelsey?"

"She was molested, Bert," Pat sobbed.

"Molested? When? By who?"

"At daycare. The daycare program at the library."

Sheriff Bert Harris took down all the details Patricia gave him, alleging her child had been abused by one of his citizens. He didn't believe it, but he followed procedure nonetheless. He went to his office to talk to Kelsey.

Kelsey was sitting at his desk coloring.

"Hey, Kelsey, how's it going?"

"Fine." Kelsey kept her focus on her drawing.

"Your mommy told me that you said some bad things happened to you."

"Yes, they did." Her eyes remained on the paper.

"Tell me what happened."

"Roger hurts the girls in his class. And me. But I'm not in his class anymore because when I start school I will go to Mommy's classroom when I get out."

"Tell me what Roger does."

"He takes you in the bathroom and does bad stuff."

"What bad stuff?" The sheriff's tone became involuntarily hostile.

Kelsey looked at him. It was apparent to the child that he was angry at her for bringing these things to light. "Nothing. He did nothing."

"You made this stuff up, didn't you?"

"Yes."

Harris returned the child to her mother and promised Pat he would look in to it, but he had no intention of questioning Roger. Levi was a good town, safe. Children were not abused and they certainly were not abused by his eldest citizen, a pillar of the community, not Roger Hall.

The two deputies came in the station just as Pat and Kelsey left.

"What was that about?" Deputy Lyle asked.

"Kelsey said Roger Hall raped her."

"Did the Smiths have some sort of feud with Deborah and Roger?" Funny how Lyle never for a moment considered the allegation was true.

"Not to my knowledge."

"How do we know the girl isn't telling the truth?" Josh, the younger smarter cop asked.

"Child molestation, Josh? Not in Levi. Now we have to keep this from spreading. I have to talk to that class today, so I can close this."

"But we can't speak to the children without the parents permission and we have to notify the child protection agency of all complaints," Josh said.

"We are not going to throw our best citizen under the bus over a bunch of lies told by a five-year-old. And we're not going to upset the town over nothing. No parent will be informed of this and C.P.S. will never hear of this, got it?"

"Yes, Sir."

"And nobody breathes a word of this to Roger or Deborah, give those poor old folks a heart attack."

"How will we talk to the children, Sir?"

"We'll think of something on the way."

**xxxxx **

Sheriff Harris and his deputies entered the Preschool Room and were greeted by the Halls.

"My deputies need a word with you both. I'll stay here with the kids."

While Lyle and Josh distracted the Halls outside the room, Sheriff Harris headed to the front of the class.

"Class."

All the children became quiet and stared at the portly cop.

"I need to ask you guys and couple of questions and it is very, very important that you tell me the truth, okay?"

The children nodded and said yes quietly.

"I want you to raise your hands like this if Mr. Roger or Ms. Deborah ever hurt you in any way."

All hands stayed down.

"Did anyone ever _see _Roger or Deborah hurt anybody?"

No replies.

"Good job, kids, now I have one more favor to ask you. We have to keep my visit here a secret. Don't tell your parents I was here and if Ms. Deborah or Mr. Roger ask you if I said anything to you, say no, promise?"

The children nodded.

**xxxxx **

During the distraction Deputy Josh excused himself and went to the bathroom that was built for the daycare. It was across the hall from the Preschool Room. This was the scene of the alleged crimes. The deputy looked around. It was a standard sized bathroom, no stalls, just a locking door, sink, toilet, and trash can. Josh slipped on a glove and rooted through the trash looking for condoms or condom wrappers as Kelsey alleged were used in her assaults. He found nothing.

**xxxxx **

Sheriff Harris emerged from the classroom. "Are you guys done here?"

"Yes, Sir,"

"Thank you for your time," he told the Halls.

"No problem."

"Have a nice day."

**xxxxx**

Antonio and Layla spent half the afternoon talking.

"Well, I better get going," he said. "It's my day to pick up the kids."

"See you Monday. Wish your little boy happy birthday for me."

"Will do."

**xxxxx **

Sheriff Harris closed the investigation, and to make sure Pat and Drew Smith wouldn't leak anything, he told them that all the parents knew and disbelieved Kelsey. The family would move out of Levi one week later.

No one knew that Kelsey _partial _disclosure only scratched the surface of the horrors that came with being a child in the care of Deborah and Roger Hall.


	34. And Baby Makes Too Many!

And Baby Makes…Too Many!

Nicole and Jess hung a _Happy Birthday Madison and Zachary! _banner over the sliding glass door.

"Is that straight enough?" Jess asked.

"I'm not going back up there again."

"You're in a bad mood today. Is everything all right?"

"I think I'm coming down with something."

"If you need to lie down I can handle this."

"I'm fine."

**xxxxx **

Nathan welcomed the parents and seven children that Zachary and Madison had invited from their daycare and directed them to the backyard where Jess, Nicole, Nathan, and Antonio had gone way over board with the décor and activities. All of the adults were saddened by their children's grief over the past months and wanted them to have one good day. They hoped it would be a good day—that Toby wouldn't throw a fit, that Madison wouldn't break anything, that Joe wouldn't hit anyone, and that Zachary would leave his mother's side long enough to enjoy his party.

Most of the parents knew each other, so they quickly gathered on the patio and began talking. There were enough eyes on the children, so Jess felt comfortable coming in.

"Hiding?" She found Nathan in the family room.

"Resting. I was up half the night making that food. Are the kids having any fun?"

"Surprisingly yes. The bounce castle was a great idea. Have you seen Nicole?"

Nathan pointed to the hall leading to Nicole and Antonio's room.

**xxxxx **

Jess knocked on the ajar door before coming in. "Guys?"

Antonio, thinking she was there to scold him for not helping her and Nathan watch the kids, was quick to reply. "I'm going out there now."

"Where's Nicole?"

"In the bathroom." Antonio left.

"Is he gone?" Jess heard Nicole say from the bathroom.

"Yeah."

Nicole's face was unreadable to Jess—something between surprise, fear, and joy all rolled into one.

"What?"

"This?" Nicole showed her a positive pregnancy test.

"Oh, God," was all she could say at the thought of having another child in the house.

"I know. I can't believe it."

"What happened?"

"A few years ago, before we got Heather, we decided to stop trying to prevent pregnancy. Zachary was enough of an anomaly. I didn't think it would happen again, and I guess we just forgot."

"You forgot?"

"Yes, Jess. I have been having sex for almost twenty years and only had one baby. I didn't think I was the most fertile in the world. And then I saw this thing about how birth control pill are abortifacients, that they don't keep you from getting pregnant, they just terminate the pregnancy before you know about it. I didn't want to do that, so I said what are the odds I'll get pregnant again, and never thought about it."

"Well there's nothing we can do about it now, so we might as well deal. Congratulations."

"That is the fakest smile I have ever seen in my life."

"I'm sorry, it's a lot to take in."

"I know. With all the problems we're having with the kids that are already here…Oh I just thought of how Zachary is going to react to a new baby in the house."

"Zachary will be fine. You and Antonio decided you wanted to put him in therapy, right?"

"Yeah, I kinda pulled the plug on that."

"Why?"

"Thinking about therapy when I was a kid. I know it's completely different, but sometimes doctors make things worse, and what is he going to tell me that I don't already know?"

"You're probably right."

**xxxxx **

Antonio had stopped on his way to the backyard when he saw Nathan on the couch. Nathan told him that the other adults were watching the kids, tossed him a beer, and the men had been talking ever since. Antonio brought up the counseling that Zachary was supposed to receive, and how Nicole, out of nowhere, decided against it.

"You know how I feel about that," Nathan said.

"You agree with Nicole."

"That's right. Nicole must have realized what I have been saying all along. That the kids are adjusting. Adding something new to their schedule would only upset them more."

**xxxxx **

"Have you and Nathan talked about therapy for Madison, Joe, and Toby, especially Toby."

"I'd be willing to try it, but Nathan would never hear of it, so I'm not even going to bring it up. Toby would probably spit in the counselor's face anyway."

Nicole looked down at the test again. "Five kids."

"It won't be that bad. This baby won't have any emotional problems, even as an infant it won't be as much trouble as one of the ones we have now."

Nicole looked around her room. "I guess this room can double as a nursery until the baby is old enough to sleep in a bed. Then, if we're still living here, he can share Zachary's room or Madison's if she's a girl."

"There you go. See? Everything will work out fine…"

"What? What?" Nicole said anxiously.

"Nothing," Jess said calmly, even though she wasn't. "It just occurred to me that the daycare we're using only takes children two and up, but it's no big deal. We have months. We'll find a San Francisco center and get on a waiting list. By the time the baby's born we'll be ready."

"We're not going to find a center with five openings, Jess."

"All we need is one. The other four can stay where they are. Joe's already set to start Levi Day School this fall and no San Francisco daycare picks up from here anyway. And with everything that's been changing, and is about to change, moving Zachary, Nathan, Joe, and Madison to another daycare would be a disaster."

"Yeah. All right I supposed there has to be one opening by the time I end maternity leave."

"It won't take that long. Trust me, everything will go smoothly. And Zachary will love having a little brother or sister, so will Heather."

**xxxxx**

Later, after cake and presents, all the adults were in the backyard talking. Most of the children were still playing in the yard, but some had gone inside. Nicole went to check on them.

"So," Mrs. Pierson (volunteer care-taker for the After-School Program and mother of one of the girls in the Preschool Room) asked Antonio, "Joseph is going to be in my class this fall?"

"Yeah."

"He seems like such a sweet boy. Any time I pop into Roger and Deborah's room to borrow something Joseph is always playing quietly."

"Yeah, we get such good reports from the Halls on all of them. I just wish they acted that well here."

"Roger and Deborah have a way with children. They just love my little Chloe."

**xxxxx **

Heather was in Zachary's room doing some coloring alone.

"What are you drawing?" Nicole asked.

Nicole would just have to see for herself because Heather never answered, instead she jumped right into what was on her mind.

"Can I go home after the party is over?"

"Why?" Nicole was shocked. Heather had been asking to visit for months, and now she was ready to leave after three days?

"I don't know. Are you working tomorrow?"

"Yes."

"Can I come with you?"

"No. You'd be very bored."

"I get bored playing with little kids all day at daycare. Can I go to the big kids' room tomorrow?"

"Sure."

"Then I'll stay."

**xxxxx **

That night as Nicole and Antonio tucked Zachary and Heather into their bed, after Zachary had insisted on sleeping there tonight, Nicole decided to tell her family the news.

"Antonio," she reached for his hand, "I found something out today, something good." Then she turned her attention to the children. "You're going to be a big brother. Heather, you'll have another little brother or sister soon."

"Huh?" Antonio said.

"I'm pregnant. Zachary, Heather, Mommy's going to have another baby. Isn't that exciting?"

He nodded. She smiled.

"It's surprising too," Antonio said. "Okay, time for sleep." He kissed them both. "See you tomorrow."

**xxxxx **

Antonio closed the door to the room and before he could say anything Nicole was ready with all the answers.

"I know it's a shock. But I had a lot of time to think about this today and I am sure everything is going to work out. Tomorrow I am going in late and I will the spend the whole morning putting our name on every daycare waiting list in San Francisco. This is good news Antonio." She waited for his reaction.

He smiled.


	35. The One That Got Away

The One That Got Away

Jess drove the children to daycare that morning. She'd learned how to "zone out" so she didn't have to listen to the crying and fits.

Zachary wasn't saying anything. He was still sobbing, but had calmed down from the way he was when Nicole strapped him screaming into the car seat.

Nathan kicked the driver's seat violently. "I hate you, Mommy. I hate you so much! And I hate Joe and Daddy and Madison and Zachary and Heather and Nicole and Antonio."

"We hate you more!" Joe yelled.

"No you don't."

"Yes we do."

"Shut up!" Madison screamed. She grabbed the hair of the brother closest to her and pulled with one hand and scratched Joe's face with the other.

Joe hit her stomach with the side of his fist and both were crying.

Nathan and Zachary were silent now.

Heather just sat astounded at them all.

Jess parked the car and went through the same routine. As soon as the van was turned off anybody who was crying stopped and Nathan who was usually screaming obscenities or sitting in silent rage would burst into tears and Jess—Nicole, Antonio, or Nathan would have to drag him to the class room.

**xxxxx **

They finally made it into the building. Zachary, Joe, Heather, and Madison walked compliantly ahead of Jess to the room. Nathan screamed and fought as his mother dragged him by the arm.

The Halls could always hear the Massey/Cortez kids coming towards the class and Deborah would greet them at the door. Like clock work, at the sight of Deborah Hall, Nathan would silence and stop fighting immediately.

"Good morning, Mrs, Massey."

"It is now." She looked down at her now completely composed son.

Deborah gently took Nathan's hand and he and the others went in the room.

"I'm supposed to go to the big kids' room today," Heather reminded Jess again.

"I know, Sweetheart. Remember when we were getting in the van and you made your mommy tell me twelve times? Antonio will be here around four today."

"All right." Deborah smiled sweetly and closed the door.

Jess brought Heather to Mrs. Pierson's room.

**xxxxx **

Brooke called Jess into her office as soon as she got in.

"This tape was sent into the L.A. office yesterday and viewed this morning. It didn't take long for the agents to identify the child in the tape and figure out it was your case." Brooke turned the T.V. on where the tape was paused.

Jess saw a blond haired eight-year-old girl looking into the camera from a bed she was sitting on. "Who is it?"

"Bailey Ella Hughes."

"Oh my God. Do we know where she is?"

"No."

"The agents have already watched this video several times. They can't make out the location or the I.D. of the man in the video."

"I don't see a man."

"He's setting the camera now. He comes in in a few seconds. I don't think watching this will help you find her, but you can if you want to. I'd advise against it."

"This is a pornography tape, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"I need to see it."

"Why?"

"I've been looking for this girl for four years, Brooke. This will give me the vision I need to find her."

"Okay." She handed Jess the remote.

"You're staying?"

"You're not seeing this alone."

**xxxxx **

Brooke was able to keep the media and the Hughes family from finding out about the tape, to keep the kidnapper from panicking and to protect the family from another possible failed search.

At noon Nicole arrived.

"You're finished with the waiting lists already? I thought it would take at least a couple of days."

"Probably would have, but I found an opening. They wouldn't hold it, so I'm paying them for a child that isn't even there, but at least I don't have to worry about it anymore."

"I have good news of my own, sorta. I got a lead on the Bailey Hughes case."

"Get out of here."

"I'm on my way to New Jersey now. Somebody sent in a tape of her and it took a while because he wiped it, but forensics found partial prints on the tape. Steve Martinez, arrested for rape and homicide, never convicted."

**xxxxx **

Nicole banged on the door. "Steve Martinez, open up!"

As soon as he opened the door, he was arrested and brought to the nearest field office.

Nicole held up a still photo made out of a close up of Bailey's face on the tape. "You sent this tape."

"Yes."

"Tell us where she is?"

"If I knew I wouldn't have had to send you the tape. I would have brought her to the police."

"Because you're such a good Samaritan."

"I've done a lot of shit in my life, but I am no baby raper."

"Where did you find the tape?" Jess asked.

"Last Friday a friend of mine had a party at his bar, actually it's his dad's and it's closed down, but we still hang out there. I saw the tape on the shelf in the back room when I went to get some more liquor."

"Why did you take it?"

"Brady has a room in the back where he makes videos of girls..adult girls as far as I knew. I thought that's what this was."

Nicole gave him a pen and a _post-it_. "The addresses of the bar and Brady's home."

"Don't leave the area."

**xxxxx**

Nicole went to arrest Brady and Jess got a warrant to search the the bar. There was a room and it was the one from the video. There was a camera, but no tapes found. The forensics were called in right away.

**xxxxx **

Brady lawyered up as soon as he was brought in and he wasn't talking.

"Are your agents tossing his place?" Jess asked the S.A.C.

"Yeah."

"Nicole, Bailey is out there somewhere. We need to find her. We have to come up with a game plan now."

"A deal?"

"What if he's the one who took her?"

"I don't think he is. This whole things looks like a child sex ring to me. He ordered her to be brought to him, but he didn't take her. And we still need to know who the guy in the video is."

Nicole and Jess joined Brady and his attorney.

"We have a deal for you, Brady. Here it is. You tell us where Bailey is and you'll be charged with Child Endangerment instead of Soliciting Child Prostitution."

"Take it," the lawyer said.

"Dan has her. His number is in my apartment. In my desk drawer."

"Who is the guy in the video with Bailey?"

"I don't know his name."

"You can be charged with two counts of Child Endangerment."

"I swear! He heard somewhere that I make videos and he offered me a crap load of money to get him a girl seven or eight years old, so I called Dan and Dan set the whole thing up. He dropped by my apartment and I gave him the keys to the bar. He must have taken the kid and met the guy there."

"How'd you know Dan sold children?"

"Some of the guys I know are into that. That's how I met Dan."

"Call him. Tell him to bring Bailey back for you. Make it sound real."

"He won't believe it. He knows I'm not into kids."

"Then say it's for a customer."

**xxxxx **

Brooke was waiting when Nicole and Jess got back to California. "How did it go?"

"We know who has Bailey. But he's in Cambodia."

"Why?"

"It's a child sex ring. They travel all over the world," Nicole explained. "We made a deal with the guy who made the arrangements for the man in the video to set up Dan—he's the man who has Bailey—and he took the bait. He said he would get in touch with Brady when he gets back to the states."

"How long will that be?"

"He said a few weeks."

"Which is too long," Jess said. "I'm going to Cambodia."

"That's a terrible idea," Nicole replied.

"In this case, it's a good one," Brooke said. "We don't have any time to lose."

Nicole looked at her supervisor shocked. "You can't be serious."

"I'm not waiting a month to save her, Nicole. Who knows that she'll even survive that long?"

"She's lasted four years. Those people want her alive."

"Until they don't. Until she gives them too much trouble or contracts some deadly disease. No. I'm bringing her home."

"This will never work. How will you find her?"

"With Antonio."

"Antonio?"

"I'll need a man to be my eyes and ears and pose as a customer."

"You want my husband to go undercover as a pedophile."

"It's the only way."

"She's right," Brooke interjected. "The Bureau would never allow me to send anybody over there under these circumstances, but if Jess goes on her own time and brings somebody who isn't an agent, the Bureau's hands are clean."

**xxxxx **

Antonio met Jess at the house after agreeing to her plan. Nicole hovered over Jess as she packed, trying to talk her out of it.

"Even if I weren't pregnant, I would never do this."

"I know. But you're not me."

"How are you going to find her? Where will you even start?"

"Dan told Brady he was in Sisophon. We'll look there and surrounding areas."

"For how long?"

"Until we find her or Dan comes back to the U.S."

"What about the kids?"

"You and Nathan can handle it."

The next day Antonio and Jess got vaccinated and got on a plane to Cambodia.


	36. There's Something About Bailey

There's Something About Bailey

Jess sat in a hotel room in the capitol city nursing a migraine with an ice pack when Antonio returned to the room.

"Did you find anything out?" Jess asked anxiously.

"No. The brothels don't open until night. And I don't think it's as accepted around here as we thought. I was asking around for girls Bailey's age and a couple of men almost took a swing at me. Of course that might have something to do with this Cambodian/English dictionary, it doesn't seem accurate. I might have been propositioning them."

"…Well you accomplished half your mission. They now all see you as a pervert. Throw that away. Take this with you when you go out tonight. It's from the office, one hundred percent accurate."

"How are the visions coming?"

"They're not. I must have watched this tape fifteen times. I don't know why I'm so damn blocked."

"I do. You're trying too hard. You have to relax."

"How can I relax when this child is being raped and she's within miles of me and I can't help her?"

"You never really got over not finding her, did you?"

"There's something about that girl. She's not the only kid we haven't found, but...I don't know. I think about her all the time."

**xxxxx **

It was after eleven and Antonio had been searching for hours. He had been asking for an American girl, but so far all he had seen were Cambodian and Vietnamese children. A tourist in the area, whom Antonio met coming out of one of the brothels, gave him a tip as to where he might find American children. Antonio was headed there.

**xxxxx **

"Have you spoken to Antonio or Jess?" Nicole asked Brooke as soon as she came in that morning.

"Antonio is looking for Bailey now. And you have an assignment. Cassie Duplantis, sixteen. She disappeared Monday after dinner. Her parents called it in, but the P.D. didn't give it to us until now. The forty-eight hour law should not have applied here. She was scheduled to testify against Michael Wheeler on a statutory rape charge on Tuesday."

"I guess I should start with him. How old is he?"

"Nineteen."

**xxxxx**

Antonio entered the brothel and was shocked by the sight of children that couldn't have been more than four or five running around, some leaving with costumers for the night. They were the youngest he had seen. The other brothels had girls over nine and that was bad enough, but this nearly made him sick.

The head of the brothel, a woman, approched him. "Thirty dollar per girl for hour. Sixty for whole night."

Antonio cleared his throat. "Um...I'm looking for American girls, blond hair, blue eyes."

"We have American girls. They gone for night. Come back tomorrow. I save them for you. Tonight you want one of them?"

"Yeah." Antonio asked for the two youngest girls he saw. Maybe he couldn't save Bailey tonight, but he would save them.

**xxxxx**

"I haven't seen Cassie in months," Michael told Nicole.

"You don't seem very mad at her. She was going to have you sent to prison."

"It wasn't her fault. Her parents made her talk to the cops. They controlled her whole life. I know what that's like."

"How?"

"My dad's the same way. Cassie loved me. She wouldn't have gone through with it."

**xxxxx **

In the next room, Brooke was talking to Michael Wheeler's enraged father. "That whore was going to say my son raped her."

"That's not exactly what she was going to say."

"She might as well. Their sex was completely consensual, but because he was eighteen, they were going to put him a prison and he would have been a registered sex offender for the rest of his life."

"You must have been furious with her."

"I didn't have anything to do with that little slut disappearing."

**xxxxx **

"What do you think?" Brooke asked her agent.

"Michael seems...I don't know, mellow. Totally at ease. I think he still loves Cassie. He wasn't at all worried about going to jail."

"The father was pretty angry with her."

"But why would Cassie sneak out of the house to meet Mr. Wheeler? How could he have gotten to her?"

"John could have used Michael as bait to get Cassie somewhere remote."

"No. Michael wouldn't do that. His dad has a hold on him, but he wouldn't put Cassie at risk."

**xxxxx **

Jess looked down at the little girls Antonio brought back to the hotel as he explained his actions.

"I had to take them, Jess."

"You weren't actually supposed to buy any kids."

"I know, but I couldn't leave them there."

"Antonio, if we take these girls to the police, our cover is blown and we will never get to Bailey."

"What am I supposed to do, bring them back? Anyway, I bought them for the night. It would look suspicious if I brought them back before morning."

**xxxxx **

Nicole was speaking to one of Cassie's friends about Cassie and Michael.

"Michael's dad is psycho. He probably is too."

"Why do you think so?"

"Because that other college boy Cassie was seeing was psycho too. I guess that's what she's into."

"Cassie was having a relationship with another guy over eighteen?"

"Yeah. Ryan, something, I don't remember his last name."

Nicole cell rang. "Thanks...Scott?"

"_It's Haslett. Cassie's body was just found_."

"I'm on my way back in."

**xxxxx **

"Another one," Brooke said.

"Yeah. So maybe this Ryan kid found out about what was going to happen to Michael and panicked."

"And killing Cassie the day before she was supposed to testify against Michael would take the attention off him."

"Either that or it was John Wheeler."

"Give all your information to Homicide."

Brooke and Nicole would never know who killed Cassie, and, as it would turn out, Homicide would never find out either.

**xxxxx **

Jess couldn't stand the thought of returning those children to that horrible place. Her mind was reeling with the words that had been told to her countless times since she became an agent: don't let anything get in the way of you doing your job. Keep your eye on the big picture. Don't let your feelings get in the way. She sighed, "Tomorrow morning you'll bring them back. Tomorrow night you'll go back early and we will find Bailey and we can help the police take down all the places you went to. That will happen before anyone buys them again."

Antonio nodded, hating the idea as much as she did, but knowing it was the only way to bring Bailey home tomorrow.

**xxxxx **

Night fell the next day, and Jess, armed with many Cambodian police waited at a distance as Antonio went into the brothel. He was only in there for a few minutes, but it seemed like forever. Jess's heart was pounding. If Antonio came back out with a girl who wasn't Bailey, the place was still going to be taken down and Jess and Antonio would have to leave without her. What's more, Dan would probably be found and arrested and would not be coming back to the U.S. anytime soon. This could be their last chance to find her.

The curtain moved and Jess lifted her gun, nervously anticipating Antonio coming out and praying he would have Bailey. He emerged and the Cambodian police rushed into the brothel. Jess couldn't move. She was frozen staring at the little girl standing by Antonio's side.

Antonio walked up to Jess.

She looked down at the child. "I have been looking for you." She knelt down. "We're going to bring you home, Bailey."


	37. Dawn Of Ciaerra

Dawn of Ciaerra

It was early October. Nicole was due in February and was planning on starting her leave in a couple of days.

Jess and Nicole were sitting around the table drinking coffee with some of the other agents when Brooke came with a gentleman in a suit. The other agents left Jess, Nicole, and Brooke in the room.

"This is Dr. Lee Mason, a psychiatrist at the Maplewood Institution." Brooke introduced Lee to her agents.

"Have a seat, Dr.," Nicole said. "Can I get you some coffee?"

"No, thank you. I'm running late as it is." Lee pulled out a chair and sat.

"We'll try to make this quick. What can we do for you?" Jess asked.

"I need to report a possible missing child."

Nicole grabbed a pen. "What is the name and age of the child?"

"Ciaerra, c-i-a-e-r-r-a, Bell. She is four years old."

"What happened to Ciaerra?" Jess inquired.

"I have a patient at the institution, Tara Bell. She was released last week and brought back in yesterday afternoon. She told me that she believes her sister, Tammy, killed her niece."

"Does she know why or how?" Jess asked.

"Almost five years ago, according to Tara, Tammy and Rich Bell adopted an infant girl, Ciaerra. A little over a year later Tammy and Rich had their first biological child and then two more. Nothing changed for Rich, but Tammy became abusive to Ciaerra after Brooklyn, her first biological child, was born. Tara claims her sister doted on Brooklyn, Sarah Anne, and Richey, but ignored Ciaerra and abused her when she "got in her way" or misbehaved. Tara alleges to have seen Tammy hit the girl with a yard stick, belts, and a cord that she kept with her at all times, tell the girl she wished she'd never adopted her, and telling the other children that Ciaerra was bad. Two days ago Tara was visiting Tammy and while they were in the kitchen talking Brooklyn came down stairs and told Tammy that Ciaerra had thrown a block at her. Brooklyn's forehead was already starting to bruise and Tara says that Tammy was enraged and told Tara to leave."

"Do you believe Tara is telling the truth?" Nicole asked.

"I'm not even sure Ciaerra exists. Tara was married to Rich's brother, after he died six months ago, she had a psychotic breakdown. I diagnosed her with Psychosis Undefined. I am sure that—true or not—Tara believes this occurred. But it would be very easy for her to imagine a child named Ciaerra. Tammy and Rich live in Ciaerra. It's right next to Maplewood. In the past Tammy has brought the children to the institution to visit their aunt. I've only seen Brooklyn, Sarah Anne, and Richey."

"Okay," Jess said. "Thank you for letting us know. We will look into it."

Brooke closed the door behind the doctor. "Just as Dr. Mason was required to report this, I am required to have you look into it. But make it quick. There are several other cases that take priority."

"To a missing child?" Jess asked.

"Deep Background is still working on it, but so far there is no record of Ciaerra."

**xxxxx **

Tammy shook her head. "I wish I could say I'm surprised. My sister is a very disturbed woman, Agents. My husband and I have never adopted. We have three natural children—a three-year-old, a two-year-old, and a five-month-old. And we live in the city of Ciaerra. It is not one of our children's names."

"Did Tara ever come to visit you during her release?"

"Yes. That was the only true part of her story. Two days ago she was here. The next day she had to be committed again."

"Something upset her," Jess said.

"But it's not what you think. Come with me."

Tammy showed the agents Brooklyn and Sarah Anne's room as well as Richey's. He was asleep in his crib and Jess and Nicole saw the girls in the backyard.

"So," Tammy said, "as you can see we have only three children here."

"Thank you for your time, Mrs. Bell. We'll be in touch."

"We'll see ourselves out."

Nicole closed the car door. "We'll be in touch? Haslett told us to wrap this up."

"I will, when I'm convinced. I want to talk to Tara."

"Drop me off at the office first."

**xxxxx **

Jess sat down with Tara after telling her why she was there. "Tell me everything," Jess told her.

"Tammy hated that little girl. I've seen her punish Ciaerra by making her drink dish washing liquid. She used to break Rich's things and tell him Ciaerra did it."

"Was it always like that?"

"No. When they adopted her, Tammy loved her. That's why she gave her that name. She loved that name."

"Did she spell it that way because that was the name of the town?" Jess was trying to feel Tara out.

"I really don't know. But that's why they moved there ten years ago. They were looking for a house for so long. When she found Ciaerra, Tammy thought it was a sign."

"What happened two days ago?"

"We were in the kitchen—me and Tammy—we were talking about Rich's promotion. Brooklyn came in. She had red mark on her forehead. She said Ciaerra threw a toy at her."

"What type of toy?"

"…I think it was a block. Tammy started screaming. She practically threw me out of the house and slammed the door behind me. I was getting in my car when Tammy came out and told me to wait. She got the three other kids and told me to take them back to my apartment. She said she'd pick them up later."

"And did she?"

"She and Rich came by at eleven. I asked about Ciaerra and Tammy looked at me like she didn't know who I was talking about. They took the kids and left."

"I was at their home today. I didn't see any signs that a fourth child ever lived there."

"Did you look in the basement. There's a cot. That's where Ciaerra slept."

"You told Dr. Mason that Rich was good to all the children. Why would he allow-"

"Because Tammy convinced him that Ciaerra was a devil child."

"A devil child?"

"I don't mean literally! You have to believe me! Tammy killed her daughter and Rich is helping her cover it up."

**xxxxx **

All the children were lying on their mats quietly. It was too early for any of the children to be tired. But, just like everyday, some lied still and some pretended they were asleep to escape Deborah's wrath. But nobody could fall asleep to the sound of thirty-two-month-old Jacob Behren crying and Deborah Hall screaming at him. The toddler had complied and stayed on the mat, but he couldn't stay still. And she became enraged, when, an hour later, he still wasn't asleep.

"You don't want to sleep on the mat? Fine! Time out!"

"Time out" in the Preschool Room meant being put in the supply closet and having your mouth covered with duck tape, so Deborah didn't have to hear you cry and having your hands taped behind your back, so you couldn't get the tape off your mouth.

Deborah layed the baby on the floor and closed the door. But Deborah didn't know that Jacob was developing a cold and his sinuses were swollen. He couldn't breathe through either of his nostrils and, therefore, could not breathe at all.

**xxxxx **

"Deep Background finished their search on the Bells." Nicole said.

"And?" Jess asked.

"And Tara Bell has been in and out of institutions for twelve years. The break she had after her husband died was not the first."

"Why is that the first thing you tell me?"

"Take it easy, Jess. I'm getting to Tammy and Rich. There is no record of them ever adopting or of a fourth child. There are birth certificates, school fund accounts, and pediatrician records for Brooklyn Bell, Sarah Anne Bell, and Richard Bell."

"So Ciaerra doesn't exist on paper. That doesn't mean she isn't real."

"Jess," Brooke eased in, "there is no evidence at all of Ciaerra. There is, however, a mile long record of mental illness on Tara. The Bells live in Ciaerra. Look at these facts without bias. Do you honestly believe this child is real?"

"I believe Tara, so yeah, I believe Ciaerra's real." Jess left.

"She needs more time." Nicole tried to explain, but Brooke already knew. "She's still getting over her guilt in taking four years to find Bailey. And she's always been sensitive to bias against people with mental illness."

"Because of her brother. I know. But I can't let her search for a non existent child."

"Did you know her mom and Doug died a few years ago?"

"No. All right. I'll back off. But that means you're flying solo on the cases that we have. You'll have to postpone your leave until she is certain Ciaerra isn't real."

"No problem."

**xxxxx **

Tara told Jess that Ciaerra was three months old when Tammy and Rich got her, so Jess was looking up California missing infants one to five months old around the time Ciaerra was that age. There were two cases that came up. One had been found, the other had not.

Her name was Dawn Knight. She went missing from a park in California five hundred miles north of Ciaerra and Maplewood. Her mother was walking in the park. When she sat on the bench someone grabbed her from behind and put a chloroform washcloth over her mouth. When Rachel Knight woke up her two-month-old daughter wasn't in the stroller.

**xxxxx **

Jess put a lamenated paper with the photos of fifteen children, all four years old, all girls, and all age progressed on Brooke's desk.

Brooke looked at the pictures. "What is this?"

"I'm taking it to Maplewood right now. If Tara IDs this girl as Ciaerra I'm arresting Tammy and Rich Bell."

"Who is she?"

"Dawn Knight. She was taken four years ago."

"You think Ciaerra is a kidnapped child."

"It's the only explanation for why there are no records of her. Before Brooklyn was born Tammy loved Ciaerra, and even back then there were no college fund accounts in her name. She never saw a doctor. It also explains why the neighbors never saw her and why they didn't bring her to Maplewood to visit Tara. They wanted to keep her hidden. It's the only explanation."

"It's not the only explanation…never mind. Good luck." After Jess left Brooke shook her head and sighed.

**xxxxx **

When Deborah gave the go ahead, the children got up and put their mats away. She opened the supply closet. She picked up the limp toddler and called Roger over to hold him, so she could unbind him. She unwrapped his hands and pulled the tape off his mouth. Jacob's blue lips were a horror to Roger and Deborah. The children looked on as the couple layed him on the floor and checked for a pulse.

"He's dead." Deborah said, only thinking of what this meant for _her_.

Roger quickly disposed of the tape.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"We can't let the paramedics see this."

"We cannot call an ambulance. It will draw to much attention and the police will be here before I have a chance to tell them (she pointed to the children) what happened."

"What did happen?"

"He had an asthma attack. He is having trouble breathing. You decide to take him to the hospital because you think it will be quicker than the ambulance. He dies on the way."

Roger nodded affirmatively. He picked up the child and left.

Deborah turned back to the children. "Jacob had an asthma attack. That's what you say if anyone asks."

**xxxxx **

Tara looked at the children. It only took a few seconds for her to spot Dawn Knight. "That's Ciaerra."


	38. Dawn Of Ciaerra II

Dawn of Ciaerra II

"Are you sure?" Jess asked, although she knew Tara was.

"Yes. That is Ciaerra. Now do you believe me?"

"I always did. Thank you." Jess took the laminated paper and left the institution.

Police went to Rich's workplace and arrested him, Jess went to Ciaerra's home and arrested Tammy. They both ended up in separate interrogation rooms at the San Francisco office.

**xxxxx**

"Your wife was abusing one of your four children. You knew of it and did nothing. That is four counts of Child Endangerment. Then your wife killed one of your children and you still left the other three alone with them. That is three more counts of Child Endangerment. You are also facing obstruction and accessories charges. Not to mention the kidnapping."

Rich's lawyer let him know that Jess was telling the truth. "What are you offering?"

"All charges, except the kidnapping, dropped, if you give me a full confession."

So, in exchange for just twenty years on one count of the kidnapping of Dawn Knight, Rich Bell told the police where to find Ciaerra. Only when police reached the site where Rich and Tammy dumped their abducted child, police didn't find a body. They found a very injured, but very much alive child.

**xxxxx **

"Good day, huh?" Nicole said as she and Jess walked to their cars. "How did you know Dawn was alive?"

"I didn't, but I figured the sooner we could get to her, the better."

"It paid. Tammy is going to be in prison for the rest of her life, and the state is going to give Tara the help that she needs. In a few months she'll get custody of Richy, Sarah Anne, and Brooklyn. And Dawn is going to see her parents for the first time in four years."

**xxxxx**

Early October 2011. It had been three days since Jacob Behren's death, and no one, other than friends of the Behren family even knew he was dead. Only Deborah and Roger Hall and the children of the Preschool Room knew he was murdered.

"Sheriff's office," Bert Harris answered his phone. The sheriff's mouth hung open as he listened to the medical examiner, who had just done Jacob's autopsy, tell him that Jacob didn't have an asthma attack on that day. He was suffocated.

"It's a homicide, Sheriff. I'm sure of it."

"Thank you," was all he could say as he hung up.

Bert met his two deputies at the library and told them what he had learned.

"You want us to go in there and arrest them, Sir?"

"No. We're going to need all three cars to transport the children down to the station. I want to speak to them before I have to call social services.

The sheriff was very vague on his reasoning, but he told the Halls to go home, that he and his deputies would phone the parents to come and pick up the children at the station, and so three cops loaded surprisingly calm, quiet children into their vehicles and took them away.

**xxxxx **

All the children were entertained by the deputies while Bert took them one by one into his office. Four-year-old Alexandra Davis was first. She would be silent and shake her head to every question.

"Did you see what happened to Jacob? No? Did somebody hurt him? Do you want a soda or some cookies, both? No? Okay. I know somebody hurt Jacob because a doctor told me. Tell me who hurt Jacob." He sighed. "You can go now."

Sheriff Bert Harris had no information on how to question children. He had policed a small town his entire career. This was the worst crime he had ever seen. Needless to say, his inexperience was evident.

Next in Bert's office was four-year-old Olivia Garrett.

"How are you today, Olivia?"

"Good," she replied diffidently.

"You're probably wondering why you're here. Well, I got a call from a doctor, who told me that Jacob did not die by accident. Somebody hurt him. Will you help me? Tell me who did it."

"No."

"All you have to do is tell me who it was and you can go. I'll call your mommy right now."

"I don't know who."

Brendan Frasier had just turned five years old, but his birthday fell past the deadline, so he was not going to start Kindergarten until the following year. Therefore, Brendan was still in the Preschool Room, and now, in the sheriff's office.

"Have a cookie."

"Thank you."

"How would you like to be a junior cop?"

"Yes!"

"It's easy. All you have to do is help me put bad guys in jail by telling me who they are."

"Okay."

"Tell me what happened at daycare the day Jacob died."

Brendan's smile ceased as he spoke plainly. "He had a asthma attack."

"He did have Asthma, but the doctors told me that's not how he died. This is the most important thing about being a junior cop. Who hurt Jacob?"

"I don't know."

Finally the tired cop was going to catch a break, thanks to three-year-old Chloe Pierson.

"Chloe, what happened on the day Jacob died?"

"Ms. Deb hit him."

Surprised and glad to get a straight answer, he proceeded. "What else happened there?"

He meant in regard to Jacob, but Chloe thought he meant _everything_ that ever happened there.

"Me and Sydney had to go to the bathroom with Roger. Deborah gave everybody spankings because we played too loud. Jacob wouldn't take his nap, so he had to go to timeout. You know what happens then?"

He was almost afraid to ask. "What?"

"Tape on your mouth and on your arms and on your feet. Then you go in the suppie closet."

"Supply closet?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Did Jacob go in the closet the day he died?"

Chloe nodded affirmatively.

He called to remembrance Kelsey Smith's statement and began to see his career tank. "What happened when Roger brought you into the bathroom?"

"He hurts us. He hurt Sydney. She cried once. I never cried, but I was scared."

"How did he hurt you?"

"He touches our private parts," she whispered.

"Do you remember Kelsey?"

"Yes."

"Did Roger hurt her too?"

"Yes."

"Any other girls?"

"All of them."

With the knowledge of who probably killed Jacob, Bert moved on to the sexual abuse allegations. He called three-year-old Sydney Pratt into his office.

"Somebody told me that Mr. Roger hurt you. Is that true?"

Sydney shook her head.

"Did Deborah ever hurt you?"

"No."

Three-year-old Madison Massey was next.

"Has Roger or Deborah ever put you in timeout?"

"No."

"Has Roger or Deborah ever hurt you?"

"No."

"Did you see anyone else get hurt by them?"

"No."

The sheriff knew when to call it quits. If he was going to get an allegation, like with Chloe, it would come soon enough. Some children had nothing to say, others, like two-year-old Liliana Klass, had plenty.

"Deborah hit me," the child said when asked about the teacher.

"Why?"

"When I'm bad."

"Are you toilet trained…potty trained?"

"Yes."

"Do you go in the bathroom with Roger?"

"No…Sometimes."

"Does he hurt you?"

"No."

"But Deborah does. She hits you?"

"Yes."

"Did you tell your mommy?"

"No. If I tell Mommy, then Ms. Deborah, you know what she does to kids that tell?"

"What?"

"She comes into your room and hides in your closet or under your bed and when your Mommy and Daddy are asleep, she takes you away forever."

"But you told me."

"She won't know I told you."

Zachary Cortez, age three, was the second to last to be interviewed.

"Kids have been telling me a lot of bad things that Roger and Deborah do."

"Not me."

"You're not gonna tell me?"

"No way."

"Did Deborah hurt you too?"

"Nope. I won't tell."

"Why not?"

Silence.

"What can you tell me?"

"Nothin'."

"Why?"

"I don't want to get in trouble. No more questions!"

Four-year-old Nathan Massey was his usual rambunctious self, running around the office.

"You got a lot of energy."

"I'm a bad boy."

"What happens when you're bad at daycare?"

No reply.

"Does anyone hurt you at daycare?"

No reply.

"Are you gonna answer any of my questions?"

"No."

Josh entered the office holding a chubby baby that just turned two. He was Jordan "Jordie" Casey.

"This one doesn't talk, Sir."

"All right. Call the parents."


	39. Interviews

Interviews

When they got the call, Nicole went to the station, and Jess went to the library to pick up Joe. The teacher was anxious to get all the kids out of her room because she had a child at the station that she had to pick up as well. She had no idea what was going on. Since the police didn't know Chloe Pierson's mother was right next door, Mrs. Pierson was not informed about the ceasing of the children in the Preschool Room.

Zachary happily ran into his mother's arms when Nicole arrived at the station. Bert greeted her.

"Did something happen at the daycare?"

"We're conducting an investigation and until it's completed the children in Mr. and Mrs. Hall's class will be cared for by volunteer librarians," Bert was purposely vague.

"What type of investigation. I mean if you had to bring all the children down here-"

"It's just standard procedure. As soon as we know more we will contact you." He said as he escorted Nicole and the three children out.

**xxxxx **

That evening Nicole, Antonio, and Jess tried to figure out what was going on.

"The kids told me that everything was normal when the police came." Nicole said.

"We all know it's the law that any and all complaints have to be looked in to. Some kid may have said one of the teachers hit him or something. It will all be straightened out soon enough. I'm not worried," Jess lied. The phone rang and she picked it up. "Nicole, it's for you."

"This is Nicole Scott?"

"_Hello, Ma'am, this is Monica Caufield from the San Francisco Child Services Department. We looking into a possible abuse case at your son's daycare. Would you be able to bring him to our office tomorrow morning so we can speak to him?_"

"What kind of abuse?"

"_It's best that I not disclose information before speaking to each child. It prevents the investigation from being tainted."_

"What time?"

"_Nine o'clock._" Monica gave Nicole directions to the CSD conducting the investigation.

Monica was going down a list of children enrolled in the program. The list was in alphabetical order by the children's last names. It wasn't long before the phone rang again and Jess was asked to bring Madison and Toby.

**xxxxx**

The next morning, one by one children would be called. The families would then be escorted down the hall. To the right was a quiet room where parents were told to wait. To the left, was where Monica brought the child, the interview room. It was small to create a sense of security, about the size of a bedroom. The walls were lined with shelves of books and toys. A child sized table with little chairs on one side and two adult chairs on the other sat in the middle of the room. There was a hidden camera that recorded all statements made by the children. Sometimes the prosecutors would watch from the media room, but that was almost always on second and third interviews after CSD reported allegations that they believed were accurate. After the interview was over, children were left to play and the social worker would go across the hall to speak to the parents, then the families left through another exit, so they didn't come into contact with the families and children who had not been questioned, a technique to prevent the contamination of any allegations.

When their son was taken in the interview room, Nicole and Antonio made themselves comfortable in the waiting room across the hall.

"Magazines," Antonio observed. "I guess this is going to take a while." He sat on the couch with Nicole.

"Who could read at a time like this?"

**xxxxx**

Monica sat at the table and put her "box of tricks" on the seat next to her. She invited Zachary to bring the toy he was playing with over to the table. He did.

"How old are you, Zachary?" She knew, but it was a good starting point.

"Three."

"Three? Wow, you're a big boy now aren't you?"

He nodded.

She found him to be a beautiful child with his Mediterranean-like complexion and brown eyes. "Do you know why I wanted to talk to you today?"

"No."

"Well, I wanted to talk to you about your daycare. I wanted to know if you like it there?"

"No."

"How come?"

He called to remembrance the lie he heard his sister tell about the Preschool Room. "It's boring."

"How is it boring?"...

**xxxxx**

Madison and Toby played amongst the other children while Jess watched them. Nathan, who had to be forced to come, sat beside her.

"I don't know why I'm here," he said quietly, so the other parents and children wouldn't hear him. "Why is it that you have to jump to the worst possibility?"

"For crying out loud, Nathan. Social services asked to speak to our children. Don't even try to make me believe you aren't worried."

He looked at the kids in the room and then at his watch. "This is going to take forever. If we're not out of here by the time Joe gets out of school, I'm going to pick him up, and I am not coming back."

"Speaking of Joe. He's been much happier since he started school, hasn't he?" She said grimly at the realization.

"What's your point...No, wait, let me guess. Since he's out of the Preschool Room. Jess, this is a bunch of bull shit. Nobody hurt our kids."

**xxxxx**

Monica talked to Zachary long enough to assume she wasn't going to get a statement from him, so she wrapped up the interview. She told him to play, and she went across the hall to Nicole and Antonio.

"Is everything all right?" Nicole asked anxiously.

"So far everything is fine, but the investigation is still open and we will probably need to see him again."

She might as well have not even said those last fifteen words because all the couple needed to breathe a sigh of relief was hearing her say everything was fine.

Happily, Nicole and Antonio took their child home.

**xxxxx**

Next Monica spoke to a beautiful four-year-old girl, Alexandra Davis. She had brown hair pulled back in a pony tail held by a pink ribbon, which matched her outfit. She smiled angelically, that was until Monica segued into the topic of daycare. Alexandra refused to make any, _any _allegations about Deborah, but she was less guarded when Roger's name was brought up.

"Is Roger nice to you?"

"Sometimes. He sometimes takes me in the library and lets me look at books. Sometimes he reads them to me. And once he checked out my favorite book, so I could take it back to the classroom. He let me take it home too, but I had to bring it back. My mommy says he's very nice to do that."

"Does Mommy like him?"

She nodded as she put another block on her castle.

"What about you, do you like Roger?"

"...I like him sometimes, like when he takes me to the library or when he brings us candy."

"Are there times when you don't like him?"

She nodded silently, still working on the castle.

"When do you not like him?"

A silent shrug.

"Is there a bathroom in your daycare class."

"No."

"What happens when kids need to use the bathroom?"

"It's near the class, not in it"

"Do you go by yourself?"

"No."

"Does Ms. Deborah take you?"

"No."

"She never did?"

"No."

"Then who takes you?"

"Roger. When it's time he calls all the girls and takes us then, or when we tell him we wanna go."

"What happens then?"

"We just go inside and wait in a line, use the toilet, wash our hands, and wait until everyone is done, and then we go back to the class."

"Does Roger go to the bathroom?"

"He goes by himself. Deborah does to."

Monica temporarily stopped her line of questioning for two reasons, to think of what to ask next and how. And to not give Alexandra the impression of an interrogation. So for ten minutes she just played with the child.

"When Roger takes the girls to the bathroom, does he do anything that you don't like?"

"No."

**xxxxx**

The sexual abuse allegations only applied to the girls, so when five-year-old Brendan Frasier was with Monica, she focused solely on Deborah Hall. Brendan was an articulate, friendly little boy. He had even been dressed up for the occasion, a blue button down shirt and black pants. His brown hair was well done too.

As pleasant as Brendan was, the forty-five minutes Monica spent with him were fruitless.

**xxxxx **

As soon as Olivia Garrett, age four, was in the room, Monica missed Brendan. Olivia was an erratic child, who bounced off the walls. Monica couldn't get her to sit still, so she just questioned the child as she ran around the room, never playing with anything for more than a minute. It was obvious to Monica that this child was very anxious.

Olivia's answers were incriminating, but it was hardly anything that would get passed a grand jury, and Monica had no intention of even trying to get Olivia on the stand anyway.

"Can you tell me about what happened to Jacob?"

"He went to timeout. He was a brat!" Olivia laughed and sprang over to the next toy that caught her eye.

"Did Deborah ever hurt you?"

"No..Yes..No," she laughed.

"What about Roger?" Monica was just going through the motions at this point. But Olivia didn't answer her and Monica ended the interview.

**xxxxx **

Although, not even two and half years old, Liliana Klass was a breath of fresh air. Finally Monica was getting some answers, all of them too. Liliana had a milky white complexion and black hair. Her lovely personality added to her beauty. Up until Liliana, Monica was getting the impression that the abuse was sparse, and not every child was victimized. Liliana stated the opposite. Her allegations were of daily physical abuse by Deborah and sexual abuse by Roger. She also gave a list of girls that Roger had abused and when asked who Deborah hurt, Liliana replied, "everybody."

**xxxxx**

Nathan and Jess had to wait in the waiting room with Madison while Monica spoke to Toby. Then waited with Toby when it was Madison's turn. Afterward Monica asked the children to wait in the other room, so she could talk to Nathan and Jess.

Toby's light brown eyes and blond hair made him a very handsome little boy. He never played with any of the toys, he sat patiently and looked politely at Monica while she asked him about Deborah. He made no allegations.

Madison, too, was out of character as she sat quietly and answered all the questioned presented to her. She also made no allegations.

"Thank you for talking to me." Monica smiled and patted the three-year-old's auburn head.

Jess was as happy as Nicole and Antonio when she left with her children. Nathan looked smug, but inside he was just as, if not more so, relieved.

**xxxxx**

"Do you know why you're here today," Monica asked Sydney Pratt, a three-year-old Haitian child, whose family had recently moved to Levi. She was an adorable little girl with her braided hair and pink and white beads that matched her outfit.

"No."

"I wanted to talk to you about your daycare center."

And with that, she clammed up. Forty-five minutes later the interview ended with no allegations.

**xxxxx**

CSD also found out about the three children who were in the class before they started Kindergarten. Christa Sumaya, an Asian child. Joseph Mastriani. And Kelsey Smith. After speaking to them the next day, Kelsey revealed to Monica that boys had been involved in the sexual abuse.**  
**


	40. Telling

Telling

Through speaking to Kelsey Smith and Chloe Pierson, Monica Caufield was able to piece together what had happened in the Preschool Room. Deborah verbally and physically abused the children, but never sexually abused them. Roger did just the opposite. He never verbally or physically abused them, but, in the bathroom, he sexually abused them. Another thing Roger did opposite of his wife was he never made any threats or used intimidation, he never so much as told them not to talk. He must have felt secure in the belief that the children wouldn't reveal him because of their shame. Deborah wasn't so secure and made daily violent threats to the children, which, of course, they believed.

Among other things, the children were told repeatedly about how Deborah would come into their homes at night, hide under their beds or in their closets, and take them away forever. This, they were told, would be the punishment for saying that Deborah was unkind to them, let alone if they told how she abused them. She never mentioned Roger, and no one would ever know if she knew what he was doing.

**xxxxx **

Blissfully unaware of the turn the investigation was taking, Nathan, Nicole, Antonio, and Jess enjoyed a peaceful evening at home. Even with the children tearing around as usual, all the adults were relaxed because of the relief they felt.

**xxxxx **

Monica looked over the information with some other social workers. "There is a lot more to this than we thought."

"Are you ready to give the county prosecutors' office the information on Jacob Behren's murder?"

"Do it. They should have enough to get past the grand jury with Chloe Pierson's testimony."

**xxxxx**

Nathan, Jess, Antonio, and Nicole went from heartbroken to enraged to shock all in just a few minutes time. It was Antonio who had turned on the TV to catch the news. Deborah Hall had been arrested for murder. Surely it was a mistake. The police's "mistake" caused an old woman so much shock that she went into cardiac arrest and died in a jail cell. Another caretaker that their children loved was gone.

Then they heard more. Jacob Behren, a child in Deborah's class, had been murdered. Nothing was said about Roger, but it was mentioned that Deborah was suspected of physically abusing the children in her care.

The four were shocked. That's what this had all been about? A child was murdered? Had their children seen it? Deborah abused their children? It all made horrible sense. They sat in silent terror, each one putting the pieces together: The tantrums, the bruises, the crying on the way to daycare, the violence. How had they missed it?

"Why...why didn't they tell us? Why didn't the police tell us?" Jess stammered.

"I guess...they didn't know until tonight," Nicole replied. "I'm going to make some calls." She hurried out of the room.

"Okay," Nathan said, "It's over. She's dead. Our children are alive. There is no reason to go nuts. Let's just be glad they made it out of there."

"Yes," Jess said, although she couldn't really feel the relief Nathan tried to make her feel.

Antonio left the room silently, still in too much shock to really say anything.

**xxxxx**

Kelsey Smith and Chloe Pierson would make good witnesses, but there were more victims, and now that Monica knew what she was looking for, she could ask the right questions. CSD re-called the nine children who denied abuse, for more extensive interviews.

Monica was sitting at her desk looking over her other cases when Jacob Behren's mother came in. She was hysterically angry that Roger wasn't being charged with Negligent Homicide or Child Endangerment or "anything to give my son justice."

"The prosecution does want to put Roger Hall in prison, but in order to nail him for Jacob they would have to prove that Roger knew what Deborah did. He could have been in the library with another child, in the bathroom. We can't prove he was in the classroom at the time. The children could tell a jury he was, but Deborah did such a good job at thoroughly terrifying the children, that none of them will speak about her crimes. No one can tell a jury what Roger did as regards to Jacob. We had one witness. That's why Deborah was arrested, but that child has stopped discussing Mrs. Hall."

"So that's it. No one is punished for killing my baby."

"If, in the future, as these kids begin to heal, and they make good witnesses and tell us what happened, we will charge him. Mrs. Behren, isn't the most important thing that Roger be put away so he can never harm another child? Roger is being investigated. The county prosecutors' office and I are determined to see him go away for a long time."

Since Monica couldn't tell her about the sexual abuse allegations Mrs. Behren wasn't comforted, but she did leave silently.

**xxxxx**

Almost two hours after Monica began the interview with Madison Massey, she concluded it. While putting away the anatomically correct dolls back in the box next to her chair, she told Madison to play until her parents came to get her. Monica went across the hall to speak to Jess and a very impatient Nathan. She sent Toby back in the room with Madison.

"Did Deborah abuse my daughter?"

"Madison is not talking about Deborah Hall at this point."

"There, see? All this was for nothing. Can I go back to work now?" Nathan asked his wife.

"Mr. Massey, I think you should stay. The reason I wanted to speak to your daughter was not to discuss Deborah Hall, it was to discuss Roger...There is no easy way to say this, but Roger Hall sexually abused Madison."

The couple stared, jaw dropped, at the social worker. No one had said _anything _about sexual abuse allegations. Did they know this could have happened or was Madison the first to disclose? What the hell was going on?

"I don't understand," was all Jess could manage to say.

"Madison has told me that Roger Hall molested her. Now Nathan has not made any allegations, in fact, he denies any abuse, but Madison was abused, and we have reason to believe both your sons were as well."

Every time this woman spoke she delivered another blow. First it was Madison, then Madison, Toby, and Joe.

The room was dead silent before Nathan's explosion. "You made her say that! She was in there for two fucking hours! Alone with you!"

He kicked chairs in the room and punched the wall. Stunned by her own grief, Jess barely seemed to notice what was happening around her.

Nathan got in a few more shouts at Monica before security came in. Nathan grabbed his wife, who still, for all intents and purposes, was in a trance, and pushed passed the guards to get to his children. With Madison in one arm and Toby in the other he stormed out of the office, Jess in tow.

**xxxxx**

All Nathan did was scream and curse as he sped home. "I knew you shouldn't have brought Joe there this morning! I must have been out of my fucking mind to agree to any of this!" He pounded the steering wheel with his fist. "I can't believe this shit! I knew we never should have brought them! I told you nothing good would come from it! Now what the hell are we gonna do? She brainwashed our girl!

In the backseat Toby and Madison were silently terrified. Toby just wondered what was going on. Why was Daddy so mad? Madison knew why he was angry. She'd told. And now everyone knew how bad she'd been. Monica had told Mommy and Daddy what she did with Roger.

**xxxxx**

As soon as they got home, Nathan went to work. The door slammed behind him.

"What's his problem?" Nicole asked.

"Sweetie," Jess told Madison and Toby, "go up to your playroom for a while okay?"

The children were happy to comply, anything to get away from the mother who looked a thousand miles away.

"Where's Zachary?" Jess asked.

"In the playroom, why?"

"I don't want him to hear this. The social worker talked to Madison and Nathan."

"They told what Deborah did, to that little boy?"

Jess shook her head. "No. Toby didn't say anything at all, and Madison wouldn't talk about Deborah. But she um...she talked about Roger Hall."

"And?"

"Madison said that Roger...molested her." Just saying the words wore her out and she had to sit.

"Jess, my God I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry."

"It gets worse. Joe and Toby could have been molested too. But Madison didn't see that, I guess."

This now took on a whole new turn for Nicole. It wasn't just one child? Could Zachary have been victimized?

Knowing what Nicole was thinking Jess said, "I don't know if Zachary was involved or not. Madison didn't say. When I finally snapped back into reality I called Monica from the car. She told me that she had a boy who she thought was going to disclose today and if he said anything about Zachary, Joe, or Toby's involvement that she'd call us. They'll want to talk to Joe and Zachary again too."

"Again? They just saw them both this morning."

"She said she wanted to interview each child three times before she called the prosecutors."

"He couldn't have been involved," Nicole muttered to herself.

"I was thinking about back in May when we finally had Madison and Zachary toilet trained. It was all down hill from there. That's where it happened, when he took them to the bathroom. That's when they both became even more aggressive. That's when Madison started pulling her hair. Zachary stopped wanting to take off his clothes for his bath."

"But Madison never saw Zachary get abused."

"I don't know."

**xxxxx**

Nathan came home and went upstairs to the playroom. Jess, needing to get away from everyone and everything, left the house when he got home. "I'll be back in a couple of hours." was all she said. She would spend the time on a park bench trying to figure out how to piece together her life and the lives of her shattered family.

"Hey guys" Nathan said cheerfully. Joe ran into his arms as usual. Madison and Toby hung back. "Come on, Tobe. I want to talk to you boys." He brought them downstairs to the bedroom he shared with his wife. He sat on the bed and the boys stood in front of him.

"Remember, Joe, you talked to Monica this morning before school?"

Joe nodded.

"Did she ask you silly questions?"

The little boy rolled his eyes up to recall the conversation. "She asked me all about when Roger took me to pee." He giggled. "That was silly."

"Yeah. Did she ask you if Roger hurt you?"

"Yeah."

"What'd you say?"

"No."

"I said no too, Daddy," Toby chimed in proudly.

Nathan chuckled with relief. He pulled them in a hug. "I knew you boys would never get in with that crap she was spouting. Could you do Daddy a favor? Go back upstairs and tell Madison to come down here."

The boys rushed out of the room, both wanting to be the first to relay their father's message. They were at the age when pleasing Mommy and Daddy was the best thing in the world.

**xxxxx**

Antonio heard Nicole's faint calling from the bedroom. When he reached her she had tears in her eyes. "My water broke."

**xxxxx**

Nathan sat in quiet pleasure. Monica was a crack pot. His boys never would participate in such illicit activities, with a man no less. And he was sure his daughter would be just as wise. He smiled when Madison sluggishly walked through the door. It was obvious she didn't want to see him, or rather for him to see her.

"Come here, Madison." The child finally reached him. "I know you didn't mean what you said to Monica. I know she made you say it, she tricked you. You don't have to ever see her again." His daughter didn't seem relieved. "It wasn't true, right? You didn't do anything bad with Roger."

"I did." Tears ran down her face.

His grasp on her arms became tighter. "What?" He spat through gritted teeth. Madison didn't respond. "You let him touch you. Why?"

"I don't know," she cried aloud.

Nathan let go. His hands moved up to his head as he tried to get a grip on what he was hearing. "He forced you, right? He threatened to hurt you if you didn't do what he wanted, right?"

"No."

Antonio shouted from the foyer as he and Nicole left, "She's going into labor! We're going to the hospital!" The door's closing was heard.

Without missing a beat, Nathan continued trying to get the right answers from his daughter. "He said he'd hurt you, didn't he?"

"No."

"Then why would you do that, Madison? What's wrong with you!" He felt the anger was too much to control. He left before he could do anything he would regret. He stormed out of the house and headed to the nearest bar.

**xxxxx**

In any other case with a child as premature as Nicole and Antonio's was, doctors would admit her, keep her on strict bed rest, and give medications to stop the contractions. But the water had already been broken and the baby had to be born, at just five months gestation.


	41. Secret Informer

Secret Informer

Jess came home to a quiet house. It was late and she assumed everyone must have gone to bed, although the lights were still on.

"Is anybody up?" she said. There was silence. In her room she found Madison on the floor by the nightstand, wide awake, but dead silent. "Honey, what are you doing up so late? Where's Daddy?"

Madison shrugged.

"Where are your brothers and Zachary?"

"Sleeping."

**xxxxx**

After finding all the children asleep in their upstairs playroom and searching the house for any adults—and finding none, Jess decided to try to get some answers from Madison, but soon realized this would be a fruitless endeavor, so she put her daughter to bed and then tried to get in touch with her husband, Nicole, or Antonio on their cells. No luck. Nathan and Nicole had both left their phones at home and Antonio's went straight to voice mail. With nothing else to do, she decided to get the rest of the kids in their beds and try to get some sleep

**xxxxx**

Jess tucked her four-year-old into bed and said goodnight. But before she could leave the room, Toby told her something even he didn't know he was about to say.

"Mommy,"

"Yes, my love."

" Daddy and Antonio took Joe to see Chloe's mommy's class and I stayed in my classroom."

"What do you mean, when they picked up Joe?"

"No. Before we went to daycare."

"Oh, you mean when you met Deborah and Roger?"

"Yeah."

"Did something happen when Daddy was gone?"

"Yeah…" he trailed off.

She knew what this was. Following Monica's advice, she remained calm. Her son had no idea her heart was pounding in her chest.

"Did Roger hurt you?"

"It didn't hurt."

"What didn't hurt?"

"Roger did like Monica asked me. He touched my..." He couldn't bring himself to say it. He showed her by pulling back the covers and pointing. "Here."

"Roger touched you there?"

"Yes," the confirmation was barely auditable. "Are you mad?"

"No. You didn't do anything bad. Roger was bad, not you. Promise me you'll never forget that."

"I promise."

**xxxxx**

Nathan was well passed intoxicated as he downed his umpteenth shot. He couldn't bare the thoughts in his head. No way could he accept his sons were molested. This didn't happen to his boys. It did, however, happen to his daughter. And the thought disgusted him beyond anything he had ever known.

His daughter was violated. Sexually contacted repeatedly. Somehow she didn't seem like his anymore. She was damaged. He didn't know this child. Roger Hall killed his daughter and left this girl in her place. And yet he was angrier with his child than he was with her perpetrator. Part of him felt guilty for choosing that daycare center. Part of him felt guilty for the feelings of anger he had towards Madison. Part of him felt his feelings were justified. It all mixed together to form a father who wouldn't be able look his child in the eye.

**xxxxx **

When Nathan finally did come home, Jess was ready to steamroll him. Maybe it was that he left the children home alone, putting them in yet even more danger. Or the duress she was feeling over Toby's disclosure. She had still been half in the denial stage with Madison. After all, Monica could have planted those thoughts. Monica could even have lied. Jess never actually heard Madison make those allegations. But after hearing little Nathan tell her on his own volition that these things happened, she had to believe it. It happened—to him, to Madison, and probably to Joe.

The wine glass she was holding smashed on the counter. She met him in the foyer ready to rumble, only to find he was totally blitzed off his ass.

"Tell me you didn't drive home like this."

He staggered over to her. "Did you know," he slurred, "that Roger never threatened those girls?"

"Did you know you left the kids alone? And where the hell are Nicole and Antonio?"

"He never forced them. He never threatened them. She just let him touch her, over and over and over." His face mirrored disgust. "It makes me wanna puke just thinking about it."

"Right now, that's probably the alcohol. We're the ones who should have protected them. It's _our _fault, Nathan, not theirs."

"What do you mean 'theirs'? This didn't happen to Nathan and Joe."

"Yes…wait a minute, did you talk to Madison about this? What did you tell her?"

"Not much. I had to get out of here before I lost it."

"What did you say? Tell me!"

"I asked how she could do something like that."

_SLAP_. Jess cracked his cheek and that was the end of her composure. The scream-fest began and Jess was first up. "You bastard!"

**xxxxx**

Nicole was flown by helicopter from the hospital in Levi to a hospital several miles south of San Francisco. They were told this hospital had better resources for their soon to be very premature daughter. Still the doctors warned the couple that their baby was in grave condition

The doctor talked in circles, not really saying anything. Finally, Nicole could stand no more.

"Just tell us! What's going to happen?"

"A baby born at five months gestation has a very low chance of surviving."

"How low?" Antonio asked.

"Seventeen percent."

Nicole and Antonio began to cry. The doctor tried to console them with the standard "we'll do everything we can" speech, but Nicole didn't want his speech. She wanted answers.

Was there anything they could do to prevent the baby from coming now? What would happen if the baby did survive? And why did this happen?

The answers brought no comfort. The baby had to be born today, there was no way around that. If the child did survive, it had a fifty percent chance of having some permanent disability.

"As for why this happened," he went on, "I can only say, based on what you told the doctors in Levi, that it was what you suspected—the stress of finding out what happened to your son."

Alone in the hospital room, Antonio asked a question he really didn't think he could stand to hear the answer to. "I didn't hear you tell the doctors in Levi anything about Zachary. What did you say?"

"When we got there and you went to park the car, I told them…" This was the worst time for her to tell him this, but she knew he wouldn't let it go. "...Right before I went into labor I was on the phone with that social worker, Monica Caufeild. She told me one of the boys said that he had seen Roger abuse Zachary."

Nicole was calm. From the time she went into labor until she told Antonio the truth about Zachary she had been in tears. Then a calm came over her. It was a calm she remembered from childhood. Early in life she learned how to buffer her feelings and disguise them as serenity.

Antonio didn't have those abilities. Grief overtook him. He was about to meet child that he might not get to see grow up and now he just found out that his son was probably molested. He talked past the lump in his throat, "I have to get some air. I'll be back soon."

**xxxxx **

Zachary kept his eyes closed with the hope of falling back to sleep. He didn't dare get out of bed to find out what was going on.

Joe was mainly confused. He racked his mind. Why are they fighting? As far as he knew they didn't know anything they should be upset about. In the bunk below, little Nathan was having a very different experience as was Madison, who was down the hall. Both children were cloaked under their sheets, blankets, shame, guilt, and fear. Their parents' blowout was because of them, all because of what they had done and what they had said.

Forty-five minutes into the fight, Nathan made his next blow. "If it weren't for you, we never would have come here!"

"Me? You chose this place! _You_ chose that daycare!"

"You chose California! You chose D.C. and the damned F.B.I.! Why couldn't you have just stayed in Indiana and enjoyed the life your family built for you?"

"Okay so let me make sure I'm clear on this. Our kids were molested because I joined the F.B.I."

"No, no, no, no. Madison was. My boys never screwed that freak."

"Maybe he didn't rape them, but he did touch them. Toby told me."

"What did you do! What did you do!" Nathan headed to the hall screaming his son's name.

Jess stopped him. "No! I'm not gonna let you do to him what you did to Madison."

Nathan was aware that he was no match for his wife. Despite his drunken stupor, he found a way to outsmart her. "Let's go to bed."

Jess, albeit surprised as he stumbled down the hall, was relieved. As soon as his wife was asleep Nathan got up.

**xxxxx **

"Get up guys," he whispered. Nathan carried both boys from their room to the garage and placed them in the front seat of his car. Neither child said a word until they were backing out of the driveway.

"Where are we going," Toby's voice cracked before the tears fell.

"Somewhere…somewhere safe," their father slurred.

"Where's Mommy?" "Why aren't we safe?" "Is Miss Deborah gonna kill us?" Both boys cried a loud, firing a million questions at a father who was too drunk to answer.

**xxxxx **

Antonio and Nicole's daughter was born. She was immediately intubated and put in an incubator. She was wheeled to her mother and father for just a few seconds before they whisked her off to the N.I.C.U.

As Nicole and Antonio watched their near lifeless child being taken away, their hearts that had been shattered bled out for their two children whose lives had been imperiled right under their noses. They were both broken, though not as badly as their children—and that made it hurt more.

**xxxxx **

Zachary's cries woke the only two people in the house—Jess and her three-year-old daughter.

She followed the sound of the cry to the living room where she knelt in front of Zachary. "What's wrong, angel?"

"Mommy, Mommy!" was all he could say.

Jess picked him up. Before she headed towards his parents' room, she noticed Madison not far behind her. "Go to bed, Madison." Instead the little girl ran to her mother and grabbed her robe. The three of them made their way to Nicole and Antonio's room. Jess wondered how they had not heard their son cry. Could they still be out? No. Surly they must be home by now.

"Nicole. Antonio." She pushed the bedroom door open. No one. She checked Zachary's room. No one.

Madison and Zachary, both comforted by the other's presence, the fell asleep in Madison's bed. Jess checked on Nathan and Joe. Their beds were empty as well.

Jess tried not to panic, but it was hard. Nathan, who was drunk, had evidently taken the boys in his car and Nicole and Antonio couldn't be reached and, it seemed, never came home. She considered calling Brooke. But there was nothing her boss could do, except put Nathan at risk for being arrested. Jess would have to wait this out.

**xxxxx **

Nathan parked his car on top of a canyon at Glen Canyon Park.

"Look at those stars." He said to no one in particular.

"Daddy, are we camping," Joe wondered.

"I gotta sleep." Nathan laid on the ground and passed out.

"What are we doing here?" Toby hoped his brother would know. But Joe didn't know.

**xxxx **

Jess's pacing was interrupted by the sound of the front door.

It was Antonio. His eyes were still red from crying.

"What happened? Where were you?" she asked anxiously.

He looked confused. "At the hospital. Didn't Nathan tell you? Nicole had the baby."

She placed her hand over her mouth as she gasped. "No…He…Why? What happened?"

"Stress." He walked to his room to pack some things since he and Nicole would be living out of the hospital for a while.

Jess followed him. She didn't want to ask, but eventually, as he was packing, she did. "Is the baby alive?"

"Yes. It's a girl. It doesn't look good though. Doctors said she has less than a twenty percent chance of survival."

"Nicole must be a mess. Antonio, I am so sorry."

He wanted to change the subject, to get that look of sympathy for him off her face. "Why are you up so late?"

"It's nothing," she lied. "Nathan took Toby and Joe out for a drive to help them sleep."

"I thought you do that with babies, not four- and five-year-olds."

"Yeah, well, he was desperate. And all little kids sleep well in the car."

Antonio finished packing.

At the foyer, before he left, Jess stopped him.

She hated the idea of asking him this now, but she had to know. It was eating her alive.

"Yeah?" he asked, waiting.

"I'm sorry to have to ask this of you now. Forgive me, but I need you to tell me what happened—everything that happened—when you and Nathan took the kids to meet the Halls."

"Uh…We went to their room first, exchanged pleasantries and introductions, and Roger and Deborah told us about the program, their curriculum, goals for the children, that kinda thing. Then they let the kids participate in some art project the whole class was working on."

"And then you left?"

"No. Then Nathan and I brought Joe to see Mrs. Pierson's room. But we were only gone about fifteen minutes…Oh."

"What?"

"When we left Mrs. Pierson's room, Toby was coming out of the bathroom with Roger. My God, Jess, I had forgotten all about that."

"That's when it happened. He told me tonight."

"He was pretty mellow the rest of that day. Wow." The remorse on his face was substantial.

"You couldn't have known. Nicole is probably waiting for you. You should get back. Let me know if anything changes with…"

"We haven't picked a name yet."

"I'll be praying for her."

"Thanks. I'll do the same for Nathan, Joe, and Madison. Bye."

"Bye."

**xxxxx **

The next morning, the hot California sun bearing down on him woke Nathan up. Wondering where he was, he quickly got up and noticed his two boys huddled together asleep next to him.

What the hell did I do?

He searched his car for his phone, but it was nowhere to be found. Knowing Jess must be worried sick he woke up Nathan and Joe.

"Boys, get up…C'mon. We gotta get home. Get in the car…No the backseat."

"You let us sit in the front yesterday," Nathan complained.

"I did a lot of things I wasn't supposed to do yesterday."

Nathan took the opportunity of the long ride home to tell Toby and Joe what was on his mind.

"I know what you said to Mommy last night wasn't true, Nathan. I want you boys to just forget about Roger and Deborah Hall. Roger is not your teacher anymore and Deborah is dead. You guys know what dead means?"

"She's in heaven with Grandma and Uncle Doug," Joe answered.

Nathan imagined Deborah in hell, but didn't see the need to risk confusing them. They had the gist. "So you boys know that you're never going to see her again." In the rear view mirror he saw them both nod. He turned on the radio to let them know this conversation was over.

Toby knew what he had told his mother was true—well, partly true. He hadn't lied when he said the Roger molested him the first day he met the man, but he had lied when he told her that was the only time. But his father's message was clear: Toby needed to recant his statement and forget this ever happened. And that's exactly what he intended to do.

**xxxxx**

Jess, who had fallen asleep on the family room sofa, jumped up when she heard her kids come through the door**.**

"Mommy! We went camping last night!" Toby told her.

"I'm hungry," Joe said.

Jess sent her sons upstairs with pop tarts. She wanted to slap Nathan after the kids were out of the room, but she knew she wouldn't be able to control herself.

"Look Jess, I'm sorry. I was drunk. I didn't know what I was doing."

"You could have killed them."

"I know, if I hadn't been in such a fog-"

"Enough. You were thinking clear enough to wait until I was asleep, so you had to know the risk you were putting them in. Where the hell did you go anyway?"

He told her.

"A canyon. Where you, I'm sure, passed out and left Toby and Joe alone. Where they could have plummeted to their death."

And there she had him. There was no defense he could give. He gave another apology and left for work.

**xxxxx **

Not long after Nathan left Toby told Jess what he knew his father wanted him to say.

"Roger never did bad stuff to me."

"Honey, I know he did because you told me he did. Did Daddy tell you to say you made it up?"

"No. I _did _make it up, Mommy. Roger was nice. He was always nice and Miss Deb was always nice too." When he saw his mother wasn't buying it, he decided to throw his brother under the bus. "I didn't do it, Joe did."

"You saw Roger hurt your brother?"

"Yes."

"Where?"

"In the bathroom."

"What happened?"

"Roger pulled down Joe's pants and his underwear too."

"Where were you?"

"In the bathroom. But I didn't do anything."

"Who else was there?"

"All the boys and Roger, except Jordie."

"What were all the boys doing?"

"Nothing. Waiting. Roger did that to all the boys waiting." Then Toby caught himself and quickly threw in, "but it didn't happen to me!"

"Did what stuff?"

"The stuff Monica asked me. All the boys but me. I wouldn't let him."

Jess let it go. She knew why he recanted, but for now she had to let it be. She wasn't going to force him to stick to his original story, even if it was the truth. She knew her son had done something helpful. He had played secret informer and now she knew exactly what happened to him and his brother when Roger took the little boys to the bathroom.

When Jess tried to talk to Joe about what happened, he wasn't nearly as helpful. He denied being abused or seeing abuse.

"Can you tell me what happened when you had to go to the bathroom, without telling me about the bad things?"

But Joe was a wise five-year-old. He knew responding to that question was implying that there was in fact bad stuff to tell. And implying is almost like saying. Either way Deborah would see to it that he paid.

"No, Mommy, there was no bad stuff. The other kids lied. Roger never did those yucky things."

Now Jess just wanted corroboration. "Okay, so nothing bad happened. What did happen when you went to the bathroom?"

"Everybody waits in line. You go to the bathroom and then you wash your hands and then you wait by the door until everyone has done it. And we go back to the class."

That was all she needed to hear. Joe said exactly what his brother and sister said, except he left out what happened to the kids who were waiting for the toilet to become available.

"I love you. You know that, right?"

"Yes."

After hugging him she let him go back to playing.


	42. Fight Like A Girl

Fight Like A Girl 

Nicole sat at the incubator with tears running down her face. The grief of knowing her child probably wouldn't live was made worse once she met the child. She couldn't breathe. It was all compassing, took over her whole being. Nothing else mattered, nothing but this sick little girl, her little girl.

As a child Nicole had known real pain. She never thought she would feel anything that bad again—but here it was, as bad and twenty times worse. But this precious time was all she had to spend with this child. The doctors practically guaranteed this baby would die. There would never be a good time to be with her. This was it. Nicole didn't want to be there, but she didn't want to miss any of the minutes of her child's brief time on this earth.

Yes, it seemed hopeless, but a seventeen percent chance is not zero. It was conceivable that the baby would survive. Perhaps it was that hope that made the sitting tolerable.

**xxxxx **

Antonio spent more time in the chapel than in the nicu. Prayer gave him some relief. It was something he could do to help his daughter. Sitting by the baby's incubator he felt powerless. In the chapel he felt peace, hopeful. So he knelt, for hours, in silent prayer.

Please, Lord, please make her better. Please don't let her die. Let us watch her grow. Why is this happening? Why my family? Why did my son get abused? Why did Joe and Nathan and Madison get abused? Why is my daughter so hurt? They are just innocent children….It never ends. First they lose Teresa. Then they get two teachers from hell and both of them abuse these kids…Molest them. Terrify them. Take away their hope, their sense of self. Why? And why didn't you tell us this was happening? Why did it have to go on for so long?

**xxxxx**

Nicole's thoughts became fired up cheers of encouragement towards the baby.

Don't die. I know this is hard, the fight of your life. Nothing will ever be this hard. If you come out of this, it will be all downhill from here. Even when life gets hard, it won't be this hard. This is it, girl. This is as bad as it will ever be. You have to fight.

And I know something about fighting. Seems like I had to fight like hell for everything I ever got. But I did get it, eventually. Everything was perfect..and now nothing could make it worse. But I'm not giving up. And I'm not going to let you give up either. I don't know why this is happening, but it is and it just has to be dealt with. You and Zachary—and Madison, Joe, and Toby—just have to make it through this, just like I did. Just like I have to again. We all have to.

**xxxxx**

Lord, I know why this happened. I know man has free will; they do evil. It's not how you would have it, but it is the way it is. You didn't make this happen, but you can fix it. All things work out for good for those who love and trust you. Isn't that what you said? Okay, make this work out. Let the kids heal. Let this baby beat the odds and come out of this.

And give my wife strength. The hell that Nicole is going through is... She has had such a hard life, but then we got married and we had Zachary. Things got better. Please don't take that away.

**xxxxx**

Antonio always wanted four kids. But if you make it out of here, he will never need another thing again. This is all he'll ever want—for you and Zachary and Heather to be healthy.

I never thought I'd be able to give him any children. When we got Heather, it was a miracle. Then we had your brother, another miracle. Now we have you.

**xxxxx**

Jess sat on the bed, ready to lie down and go to sleep. It was only eleven o'clock in the morning, but none of the kids had slept well the night before and were now napping. Jess was utterly exhausted.

Nathan walked in.

"Hi."

"Hey. What are doing home so early?"

"I couldn't think. I was useless there. Why is it so quiet?"

"They're all sleeping."

"I actually came home to talk to you."

He sat down, but got right back up. Jess read his discomfort. She stood patiently waiting for him to talk.

"I was thinking," he said, "about Nicole and Antonio's baby. It's just horrible."

"I know. When Joe was born, I wasn't attached. By the time I came around he was getting better. And he wasn't anywhere near as sick as their baby. I can't imagine what they're going through."

"Especially with everything else that's happen. One disaster right after the other. I feel like we're living in a soap opera. If I had my way, I would just drink this all away, but I know I will lose my family if I do that. I need your help, Jess."

"I'm trying. I have been trying, but I don't know what to say."

"I know what I feel is wrong, at least partly. But I just can't stop. I can't look at her, Jess. She's my daughter, my child and I can't look at her." He was getting choked up.

"You expect her to have handled this better."

"Yes!" He felt relief to hear it said. She did understand. "She shouldn't have let him do that. She should have told us."

"I talked to Monica about this a lot. I asked the same questions. What she said made me think about this boy I knew in high school. He was bullied a lot. I never really talked to him, but I always wondered why he stayed at that school. One day, we were alone and I asked him. He said that he would have to tell his parents if he wanted to change schools. When I asked why he didn't tell them, he said, 'because I don't want them to know what a loser I am. I don't want them to know there's something wrong with me'. Those words have been ringing in my ear since this whole thing came to light. I didn't get it then, but I do now. Can you see it?"

"You think they didn't tell us because they thought we would think they were as bad as Deborah told them they were?"

"That's exactly what I think. Monica said that children who are molested feel like there is something bad, dirty about them. Why would Madison want us to know about that side of her?"

"And the boys? I know they weren't molested, so why didn't they tell us what Deborah was doing to them?"

Nathan was making progress and Jess wasn't about to destroy it by stomping over his denial. "Monica said the other kids are telling her a lot about what Deborah did. Those children were all physically and mentally abused by Deborah Hall. She bound and gagged them. She locked them in the supply closet. She threatened to kill them. She pulled their hair. She slapped them. She told them horror stories and then told them that the same things were going to happen to them….She killed a child right in front of them. They were scared to death twenty-four hours a day, every day for months."

"That's what really pisses me off. By believing the threats she made, they trusted her more than they trusted us."

"My parents loved you. You were like a son to them, but you never told them what your mom and dad did to you."

"Of course not. What would they have done?"

"Called social services."

"I was a kid. I didn't know that option existed."

"What would we have done if the kids had told us?"

"Stop bringing them there."

"Our kids didn't know that option existed."

Finally, _finally_ Jess saw the revelation in her husband's eyes.

"Don't you get it, Nathan? Imagine their fear. If they told us, they figured we would tell Deborah to stop what she was doing, Deborah would have charmed us into thinking she would stop, and we would have left them there again. And what do you think they thought would happen then? Once we were gone Deborah would have killed them."

"You think three-, four- and five-year-olds think things through like that?"

"I know that whatever they thought, whether it was along those lines or not, led them to the same conclusion—telling is not an option."

He understood. "What do I do, Jess? I don't know what to do."

"Just love them. I know you never stopped loving them, but you did stop showing it. Let them see it again."

**xxxxx **

The sun came up. It had been over twenty-four hours since the baby still known on her ankle bracelet as 'baby girl Scott-Cortez' was born. Still fighting, still sick, but still alive.

"You did it," Nicole said. "Only six more days."

The doctors had told her that if the baby lasted for a week, her chances increased to thirty-eight percent.

Antonio returned from the chapel.

After he sat for a while he broached the subject of when they were going to call their families.

"We might not have much more time," he said regretfully. Determined not to cry again, he recovered and went on. "The family should see her."

"I think we shouldn't call them. They are all flying in for the holidays in just a few weeks. They can see her then."

"But what if-"

"I just want it to be us. I know she might not last until November. I know she might not even be here tomorrow. And if that's true, I especially want to spend this time with her, just us. Maybe that's selfish, but-"

"Not at all. You're her mother. If this is what you need, this is what we'll do."

**xxxxx**

Day three of her life. She was still hanging on. And so were her parents, who sat in silence, watching, willing her to live.

Since her daughter's birth, Nicole could think of nothing, but her survival. She did notice that the baby looked nothing like her or Antonio. She just didn't care. It was not even on her list of interests. By day three the curiosity had gotten the better of her and she wanted to know how she and her husband had made a baby with light brown hair and a fair complexion.

"Antonio? How does a Cuban man and a black woman make a white baby?"

He laughed. He'd been waiting for her to bring that up. Despite the fact that he was still in much grief, he laughed. Perhaps it was only a release, a better way to let out his pain than crying, but still it felt so good to have something to laugh about.

"Cuba is very diverse," he explained. "Some look Hispanic, some look black, some look white. My grandmother looked more European than Cuban. I can't get over how much she looks like her….Man, it's been so long since she died. Now I have someone to remind me of her everyday…" he trailed off.

Nicole knew what he was thinking—what if he _won't _have her every day?

"She's going to make it, Antonio. She is strong. I can tell."

"Her name was Rosa. I was thinking we could give the baby that as a middle name."

"I was thinking about names this morning. If she survives, she could be permanently disabled. She's gonna need to be strong, to believe that whatever obstacles come she can overcome them. She's gonna need to have faith. And so are we…What do you think about that name?"

"Faith? I think it's beautiful, Nicole."

"And I figured we can hyphenate our last names into one. Faith Rosa Scott-Cortez."

"Sounds perfect."

**xxxxx**

"Have you made the arrangements for the kids in the daycare case to be seen by Tori?" D.A. Julia Reilly asked A.D.A. Lance Murphy.

Victoria "Tori" Lewis was a local child psychologist, who worked occasionally with the county prosecutor's office when they needed help with child witnesses. The prosecutor hoped Doctor Lewis could help Monica lessen the children's fears about disclosure and advise the D.A.'s office how best to handle these victims and their families.

"I'm working on that now," Lance replied. "After she sees them Monica is going to call all the children back in for a final interview, then we can decide on the charges and set a date for the grand jury."

"That will take too long. Some of these kids—Kelsey Smith and Chloe Pierson for example—don't need any coaxing to talk. Have Tori talk only to the kids who aren't making allegations. Let Monica go ahead and do the final interview with the rest of them today."

"Done. And we got all the medical reports from the kids' pediatricians. No physical signs of assault on any of the children, not even Kelsey Smith."

"What?" Julia practically snatced the medical report from Lance's hand. "How is that possible? How could he have raped her and not broken the hymen?"

Lance only shrugged.

**xxxxx**

Monica recalled most of the children for yet another interview. This time she was looking for, what she called, "concrete events"—something that happened around the time of the abuse, so she would know when all the children were talking about the same day or the same assault. Maybe they would all recount abuse that happened the only time Roger ever…. Or the first time…. Or the last time… Anything that would let her know she was receiving corroboration of a single event.

In what would be four of the counts against Roger, the concrete event settled on Madison: the very first time Roger brought her to the bathroom he had also taken Alexandra Davis, Kelsey Smith, and Chloe Pierson. During that time all four girls were abused. The information for this indictment was especially good news for the D.A. because she had something to help her case—a date. May 16th, according to Madison's mother, was the first day she went to daycare without diapers. Neither Monica nor the D.A. had any dates for any of the other charges. This, they knew, might be the strongest part of their case.

Roger also had an M.O. that involved five of the girls in his class and Brendan Frasier. Julia hoped the children would testify on this one count of these six victims.

Then Monica started asking questions, looking for isolated incidents, (If something only happened once, the D.A. wouldn't have to worry about cooroboation about a single incident.) and through these questions she found out from Alexandra Davis that on one occasion Roger took Alexandra and Zachary to the bathroom together and abused them. The D.A. planned on adding these two counts of assault to the indictment.

Kelsey Smith was the only child alleging rape and no one witnessed it. These two counts would be listed, but with no dates, no medical evidence, no witnesses—and the child had recanted—these two assaults were the ones with the least chance of getting a conviction.

Monica used the final interview as a time to teach the children the correct names of their body parts. The D.A. had warned her that she had seen too many cases of confused juries, who were unable to tell for certain that a child was talking about his or her genitals because of the words the child used. So Monica brought the parents in during the last part of the interview and explained this to them. They were encouraged, at least until after the trial, to use the proper words and to encourage their children to do so as well.

**xxxxx**

Nicole was still by Antonio in the N.I.C.U., but she had drifted off, back to thinking about her son and Joe, Madison, and Toby. About how she—they all, really—could have missed it. In hind sight, it's so painfully obvious.

Antonio slipped his hand into the incubator and gently rubbed Faith's hand with his finger. "C'mon, little one, you have to get big and strong so you can meet everybody. Heather's going to be so glad you're a girl. You have a big sister, did you know that? And a brother too. They can't wait to meet you."

"Oh, God," Nicole looked shocked. Antonio looked at her and back to the baby, trying to figure out what made his wife go pale, but before he could ask she was gone.

"Nicole," he called out to no avail.

**xxxxx**

Jess—and it was by no means an easy accomplishment—talked Nathan into staying home with the kids, so she could go to the hospital and check on Nicole, Antonio, and the baby.

After washing her hands and putting on scrubs, Jess quietly walked into the N.I.C.U.

"Hi."

"Hi. How's she doing?"

"Still hanging in there. How are the kids doing?"

"As well as can be expected. Zachary is still sleeping in your bed every night….where is Nicole?"

"She just took off. Can you stay here with the baby while I go find her?"

"Sure."

**xxxxx **

Antonio found Nicole outside, near the front steps of the hospital.

"What? What got to you back there?"

"I was thinking…I can't believe I'd forgotten about this…"

"Forgot what? Nicole, what are you talking about?"

"Heather. We left her with the Halls when she was visiting in July, remember?"

He had forgotten. "Oh, yeah. But it was only a day."

"It was over eight hours, Antonio. You think any seven-year-old goes eight hours without going to the bathroom? My God," her voice cracked.

"Sit down. You shouldn't be standing. Listen, she was there _once. _Besides, you think Roger is going to want to be seen coming out of the bathroom with a seven-year-old? Two-, three-, and four-year-olds maybe, but a second grader? How would he explain that?"

Nicole heard almost none of that. "She was asking to visit for months and after one day with the Halls she wanted to go home. Then she was all right with staying as soon as I told her she could go to Mrs. Pierson's room. I am so dense!"

"Nicole-"

"I watched those kids, every day, cry and scream at being sent there. I dragged Nathan kicking and yelling. I watched that blank look come over all their faces. That should have been enough! But then Heather…that morning that I said she could go to the After-school Room, she reminded me and Jess a hundred times. I never gave it a second thought."

"I never gave it a second thought either. None of us did. And as for Heather, don't jump to conclusions. She's had no problems, there are no signs. Roger wouldn't risk it. The circumstances were too dangerous."

**xxxxx **

Antonio and Nicole eventually made it back up to their daughter. After complimenting them on their adorable baby, Jess got into her reason for coming.

"Monica Caufield stopped by the house today. She wanted to talk to the kids again, but she knew after the show Nathan put on at CSD that there was no way they would talk to her again there, so she came to them. I didn't let her see them. I don't see the point. They're not going to be involved in the trial. But she did offer the services of a child psychologist to talk to Joe and Zachary. Apparently the D.A. still thinks she can get information out of them. I told her the therapist could see Joe. I figure at least she might ease his fears. But I made it clear he wasn't testifying. Anyway, here is her number, if you want her to see Zachary."

"Thanks, but I already got it. I told Monica before I went into labor that Antonio and I want Zachary to testify to the grand jury, if he can."

"You guys decided to put him on the stand?"

"Yeah. We just think it would be the best thing to do and that Zachary can handle it."

**xxxxx **

A few hours later, Jess was gone and the N.I.C.U. was almost empty. Nicole brought up Heather again, for the fifth time.

"Nicole, stop," he whispered. "She was there once. We have enough to think about with Zachary and this baby. It was one time. Nothing happened."

"How can you know?"

He couldn't answer that one.

**xxxxx **

Two days later Jess brought Zachary and Joe to see Tori Lewis. Everyone thought both boys would be more comfortable with the other in the room. To prevent an argument between herself and her husband, Jess didn't tell Nathan about the appointment.

Dr. Lewis was making headway with Zachary, but none at all with Joe. Joe was certain that his friend was now doomed and he wasn't about to put himself on his former teacher's hit list. He was not talking.

Maybe, Joe thought, I might say it accidently.

That thought was too terrifying to think any further. He had never considered that he might inadvertently say anything. But now that the possibility crossed his mind, he had to take action to make sure it never happened.

Being the seemingly least troubled in the Massey/Cortez household, Joe was also the most overlooked. Being the best behaved child, he was somewhat neglected and nobody had seen the slow dissolve that was taking place. Elective Mutism doesn't occur overnight or with a single decision. It had been building. All he wanted was to retreat into himself. Maybe if he couldn't talk, everyone would stop asking him to recount the worst experiences of his life. Why did they want him to talk? Didn't they know how much danger he would be in if he did? Didn't they care? Those thoughts filled his head day and night…And then the thought of accidently telling was the last straw. From now on, he figured, he was not going to say _anything_ at all, ever. There would be no more risks. No chance of accidently talking about Deborah. No chance of setting his father into a tail spin by talking about who Roger really is. And best of all, no more questions!

**xxxxx **

Later that week, the District Attorney's office and the Child Services Department scheduled a meeting for the parents of the Halls' former students. The meeting was to discuss the legal process and to inform the parents of the charges Roger was facing. The meeting would be held in the very room where the Preschool Room used to be located. The D.A. felt hearing the charges against Roger while sitting in the very room where their children were tormented would bring a sense of closure and vindication—and with any luck would inspire the parents who wanted nothing to do with the trial to change their minds and have their children testify for the grand jury. Nobody saw this as a low blow. After what happened in their state with the McMartin trial, they needed all the help they could get.


	43. Hush Little Baby

_Hush little baby, don't say a word_

_And never mind that noise you heard_

_It's just the beasts under your bed_

_In your closet, in your head!_

-Enter Sandman

Hush Little Baby

"Thanks for coming in, Jess. McGregor has the flu and time is a factor here. Were you able to find a sitter?"

"It's too soon for that. Antonio stayed home. I should be thanking you. I really needed to get out of the house. What do we have?"

"Tanya Spencer, forty. She never came home from her night job at a convenient store. She's been missing for three days. Now I know what you're thinking, why is this F.B.I.? The San Francisco cops had this until this morning."

"What happen this morning?"

"Tanya's mother and that woman over there, Violet Myles told the police they think Violet's son—Walter Myles—is responsible for Tanya's disappearance."

"Why would any mother point the finger at her own son?"

"I can't answer that one, but I can tell you why they think he did it. Twenty years ago Violet Myles and Blanche Spencer were neighbors and very good friends. Tanya, who was twenty at the time and still living at home, babysat Walter a handful of times. He was eight at the time. Walter told his mother that Tanya had been sexually abusing him. Needless to say, that put a strain on the families' relationship. The Spencers moved away. They had been renting out their home. Ron Spencer recently died and Blanche came back here to sign some papers to sell the house to the renters. And Tanya was with her. Terrible timing because Walter was also visiting his mother."

"And he saw Tanya. I'll go talk to Violet Myles"

**xxxxx**

"We got a new sitter and thought that was the end of it, but Walt could never let it go. He didn't talk about it, but he was never the same after," Violet Myles told Jess.

"And you didn't tell the police?" Jess inquired.

"No, of course not. Can you imagine how humiliating that would be for him? He was eight years old. What kind of cruelty would that be to make him tell his story over and over to strangers?"

Jess went on questioning her, until she realized she was using this case as a lab rat experiment to decide whether or not she should have her children testify.

**xxxxx**

Jess knew she could just forget about having a vision for this case. Her guard was up way too high. She had to rely on tried and true methods. And those methods led her to an abandoned warehouse where she found Tanya Spencer.

This was like no murder she had ever seen. The victim was unrecognizable. She had been stabbed, what looked like, hundreds of times all over her body. And her face had been beaten off. But perhaps the most chilling of the scene was the murderer—Walter Myles—sitting in a fetal position, covered in his victim's blood.

As she looked in his eyes she felt herself doing something unexpected—she lowered her gun and put it in the holster. She approached him slowly. "Walter?"

He seemed calm when he looked at her. Their stare without words couldn't have lasted more than thirty seconds, but it was all the time she needed to answer her questions. Sitting there, Walter did not look like the twenty-eight-year-old murderer that he was. He looked like the eight-year-old victim he once was. The office had buzzed about how the person who was the victim was now the perp, but now Jess wasn't so sure. Did Walter ever stop being the victim? Did he ever even grow up or had his development been stopped the minute he was violated? And, now, did the answers to those questions even matter?

**xxxxx**

The worst cases are the ones that never get resolved. Next on the list are the ones with a tragic ending. Normally, a case like the Spencer murder would have left Jess slightly depressed for the rest of the day, but instead she felt some relief. Relief from some of the anxiety and tension that had plagued her since she learned what her children and Zachary had suffered. There were so many unanswered questions.

But what she thought she knew was that by letting them forget and move on, she was helping them heal. Now, she knew that wasn't true. Maybe Nicole and Antonio had been right. Clearly letting him forget didn't work for Walter Myles. He never healed at all. Perhaps, if he had been able to avenge himself through the courts, it may have helped. Perhaps not. But Jess hoped it would help her children.

As she stepped into the elevator to go home, she called Monica. Yes, she told the social worker, her children would be participating in the trial.

**xxxxx**

Jess arrived at the library that evening for the parents' meeting. She took a moment to collect herself before entering her children's former classroom.

"Hi," Nicole said behind her.

"Hi. I didn't think you'd be here."

"Neither did I. I planned on staying at the hospital, but I had to come. Faith has Antonio. I need to be here for Zachary."

The room was packed. It seemed this meeting was not only attended by the victims' parents, but also grandparents and other relatives. The two of them found their seats and waited for it to begin.

At the head of the room were four people sitting in chairs near a podium—the D.A., the A.D.A., Monica, and Tori Lewis.

The D.A. checked her watch. It was time to begin. She stepped up to the podium. All the families sat down and the room became quiet.

"Good evening, everyone. I'm glad you could be here. I am the District Attorney, Julia Reilly. Behind me are Assistant District Attorney Lance Murphy, CSD social worker Monica Caufield, and child psychologist Victoria Lewis.

Tonight we hope to answer your questions and explain the charges Roger Hall is facing and your children's part in these proceedings. I imagine there are a lot of you who have questions for Doctor Lewis about how to care for your children, so I will let her speak first."

**xxxxx**

At home Nathan was trying—and failing—to get his kids in bed. Zachary, ever the passive child, went to his room without fanfare, but Madison, Joe, and Toby were running around and raising their father's blood pressure.

What they failed to realize was that they weren't dealing with the same Dad, who, up until he learned what the Halls had done, would tolerate this behavior and eventually give up, letting the kids sleep wherever and whenever they crashed. But that was the old Daddy.

"ALL RIGHT," he howled, gaining all the attention in the room. "That is it! Madison, go to bed, now! Joe, Nathan, get in your room!"

And quietly, all three of them went to their beds. Nathan followed Madison to her room.

He was doing his best to try to remember his wife's words and not to blame his daughter for her assaults, but it wasn't easy. The best he could do was put the covers over her, kiss her, and say goodnight. He left before his acting gave out on him and she saw his real feelings.

Down the hall, he tucked Toby in and pulled Joe down from his top bunk to sit on his brother's bed, so he could explain himself.

"I didn't like scaring you guys, but I want you to do things when I say so. Got it?"

"Yes," Toby replied.

Joe was quiet. Not even a nod to indicate compliance.

"Joe, did you hear what I said? From now on, I want you to listen to Daddy, okay?"

The little boy simply stared.

Of course, Nathan had no idea that his son had—only a few days ago—become phobic of communication and had vowed not to say a word. Then, without his consent, the sickness had taken over and Joe subconsciously decided not to use any form of communication—no nodding or shaking of the head, no pointing, no gestures at all. He had even stopped writing, a new skill that he had thoroughly enjoyed.

No, Nathan didn't know any of this. All he saw was a child who was ignoring his request with what seemed like passive defiance—failing to comply without saying "no" outright.

"Joe," Nathan's voiced raised, "Answer me now. Are you going to listen to Daddy?"

Nothing.

Nathan was a man, who knew when to quit. Just as he had run out of the house when Madison had told him she had been abused, he knew he had to fold before he lost his temper. He wasn't as gentle as he wished he could have been as he lifted Joe up and put him in his bed, and left the room.

He had learned his lesson, though. He wasn't going to leave the kids alone. He decided to pop open a beer and try to unwind in front of the television.

**xxxxx**

Jess was irritated—a bit enraged, really. Victoria Lewis was at the podium discussing child sexual abuse and all its symptoms.

"What the hell is the point of this now?" she whispered under her breath. _Her _children had already been molested. Perhaps if she had been told all she was being told now before, they wouldn't have been.

This, she thought, should be made into a Public Service Announcement and broadcasted across the country every day. What good does it do me now?

"…The list goes on." Victoria told the group. "But many times there are no symptoms at all. So bear in mind that just because your child shows no signs, doesn't mean he wasn't abused.

Now to address the parents who know their children were abused. The toughest thing you will have to go through in this whole experience is hearing from the mouths of your children the things they endured. But how you react to their disclosures is very important. I can't stress that enough. It is vital that you remain calm. Maintain a neutral façade. Always avoid questions like 'why didn't you tell me?' 'why didn't you tell him no?' This does considerable damage by making your child feel he is to blame for the abuse.

Still I know a lot of you are wondering why your children didn't tell you. The sad fact is most sexually abused children don't tell. Some are threatened. Others simply fear hurting you by telling you the awful things they have experienced. Many feel they will be blamed.

To a child, emotional survival is more important than safety. And their emotional survival is totally dependent on your love for them. If they lose that, they've lost everything. They may feel telling you what they have been involved in will put them at risk for losing your love and security."

Jess winced. That is exactly what had happened to her daughter. Upon disclosure to her father, Madison had been rejected and blamed.

"Make sure your children know what happened to them is not their fault. Remind them whenever you think they need it. And let them know they don't have to be afraid of threats. Sometimes the assailant will threaten to hurt you if they tell. Remind your children that it is _your _job to protect _them_. Tell them that nobody will hurt you. That nobody will hurt them. Let them know it's safe to tell you.

Parents may also try to minimize the abuse by saying 'at least he didn't rape her'. Or they will rationalize it away by saying 'that couldn't have happened'. The worst thing you can do is make your child feel they are to blame or that you don't believe them. No matter how improbably their accusations are, you must believe them. If you have much doubt, let a counselor talk to your child. This doctor can be the one to discover the validity of the child's statements. It is imperative that the child believes he can tell Mom and Dad anything and they will believe him.

An ideal way to handle any disclosure is to remain calm, listen without interrupting, tell your child they are not to blame, and end the conversation when the child is ready, not before or after."

**xxxxx**

A woman, who looked to be a grandmother, raised her hand.

"Yes, Ma'am?"

She was Christa Sumaya's grandmother. Even though the elderly Korean woman made it evident that English was not her first language, the room understood her question.

"Should the children need counseling?"

"Yes. Even if you don't believe your child was abused, you should seek a counselor's opinion. Sometimes children will not disclose as much to a parent as they would to a professional, for the very reasons we discussed earlier—to protect you from grief or to protect themselves from your judgment. Also a counselor has the proper training to help the child process what happened to him.

For those of you who do seek therapy for your children, it is important to remember to let your children know they can still talk to you any time. Parents sometimes feel it's best to teach their child to let the topic of abuse alone until they are in the counselor's office. This is a mistake. Any time your child needs to talk, he should feel comfortable broaching the subject with you."

**xxxxx**

Nathan turned the tv off and decided to go to bed early. He faintly heard Madison talking to herself in her room. As he got closer, he was able to hear what she was saying. Peering into the room unnoticed, he had a front row seat inside the mind of his troubled child.

She was, apparently, pretending to be Deborah Hall scolding a teddy bear that must have represented a child.

"Are you not listening to Miss Deborah? What did I say I was gonna do to you now? I'm gonna tie you up. This is what happens to bad girls! I told you."

Madison mimicked the "child's" cries.

"Shut up! I'm gonna give you something to cry about…Bang, bam, bam. Stop crying. Don't you dare tell anyone I hit you! You just hush your mouth. Do you know what I'll do if you tell anyone? I'll hide under your bed or in your closet until Mommy and Daddy fall asleep and I'll take you away, forever."

As Madison continued the drama of her wounded psyche, her older brother Joe listen from his room. It sent chills up his spine to remember being in that class and hearing those words.

Anyone who had seen him could have easily read the terror on his face as he turned his head and looked at his closet and then pulled the covers over his head. It wouldn't take a psychologist to know he was wondering if Deborah was in there, waiting.

But, he told himself, she wouldn't take me. _I _didn't tell. I don't talk anymore, so I can't tell.

**xxxxx**

When the doctor had finished, she asked the parents if they had any questions. One parent asked her how they could get back to their normal lives.

"Your lives will never be exactly the same. But they have to go on. The best way to make this happen is to continue with your normal schedules, activities, and, most importantly, rules. Parents will want to bend the rules and back off on discipline. They will want to spoil their children. This is all done to ease the parents' guilt. It does nothing to benefit the child. In fact, it is harmful to the child. They have already had the rug pulled out from under them. Too much has changed already. They need stability. All children need discipline and a predictable routine, but your children need these things more. Refrain from self soothing through showering your children with gifts and allowing them to get away with bad behavior.

It's also helpful to get them involved in activities. If your children haven't returned to school, send them. If they're still preschoolers, find another preschool. Getting back to a normal routine and socialization will help a lot."

"What can we do to keep this from happening again?"

"I cannot provide you with a guide of instructions to ensure this won't happen again. There are no guarantees, but there are things you can do to lessen the chances your children will be molested again, starting with the obvious—know the people your children are around. Interview their teachers before they start school, meet the parents of friends before you let your children play at their homes. Remember all children are vulnerable. Just because your son is nine, that does not mean you don't have to meet his teachers and the parents of his friends.

Also, I will say that I am not a big fan of sleepovers. A child who is half asleep, in someone else's home in the middle of the night is a very good target. Lastly, trust your instincts. Even if this teacher, caretaker, parent of a friend seems perfect, if you have a bad feeling, even one you can't explain, don't chance it. And make it a habit of reminding your children that it is okay to tell you if this happens again."

**xxxxx**

Julia Reilly returned to the podium to announce the charges and which children's names would be listed as victims to the grand jury.

"We have decided to charge Roger Hall with three different types of sexual abuse as well as aggravated assault on various children in his class.

After this meeting is over, I want to meet with the parents of the following children to discuss the specific charges Roger is facing on behalf of these children: Alexandra Davis, Kelsey Smith, Brendan Frasier, Zachary Cortez, Chloe Pierson, Madison Massey, Joseph Mastriani, and Nathan Massey."

The reading of this list caused much murmuring in the room, as Julia had expected. The complaining came from parents whose children's names were not called. By now all the parents knew that all of the children—except two who were in diapers—in the class were molested, so why is he only being accused of abusing seven?

Finally someone spoke. It was Liliana Klass's mother. "I didn't hear my daughter's name."

"Your daughter is only two. We cannot put a toddler under oath."

"My daughter gave that social worker more information than any of the other children, you said so yourself!" she said pointing at Monica. "She gave disgustingly graphic detail of being fondled by that pervert, and you're not going to charge him with it?"

"Everybody in this room wants Roger to be charged, indicted, and convicted of every atrocity he has committed against their child, I know. But that is impossible. We know this man abused every toilet trained child in his class every single day they were there. But we can only accuse him of what the children can corroborate and testify to. And, in addition to that, we have to let the children lead us. They cannot be expected to testify for several hours over the course of numerous days."

"My daughter told me she saw Liliana being abused," Mrs. Davis said.

"It doesn't matter. We can't charge him, if we can't have the victim take the stand."

"But she will be three by the time the case goes to trial," Liliana's mother told Julia. "Can't you postpone the grand jury until Lily turns three?"

"That wouldn't be necessary. There probably will be a second grand jury in the spring. But by then Liliana would be testifying about acts that occurred months ago when she was two. We can't rely on the memory of a two-year-old. I'm sorry…Honestly, the main reason is that I'd need more than one witness to your daughter's assault. That's not required by the court, but I feel it's the best way."

Another parent, Mr. Frasier, had other things on his mind. "What is this aggravated assault charge? I didn't know aggravated assault had anything to do with sexual abuse."

"It doesn't. Some of the accusations don't have enough evidence to charge him with molestation. Aggravated assault is as close as we can get. It says that the child was contacted physically and that the contact was threatening to the child. A jury is much more likely to convict on that than a fondling charge. Because the charge is less serious and the sentence is relatively light."

"How light?" a little girl's aunt asked.

"Anything from a fine to six months in the county jail."

Julia stood patiently while the parents yelled and commiserated.

"These cases," she explained, "are extremely hard to prosecute now-a-days. If we were in the 80s, this would be much easier. Unfortunately, many prosecutors took advantage of the hysteria about sexual abuse in daycare centers in the 80s and sent many innocent people to prison. So now all judges and juries are prejudiced against daycare sex abuse cases, especially in California. We can't do anything to make them think we are nothing more than overzealous prosecutors and social workers and hysterical parents manipulating children into telling lies.

We have to make a case we can win. If something can't be proven—which for me means anything that isn't corroborated by three or more witnesses—I will either not charge him at all or lower it to aggravated assault."

"So every act that doesn't have three witnesses to is not named or is just a physical assault?" Jess wanted to be sure she understood why her son was not getting the justice he deserved.

"That's right. The molestation charges all have three or more corroborating witnesses. The only exception to this I am making is with two sexual battery charges involving one of the children."

The D.A. let the murmuring go on for a while longer before she dropped the next bomb that she hoped would not incite a riot.

"There's more," she said. "The judge has ruled against allowing the children to testify on closed circuit camera."

"What?" someone shouted. "He wants these kids to face that monster?" another parent yelled. "What kind of monster is this judge?" And on and on it went.

"Judge Wilson feels giving the impression that the victims are too traumatized to face Roger in open court is the same as saying to the jury "he's guilty", that it will not give Roger a fair trial."

"What about fairness for the children? Kids have been testifying on live camera from the judge's chambers for decades." Nicole, who was not nearly as incensed as the others, added.

"This judge has never allowed it, and he will not make an exception this time. If you want your children to testify at trial, they will have to see Roger."

"What about the grand jury?"

"He won't be there for that. As far as he knows, we're still investigating."

"Does that mean you haven't arrested him yet?" Now Nicole was as incensed.

"Yes. We won't be arresting him until we have an indictment."

Several furious parents and relatives left. They found no comfort in Julia's sound reasoning that this was the only legal way to ensure Roger would not be around for the children's testimony to the grand jury.

**xxxxx**

After the meeting was over, the parents who had children that the prosecutors wanted to put on the stand stayed behind. One by one, Julia met them privately on the other side of the room and told them about the charges involving their child. Some of the other waiting parents and relatives spoke to either Monica or Doctor Lewis about their children.

Nicole noticed Lance Murphy standing by not really doing anything and decided now was her chance to discuss what was on her mind.

"Mr. Murphy?"

"Call me Lance. And you are?"

"Nicole Scott. Zachary Cortez's mother. I wanted to talk to you about my daughter. She spent a day with the Halls in July. I don't know if he abused her. She never said anything, but neither did my son until he was asked, repeatedly. She lives with her grandmother out of state, but she will be here for the holidays. I would like to have her interviewed. Will it be too late then?"

"No. We expect that maybe the children in the class who haven't made claims might in the next few months, so we are planning another grand jury for the spring. If you're daughter has something to say, that the other children can corroborate, she can testify at the second grand jury. Give me a call when you want her to be interviewed and we'll arrange for Julia to talk to her."

He gave her his number.

"Thank you."


	44. Grand Jury

Grand Jury

The parents' meeting was over. Nicole and Jess were last to leave. They walked across the dark parking lot to their cars.

"Do you really think he hurt her?" Jess said, when Nicole told her about her worry that Roger may have abused Heather too.

"I don't know. Gloria hasn't mentioned any behavioral problems. I was counting on that, until that Victoria Lewis said sometimes there are no signs…I don't know, I guess I'll find out when they come in November."

"God, I am dreading that." Jess had just been reminded that it wouldn't be long before she and Nathan would be flying home to Indiana for the two month holiday season. "If the kids were babies, I wouldn't even tell them anything about this, but I know one of them will say something, so I gotta tell the family."

"I know how you feel. Antonio and I are on pins and needles too."

**xxxxx**

Nicole went straight back to the hospital after the meeting. Antonio, of course, was still there.

"How's she doing?" Nicole whispered.

"She's doing well. I'm starting to believe you were right when you said she'd make it out of here."

Nicole smiled and reached in to touch Faith's hand.

"How was that parents' thing?"

"Pretty much what I expected. The district attorney, Julia, told me that they are charging Roger with two counts of aggravated assault against Zachary."

"That's all?" His voice became louder than he intended it to be.

"Shhh. I know," she whispered. "I was surprised too. But it's the best they can do. At least he won't be on the stand very long."

"But I thought that Roger never hit those kids."

"He didn't. The aggravated assault just means Roger made contact with Zachary and that the contact was threatening. Like I said, it's the best she could do…Anyway, the grand jury is going to be next week."

**xxxxx**

The next day, Jess waited until Nathan had left for work before she talked to her kids about testifying. Nathan hadn't asked about the meeting and she wasn't about to tell him anything, not yet anyway.

After the children had finished breakfast and gone off to the playroom, Jess brought Madison to her room to talk.

"Do you remember when Mommy told you about talking to a lady that wanted to put Roger in jail, so he can't hurt anyone else?"

"Yes," Madison nodded.

"Well, in a few days we are going to go to court. That's the place where you will tell the nice lady what Roger did. And I will be there with you, okay?"

"But I don't wanna tell again."

"I know. It makes you feel bad to talk about it, right? But this is important. And Mommy's going to be right there. And you won't be the only one who is going to talk to this lady. Other kids are going to be there too. All right?"

Madison nodded confirmingly, but Jess could read her resistance.

Jess's attempts to convince Joe and Toby to talk to the "nice lady in court" were futile. Toby adamantly stated that he had made up the allegations against his former teacher. And Joe said nothing at all. In fact, Jess realized, it had been days since she'd heard her eldest child speak. To try to break Joe's silence and to get Toby to tell the truth, she made an appointment for both of them with Doctor Lewis, who saw both boys two days later.

**xxxxx**

Joe happily played in the waiting room, surpervised by the clerk, while his brother and mother were talking to the doctor.

"I appreciate you seeing them on such short notice, Doctor," Jess said as they entered the room.

"Call me Tori. Why don't we sit here. I'll sit here and you can sit on Mommy's lap. How's that?"

Tori had good reason for the seating arrangements. She wanted little Nathan to feel close to his mother, but have his back to her. She wanted the boy to miss any grimaces or expressions that Jess may make while he was talking to the doctor. So she sat in a chair and had Toby sit on Jess's lap on the couch.

**xxxxx**

Antonio was back to work for the first time since Faith's birth. He was worried about being away from her, but the doctors said the worst was over. Faith had a good chance of survival now and he really wanted to get back to work.

After accompanying his boss on errands and then patrolling the grounds of the man's estate, Antonio ran into Layla, who was thrilled to see him back.

"It's good to see you too," he replied.

"How is everything?"

"So-so. Faith is…well, it looks like she might make it."

"I'm glad to hear it. How are you?"

"Exhausted. But I'm glad to be back into the swing of things. How's everything going here?"

**xxxxx**

Jess didn't think Tori would have any luck getting Toby to go back to his original statement and just as she was about to call it quits, Toby had a breakthrough.

"Do you think that your Daddy wanted you to say that Roger never hurt you?"

"Yes. He did."

"And is that why you said it? Or were you telling the truth?" Tori worded her questions carefully. The transcript of this session would be read in court. One slip on her part could give the defense a win at trial. It was certain Roger's lawyer would use the theory that the kids were brainwashed as a defense.

"It wasn't the truth," Toby said, slowly. He was treading dangerous ground now.

"What wasn't the truth?"

"Roger never hurt me. That's what I said. That was a lie."

"Can you tell me the truth?"

"When Daddy and Antonio took my brother to see his new teacher, Roger took me to the bathroom."

"Did Roger do something bad in the bathroom?"

The boy only nodded.

"What did Roger do?"

"He played with my penis."

Before long Tori had the whole story. Toby talked about seeing other boys molested as well, but stuck to the claim that it only happened to him once—on the first day he met the Halls. Tori told Jess that it was fine for him to only disclose that much and she said she felt confident that Toby could handle the grand jury.

When it was Joe's turn to talk to the psychologist, he said nothing, literally nothing at all.

"He hasn't said anything to anyone in days," Jess told Tori after she had sent the boy back out to the waiting room.

"He needs counseling. I'd be happy to recommend some others in this area if you want to shop around."

"No. When the time comes, I want him to see you."

Tori knew she had to be diplomatic, but she also knew that Jess was dragging her feet. "The last time we talked you said you were waiting to discuss it with your husband. Have you?"

"He still can't accept that Roger molested Joe and Toby. We're going to be going away for a couple of months. The kids will be spending a lot of time with family. It will give me and Nathan time to talk. Hopefully, he'll be ready to admit it to himself by then."

"And if he's not?"

Jess shrugged. She didn't know what she would do.

"Are you familiar with the term Elective Mutism?"

"No."

"It's when someone, usually a child, can talk, but won't. And since it has only been a few days, I can't diagnose Joseph as mute, in fact, it is better that you go home, let him spend some time with family and see if he breaks his silence. But if he doesn't, Mrs. Massey, it is crutial that he begin treatment."

"I understand. I really do. But I think he will get better long before we get back from Indiana."

**xxxxx**

That Wednesday, Jess, Antonio, Nicole, and half a dozen other parents arrived at a San Francisco courthouse with their children. Madison, Zachary, and Toby would take the stand that day, along with Kelsey Smith, Chloe Pierson, Brendan Frasier, and Alexandra Davis.

Nathan was at work, totally oblivious to the fact that his kids were testifying in a court of law that they had been molested. Jess wasn't going to tell him until they went to Indiana. Joe was spending the day with Nathan. Jess thought it would be a good idea to break him of his muteness, and give Nathan an opportunity to rebond with his son.

While Joe and Nathan were having a take-your-kid-to-work day, the grand jury would hear the children's stories and decide whether or not they thought the stories were true. If the grand jury believed the children, it would hand down one or more indictments and Roger would be arrested. If they didn't believe the kids, Roger was a free man. Roger was blissfully unaware that a group of men and women were deciding whether or not he was going to be arrested today.

**xxxxx**

By late morning, only three of the seven kids scheduled to testify had taken the stand. The rest were restless and running up and down the hall outside the court room.

Zachary was called next. And by two o'clock all of the children had finished their time with the grand jury. The parents brought their children home and waited for the call—the call from Julia Reilly informing them on what, if any, indictments had been handed down.

**xxxxx**

Towards four, Jess was getting anxious. Nathan would be home soon.

"What is taking them so long?" she complained.

"Now tell me again," Nicole said, "how you plan to execute this. I mean I get why you didn't tell Nathan about this before Toby and Madison had to go to court; you didn't want him to go postal and scare them out of it. But now that it's over, when do you plan to tell him? Wouldn't doing it now be better than doing it in Indiana with your whole family?"

"In Indiana, there are a lot of places he and I can go. Places where we'll have privacy and the kids won't hear him screamin'."

"I can watch them tonight so you two can go somewhere and be alone."

"There's no where to go. Nicole, he is going to have a fit. I want to be somewhere where no one can hear us."

The phone rang and Jess, who was closest, dove for it.

"Hello?"

"_Hello, Mrs. Massey, this is Julia. I have good news. They handed down indictments on all the charges. We're going to trial. Tell your kids they did a great job._"

"I already did. When do you expect the trial to be?"

"_Roger is going to be arrested any minute now. This will go public, and when it does, we could have other victims come forward. This man's in his sixties. I'm sure the kids in that class aren't the only ones he has abused. Aside from that, we might have more victims from the class who denied being abused change their statements. So I think we will probably have another grand jury before we get to trial. If not, the trial will probably be sometime next fall. If we do have another grand jury, it will be in March or April and then we likely won't see the trial commense until late 2012 or early 2013._"

"Okay. So is there anything else we need to do?"

"_No. It's over until the trial starts._"

"All right. Thanks."

"_No problem. Bye_."

"Bye" Jess hung up the phone. "We won."

Nicole smiled sastified. It was a weak smile. After all, it's not like they really "won". This was just a small victory in a heinous battle. And the victory didn't change the horror of the reality.

**xxxxx**

Roger's arrest was all over the news that evening. By morning, everyone would know. Naturally, the media kept the identity of the victims anonymous. But it would do no good. Everybody in Levi knew which kids went to the library's former daycare program. All of the parents' colleagues knew that they left their children in a daycare run by the library.

The next morning all the victims' parents would be greeted with sympathetic looks or people who tried to avoid eye contact when they were at work or in the supermarket.

Some of the victims who had older siblings that attended Levi Day School would experience the same treatment, or downright cruelty.

None of the families knew what they were getting themselves into and now it was too late to get out. It was only the end of day one and they knew they had a long, treacherous road ahead.


	45. Red Light

CONTAINS MATERIAL SOME MAY FIND DISTURBING.

SEE MY PROFILE FOR SOME INFORMATION THAT I WAS UNABLE TO PUT HERE (BECAUSE I CAN'T TYPE LINKS TO WEBSITES HERE.)

* * *

At a red light, in the sunshine, on a Sunday

Nothin' to say, don't even try

Some are comin' home, some are leavin' town

While my world's crashing down

On a Sunday, in the sunshine

At a red light

-Red Light by David Nail

* * *

Red Light

Nathan kept Jess's words in mind, and a few days after she had confronted (screamed at) him at the nature park, he knew she was right, well, partly right. He still couldn't accept the truth about his sons' victimization, but he knew he had to restablish fellowship with them. He decided to spend some time with his boys. They spent the whole day together, going to the park, out for lunch, to the museum, and then an early dinner. The sun was still shining as they climbed in the car to go back to the relative's home they were staying at.

"Daddy, can I sit in the front?" little Nathan asked.

"Just this once. Don't tell your mother."

Toby glowed as he climbed in front.

**xxxxx**

That same day Nicole and Gloria had brought Heather to Julia Reilly's office to give her statement. On the way back home Heather uttered something that was so shocking to Nicole that she had to pull the car over. She opened the back door and knelt on the ground to be eye to eye with Heather in the backseat.

"Honey, tell me again what you just said."

"There was a policeman who asked us if anyone was hurting us."

"And this was the day you spent in Zachary's class?"

"Yes."

"What did the policeman say?"

"He asked if the teachers hurt us or if we saw them hurt anyone else. I'm sorry I lied, Mommy. Am I in trouble?"

"No, no. I am so proud of you for telling me this. What else happened?"

"Nothing...He told us not to tell and then he went."

"He told you not to tell that the Halls hurt you?"

"No, he told us not to tell that he asked that. He said 'don't tell your parents or the teachers that I asked this'."

**xxxxx**

Nathan's car stopped at a light less than a mile from their destination.

Toby and his father had spent the whole day together, talking endlessly. Since Joe never interrupted their coversations, Toby had his father's undivided attention. He felt so close to his dad that he felt he could tell him anything, even his deepest, darkest secret.

"Daddy?"

"Yeah, son?"

"I wanna tell you somethin'."

"Shoot."

"Did Mommy tell you about the lady that kids tell secrets to?"

Nathan assumed Toby meant the psychologist. "Yeah, she told me. You don't have to worry about that. I know you said what they made you say. Forget about it."

"No, Daddy, I said the truth. Roger really did take the boys to the bathroom, except he didn't take Jordie, 'cause he wears diapers. But he took the other boys. And then he took our underwear off. I saw him do it a lot to the other kids, but he only did it once to me...And one other time."

Throughout that disclosure, Nathan felt faint. He couldn't speak because his throat was too dry. His heart was pounding. Beads of perspiration formed on his forehead. All he could do was stare. The upside was, his stare, caused by shock and near-dissociation, looked to Toby like a patient father listening to his son.

Relieved that his dad was taking it so well, Toby went on.

Nathan looked at the red light. It seemed to be painted. Would it ever turn green?

In the backseat, while his brother was continuing his complaints that had been held in for too long, Joe was sure his brother would be taken from him. If their father didn't kill him, Deborah surly would. Joe and Nathan (and Madison and Zachary) had all been told repeadedly that Deborah was dead. But the permanence of death doesn't resentate well with young children. They all still feared her. All except Toby, who felt his father could keep her from him.

**xxxxx**

Nicole and Antonio's family took the children out to dinner. Carla, Gloria, Nicole, and Antonio were the only ones who stayed behind to talk to Julia when she came over. She had rushed to their home when Nicole called her and told her what Heather had said—and what Zachary confirmed when they got home.

Now that the children were gone, Nicole could let her fury fly. "He knew about this in July. _July! _And didin't notify a single parent!"

"Does Heather know how the Levi P.D. came to suspect the abuse?" Julia asked.

"No. She told me everything she knows. Officers came to the class, asked to speak to the Halls, Two of them left with Roger and Deborah and one stayed in the class. He asked if they were being hurt, they said no, and he told them not to tell anyone he was there."

"How many laws broken is that?" Antonio wanted to know.

"One," Julia answered. "He was supposed to notify CSD of any suspicions. Ethically, he should have informed the parents, and interviewed the children properly, but not doing that isn't illegal."

"I want every parent who had a kid in that class to know about this." Nicole said to no one in particular. "I wanna file a class-action lawsuit—against the department, against the officers, against the library, and against this rotten town."

"All of those are one and the same," Julia replied, "if you sue anyone of them, you sue the city. As long as we're talking about broken laws, here's something else for you to chew on, the Levi Library Daycare also broke the adult to child ratio. That class should have had one adult for every four children."

"Shit!" Carla snapped. "You're telling us that if the library had followed the ratio laws, Deborah and Roger never would have been alone with those kids in the first place?"

"Yes. But don't worry, I intend to prosecute them for this."

"It would be a slap on the wrist. I'm filing suit, against Levi, and CSD for not checking in on how that daycare was run."

"And while you're at it," Gloria suggested, "go after the city of San Francisco too. They are the governing force of CSD."

**xxxxx**

Nathan didn't say a word the rest of the drive home. As soon as they came in, the other children got Toby engaged in what they were playing. Joe went off by himself. Nathan went to the upstairs bathroom to be sick, but he'd read his body's signals wrong. He couldn't throw up, so he went in the bedroom and laid down, hoping to pass out or fall asleep, anything to be put out of his misery.

Jess went up to see him not long after. "How was the day?...What happened?"

Nathan was lying on his back staring at the ceiling. Without looking at her, he answered Jess's question.

"Nathan told me."

Jess was anxious to hear what her younger son had said, but more anxious to hear how his father had handled it. She fired a million questions at her husband.

"Jess," he said weakly. "Enough, please."

The pleading tone in his voice answered one of her questions. He must have believed what Toby said.

"I guess you wouldn't be so upset if you didn't know he told you the truth," she said.

He sat up and she wrapped her arms around him.

"You shoulda heard it, Jess. It was like he was telling me about a boring movie, something unpleasant, but not really a big deal...How can he talk about that without being furious?"

"It's all there. The pain, the rage, the terror, is all inside him. Kids are just really good at keeping that stuff hidden when it comes to sexual abuse."

For the first time since she entered the room, he looked her in the eye. "I'm sorry. You were right."

"I wish I wasn't."

"So it happened to Joe too?"

"Yeah."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am. I'm sorry, hon. I know you wanted this to all be a lie. So did I."

"What do we do now?"

"Like I told you, when we get back home, they will all start counseling. Tori, Nicole, and I all made arrangements for her to see all four of them twice a week, and two additional private sessions for Joe."

"This not talking thing he's been doing isn't a phase is it?"

Jess shook her head sadly, empathy overflowing for her son and her husband. "He's sick, Nathan. It's called Elective Mutism. The form he has is Reactive Mutism, a response to trauma. Tori said there's no way to know when he'll start talking again.

Nathan wept and, seeming to be as good a time as any, Jess joined him.

**xxxxx **

A few days later, Nicole invited the parents of the victims to her home for another parents' meeting. This one's guest speaker was a lawyer, who agreed this case warranted litigation.

"We can't do anything," the lawyer said, "until after the trial. If he's found guilty, then we have a case. If the jury says he's innocent, the worst the police did was not notify CSD about suspected abuse. No harm, no foul. The department will probably only be fined."

"No harm?" a parent said. "Are you kidding?"

"No. If he is not found guilty, then for all intents and purposes, as far as the law is concerned, the children were not harmed. But if he's convicted of even one crime, you have a good case against Levi and San Francisco. You have my number. Give me a call if the jury votes in your favor."

As Nicole was seeing the attorney to the door, the doorbell rang. After feigning calmness and seeing the lawyer off, she popped her head back in to tell Antonio to keep their guests entertained for a while. Then she closed the front door, leaving herself and Colin alone on the front porch.

**xxxxx**

"Here's my number." Colin handed a post-it to Nicole. "When Jess gets back, tell her to call me. I would like to do this without lawyers, but that will be up to her." He walked off, still as angry as he was when he arrived.

After the parents left, Nicole told Antonio who had been at the door.

"How did he find out?" Antonio wanted to know.

"Jess worked a case with an agent several months ago. Last week that agent worked with Colin. He casually mentioned Jess and the kids. When Colin heard about how old Joe was, he just did the math and figured it out. Then he had some people do some digging and somehow he was able to see that his name is on Joe's birth certificate."

"So he wants to be in Joe's life?"

"He wants joint custody." Nicole's fist slammed the counter. "Damn it! Do we have some kind of fucking curse on us or something! This is the _last _thing this family needs! We might as well just move into the damn San Francisco court house."

**xxxxx**

As much as Nicole and Antonio loved seeing their families again, after two months, they were all more than ready to get back to their "normal" lives. Antonio and Nicole said goodbye to their relatives on New Years 2012.

That last week of December 2011 had been a good one. The doctors had told Faith's parents and family that she would live.

"I love this quiet," he said. The house was empty of everyone but Zachary and his parents, who were downstairs resting after a tiring holiday season.

"It's nice," she agreed.

"When are Nathan and Jess coming home?"

"I talked to her this morning. She said they were catching a flight on the third. If only she knew what's waiting for her back here."

"Maybe it will be good for Joe to have his dad in his life."

"Nathan is Joe's dad, the only one he has ever known. This is the worst time to drop something like this on that little boy."

"Did you tell that to Colin?"

"He doesn't care. All he's thinking about is himself. He just wants to get back at Jess."

"That doesn't sound like him."

"I don't want to talk about this anymore, Antonio. God knows it's _all _we're gonna be talking about soon. Let's just enjoy some peace while we got it."

"Okay. Have you given any thought to when you'll be going back to work?"

Nicole had thought about this a lot. She had known the answer for a while now. "I'm not."

"You mean not any time soon?"

"I mean not at all. I'm tired of this guilt, Antonio."

"You can't blame yourself for what the Halls did."

"Yeah, I can. And it's not just the Halls either. We've tried everything, a nanny, a daycare center. Both failed abysmally. The only way I can't know for sure that those five kids are safe is if _I _am the one taking care of them. I actually wrote out my resignation a couple of weeks ago. I'm gonna give it to Haslett when she gets back from visiting her family in a couple of days."

"I thought you decided long ago, back when Zachary was a baby, that you could never be happy staying at home."

"That was before. Before a crazed Russian murdered my nanny, before I found what I thought to be the two kindest people on earth to watch them, only to learn they abused my son and those three kids that I love just as much. This isn't the world you and I grew up in, Antonio. Did you know that one in every four girls and one in every six boys is sexually assaulted before they become adults? I know because I was looking it up last night, trying to convince myself that this would never happen to them again, that they would be safe in another daycare."

"Sexual abuse in daycare is rare these days. The odds of this happening again are extremely, almost astronomically, unlikely."

"But not impossible. And I'm not going to chance it anymore. Until they go to kindergarten, Zachary, Faith, Toby, and Madison will be home with me."

"Will you consider going back after they are in school?"

"If Levi Day School has an after-school program by then. But I am absolutely done with daycare centers. Besides, somebody has to take the kids to counseling during the days. I've made up my mind. I'm quitting."


	46. Rules Of War

Rules Of War

Early January 2012.

"They're back!" Zachary exclaimed, running to the door as Madison, Toby, and Joe walked in with Jess and Nathan.

Ignoring the homecoming commotion between the four adults and three children, Joe went to his room to be alone. Nothing could really make him happy these days, but being able to climb into his own bed in a house that wasn't packed with relatives came pretty close.

"Did you have a nice Christmas?" Nicole asked as she picked up Madison.

The child nodded enthusiastically.

"I'm gonna go unpack," Nathan said plainly.

"What's with him?" Nicole whispered when Nathan was out of earshot.

Of course, Jess couldn't answer that question with the children right there. "Zachary, why don't you show Madison and Toby what you got for Christmas.

Antonio and Nicole went out to help Jess get the packages out of the car.

"So," Nicole repeated, "What's got into Nathan?"

"Toby told him…And he believed him. He's been depressed ever since."

"Oh. Well, at least he's not pretending anymore."

"At least."

**xxxxx**

Nicole waited until everything settled down before she told Jess about Colin.

"Just tell me." Jess was worried. She knew Nicole could have no good reason for asking her to sit down and then taking so long to say why.

"Colin knows about Joe."

"…What?"

Nicole told her how he had found out.

"He got a transfer. He's working at the D.O.J. in Sacramento now…He wants joint custody, Jess. I talked to several lawyers that specialize in this. I left their numbers by the phone. I think Bruce Spencer is the best. He's got a great reputation. I met with him and really seemed to appreciate the situation."

"I can't believe this…I gotta talk to Colin."

"And say what? Colin moved across the country for Joe. He's not going to change his mind."

**xxxxx**

Colin opened the door of his condo when he heard the banging. He knew who it was.

Jess barged in.

"How did you get access to my medical records?"

"I didn't. I was able to legally gain access to Joseph's because he is my son. I broke no laws."

"Too bad ethics aren't a law."

"Are you seriously going to lecture _me _on ethics? The woman who kept my son from me."

"Joe is not yours. He's Nathan's."

"Don't bother lying to me. I saw the birth certificate. I did the math. But hey, we'll get a D.N.A. test done and then we'll know for sure."

"That's not what I meant. I know you know _biologically _Joe is your son. But as far as he and Nathan and I are concerned, Joe belongs to Nathan and me."

"Yeah, well, that's not how I feel. And the law is on my side. I thought we'd be able to do this without the courts, but I guess I was wrong."

"Do you even know what you're doing? I know Nicole told you what happened to Joe. He is in hell right now. Do you really want to put him through a custody battle? Do you really want to pull the rug out from under him and tell him his dad isn't really his dad?"

"You started this, Jess. Not me."

"So this is about revenge?"

"This is about my right to know my kid, and his right to know me."

"Rights. And the hell with that kid's feelings, right?"

Colin reached for the door knob and opened the door. "We're done here. You'll be hearing from my lawyer."

"You'll be hearing from mine first."

**xxxxx**

Nathan came into the office of Bruce Spencer a few moments before their appointment. The two men shook hands.

"Thank you for taking me and my wife on as clients. We know you're loaded as it is."

"Not a problem, Mr. Massey."

"Call me Nathan."

"And you can call me Bruce."

The two of them sat, Bruce behind his desk and Nathan across from it. "My wife wanted to be here, but she got stuck in Portland on business."

"That's okay. I'll just be going over the plan with you. It won't be anything you can't tell her later."

"So what's the plan? How do we keep this bastard from getting my boy?"

"Look, Nathan, I'm going to be straight with you. Unless this guy is a grossly unfit father, no judge in the world will refuse him contact with his son. The best we can do is win sole physical and legal custody and make the visitations as infrequently as possible."

Nathan didn't argue. He'd already consulted a multitude of other custody lawyers. They had all said the same thing.

"Explain everything to me. Tell me what happens now."

"We will schedule the hearing. In the mean time, I will be gathering as much information as possible about this…" he looked down at his notes, "Colin McNeil. " He gave Nathan a list. "You can show this to your wife. Those are all the different types of custody—sole legal custody, sole physical custody, and joint custody."

"That is the one Colin wants, right? Joint custody?"

"Yeah. That means that he and your wife will equally share physical and legal custody. What I will be doing is trying to get your wife sole physical custody, meaning the child lives with her, and sole legal custody, meaning she has the say over all medical, educational, and welfare aspects involving the child."

"I always thought custody was custody. When you said legal and physical, I thought they were one and the same."

"No, they're two very different concepts. One is solely about legal issues and over all welfare and the other is simply where the child lives."

"So if Jess gets physical and legal custody of Joe, things will basically stay the same."

"Basically, except Mr. McNeil will have visitation with your son. But even during times of visitation, nothing changes as far as the legal decisions. That will always be your wife's alone."

"Okay, that's what we want. How do we get it?"

"If he or she hasn't already, Mr. McNeil's lawyer will be digging up as much against the two of you as possible, so what you need to do right now is be one hundred percent straight with me. I need to know about anything and everything they might try to use against your wife and you. I need to know every skeleton in your closet."

**xxxxx **

Colin knew he was in for a battle. He was now on the warpath. As it turned out, getting the goods against his opponents was not even remotely difficult.

_The child's mother had a near psychotic break down in 2003_

_Suspected organized crime family_

_The hiring of a nanny, who was a scam artist, and was murdered in the same home his son was in_

_The child's mother works long days and most weekends_

_The child's mother and stepfather show poor judgment in choosing caretakers for the child_

_The child's stepfather had been accused of smothering him when he was seven months old. The case was closed as inconclusive_

Colin continued to read a litany of things he and his lawyer had put together. Learning about what an "unfit" mother Jess was changed things for him. At first he had wanted only to share custody of Joe. He wanted a chance to be his father. But now Colin was truly horrified and worried about the safety of his son.

"I can't believe this," Colin said to his lawyer. "I had no idea she was this messed up."

"What do you want to do?" The lawyer asked, knowing the answer, and ready to give a suggestion if Colin didn't already know what to do.

"I want full custody."

"We can file for temporary custody pending a hearing. That would allow your son to live with you until a ruling in the custody battle has been made."

"Yes. Do that."

**xxxxx**

That evening the Massey/Cortez house was chaos as usual. Jess was loading the dishwasher. Nicole was wrestling Toby and Zachary into the tub. Madison was tearing around yelling. Antonio was the only one in reprieve—he was at the hospital visiting Faith.

The door bell rang. Jess opened it.

"Hello, Mrs. Massey?"

"Yes?"

"I'm Hilary Stuart, from the court."

"The court?"

"Family court. I'm here for the evaluation."

Jess opened the door wider and let her in. "I don't understand."

"You're in a custody battle, right?"

"Right."

"It's my job to observe the family system in the home of each parent."

"Okay? Come in."

When Jess slipped into the bedroom to call Bruce, he said he had never seen an evaluation done so early in a custody battle. Bruce said it meant that the courts had already decided they wanted Joe to spend at least some time with Colin, the evaluator has to see the child in both homes.

"_I don't know why they're doing this so early. But they will probably want to evaluate Joe with Mr. McNeil in the very near future_."

"I don't want to tell Joe that Colin is his father now. You must be able to do something."

"_First let me find out why they sent the evaluator so early. I'll call you back._"

**xxxxx**

Colin sat in Darren Clark's office that evening. The day before they would go to court and Mr. Clark would try to convince a judge that Joe should be taken away from his home and live with his biological father for several weeks—the time it would take to schedule the official custody hearing.

"The evaluation is happening right about now," Clark told Colin. "My assistant is waiting outside the home. As soon as he sees the evaluator leave, he will serve Mrs. Massey with the emergency temporary custody order. Then tomorrow, hopefully, you'll be able to take your son home."

"What are the chances the judge will rule in our favor? I mean, I'm sure Jess will have a bunch of character witnesses."

"No. This isn't the official hearing. This is a fifteen minute presentation of the facts."

"Fifteen minutes?"

"The family court system is packed. The dockets are beyond full. The only reason I was able to schedule this appointment is because we have legitimate evidence that your son may be in danger. And so the court will squeeze us in for fifteen minutes or less, so a judge can decide whether the child is really in danger."

"So that's it? I won't have time to testify, to prove I can take good care of Joseph?"

"I wouldn't worry, Colin. The judge will likely air on the side of caution and give Joseph to you."

**xxxxx**

As Jess showed the evaluator out, a man walked up to the door. "Jess Massey?"

"Yes?"

He handed her an envelope. "You've been served."

**xxxxx**

"_I don't know, Mrs. Massey,_" Bruce was thoroughly confounded. Emergency custody? _"Clark must have found something that made a judge worry about your son's welfare in your care_."

It dawned on her, and Jess knew what Colin had found. "My husband was accused of being involved in organized crime several years ago. But his record is clean. They were just accusations." As she lied for Nathan, she was furious with him.

"_Accusations from several years ago? I don't think any judge would call an emergency hearing for that. Has Nathan ever been abusive to any of your children_?"

It's amazing how time can erase bad memories. Jess had long forgotten about Joe's accidental injuries when he was seven months old that caused Child Welfare to accuse Nathan of abuse.

"_That must be it. Clark convinced a judge that your husband is a danger to Joseph. Listen, Clark is faxing me the allegations that he is going to make in court tomorrow. Let's meet at the courthouse about a half an hour before the appointment. We can go over it then."_

**xxxxx**

Jess had that whole night to think about what Colin's lawyer might say about her and Nathan. There was _a lot _he could say against them. Jess knew she and Nathan wouldn't have a chance to testify. It was going to be Colin's lawyer telling the judge why his client should have Joe and then Bruce trying to refute all the claims, and the judge would decide where Joe would live until the decision in the overall battle had been made.

Jess didn't have much faith that she would win, so she spent the night packing a couple of suitcases with Joe's clothes and favorite toys. She hid the luggage in her closet, hoping that tomorrow she would be able to unpack them and put his things where they belonged—in his room.

After putting the suitcases away, Jess laid back in bed.

"Are you asleep?" she whispered to Nathan.

"How could I be? What were you just doing?"

"Getting some of Joe's things together in case…" She couldn't even finish the thought.

"You shoulda let me fudge those D.N.A. results. I coulda easily made it look like Joe was my biological son."

"You would have gotten caught, sent to prison, lost your medical license, and I would have lost any chance of getting custody of Joe. What _you should _have done is been honest with Bruce when he asked you what they could use against us."

"I didn't think they would get far with allegations from five years ago. Anyway, it wouldn't have mattered."

"Bruce could've warned us that the evaluator would be sent. We could have been prepared. This place was a madhouse while she was here."

"In a few weeks, we will have our day in court. We will have a chance to set the record straight and we will get total custody of him. Bruce said he might be able to get Colin's visitation as little as one day visit every other month. Even if we lose tomorrow. It'll only be for a while."

"Maybe to us, but four to seven weeks is a very long time to a five-year-old. Since Joe can't ask any questions, he won't know what's going on…What are we going to tell him?"

"We'll tell him that we're all working and that Colin is going to take care of him for a while."

"He'll wonder why his brother and sister and Zachary aren't with him."

"Maybe it's good he's not talking. He can't ask questions that we won't be able to answer anyway. It would be better if he just thinks Colin is a babysitter. Let him decide by himself why his brother and sister aren't there too…Then, after he gets adjusted, we can tell him that he has two daddies."

Jess sighed. "He can't take this now, Nathan. Colin lives an hour away. Joe will have to get used to a new counselor, a new home. Colin will probably put him back in school, a new school. And Joe won't be able to say anything about it."

"We'll get him back."

Nathan knew those words were in no way an answer to all the problems Jess had stated, but it was all he could say. She was right. A custody transfer would be adding more fuel to the already out of control fire that was Joe's mind.


	47. Fifteen Minutes Of Shame

Fifteen Minutes Of Shame

On the day of the hearing, the courtroom was nearly empty. Antonio sat in the benches behind Jess and Nathan and Bruce. To the left sat Colin and Darren Clark.

Judge Lansky allowed the petitioners—Colin and Mr. Clark—to speak first.

"We feel it would be in the best interest of the child to be placed in Mr. McNeil's care until after the custody hearing, when all sides can be explored more thoroughly."

"And how did you come to this conclusion?" Lansky wondered.

"My client is an agent for the Department of Justice. Through his resources he was able to gain access to a laundry list of damning evidence against the Masseys."

"Such as?"

"Nathan Massey has been investigated numerous times by the F.B.I. and local police in the areas where he's lived. He has been suspected of a litany of organized crime activities. In fact, Mr. Massey's father was also investigated for the same crimes hundreds of times in the past thirty years. It is the opinion of several federal agents and law enforcement officials that the Massey family is an organized crime family. In addition to the suspected crime activities, Mr. Massey was also accused of nearly killing Joseph when the child was seven months old. We feel he is a major threat to the welfare of the child. We also feel Mrs. Massey is not much better. Her mental health has been called into question on at least one occation. In 2003, she had a near psychotic break, and the evaluating psychiatrist recommended she be hospitalized. Both parents also work long hours and weekends and have shown almost no capacity to find suitable child care…" And Clark went on to talk about the Halls and Teresa.

By the time Colin's lawyer finished speaking, Jess herself was doubting her and Nathan's ability to be good parents. There wasn't much Bruce could say to refute Mr. Clark's claims. Most of what he said was true. Nathan _had _been suspected of organized crime. The couple _had _made poor decisions when it came to the care of their children. Jess _did _almost have a nervous breakdown. Jess _did _allow a suspected criminal to become her son's stepfather. Nathan _was _accused of abusing Joe. Joe _was _a very troubled and distressed child. So troubled, in fact, that he had been to school only once since Jess and Nathan found out what had happened to him. So troubled that he was seeing a psychologist four times a week.

Judge Lansky had no way of being certain if the child's problems were caused by the abuse he had allegedly endured or by an "extremely dysfunctional family", as Clark put it.

But Bruce tried to paint a clearer picture. "And Mrs. Massey has never been medicated or hospitalized for any mental health problems. As for the care of the child, the Masseys share their home with friends and collegues that have been a part of Joseph's life since he was born. Nicole Scott, a former F.B.I. agent, has recently retired and she will be caring for the child while his parents work. Miss Scott has been almost a second mother to Joseph and her care of him has been exemplary."

"That may be true," Clark said, "but the care of an-almost-second-mother is hardly as good as a loving father, who is home every afternoon and all weekends."

"Has Mr. McNeil made child care arrangements?" Lansky wanted to know.

"Yes, Your Honor. I have made arrangements for school and after school care. The nanny I hired was referred from a national agency. She has excellent business references. She will get Joseph to school and to his therapy appointments while I am at work."

"And you have found a doctor qualified to treat this child's condition?"

"Yes, Your Honor."

"Is there anything you would like to add, Mr. Spencer?"

"Just that my clients are good parents and their son is safe in their home. It would do Joseph nothing but harm to move in with a man he has never met."

"I have another case on my docket scheduled in ten minutes. I need time to think this over. I'll consider all the arguments made here and make a decision about what would be best for Joseph. Let's reconvene in two hours."

**xxxxx**

The court room cleared out. Jess decided to take the waiting time to talk to Colin.

"You're gonna win."

He nodded. "I know."

"Even after Nathan and I redeem ourselves in the eyes of the court during the hearing, you will still have visitation. It would be better if we waited until then to tell him you're his father."

"I think it's going to be _you _who has the visitation. Supervised visitation, if I have anything to say about it. No judge will ever give you custody of Joseph as long as you're married to a criminal."

Jess was too exhausted, too grieved to argue. She didn't defend herself or Nathan. She stayed on the point of why she had begun this conversation to begin with.

"If you really love him," she said, "you should want to do what's best for him. He is too fragile to accept a stranger as his father. You're gonna have him for weeks. Let him get to know you, then we can tell him who you are."

"Okay."

Jess was surprised. "Really?"

"Yeah. I won't tell him I'm his father yet."

**xxxxx**

Two long hours later, Judge Lansky was ready to make her ruling. Everybody knew what she would say.

"This child has been through more unpleasantness than most of us experience in a lifetime. These decisions are never easy. But this one was a little more difficult. This child's state of mind will make any transition all the more stressful than it would be for a well child. So I wanted to be absolutely certain that moving him would be in his best interest. But, of course, there is no way to be certain. As usual, I am forced to look only at what has been presented to me. What has been presented is a father who has been denied access to his child for five years. A father who is doing what he thinks is best for his son. On the other side I have two parents who love the same child. Who clearly want what is best for him. But who seem unable to figure out what exactly that is. Is Nathan Massey abusive to his son? I don't know. Is Jess Massey an unstable parent? I don't know. What I do know is that Colin McNeil is a stable parent able to provide quality care to a little boy who despertely needs it…I feel until we can look closer at this issue that Joseph would be in better hands with his natural father. Therefore, I am granting temporary physical and legal custody of the minor child to Colin McNeil."

Jess and Nathan, obviously unhappy about the ruling, were, however, calm, seemingly calm anyway. They had been expecting it.

"The transfer of custody will happen today, no later than six this evening. The Masseys will be given the opportunity to call the child at least once a day and see him every Saturday at Mr. McNeil's home. This court is adjourned."

**xxxxx**

While Nathan spent some time with Joe in his room, Antonio, Nicole, and Jess sat with Zachary, Madison, and Toby to explain what would be happening. Really, it was Jess that did the explaining, and the "explaining" was just lying. Everyone figured a lie would be easier for the children to understand.

"Joe is going to be going away for a while. He's going to be with someone who will help him get better. And we're going to go see him in a few days."

"Is he gonna talk again when he comes back?" Madison asked.

"He will talk again someday, but I don't know when."

"Why does he have to go away?" Zachary was an anxious child these days and the prospect of the change of having someone leave the home indefinitely was frightening to him.

"Well, you know how this house is noisy a lot?" Jess chose her words carefully. She didn't want the kids to think they had been the reason for Joe's departure. "We all make a lot of noise, Mommy, Daddy, and me too. And where Joe's going it will be quiet and he'll be able to rest."

"How long?" Madison asked.

"For a while. We'll see him soon."

They all seemed contented.

"Toby, do you have any questions?"

"No."

"Okay. The man who is going to take Joe will be here soon. I want you guys to go up to the playroom and stay there, so we can say goodbye to Joe."

Once all the children were gone, Jess let out a huge sigh. She was so relieved they had taken the news so well. It didn't take much to send them all into tears, so she was expecting a lot of drama. Thankfully, they were all in good form when she told them.

"You did that well," Nicole said.

"Do you want me to take him up there so they can say goodbye?" Antonio offered.

"Yes."

After a brief moment of telling Joe that he had to go somewhere and that Zachary, Madison, and Toby wanted to say goodbye, Antonio brought him to the playroom.

"What are you gonna tell him?" Nicole asked, knowing Jess would be giving him more of an explanation when he came back downstairs.

"I was thinking about this all day and all last night. If I tell him what I told Madison, Toby, and Zachary, he'll feel like he's being punished for not speaking. And I can't tell him the truth, that would be too much too. So I guess I'll say that we're working and Colin is going to be his babysitter…I know it's a lousy explanation, but it's all he can tolerate now."

**xxxxx**

It was almost six. Colin would be arriving soon. Nathan, who got called in to work, said goodbye and left. Jess knew he really went because he couldn't stand to see Joe leave.

Jess sat his suitcases in the foyer, sat him on one and knelt in front of him.

"Okay, angel, Mommy, Daddy, Nicole, and Antonio have to work, so I found someone who is going to take care of you for a while. His name is Colin and he is very nice. You don't know him, but he knows you and he loves you very much. So you're gonna stay at his house for a while." Jess was careful not to make any promises she couldn't be sure she'd keep. She avoided saying that he would be back soon. It wouldn't be soon. She couldn't tell him when she would be able to bring him home, so she settled on, "I'll come for you when I can. But in the mean time, I'm gonna come visit you at Colin's."

When the bell rang she picked him up and opened the door.

"Hi, Joseph," Colin said with a smile. He was so happy to be meeting his son and getting him out of that home.

"We call him Joe," Nicole, who was there with Antonio, said.

"Joe, this is Colin. He's gonna take care of you for a while."

"Let me put these in your trunk." Antonio brought the suitcases out and Nicole followed him, assuming Colin and Jess would want time alone to make the transition. They gave the former couple time to talk before coming back to the house.

"Here are your keys," Antonio said.

"Colin's gonna take you now, okay?"

Of course, Joe didn't respond. Hoping he would take it well, she handed him to Colin. Joe didn't flinch, get tense, or signal that he was at all uncomfortable. This made Jess even sadder, for it was more evidence of how disturbed her little boy was. No normal five-year-old doesn't care about being sent to live with a stranger. But Joe looked for all the world that he was being sent with a well known relative.

"What time should we expect you on Saturday?"

"Around two."

"All right. You ready, Joe? See you Saturday."

Jess watched as her son was carried off. She had been expected to be emotional about this—which was why she had sent the kids to their playroom—but, as sad as she was, she was not crying at all.

She closed the door and the three of them stood in silence for a while.

"We'll get him back," was all Nicole could say. She said it to comfort herself as much as Jess.

**xxxxx**

Strapped in a booster seat, Joe watched out the window as the car took him away from his home. He may have _looked _blasé about the whole thing, but it was a very different story in his mind.

Why is only me going away and not Toby and Madison and Zachary? Who is going to take care of them when Mommy and Daddy are working? I thought Nicole stopped working. Why aren't we all staying home with her? Maybe she's gonna be at the hospital again.

**xxxxx**

Joe solomnly followed Colin into the elevator that brought them up to his fourth floor condo.

"This is it," Colin said, lowering the suitcases. "This is going to be your home…" He wanted to say 'from now on', but he couldn't be sure of that. "Do you wanna see your room? I got you a really cool race car bed. And lots of new toys. Come on, let's go see."

**xxxxx**

To the great relief of Jess, Nicole, and Antonio, Toby and Zachary handled Joe's absence relatively well. They seemed to understand that Joe needed help and, as far as they knew, was getting it. Madison, on the other hand, wasn't as accepting as the boys. She didn't really ask or talk about her brother any more than Toby or Zachary, but her acting out increased and it seemed unlikely that it was just coincidental.

On the plus side, all three of them had started counseling with Tori and were happy about Nicole's retirement. Relieved that their children were in good care—finally—Antonio and Nathan were able to keep their minds on work, and Jess went back for good—as opposed to before when she was just on call for emergencies.

Even though they all missed Joe, they all found some comfort in their new routines and getting back to work. Nicole, who expected being home to be a challenge, was perhaps the happiest of them all. Her days, although busy, weren't nearly as full as they were when she was an agent, but _she _was much more full—full of peace, free from guilt, and best of all, she had control. She always knew where Zachary and Madison and Toby were, what they were doing, and how they were doing. And that was all she really wanted.


End file.
